


Right Now, You're Smitten

by idratherhaveyou



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, let's pretend there's CEO's that live in Portland, parties galore, yes auguste is dead I'm sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:51:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 112,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8936278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idratherhaveyou/pseuds/idratherhaveyou
Summary: Laurent's uncle insists he starts bringing a date (a serious one) to company events.  In an effort to irritate his uncle, Laurent decides to ask Damen, Nicaise's babysitter, to be his date.  Damen grudgingly agrees and goes to the company's annual Christmas party.  And many parties after.There's fake dating, lots of pining, falling in love, etc.  Indulgent as cake and ice cream.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo...I can take a break for a month apparently and then I'm back. What can I say? These two devour my entire mind constantly.  
> The updating schedule is weekly. Firmly weekly. Every Tuesday. I swear to god, I'm going to stick with this. I will not update earlier than that. I will not...excuse me while I try and continue to convince myself.  
> This will probably be ridiculously long, because that's what I do.  
> Have fun, because I'm having so much fun. I've written like 10,000 words in three days.  
> Enjoy! <3

“Alright, Clara, let’s just get this patched up,” Damen said, smiling into the tear-stained eyes of an eight year old girl with a nasty friction burn from a gym floor.It was bleeding lightly and she was gripping her knee in a vice-like grip.“We’re just going to put some of this antibiotic cream and a bandaid on it and then if you want something for the pain, I can give you a bag of ice.”

“Do I have to go back to gym?” she asked.

“You can sit with me until it’s over if you want,” Damen said.“I think I can allow that much.”

That earned him a soft smile and a large sniffle, her hand coming up to wipe her nose.Without a word, he handed her a kleenex.After another second, she pulled her hand away from her knee.Briefly, she glanced at it, but then averted her eyes to Damen’s, who held her gaze easily and gently.“This might sting a bit,” he murmured.“Let me know if you need me to stop.”

He smeared antibiotic cream across her burn liberally and then took a large square bandaid and pasted it over the top.Smoothing down the corners, he said, “Alright?”

She nodded, but stayed firmly on the bench.“Want that ice?” he asked.

“I hate ice.”

Damen laughed.“Me too.When I was younger, I played lots of sports and I got all sorts of injuries.My dad would always make me ice them, switching on and off every twenty minutes, and I hated it every time.It’s so uncomfortable.”

“It burns as much as my burn.”

“That too.”

She smiled again and started swinging her legs.Damen stood from his chair and wandered around, searching for his jar of lollipops.They were often misplaced as secretaries and sometimes even teachers would come in and steal them, but he was happy to keep up the supply.It gave him visitors during the day, something that wasn’t always a guarantee for a school nurse at a rather busy private school.

Finding the jar, he held it out in front of Clara and she took one.She sent him a curious, almost calculating look and he laughed.“You can have two if you want.Just don’t tell anyone you got the second one from me.”

“I can keep a secret.”

“I’m sure you can.It looks like we have fifteen minutes until gym is over.What would you like to do until then?I have some coloring books, I can tell some really boring stories, or you can play games on my phone.”

“Games, please.”

“I should’ve just handed it over,” he smiled, lying his thumb on the home button of his phone and watching it open.He had a host of games that were child friendly for this very purpose.Handing it over, he watched as she picked Angry Birds and made a happy sound as she began.There was a small flutter of joy in his stomach and he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, glad for the brief break this fifteen minutes offered him.

Only five minutes had passed, however, when Clara said, “You’ve got a text from a…La-u-rent.”

It took a moment for Damen to register what she was saying, since the pronunciation wasn’t typical, but then he groaned.The girl made an amused giggle and said, “Do you not like them?”

“He’s…”Damen wasn’t sure what to say.Laurent was impossible to describe.It wasn’t that he didn’t like him, or maybe it was.It was really hard to say.“He’s complicated.”

“My mom likes to say that,” she grumbled.

“It’s a very adult answer, isn’t it?Sorry about that.”

She shrugged and handed the phone over.With a sigh, Damen opened his messages and read the text.

_L: Busy tonight?_

_D: Haven’t I told you not to text me at work?_

_L: I suggest not texting back if it’s an issue._

Damen set the phone down and ran a hand over his face.His drama seemed to be entertaining for Clara and before he could say something to distract her, she started peppering him with questions.“What did he say?Are you allowed to text?I know I’m not.Why are you doing that with your face?”

“He’s just being difficult.”

“Does he do that a lot?”

“Yes,” Damen said.“That’s all he does.That’s his only setting.”Then he shook his head and slapped his hands down on his thighs, pulling himself away from spilling all of his personal problems to an eight year old who, while interested, really didn’t need to know.Besides, it wasn’t professional.“It’s time to send you back to class.Would you like me to walk you or would you prefer a note?”

“A note, please.”

“You’ve got it,” Damen replied, finding a scrap of paper and a pen.He scribbled down a message, added that she was excused from gym if Carl decided to be the devil and make her do the last five minutes, and then signed his name.Handing it to Clara, he smiled and said, “I hope I don’t have to see you again too soon.Nobody likes burns.”

“Thank you,” she said happily, taking the note and bounding out the door of his tiny office.Right after she left, he set to recording her visit and the supplies used, before leaning back in his chair and staring at his phone. 

“Fuck me,” he murmured, typing a message back to Laurent.

_D: I’m not busy.Need me to watch Nicaise?_

_L: Yes.Seven to eleven alright with you?_

_D: Sure._

_L: I’ll leave money next to the door.Please take it this time._

_D: How many times do I need to tell you it’s unnecessary?I’ve got money and I like the kid._

_L: Endlessly, because I don’t care._

_D: Anyone ever told you you’re a bit rude?_

_L: Yes.You among them._

_D: I should get back to work._

_L: You could have at any point._

Rolling his eyes, Damen abandoned the conversation, knowing that Laurent would keep responding as long as he did.He was the last word sort of person.It was completely infuriating.

There was a knock on his door and Justine, a fourth grade teacher, came in with a regular, a young boy named Devon who had a proclivity for serious nose bleeds.Sure enough, he had another one and Damen smiled, swiftly shifting back into work mode.Taking a bloody wad of kleenex away from Stephen and handing him a fresh one, he gestured to the bench and waved at Justine, saying he would take over.As he helped contain the blood, Damen tried not to dwell on the small twinges of irritation still present thanks to Laurent.

 

“Where are you going?” Nikandros asked, taking chicken nuggets and french fries out of the oven.If Jokaste or Damen wasn’t cooking, that was about as gourmet as he ate.

“Babysitting.”

“That kid again?”

Damen nodded, slipping his jacket and some gloves on.

“I don’t understand why you want to spend more time with kids when you spend all day with them.”

“I know you don’t,” Damen said, waving to Jokaste and Jord, who were lying on the couch and watching Christmas baking shows.“I’ll be back around eleven-thirty.Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“We wouldn’t dare,” Jokaste smiled, waving back and then Damen was out the door and in his car, a crappy Toyota Corola that sounded like it was always about ten seconds away from dying.Turning the key, he heard the typical clicking sounds of the engine before it sputtered to life and then he was off, driving across the city of Portland and to the hills, where houses larger than anyone needed existed.

The drive was familiar enough by now that he hardly needed to pay attention, spending more time staring at the Christmas lights that were gradually popping into existence.Rain was pattering lightly against the windshield and he sighed, relaxing into his seat, glad to be driving, glad to be going to see Nicaise and to hang out in a house that was much nicer than his own.

Ten minutes later, he pulled into the driveway of the deVere mansion, parked his car, grabbed two small packages, and then hopped out.He knocked and then hunched his shoulders, desperately wanting to get out of the cold.The door opened and Damen smiled at Carlos, the butler.“Hey.How are you?”

“Alright, sir.I’d keep out of Laurent’s way.He’s in a mood.”

“He’s still here?”

“That’s why he’s in a mood.”

“Great,” Damen sighed, “Thanks, Carlos.”

“Sure thing,” he replied, helping Damen out of his jacket and hanging it on a coat rack beside the door.He offered to take Damen’s packages as well, but Damen refused, wanting to deliver them himself.It wouldn’t have been something he could’ve insisted a year ago when he first started doing this, but since then, Damen had been able to create positive relationships with the entire staff.They would drop their formality around him and often let him in on house gossip if he was interested.

He’d barely stepped into the warmth of the house when Nicaise’s golden retriever, Sam, bounded up to him and began licking his open palms.Bending down, Damen ruffled his ears and murmured, “Hey, buddy.Nice seeing you, too.Know where Nicaise is?”

Thankfully, Damen didn’t have to depend on Sam.A not-yet-broken voice said, “You should visit more often.He misses you.”

Glancing up, Damen grinned.“But you would never miss me.”

“Of course not,” Nicaise replied with the proper amount of scorn and aloofness.It was all an act and one that took very little effort for Damen to break through.Currently, his hypothesis was that Laurent ran a similar act, just a much better one, but he had no proof and Laurent’s exterior was impossible to break through.

Before he did anything else, he handed over the two packages he brought.Nicaise burst into a beautiful smile and accepted them.Damen held up a finger and said, “They’re to be opened on Christmas day, though.”

“Of course,” Nicaise said.Damen knew he would open them tonight.

“So what are the plans for tonight?”

“I thought we could binge Stranger Things.”

“Sure,” Damen shrugged, giving Sam one last pat before standing.“But one of these days I will convince you to start Gilmore Girls.”

“You’ll have to tie me to a chair and duct tape my eyelids open.”

“That could be arranged.”

“I’d kill you first,” Nicaise said in a serious tone.Damen laughed and followed Nicaise from the massive foyer full of light and beautiful marble floors.When they reached the stairs, they heard clattering footsteps and before long, they saw Laurent rushing down them, doing up a tie.When he reached the bottom, he pulled a comb from his straitjacket and brushed his golden hair back.Only then did he notice Nicaise and Damen staring at him.In a sing-song voice, Nicaise said, “Uncle is going to kill you.”

“Well, someone hid my watch,” Laurent said breezily, eyeing Nicaise.

“And I had an excellent time doing it.”

“I’m sure.”Laurent barely glanced at Damen, but it was enough to set Damen on edge.“Hello, Damen,” he said.“Thank you for this.”And that was the only recognition he got, as was typical.Laurent had already turned back to Nicaise and said, “How’s my tie?”

“Crooked now,” Nicaise said, tugging on it and unraveling it halfway.Laurent rolled his eyes and headed for the door, not looking back.Damen watched him, mildly curious how he behaved towards his staff and, admittedly, grudgingly, liking Laurent in dark formalwear, his blonde hair and pale skin matching well.

“Come on,” Nicaise said, grabbing his hand and tugging him around the stairs that led up, which hid the stairs that led to the basement.Together, they stumbled down them and into the massive basement, stocked with a full bar, a pool table, and a large TV surrounded by couches in cold colors but cozy fabrics.

Nicaise brought Netflix up on the screen, found Stranger Things and played it.He settled in right beside Damen, pulled a box of Sour Patch Kids from his pocket and offered some.It wasn’t going to be too terrible of a night.

 

Laurent paused before walking to the table where his uncle sat, allowing himself a deep breath, a moment to collect himself and his thoughts.He never enjoyed these dinners and yet, as long as he lived in his uncle’s house, there was no getting out of them.

Stepping into the light, he held his head high and walked leisurely across the restaurant full of glittering couples, nodding to his uncle as he sat down.

Exactly as Laurent predicted, the first words out of his uncle’s mouth were, “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, Uncle.I was waiting on the babysitter.”

“He hasn’t ever been late before.”

“There’s always a first for everything,” Laurent said, forcing himself to smile genially.Everything was forced with his uncle.Every moment had to be calculated and performed because he was constantly being tested.It didn’t help that his uncle knew exactly why he stayed.

“Very true,” his uncle replied.“It’s no matter.I had them delay the first course ten minutes.It should be here in five.Did you have a nice day?”

“Yes.Work was long but productive.”

“I wish you would come work for me.One of these days I’ll convince you.The workload will certainly be easier to maintain.” _Yes,_ Laurent thought, _and you won’t have to lose track of me for nine hours everyday._ “You know how I love my job, Uncle.I can assure you, the workload isn’t a problem.”

“Well, if it ever gets to be too much, let me know.”

“Of course.”

Thankfully, the first course of their dinner arrived and Laurent could relax for a moment and eat in silence.It was probably going to be the only pleasant part of the evening, especially since he still had no idea why this dinner was happening and it was disturbing him.

The reason didn’t come up as they ate, as they drank two glasses of wine each.Instead, they made unpleasant small talk, mostly about his uncle’s business, a large, boring, insurance company where he was on the board of directors.He’d been steadily climbing ranks for years and Laurent fully expected him to be CEO before he died.It was the kind of power he aspired to have.

As they moved on to dessert—a delicious chocolate torte—Laurent knew the reason was about to come up.His uncle saved all important discussions for dessert.It was rather rude, really, because Laurent loved dessert and would thoroughly enjoy it if it weren’t for the conversations.Sure enough, halfway through his first bite, his uncle said, “I’d like to talk to you about something.”

Biting back a stinging retort, Laurent said, “I’m listening.”

“The higher management is having a Christmas party…”

“Yes, in four days,” Laurent interrupted, wishing to hurry this along.More than anything, he wanted to be home and in bed, reading a good book and sipping some tea.“I know I’m expected to attend.”

“Yes, you are.”There was a short pause and then his uncle said, “I think it’s high time you start bringing a date to these sorts of events.Preferably the same one and preferably someone you can at least pretend to care about.I don’t want to horrify my colleagues, after all.”

“A date.”

“Yes.”

“Why on earth does it matter if I have a date?”

“I’m expected to have a certain image and family life is a part of that.For years, my nephew has been attending events, grooming to become a large factor in this company sometime in the future, and he’s never brought a date.Now he’s nearing twenty-five and there’s questions.I’d prefer to put them to rest.”

Laurent could feel his control slipping.He was exhausted and flickers of irritation were burning low in his chest.His uncle knew he wasn’t a sociable person, he knew that the very idea of Laurent having anyone who would be remotely interested in attending parties with him was ridiculous, and he knew Laurent would want to fight him.The only thing stopping Laurent from doing just that was the knowledge that his uncle _wanted_ him to.It was another goddamn hoop and he would just have to jump through.For now.“Very well,” he said.“I’ll bring a date to the Christmas party.”

“Excellent,” his uncle smiled, making that word sound like _good boy_. 

Before he ruined everything, Laurent said, “May I go?I promised the babysitter I’d be back by ten-thirty and I would prefer not being late to two appointments tonight.”

“Yes, of course.Tell Nicaise I love him.I won’t be home tonight.”

 _Tell Nicaise I love him_.There was the subtle reminder.Laurent repressed a shudder and nodded politely, folding his napkin and setting it on the table, before walking out of the restaurant.Only once he was in his car, driving home, did he let his composure fall away.He rubbed fingers over his temple, turned up his music—Florence + The Machine—and took long, deep breaths.He needed a date and there weren’t many options to pick from, not unless he wanted to pick some random person up off the street.Which he didn’t.He couldn’t imagine spending a night at a ridiculous party full of rich, absurd people with a person he didn’t know at all.It would take everything out of him.

He could take Vannes.She would adore it and she would know the rich details of the entire room’s personal lives before the night was out.While it would be entertaining, it wouldn’t irritate his uncle in the slightest and he would very much prefer to irritate his uncle.

Sadly, the only other option was Erasmus, the only other co-worker he could stand.But Laurent was willing to admit that Erasmus was probably too young and he would bore Laurent, so much so, that Laurent would grow to hate him and that would be unfortunate.The fact that Erasmus was a man would irritate his uncle, though, so that was something.

Either way, the options were dismal.As Laurent contemplated just what he was going to do, he pulled into the driveway of his house and saw Damen’s car still parked there.Glancing at the digital clock in his car, he remembered he’d basically run from the restaurant and that he was home early.

“Fuck,” Laurent murmured, unbuckling his seatbelt and slumping down in his seat.It was rather pathetic to sit out here and wait, but it would keep him away from Damen.

Damen, who Nicaise had instantly taken a liking to; a good sign.Damen, who was a school nurse and was undeniably attractive.Damen, who had only ever shown him kindness despite his consistently rude behavior.Damen, who texted him while at work, always a little longer than Laurent expected him to.Damen, who…

Laurent sat up in his seat, an idea occurring to him, and went through his mental checklist.Then he was out of the car and in the house.He knew they would be downstairs in the basement watching TV, so he went to the top of the stairs and was about to bound down when he considered his appearance.He needed to look as inviting and open as possible, because otherwise, this wasn’t going to work.Men like Damen didn’t respond to stiff backs, freshly-combed hair, and politely cold words.Swallowing his pride, Laurent undid the tie from around his neck and stuffed it in his pocket.He unbuttoned the top three buttons of his dark blue button down and ran fingers through his hair, loosening it gently, so that his bangs fell into his face.He also kicked off his shoes.Deeming himself suitable, he went downstairs.

Sure enough, he was there with Nicaise, their faces lit blue by the screen.They were sharing a bowl of popcorn and Nicaise was murmuring something to him, something that made Damen burst into laughter.It left an intoxicating smile on his face, so intoxicating that Laurent had to bite down on his own smile.Very carefully, he cleared his throat.

It caught both of their attention.Nicaise’s eyes widened slightly and Damen looked as though his entire world had been reordered.Perfect.That was exactly what Laurent needed.

“Do you think Damen and I could have a moment, Nicaise?”

Nicaise shrugged, paused whatever show they were watching, and trudged up the stairs, shooting an amused glance back at Damen.Strangely, Laurent felt like laughing himself.There was something about bemused on Damen, something endearing…and, god, he really needed to stop having those kinds of thoughts, especially since he was about to make it very difficult for himself, all for the sake of pissing of his uncle.

There was an awkward silence and then Damen stood in a rush, shoving his hands into his pockets and shuffling his feet.“Uh…what can I do for you, Laurent?”

“I need you to attend a Christmas party with me.”

Damen let out a surprised laugh and then he finally met Laurent’s eyes.“You want me to go to a Christmas party.With you.”He started laughing again, but harder.Figuring it was better if he let Damen get it all out now, Laurent waited, trying to be patient.Finally, Damen finished laughing and said, “You’ve hardly said more than ten sentences to me.Why the fuck would I do anything with you?Why would you want me to?”

“You don’t prettify your words, do you?”

“No.I believe that’s your job.”

Laurent let his mouth turn up at the corners.He _could_ keep up.His ability to converse intelligently wasn’t just limited to text messages.That was good. 

Stepping forward, so that they were only a couple feet apart, Laurent said, “I went to dinner with my uncle tonight and, apparently, I should be in a serious relationship by now, at my dreadfully old age of twenty-five.”

Damen smirked.Laurent resisted the urge to smile back.Before Laurent could continue his speech, Damen said, “You need someone to pretend with you, don’t you?I can’t imagine you have many friends.”

“No, I don’t.Certainly not any who meet the requirements for this particular position.”

“And I meet them, do I?”

“Yes.I need a man—because at least half of the board is homophobic—the fact that you are my nephew’s babysitter is a plus and I believe that you are capable of keeping me entertained enough for a night.”

“Who are you trying to piss off?”

“My uncle, of course.”

“Right,” Damen said.“Awfully mature.”

“Thank you.”

Damen chortled disbelievingly and ran a hand through his hair.“I suppose you have a reason you would think I’d be at all interested.”

“I don’t think you’re interested, to be honest.I’m appealing to your kindness, something I know you have in spades.”

“So I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart.”

“I’m quite desperate.”

“Let me get this straight.You need someone who will attend fancy social events with you.That someone will not only be under the scrutiny of homophobes, but under the scrutiny of a pissed off man who is rich enough to make that someone disappear.Beyond that, that someone will also have to pretend that they’re in a serious relationship with you.”

“A burgeoning romance, at least,” Laurent said.

“That’s quite a lot you’re asking for.Especially from a man who you’ve shown less interest in getting to know than that large leafy plant that sits to the side of your front door.”

“Do I need to get on my knees and beg?I will.”And he would.He really didn’t want to.In fact, he was praying to all sorts of gods he didn’t believe in that that’s not what it would come to.

Damen considered him thoughtfully.This surprised Laurent, as he’d never actually seen Damen do anything thoughtfully.Usually, he just did whatever Nicaise or Laurent asked, not offering any resistance of alternative option.The silence began to lengthen into something uncomfortable and Laurent was about to speak, to distract himself, but Damen spoke first.“No, I don’t think that’s necessary.I…alright.I’ll go to the Christmas party.I can’t promise anything beyond that, though, because I might kill you or myself halfway through.” 

It was more than Laurent thought he would get, so he held out his hand.When Damen accepted it, he shook, and said, “Excellent.It’s on Friday at eight.I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty.”

“Okay.”

They dropped their hands and then stood there.Laurent knew he should say something, but he was too busy thinking about why Damen had agreed to this with such little resistance.He was only aware he’d zoned out slightly when Damen cleared his throat and moved around Laurent to go up the stairs.Before he could leave, Laurent pulled out his wallet and held out fifty dollars.“Take it,” he said.

“Seems I’ve done you a favor already.”

Laurent rolled his eyes, moved forward quickly, grabbed Damen’s wrist and shoved the cash into Damen’s palm.Then, with precision, he closed Damen’s fingers around it.He tried not to think about how warm Damen’s hands were or how badly he wanted to pry Damen’s fingers away from his palm just so he could push them back down again.

“This is going to be a nightmare,” Damen sighed, stuffing the cash into his pocket.He didn’t bother to disguise the displeasure in his voice or expression. 

“I’m too beautiful to be a nightmare.” 

Damen groaned and Laurent fought down a smile, maintaining a blank face that went perfectly with his confident tone.It was too easy to press his buttons and Laurent enjoyed pressing buttons.Besides, it was important to maintain distance, to make sure Damen knew where exactly they stood when they weren’t pretending.

“I’m already regretting this.”

“But you’re not changing your mind.”

“No.Good night, Laurent.Tell Nicaise the same for me, please.”

“Of course.I’ll show you out.”

They walked up the stairs and to the door in silence.Damen gave an aborted attempt at a wave, before he remembered they weren’t actually friendly and cut it off too early.He was shaking his head as he got into his car and as Laurent watched him drive away, the only thing he could think was: _Why?_


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays/Merry Christmas! I figured you all deserved a present (also I'm weak and very ahead of this point so it feels okay).  
> This means that's I'll post another on Tuesday and then you will have to wait an actual week. I will be firm. Ahahah...if I keep writing at the pace I'm writing that might not be true.  
> Anyway, all my love to Mari who continues to be the best beta and a shining light in my life.  
> Thanks to all of you, as well. The response to this has been amazing. I hope this second chapter does your excitement justice.  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen was staring into his closet forlornly.He had no idea what to wear and nothing seemed suitable for a grand event of any kind.From what he could tell, he was already going to be in the spotlight for being Laurent’s date and for being a man, so he’d prefer if his clothes weren’t also a spot of inquiry.

There was a knock on his door and Jokaste stepped in and went to sit on his bed.“You’ve been up here for fifteen minutes.I thought I’d come help.”

“I’m starting to wish I’d bothered purchasing a suit.”

“You never thought you’d need one.”

“Yeah,” Damen sighed, returning his gaze to his closet.There had to be something that wouldn’t embarrass him.Maybe he should have Laurent come early and pick something out. _No_ , he thought, _that would be even more embarrassing_.

He heard movement behind him and then Jokaste was beside him, peering at all of his clothes.“A fancy Christmas party,” she murmured, reaching for various articles of clothing and tossing them onto the bed.Damen stepped back and let her work, choosing to go lie down on his bed and contemplate ways to get out of the party.Unfortunately, all of them involved some form of suicide or sudden disappearance that resulted in a name change.

Jokaste began to poke his knee gently and he opened his eyes to see hers laughing at him.“If you don’t want to go this badly, why on earth did you say yes?”

“I don’t know,” Damen moaned.

“I think you do.”

“And I think I don’t need you analyzing me right now.”

“Fine,” she said.She got up on her knees and started rearranging the clothes she had tossed there, mixing them up so she could see different combinations.“You know,” she began, keeping her eyes fixed on her task, “It was something I worried about when we were dating…your inability to say no.”

“It’s nice you could worry about something so trivial.”

“Damen.”

“That’s not why I said yes.I don’t think.Okay, it was probably part of the reason.”

“Well what are the other parts?”

“Why do you care so much?” Damen asked.

“Because I’m your friend, idiot.And because Nik and I have a running bet as to why.”

“There it is,” Damen whispered, closing his eyes again.“Not to be unhelpful, but I honestly don’t know why I agreed.He asked—offered to beg even—I couldn’t think of a reason to say no…”

“Other than you don’t like him,” Jokaste said.

“I don’t know if…”

“Damen, every time you actually have to have a conversation with him, you come home and complain for at least an hour about how rude and uninterested he was.”

“Come up with whatever reason suits you best then,” Damen said.“It seems you know my psyche better than I do.”

There was a long-suffering sigh and then Jokaste whispered, “I’ve figured out what you should wear.”He could feel her weight leaving the bed and listened as her footsteps retreated and then began pattering down the stairs.With relief, he opened his eyes and saw his nicest pair of pants and a red button down top in front of him.There was also a belt and tie laid out to the side.He hated belts and ties.It was going to be an uncomfortable night.

 

When he got downstairs, Nikandros was watching TV on the couch.With barely a thought, Damen flung himself down, head in Nikandros’ lap and his long legs covering the rest of the couch.Nikandros looked down at him and smiled.“How you doing, buddy?”

“Horrible.”

“Go figure.Got conversation topics ready?”

“I hate being around rich old white men?”

“That’s a terrible one to start with.I’m not saying that you need Laurent to like you—in fact, it would be better if he didn’t because you would never have to do this again—but it might be a more pleasant evening if you start with ‘hello’ and ‘what’s your favorite color?’”

“I don’t care about his favorite color.”

“Yikes.”

“How about you go for me?”

“I don’t love you that much.”

“I wouldn’t love me that much either,” Damen sighed.

“Go take a shot or two of vodka, loosen yourself up a bit.”

“That’s your advice?”

Nikandros nodded.“And I suggest drinking lots of champagne, too.Don’t get sloppy drunk, but get nice and buzzed.That’ll make it bearable.”

“The last thing I need to do is embarrass myself.”

Shrugging, Nikandros said, “It’s your fault if you’re miserable.”

There was a knock on the door and Damen winced.Nikandros offered to answer the door, but Damen shook his head and stood.He opened it and Laurent was standing there in a finely tailored suit and silky coat, his eyes shockingly blue in the porch light.Before Laurent could say anything, Damen said, “Want to come in?I still have to put on shoes and find a jacket.”

Laurent stepped into the house, looking incongruous there.Mansions suited him much better.“That’s Nikandros there.Nik, this is Laurent.I would introduce you to Jokaste, but I have no idea where she is.”

“Nice to meet you,” Laurent said.

Instead of offering the same in return, Nikandros shouted, “Jokaste!I really think you need to come into the living room.”

“I’m cooking your fucking dinner!” she shouted back.“What exactly makes you think you can demand anything right now?”

“You’ll really want to.”

Thirty seconds later, Joksate entered the room, an apron still tied tightly around her waist and her blonde hair up in a loose ponytail.When she saw Laurent, her eyes widened slightly before she smiled and moved forward offering her hand.He shook it and said, “You must be Jokaste.”

“Astute of you.”

“I believe I win the bet,” Nikandros said.

“I’m pretty sure we could’ve saved this for later.”

“Oh, I guess, yeah.”

“What bet is this?” Laurent asked.It sounded as though he were just searching for something to talk about while Damen did up his shoes, but Damen didn’t miss a lightness in his eyes, one that spoke to more than a polite interest.

“Oh, I’m sure Damen can tell you if he wants to,” Jokaste smiled, shooting Nikandros a look.It was obvious he’d been about to share what exactly the bet was.Damen was incredibly grateful to her for intervening.

He found his jacket on the back of a chair in the kitchen and then he was ready to go.Both Nikandros and Jokaste sent him knowing and exasperated looks as he exited the house, turning back to wave at them one last time.Noticing, Laurent said, “It’s like you’re going off to war.Sure you don’t want to go back in there and hug?Maybe cry?”

“Am I going off to war?”

Laurent shrugged easily, slipping into the front seat of his car, a sleek black one.It was probably a distinctive brand, but Damen could really care less about cars.As he got comfortable in the passenger seat, he said, “We should probably establish some things before we enter the party.”

“You talk, I’ll drive.”

“Okay,” Damen replied, watching as they backed out of his driveway and headed down the quiet suburban street, most of their neighbors already getting ready for bed or permanently on their couches for the rest of the night.“Uh, I kind of suck at acting and lying, so you’re going to have to do a lot of the work, I think.And I should probably know physical boundaries, so I don’t overstep anything.Not that I’m going to try and touch you, or, I mean…”

“Eloquent.”

“I’m fucking nervous, okay?I still don’t really know what you want from me.”

“You’re raising your voice.What an excellent start to the evening.”

Damen took a shuddering breath and said, “I’m sorry.I just…”He paused to take another breath and then rushed through his next words, as fast as he could, hoping Laurent would only catch snatches.“We’ve known each other almost two years and all you’ve ever been is rude and prickly to me and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to translate that into anything resembling affection.Two years and I hardly even know you.I don’t even know what you do for a living, just that it doesn’t involve your uncle’s company.Do you see the problem?Why didn’t you pick someone who knew you?Or who at least had some acting capabilities?Because, honestly, ninety percent of the time, I want to tear your head from your shoulders.”

“Someone has been bottling things up.”

“And that comment was helpful how?”

“I work in publishing.A small, local company that specializes in fiction featuring marginalized groups.Mostly, I read lots of stories and decide whether or not they should be published in long meetings, usually fueled by copious amounts of coffee.”

“Alright,” Damen said, feeling relieved that he finally had something to work with.Even this topic he could draw out long enough that the car ride wouldn’t grow dreadfully silent.“Why publishing?”

“I like stories.”

“Tell me one, then.”

“I never said I liked telling them,” Laurent replied.His eyes had been firmly fixed on the road during the entire conversation.Damen took a moment before answering to take in just how in control Laurent was.His posture was elegant, both hands were clutching the wheel, his eyes were focused and he’d answered every one of Damen’s questions, while still giving the least amount of information possible.

“You’re as uncomfortable as I am, aren’t you?”

That seemed to catch Laurent’s attention.He sent the briefest of glances Damen’s way and his mouth opened as though he were going to say something before closing it.Then, with careful precision, “What makes you think I’m uncomfortable?”

“You’re a study in control and yet you’ve put yourself in an uncontrollable situation.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it uncontrollable.”

“Arrogant.How pleasant.”

At that, Laurent laughed.“You really don’t like me, do you?”

“Give me a reason to.”

“You’re quite demanding.Come on, we’re here.”

Damen hadn’t noticed them coming to a stop, he’d been so consumed by their conversation.They were in front of a mansion just as large as Laurent’s.It was decked out in shimmery white lights, showcasing a beautiful pale stone.Laurent handed off the keys to a valet and then moved to ring the doorbell.Before he did, though, he peered around and noticed Damen still standing by the curb and staring.It seemed a lot more real now and he was having trouble breathing.

“Stop cowering.Just follow my lead,” Laurent said.

Deciding to give into his instincts, trusting them to get him through the night, Damen stepped forward and slipped his hand into Laurent’s.Laurent went incredibly still, his fingers taking a very long time to wrap around Damen’s.“Alright?” Damen asked.

“Might as well put on a show,” Laurent replied tightly, ringing the doorbell.

 

When they entered the house, the butler led them to a large sitting room where men and a few women were standing around, nursing glasses of champagne and chatting.Laurent allowed himself a minute to appreciate the aesthetics of a well-decorated room, before he accustomed himself with the layout of the land.The first person to locate was his uncle.There.Across the room, beside a fireplace.Beside a window to the left of the fireplace was Guion, his uncle’s right hand man and possibly the most boring person in existence.It was best to simply avoid that part of the room.So Laurent headed to the left towards Lazar, a man from the board who he could get through a conversation with, dragging Damen with him.

“Please, god, tell me I can get some of that champagne,” Damen murmured.His voice brought reality crashing in.And the reality was that someone was holding his hand and he couldn’t decide whether it was nice or repulsive.The worst part, however, was knowing that, if eventually he landed on repulsive, he wouldn’t be able to extricate himself as easily as he wished.

“It’s making the rounds.I’m sure you’ll get some the same time everyone realizes we’re here.”

“Oh god.”

“I’ve got it handled.Nobody insults me or my boyfriend.”

Damen made an alarmed choking sound and Laurent took his hand out of Damen’s so he could pat his back mock sympathetically.“Not going to die on me, are you?”

“How does anyone spend time with you?It’s like being on a roller coaster that only has loops.”

As if Laurent knew.Although, to be fair, most people only tolerated him.Except Nicaise.And Vannes.They both liked him and it was a complete mystery as to why.Deciding that a small smirk was unreadable enough, Laurent gave one and then said, “Now, no more of that.As of right now, you’re smitten.”

“I’m the farthest thing from smitten.”

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.I will abandon you if you disappoint me and I can assure you that you don’t want to be abandoned in this room.”

Before Damen could respond, they were bombarded by people who had finally noticed Laurent.They all came to say hello and introduce themselves to Damen.When Laurent introduced him as his date, both received quizzical and sometimes downright rude looks, but nobody said a thing, too chicken to cause a scene.A wise decision on their part.While the hubbub attracted the servants carrying champagne, it also attracted the one person in the room Laurent wished to avoid.Deciding to make a point was one thing.It was another to deal with the consequences of that point.

“Laurent,” his uncle said warmly, opening his arms.And so it began.

Holding back his nausea, Laurent stepped forward and let himself be embraced.It went on long enough that Laurent began to wonder if he was going to have to get violent.Only when he was on the brink did his uncle pull away.Laurent got the message. _I see your date and I see what you’re doing and I disapprove.Utterly childish and beneath you._

Maybe it was childish.But it sure as hell wasn’t beneath him.

“You’ve met Damen,” Laurent said.

“Yes,” his uncle replied, turning to Damen.“It’s nice to see you again.It does make me wonder who is watching Nicaise, though.”

Whispers began to pass between the guests and that was when Laurent knew he was going to have to step up his game.Damen had done this for him.Whether or not he actually cared about Damen, he wasn’t going to leave him to the wolves, who, judging by the rate at which they were exchanging gossip, were more than ready to pounce.It was not the right way to repay someone.

“Carlos is looking after him tonight.I’ll find someone more suitable soon.”

“Surely this was not the best you could do.”

Laurent managed to breathe after that.The vagueness of the remark left him enough wiggle room to turn the sympathies of the voyeurs.“The best I could do?” Laurent asked, letting disbelief color his voice.“Damen is one of the best men I’ve ever known.I’ve been going out with him six months.How could you possibly have missed that?”Adopting a more civil and gentle tone, Laurent continued with: “You should really spend more time at home, Uncle.I would love for you to get to know him.”

It was bold, but he was counting on the audience to keep his uncle under control. 

“I apologize, Damen.Laurent is right.There’s a lot to miss when you work as much as I do.”

“It’s perfectly alright,” Damen said, with a shaky smile.“I can’t really blame you, anyway.Laurent doesn’t show affection in quite the same way as most.I’m sure it’s easy to miss.”

It would’ve sounded ridiculous if Damen hadn’t looked down at him while he said it, eyes full of mischievous warmth.His mouth was strained and Laurent could see how hard he was trying, but he thought it possible that not everyone else did.It was likely his uncle saw right through Damen, but his uncle didn’t matter in this situation, as he already knew the deceit.

As he came to this conclusion, he also realized that Damen was being flirtatious and he should probably give an appropriately flirtatious response.“Yes, but I’m not sure the same can be said for you, sweetheart.”

Damen was starting to look constipated again.Sighing internally, Laurent flashed him one of his best smiles and pecked him on the cheek.He lingered, moving his lips to Damen’s ear and said, “Embrace the role.And take a sip of that champagne before people begin to notice how incapable you are.”

When Laurent pulled away, giving a smile to his uncle and those watching, Damen took a large gulp of the champagne and swallowed, his face settling into something more normal when he did. 

“Well,” Laurent’s uncle said, his tone a very clear wrap up of the conversation, “I hope you two are very happy.Come around for dinner sometime, Damen.”

“Of course,” Damen said.

People, including his uncle, began to wander away and Laurent could feel Damen relax beside him.They were alone.Laurent would be expected to wander around the party, greeting everyone and engaging in pointless small talk, but after _that_ , he wouldn’t mind a small break.Grabbing Damen’s hand, he pulled him to a corner of the room.“I need you to move in close,” he said.“I don’t care if you talk or not, but I probably won’t respond.”

“Why not?”

“I’m recharging.”

“He exhausts you that much?”

“Are you going to move in close or am I going to have to make you?”

Damen stepped forward until they were only a foot apart, angling himself slightly so that the rest of the room couldn’t see Laurent.Somehow, he knew exactly what Laurent wanted and was giving it to him.It might not have been conscious, but Laurent was still surprised and trying very hard not to let it show.

It was a lot to keep track of, though.Especially since his heart was beating faster and he was having a hard time not looking Damen in the eye.

“So did it work?”

“Hmm?”

“Is your uncle irritated?”

Laurent laughed softly and met the warm brown eyes above him.“Hard to tell, isn’t it?But he is.He definitely is.One of these days I’ll get him to make a scene.”

“You shouldn’t be getting so much joy from this.He’s your family.”

“Ah, you’re a family man.”

“Something wrong with that?”

Laurent shook his head.“Not at all,” he murmured, feeling a headache coming on.

“Why aren’t you, then?”

Flashes of bare skin, a hand covering his mouth, and the sounds of soft grunts filled Laurent’s senses and he locked down his entire body, waiting for it to pass.It did, as always, but he was left feeling dirty and the headache had been given an easy entrance.Rubbing his temple lightly, Laurent said, “You ask a lot of questions.”As he sidled out from underneath Damen, he added, “I need some aspirin.”

A hand latched onto his arm and Laurent paused, calming himself before he returned.He couldn’t lash out, not in public.“What?” he asked, voice laced with impatience and anger.

“I…uh.I’m sorry I pressed you.Just…sorry.”

It looked genuine and Laurent felt himself softening slightly.Along with that came a swell of confusion at Damen’s behavior, not just now, but the entire evening.Who tried this hard for someone they didn’t like?“It’s alright,” Laurent said.“Now let go of me.”

Damen retracted his hand.He looked forlorn and unsure, a lot like a lost puppy.Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “I’m not going to abandon you.Follow me.”

Together, they walked across the room and towards Guion.While Laurent had been dead set on avoiding him as much as possible, it was his house and he would be able to procure aspirin.“Guion,” he said.

“Laurent.”

“Could I trouble you for some aspirin?”

“Of course.”Guion motioned to one of the servers and murmured some detailed instructions.“Why don’t you wait here with me?”

There was a sharp spike in the throbbing of his head, but Laurent smiled.“Sure.Have you met Damen?”

“I don’t believe so.”Guion shook Damen’s hand.

There was a stretch of silence, one that Laurent preferred someone else to fill, and Damen shot a side-long glance at him.He seemed to realize something, his frown falling away and he said, “Your house is unbelievably gorgeous, sir.The artwork alone.I’m truly captivated by many of the pieces just in this room.”

“Thank you,” Guion said, staring at Laurent as he said it.“Could you leave us for a moment, Damen?I believe my son, Aimeric, will be more than happy to discuss the art with you.He’s over there, by the window.The young man with the dark hair.”

Laurent fully expected Damen to walk away, but he didn’t.Instead, he laid his hand on the small of Laurent’s back and murmured, “I can stay if you need me to.”It was unspeakably kind and Laurent was unable to tell if it was an act or not.It threw him off guard and he was speechless far too long, his eyes unswerving from Damen’s, trying to unravel the working of his brain.Guion cleared his throat softly and Laurent collected himself.

“Go.I’ll be fine.”

Damen kissed his cheek and then laughed into his ear, his breath warm.“Did I just chink your armor?”

Laurent felt him leave and regretfully, he focused his attention on Guion.“What did you want to talk about?”

“I can’t believe you brought him to this party.The embarrassment your uncle must be feeling.Do you have no regard for his happiness?”

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

“I know you, Laurent.I’ve known you since your brother died.You aren’t capable of caring for anyone.I can’t believe that you actually do for that…man.A babysitter, no less.”

His headache only grew worse and his heart seized at the mention of Auguste.This party was turning out to be a bigger nightmare than he’d anticipated.Before long, he was going to do something stupid.“How many times must I insist that you don’t mention my brother?As for Damen, I don’t care what you believe or what you tell my uncle.He’s important and you’ll be seeing more of him, so get used to it.”

At that moment, the servant chose to arrive with the aspirin.He tipped the pills into Laurent’s hand and Laurent took them with a swig of champagne.“Now, excuse me.I would prefer not to leave my boyfriend alone too long.He gets lonely.”

 

Damen didn’t go talk to Aimeric.Instead, he wandered over to the Christmas tree at the back of the room and examined the ornaments.They were all made of glass and they reflected the lights on the tree beautifully.

He took another sip of his champagne and glanced behind him to see Laurent still in conversation with Guion.He looked bored out of his mind.Everyone did, actually.It was perhaps the strangest party he’d ever been to.Why a bunch of rich people who didn’t like each other wanted to gather together and do nothing but drink, eat overly-rich hors d’oeuvres, and talk was beyond him.He supposed it helped that they all worked together, but what about the wives?They all had each other, but essentially, they were doing the same thing as Damen; waiting patiently for the party to end.

A man appeared in the door and there was a sudden flurry of activity.Even Laurent’s uncle hurried over and vied for attention.It almost definitely had to be the CEO.Rolling his eyes, Damen turned back to the tree and drank more champagne.

He flinched in surprise when Laurent showed up beside him.“Quickie in the bathroom?”

Damen spit his champagne back in the glass.“Excuse me?”

“I need to leave this room and let the aspirin kick in.Look all flirtatious, take my hand, and lead me out of here.”

“I’m starting to think you should hire a professional escort.”

Laurent sent him a bored look and murmured, “Why do I have to do everything myself?”Then he smirked at Damen, took his hand, brought it up to his mouth and kissed it, before slowly weaving them through the room and out the door.The sudden transition left Damen completely floored.Many more loops on this roller coaster and he was going to be sick.

They ended up in an actual bathroom.It was clearly meant for guests, but it was still massive and incredibly white.Laurent headed straight for the toilet, the lid already down, and sprawled on it.He still managed to look elegant, even on a toilet.Trying to ignore the easy arrangement of his limbs, Damen considered him.It didn’t look as if he were particularly disturbed and yet, they were here, in a bathroom.

He noticed some cups stacked on the counter.“Do you want a glass of water?” he asked.

Laurent looked at him, his expression considering, as though Damen were asking something complicated.“What?” Damen asked.

“A glass of water would be nice, thank you.”

Filling one up, Damen handed it over and then leaned up against the counter, crossing his arms.He watched as Laurent drank, feeling awkward.Awkward was clearly not a position he should be in, because, nonsensically, he said, “I don’t do quickies in the bathroom, just so you know.”

“Oh?”

“I prefer taking my time.”

“I’ll make note,” Laurent murmured.

“Are you alright?”

“I’d prefer some silence, actually.”

“Oh, okay,” Damen said, staring around the bathroom, before sinking to the floor and pulling out his phone.There was a text from Nikandros.It was from an hour ago, when they’d left for the party.How had it only been an hour?It had felt more like five.

_N: I didn’t know he had blonde hair and blue eyes_

Damen rolled his eyes and typed back a response.

_D: Yes cuz I’m that shallow_

Glancing up at Laurent, he realized just how right Nikandros was.He was exactly Damen’s type.It’s likely that when they had first met, that had meant something, but Damen had slowly forgotten, until it had stopped affecting him.Most of the time, these days, when he saw Laurent, he thought of a wolf baring its teeth.

_N: How’s it going?_

_D: I feel like I’ve been here five hours.We’re in a bathroom right now and he’s asked for complete silence_

_N: That’s…strange_

_D: You’re telling me_

_D: I think he’s having a rough night_

_N: But you’re so much fun_

Damen laughed.It made Laurent grumble something at him, so he stopped and murmured a quiet apology.

_D: You like me though_

_D: He doesn’t_

_N: Well it’s his own goddamn fault_

_D: Hard to argue_

_N: When are you going to be home?We miss you_

_D: Fuck if I know.I would ask but I got in trouble for laughing_

_N: Jesus_

_N: So how does being a fake date even work?_

_D: I’ll fill you in when I get home.I’m still honestly not sure what’s happening or what’s been happening_

_N: Hurry home.Don’t die or commit murder.Love you_

_D: Love you too_

Leaning his head back against the cabinets underneath the counter, Damen saw Laurent hadn’t moved.It was hard now to ignore his coloring, since Nikandros had brought it up.He was a lovely compilation of gold and ivory and it was hard to tear his eyes away now that he saw it.He was like a modern piece of art.Slightly strange, but beautiful and impossible to ignore.

“Stop staring,” Laurent murmured.“I can almost hear your thoughts.It’s like you’re talking.”

“You do realize a quickie implies that it’s actually quick, right?Ten minutes tops.”

“You want to go back out there?”

“Not really, but that’s not really the point, is it?What are we even doing?”

“We are doing nothing. _I_ am trying to get rid of a headache.”

“Do you want me to go back out there and make excuses for you?We could leave early.”

Laurent chuckled sardonically and looked at Damen from underneath his eyelashes.“Having that good of a time?I’m sorry I’m not entertaining enough for you.”

“It’s not…”Damen heaved a sigh.“This has been horrible.I know you think so, too.So let’s get out of here.”

“I can’t.There’s a fine line with my uncle.If I left before making a proper appearance, he wouldn’t be irritated, he would be angry.My uncle angry is not something I want.”

“Okay.What does it take to make a proper appearance?”

“Polite small talk with everyone in attendance.Some light politics with a few of the more important men.Enough that if someone asks months later whether or not I attended, they would know for sure I did.”

“Excellent,” Damen said, standing.He strolled over to Laurent and offered a hand.“We are going to make the smallest small talk in existence and then we are getting the fuck out of here.I don’t know what you need, but you can’t find it here and I need to be home, detoxing.”

“Toxic, am I?”

He knew when he’d left his house that the moment would come sometime tonight and it had finally arrived.Damen wanted to tear Laurent’s head off.“It’s not you, okay?It’s these people.I hate being in rooms where everyone’s talking, but they’re not saying anything that makes sense.Plus, they’re all so white and they’re staring at me like I’m from outer space.”

“I’m pretty sure I fit into those categories too.”

“Why do you care?I am nothing to you, just someone to fulfill a role until you can find a better solution.I’m smart enough to know that.”

Laurent didn’t reply.He hit Damen’s hand away and stood, steeling his shoulders.Then he left the bathroom, leaving Damen to trail behind him.

For another hour, they circled the room and made small talk, most of it about children, work, or Damen.Lots of people were curious about him.To his surprise, Laurent kept his answers as firmly rooted in truth as he could.When someone asked how they’d met, he launched straight into the story of taking Nicaise to the local animal shelter to find a dog.There they’d met Damen, a volunteer at the time, who led them straight to Sam.Not only had the dog and Nicaise hit it off, but so did Damen and Nicaise and Laurent had seen an opportunity, one he’d took.The rest was history.

After that, they made a quicker circle, saying their goodbyes and then they were free, Damen breathing in the cold air outside the house and smiling a real smile for the first time in hours.He’d made it through the night.He was pretty goddamn proud of himself.

“Are you going to get in the car within the next year?”

Correction: he had almost made it through.There was still a car ride.

Sliding in with some difficulty—his massive frame not fitting as easily as Laurent’s slender one—Damen said, “You were awfully polite in there.Surely you could extend some of that to me.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and headed out of the long driveway, passing through the open wrought iron gates.Damen took one last look at the mansion and hoped he never had to see it again.

On the bright side, the silence between he and Laurent was now almost comfortable.They’d been through an ordeal together and when, halfway home, Damen said, “That was so goddamn terrible,” Laurent laughed.It wasn’t full-bodied, but it wasn’t sarcastic either.It was almost genuine.

“I hate those people,” Laurent admitted.

“It seems like you hate most people.”

“True.”

“So…did I make the cut?”

Laurent flicked his eyes to Damen curiously.“I don’t think that’s really the question.Asking if _I_ made the cut seems more appropriate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I need you, but you don’t need me.”

Damen considered that, leaning back in his seat and watching the streets pass in a blur of lights and people out for the night in Portland.He had had an awful time, but Laurent wasn’t the reason he had, which came as a surprise.Laurent, in fact, had been somewhat of a bright spot.Damen certainly couldn’t have attended something like that without him.Of course, without him, he would never attend that kind of party.

They pulled up in front of his house five minutes later and Damen still hadn’t come up with an answer.Laurent settled back into his seat and said, “Honestly, Damen, don’t worry about it.I know you don’t want to go to something like that again.I’ll text you if I need someone to watch Nicaise.Thank you for saying yes in the first place.Now please leave.I want to be home.”

“I’ll keep doing it.”He had no idea why he said it, but when he did, he knew he meant it.

“What?” Laurent asked, body tensing.

“I’ll keep doing it.If you answer one question.”

This put Laurent even more on edge.Damen could feel the tension in the car.Finally, in a soft voice filled with danger, Laurent said, “Alright.”

“Honestly.”

“I assumed.”

“Why are you trying to irritate your uncle?”

“He’s been controlling my life for its entirety.I like to fight back in any way that I can, even if all I can do is bring a boy instead of a girl to a party.”

“But…”

“That was your one question.”

Damen nodded.“You’re right.Text me if you have another party.Or if Nicaise needs to be watched.I’m happy to do either one.”

“Happy?”

“Probably not the right word.”

“Probably not.”

Damen nodded and then opened the car door.He got out, shut it behind him, and then headed for his house, cutting across the grass. 

The sound of a car window rolling down had him turning around to see Laurent with his head hanging out the window.“We’re going to have to buy you a proper suit.That outfit is abysmal.”

“Do you end every date with an insult?” Damen called back.

“Always.”

Damen found himself smiling as he unlocked the door to his house and stepped inside.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the promised Tuesday chapter. Now it'll be every week. I'm back on schedule.  
> I hope you're all doing alright after the death of Carrie Fisher. I know it's been beating me up a bit. Nothing like fanfiction to help heal, though.  
> As always, thank you all of you for your awesome and continued support. And thank you to Mari, a bright star in my sky.  
> Enjoy!

“Waiting up for me I see.It’s like I still have parents,” Damen said as he shut the front door behind him.

“It’s ten-thirty, dude.Why the fuck would I be in bed?” Nikandros asked, patting a seat on the couch beside him.Jokaste was in the chair beside the TV, curled up and reading a book.It was the only spot in their cramped living room that got any light at night.When she heard Damen sink into the couch, she shut her book and set it on the arm of her chair.

“So,” she said brightly, “How was it?”

“I don’t know,” Damen said.“Awful.But…”

“But what?”

“I agreed to do it again.If he needed me to.”

Nikandros rolled his eyes and snatched Damen’s phone from his hand.“I’m just going to get Laurent’s number from here, call him, and tell him that your brain decided to hang out in your dick for awhile, and that you’re actually very uninterested in doing any such thing.”

“Oh for…that’s not why I’m doing it.”

“Like hell.”

“It’s not, Nik.”

“Why then?”

Damen stared down at his hands and said, “I don’t think I can explain it.”

“I will call him if you don’t try,” Nikandros replied.“And I swear to god, if you say it’s because you’re just being kind, I will do the same thing.You need to stop letting people take advantage.”

“I don’t know,” Damen said, growing irritated.“I…every time he talks, the first thing I think is, how petty or how childish.You’re twenty-five years old.Grow up.But, tonight, he said he needed me and that…even I have a hard time admitting I need people.I think he’s been trying to take on the entire world alone and no one should have to do that.Not even him.”

“But why does it have to be you that stands with him?” Nikandros sighed.

“Because I’m the one he asked.”

Both Jokaste and Nikandros sighed, but promptly gave up.“There’s no harm in it really,” Jokaste said simply.“It’s not like it will be all that often and if Damen wants to suffer every once in awhile, that’s his prerogative.

“I know,” Nikandros said.“I just want him to think of himself first for once.”

Damen grabbed his phone back from unsuspecting hands, as well as the remote to the TV.He flipped through channels until he landed on the History Channel, where some overly-dramatized story about WWI was happening.

“Noooo,” Nikandros complained, “Not that kind of taking care of yourself,” trying to take the remote back.They started wrestling for it and Jokaste sighed, picking her book back up.“Boys,” she murmured.

 

When Laurent got home, he trudged upstairs and to his room, enjoying the way his toes sank into the carpeted hallways.He could feel himself unwinding as he started stripping off his jacket and gloves.Entering his room, he flung them on a chair by the fireplace that was stoked and then he sank into the opposite chair, dangling his feet in front of the fire.He was so, so tired.Honestly, he could probably fall asleep right here.It wouldn’t be good for his back, but he didn’t think he cared. 

_Knock.Knock._

“What?” he asked, not even bothering to look towards the doorway.He knew it was Nicaise.

“I heard you come in.”

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“It’s Friday.It’s not like I have school tomorrow.”

Laurent accepted that and re-situated himself in his chair, so that his legs were tucked underneath him.Knowing it was an invitation, Nicaise stepped into the room and handed Laurent a mug of tea.It was only half-full, Nicaise likely drinking some of it, but Laurent didn’t mind.Taking a sip, he sighed gratefully.“Thank you,” he murmured.

Nodding, Nicaise sat down in the other chair, managing to avoid the jacket and setting the gloves down gently on the floor beside him.“You’re being nice,” Laurent said.

“That’s because you look pathetic.”

“I am having trouble functioning.”

“Was it that bad?”

Laurent circled the rim of the mug with his finger and then shook his head.“It just wasn’t a situation I wanted to be in.And Uncle was unpleasant.”

“He always is.”

“True.”

Nicaise looked at him sideways.Unsure what he wanted, Laurent handed back his mug.Judging by the look of surprise, that wasn’t it, but Nicaise accepted it nonetheless and took a sip.The wait got longer and longer and Laurent was too tired for this, so he said, “I’m not going to bite your head off.What is it?”

“You’re kind of in a biting heads off mood.”

“I will be soon.”

The silence lasted a little longer but then Nicaise’s eyes were bright and hopeful.“Damen’s great, isn’t he?Please tell me you like him, because I know that if you do, he’ll be over more often.”

“He’s not terrible,” Laurent said through gritted teeth.The last thing he wanted to think about right now was Damen.He was a very large factor of Laurent’s current mood.

Nicaise grinned.“You do like him.”

Those words opened the gates to a flood of images.Laurent slammed them closed almost immediately, but it didn’t protect him from everything.There were flashes of Damen smiling, of Damen’s hand resting in his, of Damen in the dim lighting of a streetlight, agreeing to attend another party with him.It was just as confusing as when it had happened and Laurent found himself saying, “I don’t understand him.”

Nicaise nodded.“Yeah, me neither.Most of the time.Did he have fun?”

Laurent laughed.“No.No, he did not.The party was awful and he had to attend with me.Not exactly a formula for fun.”

“You’re not so bad.”

“You’d be the only that thinks so.”

Nicaise sighed.“We’ve talked about this, Laurent.If you actually give a fuck, be nicer.Trust people.”

“Take your own advice.”

They both sunk deeper into their chairs and began passing the tea back and forth until it was empty.Neither said a word until Nicaise gathered the empty mug and said he was going to bed.Nothing changed when Nicaise left.Laurent couldn’t go to bed, even if he wanted to.His thoughts were running wild and he still needed to take a shower and wash his uncle off his skin.

It wasn’t going to be enough to avoid the nightmares, probably.But he had to try.

 

Laurent was texting him at work.Again.So far, Damen had managed to ignore it, having a few students come in and complain of stomach aches—at least half of them probably faked—and a string of teachers to say hi and ask him what he was going to be doing during the break.It was the last day of school for two weeks, after all.

But when, towards the end of the day, nobody was coming in and all he had to do was paperwork, Damen found his eyes wandering to his phone.He was mildly curious.They’d seen each other a week ago.Typically, Damen would only hear from Laurent once a month, every two weeks if he was busier.Nicaise was old enough to be left alone for short periods of time and Damen knew that Laurent did everything he could to make sure Nicaise wasn’t alone.Or, at least, that’s what Nicaise said.

Reminding himself he was at work, where they paid him money to take care of kids, not text, Damen set about doing his paperwork.It didn’t last long, though.He absolutely hated paperwork and his phone was taunting him, lighting up with Snapchats from Nikandros, who was in Seattle with Jord today.

Picking up his phone, he started with Nikandros’ snaps.Most were of Pike Place Market, but some were of Nikandros and Jord in front of the sound.Their smiles were large and they looked as helplessly in love as ever, their eyes often on each other instead of the camera lens.

Finally, he read Laurent’s text.

_L: I’m not sure I can trust you to buy your own suit._

_D: What’s that supposed to mean?_

The response was almost immediate.

_L: What are you wearing right now?_

_D: No underwear ;)_

_D: Uh…jeans and a tank top?Flip-flops_

_L: I rest my case._

_D: I was running late.It’s not like the flip-flops were on purpose_

_L: Are you doing anything after work?_

_D: Besides getting drunk with Jokaste and watching xmas movies, not really_

_L: When do you get off?_

_D: About two hours from now…_

_L: Okay.We’re going shopping.Nicaise is coming._

Damen settled back in his chair and stared at the text.He wasn’t sure he’d agreed to this when he’d agreed to more parties.Although, maybe he had.It was impossible to know what was going on in Laurent’s brain.At least Nicaise was coming.He could provide a buffer.

_D: Fine.Don’t you work?_

_L: Slow day today.Besides, they love me and generally don’t give a shit what I do._

_D: I bet that’s because you work really hard_

There was a couple minute pause after that text and Damen wondered why.It wasn’t like Laurent’s determination and intelligence was a mystery.He managed to fill out another form before his phone buzzed with a response.

_L: When should I come get you?_

_D: 4:30?_

_L: Done._

Damen set his phone down and got back to work.By the time school was out and he’d attended a brief after school meeting with the secretarial staff, Damen was wondering what exactly he was supposed to expect from their outing today.It was still bothering him that it wasn’t technically within the bounds of their agreement.Nor was it within the bounds of their relationship as it had been before the party.Maybe things had changed and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.Damen had no idea.

There was no one at home when he arrived.Jokaste was still at work and would be for awhile.She worked at an art gallery and they were having a small show tonight, one that she was expected to oversee.He still had a half-hour before Laurent was arriving, so he sat down on the couch, planted his feet on the coffee table, and turned on the TV.He found an old soccer game and flipped to it.It took all of five seconds for his stomach to start grumbling, however.Reluctantly, he got up from the couch and rifled around in the fridge until he found some leftover pizza belonging to Nikandros.It was easy, because he preferred it cold.Nikandros might have something to say, but they stole from each other all the time, so it wasn’t really a problem.

He’d found his way back to the couch and was halfway through the slice of pizza when the doorbell rang.Damen pressed the home button on his phone and saw that it was only four-fifteen.“Are you fucking kidding me?” he grumbled, rising and going to the door, piece of pizza still in hand.

“You’re early,” he said, as he opened the door to find Laurent and Nicaise standing there, hands buried deep in their winter jackets.He hadn’t seen Laurent outside of a more formal context and he noticed that Laurent was wearing dark skinny jeans and black toms.It was incongruous with his image of Laurent and Damen found himself wondering what Laurent wore when he was home and reading a book.

“When you said tank top, you failed to mention that it featured Britney Spears.”

“It’s, uh, an inside joke between me and Nik.Why don’t you two come in?I’d like to finish eating and find some proper shoes.My feet were cold this morning in flip-flops.”

“Really?” Laurent asked sarcastically, stepping inside.Nicaise followed, giving Damen a fist bump as he did.Then he started circling the living room, his eyes alight with interest.

“Where’s your room?” he asked.

“Upstairs.First on the left.”

“Can I…”

“Course you can,” Damen smiled.“If you find good shoes, bring them down.Oh and a pair of socks.There’s some in a drawer somewhere.”

“Okay,” Nicaise called, bounding up the stairs.

“You trust him to go digging through your drawers?”

Damen shrugged, settling back into the couch and eating more of his pizza.As he watched one of the players kick the ball halfway across the field, he said, “Why not?He’s a good kid.Okay, slightly petty and vengeful maybe, but he knows what will piss me off and what won’t.Plus, I haven’t done anything to piss him off recently.Want to sit?”

Laurent stared at the couch apprehensively.It’s true it wasn’t particularly attractive, but it was very comfy.“It won’t tell your couch at home,” Damen said, raising his eyebrows.

Carefully, Laurent sat down, his back straight and his legs crossed.Unable to help himself, Damen burst into laughter, briefly choking on a bite of pizza before he remembered to swallow.

“What’s so funny?” Laurent asked.

“You’re so proper,” Damen said, faking a posh British accent.

Laurent scowled, but didn’t change how he was sitting.Rolling his eyes, Damen reverted his attention back to the soccer game until he was done with the slice of pizza.Then he wiped his hands on his jeans and turned it off.When Damen met Laurent’s eyes, he noticed that he looked slightly appalled.“What?”

“Don’t you have napkins?”

“I don’t know.Probably.”

“Probably?”

“No need to look so horrified.No damage was done.You can’t even tell.”

Laurent gave him a quizzical look and then turned away, peering around the living room.It was kind of a mess, but that was how Damen and Nikandros liked it.Jokaste preferred it slightly cleaner, but she was too busy to constantly clean up after them and so she’d learned to move on.

Not that it was disgusting.Mostly it was just cluttered.There were throw pillows and blankets everywhere.There were little tables beside each couch or chair and they were covered in newspapers and books, most of them Jokaste’s.Candles were set up on the coffee table and used mugs were on every possible surface.Those were the one thing they had trouble keeping up with.

“It’s very lived in,” Laurent said.

“That’s the idea.”

“I like it.”

“Really?”

Laurent ignored that question and shouted, “Nicaise?Finish whatever the hell you’re doing and get down here.Don’t forget the shoes.”

They sat in silence until Nicaise came crashing down the stairs, holding socks and shoes.He plopped down right next to Damen, handed over the shoes, and said, “Your room was disappointingly boring.”

“Have you ever known me to be an exciting person?”

“Good point,” Nicaise sighed, leaning back against the cushions and yawning, his brown curls flopping into his eyes.He tried to blow them away, but they were resolute, so he gave up.

“Long day at school?” Damen asked.

“I got into a fight with Davey.”

“Probably deserved it.”

“He did.He was being a disrespectful idiot again.”

“Seems to be his m.o.”

“Are we ready to go?” Laurent asked, his voice softer than normal.Quickly, Damen slipped on his shoes and socks and nodded.As they headed out the door, he grabbed his wallet and keys, locking up the house behind him.

“Where are we going?” he asked, getting into the back of the car, because Nicaise had been heading to the front.There was a moment where it looked like Laurent was going to say something, but then he let it go to Damen’s relief.He didn’t mind and he didn’t want it to become a thing.

“Men’s Warehouse.”

“Right.Probably could’ve guessed.”Damen tried to get his legs into a comfortable position, but it was difficult in the cramped space.Leaning over the shoulder of Nicaise’s seat, he asked, “Could you move your seat forward a bit?”

Nicaise got a familiar stubborn look in his eye, but then it faded.“Sure.”And he did.It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.Damen wasn’t going to lose circulation in his legs or feet.

 

They parked outside of a Men’s Warehouse after a short and silent ten minute ride.It hadn’t been uneventful, though.Nicaise and Damen had engaged in a poking war.The longer he watched them, the more uncomfortable Laurent grew.Damen understood Nicaise in a way he thought only he did.And if Damen could understand Nicaise, then he could understand Laurent, something Laurent would prefer not to happen.There were a number of things Damen never needed to know.

It was probably why he was being blunter than he needed to be.Both of them noticed, but only Nicaise was glaring at him in return.Damen took it in stride.Laurent supposed he was used to it.

“Do you know your measurements?” Laurent asked, as they walked inside.

“No.”

“Of course not,” Laurent murmured, waving over one of the employees.An older man with heavily styled hair approached with a polite smile and asked what he could do for them.Laurent gestured to Damen and said, “He needs his measurements taken.Then we’ll need two black suits.If they need to be custom, that’s fine.”Turning to Damen, he said, “While you’re doing that, Nicaise and I will pick out dress shirts, ties, and pocket squares.”

“Right, uh…look, could you excuse us for a moment?” Damen asked the employee.

“Of course.I’ll be at the front when you need me.”

“Why do I need two suits?” Damen said, once the older man was out of earshot.

“It’s good to have a backup in case you can’t make it to a dry cleaners in time.”That seemed obvious.

“I might never make it to the dry cleaners in the first place.”

“Fine.It’s still good to have a backup, though.”

“Yes, but, see…I don’t want to buy two suits.That’s a lot of money.”

“I’m paying,” Laurent said, waving away the remark.“I’m the reason you need the suits, so I’m paying.Only seems fair.”

Damen’s forehead crinkled as he frowned.Ridiculously, Laurent found himself thinking that he wanted to wipe the frown away with a finger.Damen and smiling were like salt and pepper; they shouldn’t exist without the other.It was the one good thing that came from Damen essentially being a giant puppy.

Since he was going to do no such thing, though, Laurent asked, “What?”

“Kind of makes me feel like a prostitute.”

Nicaise burst into laughter and then said, “He’s got a point, you know.”

With a grim smile, Laurent settled in to fight.Really, he’d been looking for one for days.Damen had no idea what he was getting himself into.“Tell me, Damen,” he said, as he swiped fingers across a series of silk ties, considering them, “If it weren’t for me, would you be here at all?”

“Well, no, but…”

“And would you happily prance throughout the rest of your life without buying one?”

“Probably, but…”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Maybe I’d tell you if you stopped interrupting me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you trying to say something?” Laurent asked pleasantly.Beside him, Nicaise groaned, surreptitiously flicking Laurent in the back with a finger.He ignored that easily.What was harder to ignore was the expression on Damen’s face; a mix of anger, doubt, and shock.Nobody in Laurent’s life showed their emotions so readily and so Laurent could often ignore the repercussions of his words.It was harder now.

In a low and gravelly voice, Damen said, “I was just going to say maybe we could compromise.I buy one, you buy one.” 

“I bet you feel stupid now,” Nicaise said.Damen’s eyes flicked down to Nicaise and Laurent caught a glimpse of amusement.

A large part of Laurent wanted to keep fighting, get what he originally wanted, but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could look into Damen’s eyes and see hurt and irritation.“Fine.”

“Fine,” Damen shot back.“I’ll go get my measurements taken now.And I don’t like green.So nothing green.”Then he strolled off to the front, leaving Nicaise and Laurent watching him.

“Do you have to ruin everything?” Nicaise said.

“Go look at ties.Nothing too flashy.Or green.”

“I don’t actually know if you want friends, but that’s a terrible way to make them.”After a moment of contemplation, he continued with: “And I wish you wouldn’t treat my friends like that.”Then Nicaise went to a table laden with ties and began sorting through them, holding some up, before setting them back down.They were all nestled together and he was doing a horrible job at putting them back in the same way they’d been organized.Laurent’s fingers were itching to go and fix it, but he knew when he wasn’t wanted.Instead, he went to the wall, where dress shirts of every different color were stacked in wooden boxes. 

Damen should have a white one.Light blues felt too much like business attire, though, so he passed over those and contemplated some dark purples and blues.It was likely Damen was a large, but until he had the measurements, he wasn’t going to make assumptions and mess up the neat piles.

It became clear quickly that all Laurent could do was wait.For something to do, he went to one of the tie tables—a different one from Nicaise—and shopped for himself.It was easier to analyze fabrics and colors then to analyze what he’d done to make everyone angry with him.Because analyzing that always ended with the question: why?Why was he self destructive?Why couldn’t he have any sort of meaningful relationship that he didn’t wreck? 

He’d managed to go his entire life without answering those.He wasn’t about to start answering them now.

A half-hour later, Damen was back, carrying two black suits.His eyes searched the store and when he saw Laurent, he wound his way over.Laurent felt his heart pick up and he lowered his eyes back to the ties, so he could will his heart back into a normal pace.It was easier when he wasn’t looking at Damen.

“I’ve been told these fit,” Damen said, when he arrived.

“Large or extra-large dress shirts?”

“Large.”

Laurent nodded and went to get larges in the colors he’d picked.A dark purple, a navy, and two whites.

“Do I really need four?”

Laurent closed his eyes and attempted to steady himself, realizing, to his dismay, that he still wanted to fight.It was hard to stop himself because his heart had picked back up at Damen’s close proximity and he hadn’t been relaxed all week—busy deflecting his uncle’s displeasure— but he managed.“What would you prefer?”

“Four is fine,” Damen murmured.“I’m sure you know better than I do.”

That was a surprise.Laurent turned, curious about the change, and instantly regretted it.Damen had been watching over his shoulder as he’d found the shirts and he was much closer than either of them were comfortable with.Less than a foot.Enough that Laurent had to substantially tilt his head to meet Damen’s eyes.

They both stepped back and before it grew awkward, Laurent said, “You’re not going to fight me on this?”

“No.Something tells me I’d lose.”

“You didn’t earlier.”

Damen smiled weakly.“Only because you let me win.”

“A win is a win, Damen.”

“Some would disagree with you,” Damen said.

“And I don’t care,” Laurent replied, shoving the dress shirts into Damen’s arms.“Let’s find Nicaise and buy these.”

“We’re going to have to work on this,” Damen said as they headed towards the tie table that Nicaise was stationed at.

“What?”

“Anytime we spend time together, it ends with one or both of us wanting to be separated as soon as possible.It doesn’t bode well for the future.”

“Spending time together has to be fun?”

Damen sighed loudly and stopped talking.They had reached Nicaise, who had ten ties dangling over his arms and two pocket squares in hand.Laurent insisted he put all but two ties back and then they were at the register, splitting the purchases evenly and buying them separately.With their bags, they walked back to Laurent’s Mercedes.Laurent was about to pop the trunk to put the bags there, but Damen insisted on having them in the back with him.

The drive home was not nearly as quiet.Nicaise decided to play music and he’d also started an animated conversation with Damen about Stranger Things, a show Laurent presumed they’d been watching together.Laurent listened, because it was hard not to, and because he was feeling masochistic.He knew exactly what his brain would latch onto.Sure enough, he started to notice the kind of attention Damen paid to Nicaise’s words, often using them within his own answers.He also noticed the timbre of Damen’s voice, a low and rich sound that reminded Laurent of rain, steady and calming.It was in direct conflict with how Damen made him feel, had been making him feel for months…ragged, unchecked, and nervous.

Laurent pressed the brake a little too hard when he realized what that meant.He should really end this before it got out of hand.Even his strength of will couldn’t last forever and feeling something for Damen could not be allowed to happen.Facing his uncle’s wrath was safer than this.

“Laurent?” Nicaise asked, interrupting his own thoughts about the fate of Eleven, whoever that was.

“I’m fine.”

How was he going to go about telling Damen to forget all about it?Especially when he’d just made him buy a suit.Nothing he said was going to be believable unless he told the truth and…well, he couldn’t do that.

“Laurent,” Nicaise said again.

“What?”

“You’re about to pass his house.”

“Oh,” Laurent murmured, stepping on the brake much more gently this time and pulling off to the side of the road.All he knew was that he couldn’t do it in front of Nicaise.Maybe over a text.No, that was too impersonal.Damen deserved better than that.

“Walk me to the door?” Damen asked him, their eyes meeting in the rearview mirror.

“Alright,” Laurent agreed, unbuckling his seatbelt.It was perfect, really.He could do it now.All he would have to do is bend the conversation into an opportunity and that was one of his talents.

The walk up the driveway and the small winding path, bordered by grass, was quiet.When they reached the door, Damen set down his bags and turned to him.Before Laurent could say anything, though, he started to talk.

“Here’s what I think.I think that there’s a lot more going on with you than I know about, which is why I haven’t retracted my offer to go to parties with you.But for this to work, you need to respect me.I’m alright if you keep being prickly, I’m alright if I never learn a single goddamn thing about you, but I need you to treat me like a human being.I know you’re capable.”Damen took a deep breath and then smiled, allowing the tension between them to flee.“It also wouldn’t hurt if you tried to be nice.”He raised his hands.“Just try.I think we could get along and I’d really like to.Imagine how much less painful the parties will be if we actually like each other.Yeah?”

“Nice,” Laurent murmured, still trying to gather his scattered thoughts.

“Look it up in the dictionary when you get home.Maybe that’ll help.”

“Could, I suppose.”

“You like living in that head of yours, don’t you?”

Laurent didn’t know what to say or do.He stared at Damen absently and tried to figure out where his resolve had gone.It had disappeared somewhere between the smile and the ‘imagine’.All that was left was an aching want.Someone was giving him an opportunity to be their friend.No, not someone, Damen, and Laurent found that he wanted it more than he wanted most things.

Figuring now wasn’t the time to make any final decisions, Laurent said, “I’m sorry about the scene in the shop.”

“Apology accepted,” Damen grinned.

“I’ll work on being nice.”

“Really?”

Laurent bit his bottom lip to hide his smile.“No.Probably not.”

For some reason that made Damen chuckle.“I wasn’t really expecting that much, so don’t worry.”

“I’ll see you later,” Laurent said, already moving away.He had to leave.Nothing had gone as planned and he needed to develop a new one and quickly.

“I expect so,” Damen called after him.There was the sound of a door being unlocked and then closed.Only then did Laurent look back, more confused by Damen then he had ever been.What person forgave that easily and after such a short amount of time?

Certainly not himself.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it is officially Tuesday where I am as of fifteen minutes ago. I hate waiting. I hate it so much. I'm not sure I can do it anymore. I'll keep you guys updated on that. Also, this chapter is kind of short, but came to a natural ending place...yet another reason to maybe post a little earlier. Who knows.  
> Thank you all of you for the support and the comments and the endless love. It's so beautiful and inspiring and I thank all of you every day for existing.  
> As always, much love to Mari, a beautiful soul.  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen hated and loved winter break.It was pleasant to get two weeks off work—nobody could hate that—but he never knew what to do with himself.Right now, he was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, trying to come up with a more entertaining activity than TV, which was usually all he had time for when he worked, spending the rest of his time doing things with Jokaste and Nikandros.But they didn’t get two weeks off work.

Nicaise had two weeks off school.

Patting around for his phone, which was somewhere on his bed, he formulated a message in his head.He had no idea if Nicaise had a phone, but he wished he knew his number, because now he had to go through Laurent.Not that that was technically a problem, it was just strange.Laurent was strange.Nothing he said or did made any sense.Sometimes he was cruel, sometimes he was teasing, sometimes he was apologizing and it was impossible to tell which one you were about to get.

Finally finding his phone, he held it above his head and started typing.

_D: Two things…does Nicaise have a phone and is he up to anything_

Once that was done, he went into his bathroom and took a shower, making himself presentable for company other than his best friends.If hanging out with Nicaise fell through, he thought he’d buy some lunch and take it to Nikandros during his break instead.

When he got out of the shower, he heard his phone ringing.Quickly wrapping his towel around his waist, he hurried to his bed and picked it up without looking at who it was that was calling.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Damen.”

“Oh.Laurent.Uh…wow, a phone call.I feel honored.”

“Don’t bother,” Laurent said.“My boss walked by when I was about to text you, so I called.It tends to look more professional, like I’m actually doing my job.”

“You could’ve just texted later.”

“Am I on trial?”

“No,” Damen said, still confused why they were doing this over the phone.It wasn’t that Damen actually minded, but it felt like something friends would do and he knew that Laurent didn’t think of their relationship like that.

“I have a meeting in five minutes and I definitely can’t text during those.”

“I probably shouldn’t keep wasting our five minutes then.”

“Probably not.To answer your first question, no, Nicaise does not have a phone.My uncle…well, let’s just say, he doesn’t think Nicaise needs one at his age.To answer your second, I don’t know, but I know he’s in the house.Just drive over.I’ll let him know you’re coming.”

“You don’t mind if I take him out somewhere?” Damen asked.

“No.Why would I?”

“I don’t know.I don’t know why you do anything, actually.”

“Were you thinking about me?” Laurent asked, his voice almost…playful.Damen had to pause and verify that that had actually happened.

“Are you trying to be nice?”

“Is it working?”

“What are you trying to achieve, exactly?”

“Do you like me yet?”

Damen burst into laughter, his body shaking so hard that his towel fell from around his waist.“Well, that’s got to be a good sign,” Laurent quipped and it sent Damen into another spiral of laughter, until tears were stinging the corners of his eyes.

When he was done, he said, “Do you actually want me to like you, Laurent?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know?”

“I don’t know.”

“How is it possible that someone who thinks so much doesn’t know so many things?”

Laurent was silent for a moment and then he said, “I’ll give you one guess what my response is going to be.”

“I don’t know?”

“I should get to my meeting.While I have you, though, you should know there’s a New Year’s party we have to attend.And that Nicaise would like to invite you to dinner on Christmas Eve.The last one is optional and a ploy by Nicaise to irritate me so do with that what you will.”

“Irritate you?”

“I’m sure he’ll love telling you all about it.Bye, Damen.”

“Bye, Laurent.”

Right when he hung up, Damen got dressed, grabbed his keys and drove to the deVere house.

 

“That was quick,” Nicaise said, when Damen showed up in the basement and sat down beside him on the couch.Nicaise had a controller in hand and was playing some video game Damen had never seen before. 

“I think you’re underestimating how bored I was, kid.”

“Yeah,” Nicaise said, tossing his controller onto the floor and watching passively as his character died and the screen went black, declaring the game over, “I’m bored as fuck, honestly.I’m so excited for the day when I can drive.”

“You’ve got a couple years.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“What’s this about Christmas Eve?”

“Come,” Nicaise said.“It’ll just be Laurent, Uncle, and I.In other words, awful.I like to think it would be better if you were there.It almost definitely won’t, but…”

“I could come,” Damen said.“But I would have to bring Jokaste and Nikandros, too.”

Nicaise lit up and said, “They’re invited too.”

“Can you do that?”

“Yep.”

“Really?”

“No, but I’m going to.Nobody can stop me.”

Damen shrugged and smiled back.It was nice to have plans.His family was close enough to see, but they only ever did things on Christmas day.His parents were the type to leave him alone and leave the contacting to him.When he did, of course, they showered him in praise and affection and he would always tell them they could call whenever.They never did.

Jokaste and Nikandros would love it.They’d moved out to Portland to be with Damen after college, so neither of their families were close.

“Anything you want to do?” Damen asked.“I’ve got a car and I can drive it.The whole city is at your disposal.”

“I want to see the tree in Pioneer Courthouse Square.”

“Done,” Damen replied, standing up and offering a hand to Nicaise.“I’ll bet you’ll even be able to talk me into some food and coffee.”

And he did.The first thing they did was get Starbucks, since it was colder than they anticipated, their breaths clouding around their heads.Then they walked to Pioneer Courthouse Square and saw the tree, snapping a few pictures, some selfies.After that, Nicaise was hungry, so they stopped in a small café and ordered more coffee and some sandwiches.While they ate, Nicaise talked about the books he was reading and the music he was listening to, rambling on and on.Damen was happy to listen, especially since he figured Nicaise didn’t get the opportunity to do this often enough.

They even made a quick stop in Powell’s, which ended with Nicaise holding a pile of books and giving puppy dog eyes to Damen.It totally worked—as Nicaise had clearly anticipated given the sly grin that followed—and Damen bought them, handing over the large paper bag when they left the store. 

When that was done, they simply walked around Portland together, Nicaise still talking about anything and everything that was light and easy.

It took hours out of the day and when Damen finally drove Nicaise home, neither of them were ready for it to be over.It had definitely been the best day of Damen’s week and he could see that sentiment mirrored in Nicaise’s eyes, though he would never admit it.They sat in front of the house for a minute, before Nicaise’s boyish youth took over, and he insisted Damen come in for hot cocoa and Netflix.

“Alright,” Damen said.“Remind me to text Nikandros when I have these gloves off.I don’t want him to worry.”

“Where does he work?”

“In a really ugly brick building with boring offices.He’s a tech guy, essentially.He’d probably quit, but he and Jord work in the same building.It’s how they met.Anyway, they see each other at work and apparently, that helps.”

“How come I haven’t met him?”

“I wasn’t aware you wanted to.”

Nicaise shrugged.Only when he faced the door and knocked, did he say, “If your friends are anything like you, they can’t be terrible.”

“Nice to know I’m not terrible,” Damen laughed.

Carlos opened the door and they exchanged greetings.Nicaise went in and towards the kitchen, but Damen was held behind by Carlos, who said, “It’s good you’re spending time with him.He needs to get out more.”

“Bet you do to, if you’ve noticed.”

“You have no idea,” Carlos said.

Damen laughed and slapped his shoulder before walking past the stairs, across a spacious and well-lit living room, to the kitchen—a glittering masterpiece of stainless steel—where Nicaise was making the cocoa.

Damen grabbed one of the plush bar stools beside the island and sat, watching Nicaise flit around the kitchen.Then he remembered that he was going to text Nikandros so he did that, saying that he didn’t know when he’d be home, but that he was with Nicaise.

“When does Laurent typically get home?” Damen asked.

Nicaise turned and eyed Damen.“If you don’t want to see him, I suggest leaving now.He could be home in the next minute or two.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to see him, I just…”

“What?”

“It’s always weird.I never know where we stand or how I’m supposed to act and I have to figure that out every time we interact,” Damen said, catching the mug that Nicaise slid to him across the counter.He took a sip and sighed.It was delicious.

Nicaise rolled his eyes and said, “It’s the same for him, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he’s…oh, hey, Laurent.”

“Talking about me?” Laurent said casually, leaning against a wall in the living room and staring into the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest.He was in more dark skinny jeans and a snugly fit sweater, the red of it admittedly quite lovely against his skin.

“Someone’s got to tell him why the fuck you’re deranged,” Nicaise mumbled.

“We were about to go watch something,” Damen said, in an attempt to be inclusive.“Want to watch with us?”

“I’ve got some reading I have to catch up on.”

“No you don’t,” Nicaise said with confidence.“You’re just trying to avoid Damen.”

“Well, if I wasn’t before, I certainly am now,” Laurent said, his eyes flashing.It was almost dangerous, the way he was looking at Nicaise.Damen wasn’t sure he wanted to know what that look meant.

“If it helps, I won’t be talking.You’ll probably be able to pretend I’m not there,” Damen said.

Laurent flicked his eyes back to Damen and considered him, his gaze heavy.Damen could feel it worming underneath his skin and burrowing towards the center of him.It was uncomfortable and he had to look away, choosing to stare at his hands instead.

“Alright,” Laurent said softly.“Just let me go get changed.I’ll be right down.”

 

 _You’re being dramatic,_ Laurent thought to himself. _It’ll be a dark room, no talking, and you don’t even have to sit anywhere near him.It’s a bad idea, but it’s not the worst one you’ve ever had._

He kept trying to reassure himself as he changed out of his jeans and sweater into a loose white tee and light gray sweatpants.Normally, that act alone would help him unwind, but it didn’t today.Why was he even changing?Yes, skinny jeans were uncomfortable, but what he was changing into was vulnerable, something he would only wear when it was just he and Nicaise.

In all honesty, he didn’t know why he agreed.Okay, he did, but he didn’t know why it mattered to him.All of his life, he’d wanted things, some more than others, but he’d been more than capable of putting a stop to those desires in favor of survival.So why was Damen different?Why did he want Damen to like him so badly?

Blinking away his thoughts, finding them drastically confused, he tugged off his socks and then walked down both sets of stairs slowly and barefoot.When he reached the bottom, he saw that Netflix was already up on the screen and Damen was sitting at the end of the couch, Nicaise lying down, his feet in Damen’s lap.They looked happy and he’d probably just ruin it.He should really go back upstairs.

Laurent was about to do just that when Damen turned his head and saw him and smiled reassuringly.As if he needed reassuring.  “Where am I supposed to sit?” he drawled.

“Oh, good,” Nicase said, “The pillow has arrived.”

“I’m not your fucking pillow.”

“Please?Damen’s already my footrest and look, he’s not complaining.”

“Damen’s a pushover.”

“True,” Damen laughed, lightly tickling the bottom of one of Nicaise’s feet.It landed him a firm kick on the stomach and Laurent tried not to laugh at his surprised grunt of pain.

“It’s either that or the floor,” Nicaise said.

“The floor sounds excellent,” Laurent said, settling down on the floor right in front of the middle of the couch and leaning back.He raised one of his legs and circled his arms around it, resting his chin on his knee.“So, what are we watching?”

“You can pick,” Damen said.“It’s technically my turn and I have no idea what I want.”

“I don’t watch TV.It’s a horrible idea to let me pick, really.”

“It’s true,” Nicaise supplied.“The one time I let him pick anything, we ended flipping back and forth between the History Channel and the National Geographic Channel.”

“Oh yeah?” Damen asked.Laurent could hear the smile in his voice.“What was on?”

“A story on Alcatraz and a story on the migration patterns of birds in the Serengeti,” Laurent murmured.

“Fascinating.”

“It was, actually.”

“I believe you.”

Laurent situated himself so that he could see Damen.There was in fact a wry smile on his face and Laurent desperately wanted to ask him what it was like to smile whenever you were happy, no matter the company, but he didn’t.Instead, he held out his hand for the remote and Damen gave it over easily, earning him a slap on the arm from Nicaise.

“Let’s see,” Laurent whispered, poking through the selection on Netflix, “What looks interesting?”

“You know what we could do?” Damen asked.

“Hmm?” Laurent murmured, reading a summary of a show before moving on.

“We could watch the first episode of _Gilmore Girls_.I’ve been trying to get Nicaise to watch it the entire time I’ve known him.If you want to watch, it’ll be two against one.”

Nicaise bellowed, “No,” and moved to tackle Damen.Unable to help himself, Laurent turned to watch them wrestle.Nicaise was quick, but Damen was undeniably strong and it was amusing just how outmatched they were.Every poke that Nicaise managed was allowed by Damen.They were both laughing hysterically, though, and Laurent couldn’t stop his smile.Nicaise happy was rare and nice.He only wished he could find the time to do it himself.

“Nicaise,” Laurent said.

“What?”

“Next time I’m irritated with you and you don’t believe my threats, remember this moment,” he said as he played the first episode of _Gilmore Girls_.Nicaise flipped him off, before his eyes focused on the screen, watching as a young woman begged an employee of a diner for coffee.

They watched three episodes and Laurent didn’t mind a single one.They weren’t thrilling or intellectual, but they were comfortable and safe and it was a nice distraction.The best and most endearing part, though, was how clearly Damen loved the show.He started laughing before some of the jokes and he would lightly slap Nicaise when one of his favorite scenes was coming up.

They stopped when Nicaise fell asleep.Laurent shut off the TV and went to turn on one of the dimmer lights in the basement.When it flickered on, he saw Damen gently lifting Nicaise’s legs, checking his face continuously for any sign of wakefulness.The act was so tender it left Laurent breathless.

Once Damen had managed to get off the couch, he approached Laurent and whispered, “I’ll see you Christmas Eve.”

“Oh, you’re coming?”

“Yes.My friends Nikandros and Jokaste are coming, too, if that’s alright.Nicaise seemed to imply it was, so…I can’t leave them alone, you know, not on Christmas Eve.If it’s not alright, though, I can…”

“It’s fine,” Laurent interrupted.“Whatever Nicaise wants.”Maybe it would keep his uncle tame.

“I knew it,” Damen said.

“What?”

“I knew you had a weakness.”

Laurent stomach plummeted and he suddenly felt slightly dizzy.The dim lighting, Damen’s presence, and the need for whispering were not helping and he found himself climbing the stairs, not even answering Damen.Thankfully, only a few beats later, the sounds of footsteps followed.When they reached the top, Laurent felt a hand on his elbow.One that was quickly retracted when Laurent faced Damen.Hopefully, it wasn’t expression that did that.Laurent couldn’t keep a thought straight long enough to know what his face was saying.

“I probably shouldn’t have teased about that,” Damen said, his voice finally at a normal level.The light also helped and Laurent managed to collect himself, everything inside him relaxing at the return to order. 

“It’s well known the lengths I would go for Nicaise.”

“Your brother was his father, right?”

“Yes,” Laurent said firmly, hoping that would be signal enough that Damen should steer well clear of that topic of conversation.

“I’m sorry that you lost him.Nicaise mentioned that you two were close when he was alive.”

“It was a long time ago,” he snapped.If only that were true.It had been almost eleven years, but it still felt like it had happened yesterday.While it was something he’d learned to live with, he still didn’t handle talking about him well.Talking about him opened up the wound that never fully healed.

“Yeah,” Damen murmured, lowering his head, soft curls falling forward so Laurent couldn’t see his face.“I should go.”

“Yes, you should.”

Nodding, Damen slipped past him and headed for the door.Carlos wasn’t there, likely home for the night, so Laurent followed, needing to lock the house up for the night.Damen was halfway out the door when Laurent caught sight of his jacket still hanging from the coat rack.Briefly, he considered saying nothing and getting it to Damen later, but it felt like giving up, so he said, “Wait.Your jacket.”

“Oh,” Damen said.“Thank you.”The jacket exchanged hands and Damen stood there for a moment, as if waiting for something.Then he sighed and said, “Christmas Eve.Feel free to take back the invitation at any time if it’s too much.”

That didn’t feel like the right place to leave it.“Thank you,” Laurent said, knowing his attempt to be nice would give him some peace of mind later tonight in bed when he would have trouble shutting his brain off.

“For what?”

“Nicaise.That’s the happiest I’ve seen him in awhile.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that,” Damen said, smiling softly.“He’s a weakness of mine, too, you know.”

“Good.I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I wouldn’t ever hurt him.Well, not on purpose.Sometimes he’s a bit like you and I have no idea what the fuck he’s thinking or what’s going to set him off.”There was another smile that followed, but this one was unsure and cautious, ready to disappear at a single harsh word from Laurent.

Laurent knew what he was really asking and it was strange, the idea that Damen wanted to be his friend, too.That hadn’t happened before.“Have a question, then.Consider it your Christmas present.”

“Can I save it?”

“I suppose.”

“You’re being nice again.”

“Good night, Damen.”

Laughing, Damen said, “Good night, Laurent.”

Laurent shut the door and closed his eyes briefly, reprimanding himself.He was making one bad decision after another tonight and before long, it was going to come back and bite him.What made it worse was that he didn’t regret a single moment.

He went downstairs and scooped Nicaise up in his arms, holding him tight against his chest.There was no way he was waking up Nicaise now.Neither of them typically fell asleep easily.

Slowly, he trudged back up the stairs and then up the next flight, until he was in Nicaise’s room, lying him gently on the bed and sweeping some loose hair away from his mouth and eyes.It would be impossible to get the comforter out from underneath Nicaise without waking him, so instead he grabbed two blankets from a chest at the end of the bed and laid them over his nephew.

The new weight was enough to wake him and Nicaise murmured, “Laurent?”

“Go back to sleep.”

“Where’s Damen?”

“He went home.”

“He likes you, you know,” Nicaise mumbled, eyelids falling closed.“I can tell these things.Stop being scared and make a friend.”

Laurent said nothing in return.It made Nicaise crack his eyes open again and then he sighed.“Oh.That explains a lot.”Then he proceeded to close his eyes once more and quickly fall back into a deep sleep, his breathing long and slow.With a sigh, Laurent leaned down and kissed his forehead, before murmuring, “I don’t know what I’m doing, Nicaise.How is that not the most terrifying thing you’ve ever heard?”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to walk to the store in the freezing cold and snow so I felt like rewarding myself.  
> Thank you for all the lovely comments and support. As always, it means so so much and I wish all of you the most beautiful days.  
> All my love to Mari, as usual. I don't know what I'd do without you.  
> Special shoutout to Ed Sheeran for "Castle on the Hill". For some reason, it made writing very easy today. Also it's a kickass song.  
> Enjoy!

_D: Do we have to look nice?_

_L: Semi-formal is fine._

_D: Okay cool_

_L: When are you getting here?_

_D: You said 530 right_

_L: I did._

_D: Then that’s when we’re arriving.Jokaste won’t let us be late.She obsesses about this kind of thing_

_L: See you soon, then._

_D: Yep_

Damen set his phone down and realized, to his own surprise, that he felt the urge to tell Laurent about Jokaste, who was flitting around the house in a rush to get herself and her things together, or about Nikandros, who was still sitting on the couch and would only get ready when he saw Jokaste in her dress. 

Those were the kind of details about his life he would share with a friend, something he would like to consider Laurent, but not something he was sure he could. 

His mind flashed back to a week ago, when he’d been standing in front of Laurent’s open door and he’d been offered a question.Damen had been sure then that Laurent wanted the same thing as him; to slowly learn and trust each other.But since that night, they’d hardly talked, and he’d began to wonder if it was the same as before.Forced proximity due to an unfortunate situation that Laurent was determined to make unpleasant.

Jokaste entered his room, disturbing his thoughts.She was holding up two dresses.One was a light blue and the other was sequined gold, long, with a split up the side.They were both utterly ridiculous, but she would look stunning in either one.“Which do you think?” she asked.

“You want to wear the gold, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.I bought it a year ago and I still haven’t had an opportunity to wear it.But it does seem a little much, doesn’t it?”

“Just wear it.What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Why do I ask you for fashion advice?” Jokaste grumbled, staring between the two. 

“Because you want someone to tell you to do what you want instead of being practical.”

She smiled.“You have a point.Gold it is.”

“I’ll go tell Nik you’re putting your dress on.”

“Excellent idea.And Damen?”

“What?”

“Don’t wear those shoes.Wear your dark brown ones.They’ll go better with that shirt.”

“Fine,” Damen said, slipping out of the black and into the brown.Then he tramped downstairs and informed Nikandros of their progress.Nikandros groaned and stood, slowly making his way across the room, ending up with his forehead on Damen’s shoulder.

“I don’t want to go,” he whined.“I don’t know these people.”

“Since when has that mattered?”

“Why can’t we just get drunk like we always do?”

“I bet they’ll have alcohol,” Damen said.“Just get drunk there.”

“I may have to.”

“I’m alright with that.I can get you home.”

“Well, that helps,” Nikandros mumbled, removing his head and heading up the stairs.Then he backed down a few steps, so Damen could see his face and said, “I want you to tell Jord about this moment.He doesn’t believe I can do something I don’t want to do.”

“I’ll tell Jord,” Damen said.

 

By the time they ended up in front of the deVere mansion, Nikandros was ready to go home and Jokaste was ready to kill him.“I’m going to knock on the door,” Damen said.“Are you two done or should I wait?”

“Wait,” Jokaste said, getting into Nikandros’ space and sticking a finger in his face.“You are going to stop being dramatic and you are going to stop complaining.This is a beautiful house, these are people that value manners and politeness, and you will not embarrass me or Damen by disrespecting them.Are we clear?”

“I can do what I want.”

“I will stop allowing you to eat what I cook for a month and I will go gather spiders from the front yard, collect them in a jar, and release them into your room.”

Nikandros whimpered and said, “Damen, stop her.”

“I can’t, man.”

“Fuck, fine.I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Good.Proceed, Damen,” Jokaste said.

Attempting to not regret bringing his friends, Damen knocked.The door was opened immediately by Carlos, who smiled and said, “You’re looking smart, Damen.And so are your friends.”

“Carlos, this is Jokaste and Nikandros.”

“A pleasure to meet you both,” Carlos said, shaking hands.“They’re expecting you.You’ll find them in the sitting room having drinks.”

“Because they’re rich and posh?” Damen said.It was an inside joke between the two of them.It was the first thing Carlos had ever heard him say.Damen hadn’t meant to be overheard when he was mumbling to himself as he had walked through the door, but Carlos had had sharp ears.

“Because they’re rich and posh.”

The three of them entered, Carlos helped them with their jackets, and then Damen led them towards the sitting room, which was different from the living room; more formal and meant for parties and company.

“You’re comfortable here,” Jokaste murmured behind him.

Damen shrugged.“I guess.Laurent and his uncle are hardly ever here and it’s pretty easy to get comfortable with a kid and an empty house.”

The doors to the sitting room were flung open and Damen stepped inside first, wanting to make sure they were prepared for company.Unsurprisingly, they were, though they were deep in conversation.It could’ve been about anything, however, as all of their faces were as blank as slates.

When Nicaise saw Damen, he leaped from his chair and ran over, his eyes wild with excitement.“You’re here,” he cheered, lowering his voice to say, “Thank god.Laurent and Uncle are about five minutes from having a duel with the antique swords in Uncle’s office.”

“Swords, huh?”

“They’re both good at fencing.”

“Fencing,” Damen said, adding that to the list of things he wanted to ask Laurent about some day.It was getting longer and longer and he wasn’t sure which one he was going to pick for the question Laurent still owed him.

“Who’s this, Damen?” Jokaste asked, her voice filled with amusement.

“This is Nicaise.Nicaise, Jokaste and Nikandros.”

“That dress is ridiculous,” Nicaise said in greeting.

“It is, isn’t it?But I look like a queen in it.”

Nicaise narrowed his eyes and then turned his attention to Nikandros.“Hmm,” he said, “I can’t think of an insult for you.I mean, you don’t look like you want to be here, but who the fuck does?”

“How old are you?” Nikandros asked.

“Thirteen.”

“Wow, alright.You’re a lot cooler than I was at thirteen.”

Jokaste tugged on Nikandros’ sleeve and pulled him away to introduce themselves to Laurent’s uncle.Nicaise and Damen stayed behind, preferring to be out of the way and with each other.“I like them,” Nicaise said. 

“Yeah?”

“They didn’t treat me like I was five, so yeah.”

“We should probably go over there.”

“Probably,” Nicaise sighed.“But I don’t want to.I wasn’t kidding about Laurent and Uncle.You might have to sneak me alcohol.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“What is the point of you?” Nicaise said, strolling off towards the cluster of adults, who were now all holding a drink in their hands and talking sociably.Damen followed and his eyes naturally fell on Laurent, his hair shimmering in the lights.

“Hello, Damen,” Laurent said.

“Ah,” Laurent’s uncle said, before Damen could get a chance to respond.“The man who is pretending to date my nephew.Tell me, how has that experience been for you so far?”He looked regal tonight, beard nicely trimmed, peppered gray hair smoothed back, and clothes fit in all the right places.It was uncomfortable how compelled Damen felt to respond.

“Oh.Well…”

“Let’s get him a drink first, Uncle,” Laurent said, eyes hard.“What would you like, Damen?A gin tonic?Vodka martini?A whole bottle of Vermouth?”

“You know I don’t appreciate that childish attitude, nephew,” Laurent’s uncle said.

Laurent didn’t reply.He just kept staring at Damen and waiting, his body tenser than Damen had ever seen it and that was saying something.Keeping his eyes firmly on Laurent’s, trying to convey that he was uncomfortable but fine, Damen said, “Some Vodka on the rocks would be fine.”

“Alright,” Laurent said, turning to the cart and busying himself with the ice and bottles. 

It didn’t distract Laurent’s uncle, though, unfortunately.“So?” he said.“I would just like to make sure my nephew is treating you appropriately considering the kindness you’re doing him.I know he can be trying.”

“I’m happy to help.I’ll be seeing you on New Year’s Eve, in fact.”

“How kind.Surely, he’s repaying you in some way.”

Damen smiled, trying to resist the urge to run from the room.“His company is payment enough.”

“You don’t strike me as a liar.”

“Then I must not be lying.”

Laurent came over with Damen’s drink and placed it in his hand.The atmosphere felt a lot like the first party they’d been to together and Damen desperately wanted to reach down and grasp Laurent’s hand to steady himself.If only he could.

There was a brief silence filled with awkward smiles, until Jokaste started asking questions about Laurent’s uncle’s work, all of them pointed and intelligent.It was boring, but eased some of the attention and allowed the rest of them to talk of other things among themselves without being overheard or breaching any rules of politeness.

Nikandros slowly started to inch away from Jokaste and towards Damen, while Laurent leaned in closer and murmured, “I’m sorry.Somehow, he manages to be polite and unbelievably rude at the same time.”

“I should’ve expected it.I’m an accomplice to pissing him off, after all.”

Laurent smirked and was about to say something else when Nikandros arrived, saying, “That was fucking terrifying.I would not be able to survive here.How do you survive here?” he asked Laurent.

“With difficulty,” Laurent said shortly.

“I probably would’ve murdered him by now.”

“Oh, I’ve considered it.”

“So have I,” Nicaise said, entering their little circle.“Do you like Christmas?” he asked Nikandros.

“Sure.When I was younger, it was my favorite holiday.”

“What happened?”

“I moved away from my parents and I don’t get to spend it with them anymore, which kind of sucks.And my boyfriend always hangs out with his family, but I don’t get to go to that celebration either, because they’re hardcore homophobes, so hardcore that they just pretend he never came out.”

Suddenly, Damen’s phone rang.He gave everyone an apologetic glance and slipped it out of his pocket to turn it off.Only to see that it was his father calling.“I’ve got to take this.I’ll be right back.”Without a word, Laurent accepted his drink.

He removed himself from the room, wound his way to the library and opened the doors to the balcony there, stepping out and looking up at the cloudy sky.He answered his phone and said, “Hey, Dad.I’m at a party right now.Can this wait?”

“It’ll take two seconds.”

“Okay.Go.”

“A man named Richard called today and said that he was interested in getting to know the parents of the man who was dating his nephew.”

“What?” Damen asked.

As was typical, Damen’s dad barreled on, paying no attention to what Damen had said.“Anyway, your mother and I thought you could bring him to Christmas tomorrow if he has nothing else going on.We’d love to meet him and you never come around anymore.”

“I’ve told you before that you can just ask me to and I’ll come.”

“We don’t want to disturb you.”

Damen sighed and said, “If he can come, I’ll bring him.I really have to go now, Dad.”

“See you tomorrow, son.”

“Yeah.See you.”Damen hung up and then immediately texted Laurent, hardly caring that he might not have his phone on him, hardly caring that if they both disappeared it would seem suspicious, hardly caring that Laurent’s uncle—whose name was apparently Richard—would take it as a personal slight.

_D: I’m on the balcony in the library.Get the fuck over here.Now._

 

Laurent was getting tired of holding Damen’s drink.He was tired of waiting for Damen to come back while talking to Nikandros and Nicaise, who were perfectly happy chatting among themselves.It was nice to see Nicaise getting along with yet another person and Laurent understood why him of all people as he listened.He was a lot like Damen, but the edges weren’t nearly as rounded and he lived to entertain, jokes flying from his mouth at a rapid pace.

His pocket buzzed and he tried to think of who it could be.Coming up empty, he handed both his drink and Damen’s to Nicaise and looked at it.

_D: I’m on the balcony in the library.Get the fuck over here.Now._

“Make sure he doesn’t drink any of that,” Laurent said to Nikandros and then Laurent left the sitting room, crossing the foyer and down a small hallway just off the door that most missed.At the end of it was the library and there was Damen, framed in the open balcony, head tilted up towards the sky.

He was beautiful.Laurent tried not to think about why he’d been called here in such expressive terms, because he wanted this conversation to be pleasant.No other part of the evening was going to be.

“What’s going on?” Laurent said, as he moved to stand beside him on the balcony, leaning his elbows on the banister.

“My dad just called.”

“Fascinating.”

“It was, actually.He said something about a Richard calling and telling him that I had a boyfriend and now they want to meet said boyfriend.Since I’m not in a relationship, I think my dad must be referring to you,” Damen said.

“That fucking bastard,” Laurent murmured.“You and your friends should leave.This is going to turn very unpleasant.”

“Okay, just…it’s not a big deal.But why?Why did your uncle do that?”

“Do you want every reason or just the top five?”

“Top five, I guess.”

“He likes to control my life in any way he can.It’s his way of demonstrating his power and whenever I do something that irritates him, it undermines that power, so he does something in return, something that typically reinstates his control.He’s hoping you’ll leave me—leave our agreement—now that it’s been further complicated.After all, this was something you didn’t agree to.”

“What happens if I leave?” Damen asked.

Laurent shrugged, staring out into the darkness, populated with shadows of trees.“I get reprimanded for miscalculating.I take Vannes instead—someone suitable that won’t be met with the same disapproval—and I find something else to irritate my uncle with.”

“What an asshole,” Damen murmured.There was something in his voice.Laurent thought he might actually be angry.

“I didn’t know you could think less of people.Well, people besides me, that is.”

“I don’t think less of you, Laurent.Most of the time.  Okay, I admit it's been a recent development.”

His chest felt tight at those words and he laughed softly to release the tension, hoping Damen wouldn’t find out just how much he’d delighted in them.Knowing what he had to ask, he allowed some of his walls to fall, so he could let a sliver of the real Laurent out into the world.“Will you stay with me?”

“You want me to?”

Countless scathing remarks burst into the forefront of his mind.There were so many to choose from and yet Laurent found himself choosing something different, something softer.“I do.”

“Why?”

Laurent grimaced.“I’d rather not answer that.”

“Too bad.”

“Is that your price?”

Damen turned to face him, waiting to speak until Laurent did the same, their eyes meeting.There were lots of things Laurent wanted to say, but couldn’t, because they admitted too much, they showed Damen just how broken he was.How did you tell someone that it was a price you would pay, but that it was too much?That trust would be lost and that it would result in Laurent being even more confused about just who and what Damen was to him.

Somehow, though, Damen must have managed to latch onto something in his eyes, because he said, “No.I’m not going to leave.You’re going to have to come meet my family tomorrow, though.Unless you have something pressing to do.”

“If they’re not my uncle, I can handle it.”

“They’re not your uncle,” Damen smiled.Then he held out his hand and said, “Friends?”

“You don’t want to be my friend.”How could he not see that by now?How could he not see that they couldn’t be, not ever, because if they did, it was all over.Laurent knew himself well enough to know that if they grew to care about each other, he would fall in love and ruin everything.

“Friends?” 

There was no resisting him.Laurent tried not to smile and shook Damen’s hand.“You’re stubborn.”

“Sounds like something you appreciate.”

“Admire, anyway,” Laurent said.“We should head back.I can promise you I’m already in trouble, but the longer we’re here, the worse it gets.”

“Great,” Damen sighed, heading into the library and waiting for Laurent, before he closed up the balcony doors and locked them.When he turned and saw Laurent waiting for him, he said, “Don’t pick a fight with your uncle.Not for me.I can fight my own battles.”

Laurent laughed.It was adorable that he thought he could fight against his uncle.“If you insist.Let me know how that goes,” Laurent replied.

“I will.”

Laurent kept laughing until they were back in the sitting room and his uncle strolled over right away, Jokaste following.Her eyes were tight, but otherwise her face was calm.She was as good as him.Laurent briefly wondered why that was a skill she’d needed to develop.

“Where were you two?” Laurent’s uncle asked pleasantly.

“My father called,” Damen smiled.“It’s Christmas Eve.I thought I should take the call.It is a family holiday after all.When I hung up, I had Laurent come and explain to me why my father thought I had a boyfriend.Turns out I have you to thank for my new relationship status.”

Everyone in the room went still.Everyone except Nikandros, that is.He slapped Damen on the arm with the back of his hand and grinned, murmuring, “That’s my boy.”Of course, because it suddenly went quiet, everyone heard and Nikandros flushed lightly when eyes flicked his way.

It was interesting watching his uncle’s face.Nobody ever came right out and said what they thought—not to him—but Laurent thought he might have to adapt the strategy because it took awhile for his uncle to cultivate a response.This was perhaps the reason his uncle had chosen the company he had throughout his life.Polite rules of society prevented things like this from happening.

“I only thought…”

“I don’t care what you thought,” Damen interrupted smoothly, stepping closer and puffing out his chest.Physically, he was huge and right now, it felt like he was consuming the entire room.“Whatever polite excuse you come up with doesn’t matter because I know that you were being a dick to Laurent.To be fair, I don’t know what’s going on with you two—maybe he deserves it—but as far as I can tell, he doesn’t.I want you to know that he’s coming to meet my family tomorrow and that whatever you do, I will continue to pretend to be his boyfriend as long as he needs me to, because something tells me that fighting alone against you is very difficult and unfair.”

“Well,” Laurent said, smirking and not bothering to hide it, “I think I’d like to have dinner now.How does that sound, Uncle?”

“Of course,” his uncle said, staring at Damen with sudden interest, “I’ll go and alert the staff that we’re ready.”The look scared Laurent, but he was trying not to think about it, because Damen had put him in a good mood.

When he left the room, Nicaise held out both of his hands to Damen.Damen high-fived them while Nicaise said, “That was the most fucking awesome thing I’ve ever seen.Keep doing it.”

“You’ve made an enemy,” Jokaste said lightly.She kept peering at the door his uncle had exited through and it looked as though her drink could slip through her fingers at any moment.

“Who cares?” Nikandros asked.“That was so badass.Although, what the fuck was it about?”

“Dad called,” Damen said.“He thinks Laurent is my boyfriend.Laurent’s uncle called him and told him that.”

“But why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jokaste asked.“He doesn’t like Laurent and Damen together and he thought Damen would back out of the agreement if his family was suddenly involved, like most sane people would.I think he thinks you can threaten his hold on Laurent and Nicaise, Damen.I think, now, he’s even more aware of that possibility because you stood by Laurent.”

Laurent decided then that he liked her.Somehow, in the amount of time it took to finish a drink, she had discerned some of the inner workings of his family.Not to mention, her analysis wasn’t an option he had considered before now and it was something to dwell on. 

“And anyone who stands by me is delusional in his mind,” Laurent added.

“Well he should stop fucking with his own family,” Damen murmured.“Who does that?”

“You would be surprised,” Jokaste sighed, staring at Damen with a mixture of love and irritation.Clearly trusting people blindly was an issue they had discussed before and Damen had yet to change his mind about it.

Mildly curious, Laurent asked, “You’re the type of person that trusts everyone unless they’ve given you a reason not to, aren’t you?”

“Is that a problem?”

They were staring at each other and Laurent could feel his entire body warming.This was so dangerous because every time their eyes met, Laurent knew that Damen was seeing a part of him no one else could see.It was like he had x-ray vision specially designed just for Laurent.

This was dangerous because it was a complete loss of control.And yet, he still had no remedy for it.He wanted it too much.

“No,” Laurent managed.“It’s brave.”Then, after a brief pause where he could feel everyone watching him, he said, “We should head to the dining room.I except Uncle is ready for us.”

They all gathered together in solidarity and followed Damen’s lead, heading into the dining room, which was open to the kitchen and had an arched entrance in the hallway.As Laurent was about to walk through, Nicaise tugged on his arm.

“What?”

“He’s not going to do anything to Damen, is he?”

“I don’t think so,” Laurent replied.

“But what if he does?”

“I’ll protect him.I swear,” Laurent said, holding out his pinky.Nicaise took it and shook.

Then he said, “I would’ve believed you anyway.‘It’s brave’?Really?I’ll admit that maybe Jokaste and Nikandros didn’t notice—okay and maybe Damen because he can be an idiot when it comes to relationships…the stories I’ve heard—but I noticed.You have a fucking crush on him.”

“That would make me an idiot.”

Nicaise shrugged.“I know you think so.”

“Why the hell was Damen telling you his relationship stories?” Laurent asked, trying to come up with anything that would pull the spotlight away from him.Even with Nicaise, this was not a conversation he wanted to have.Because he couldn’t deny it outright.It felt too big to lie about.

“Oh.I was curious and I spent an entire evening singing ‘Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer On the Wall’ until he broke down and told me.”

Suddenly, Damen appeared at the doorway and he flicked his eyes between the two of them curiously.“We’d noticed you two disappeared.Plotting, are we?”

“Always,” Nicaise smirked, slipping past Damen and into the dining room.When he had, he turned, made sure Laurent was looking at him and mouthed: _we are not finished with this conversation._

“And you’re still plotting,” Damen smiled, blocking the doorway with his frame.Laurent gazed up at him and tried to keep his face neutral.Now that Nicaise had brought up his crush on Damen, it was all he could think about.It was easy when he was standing there, smiling, looking as though there were nowhere else in the world he wanted to be, even when his best friends were just feet away.

“No, just talking about you.”

“Oh really?”

This, in fact, felt suspiciously like flirting.Not that Laurent had a whole lot of experience in that area.Which was obvious to him, because his mind was racing a mile a minute and instead of saying something in an equally flirtatious tone, he said, “You’re blocking the door.”

At least it wasn’t rude.

At least he hadn’t flirted back.That was not something he wanted to do.

Something unreadable flickered on Damen’s face before he sighed and moved out of the way, gesturing with a hand for Laurent to proceed first.

Everyone was seated when he came in and he crossed the room to his usual spot, to the left of his uncle.It landed him right next to Jokaste, who smiled kindly, but stared at him with cruelly inquisitive eyes.

Despite that and the presence of his uncle, the dinner flowed smoothly.Many of the occupants were busy analyzing each other, but it didn’t turn hostile like Laurent had thought it might.Apparently, his uncle had decided on gathering more information before making another move.Damen had definitely caught him off guard; a near miracle.

The food was excellent and by the time dinner was winding down, everyone was comfortable enough to thank Laurent’s uncle for the invitation and the dinner and to fondly describe just how full they were.His uncle accepted the thanks gratefully and told everyone that he had to retire to his office and make some calls, but that they were free to stay as long as they liked.

“Would all of you like to stay?” Laurent asked, a fantasy playing through his mind of Jokaste and Nikandros leaving, but letting Damen stay behind. 

Nikandros pursed his lips for a moment, as though thinking, and then said, “Yeah, no.I mean, you’re not horrible, but I fucking hate your uncle.He makes me feel like bugs are crawling under my skin when he looks at me.I need a shower.”

Laurent understood that feeling.So did Nicaise, apparently, because he nodded at Nikandros vigorously.

“The dress, while beautiful, is getting old,” Jokaste said, backing Nikandros up.

“I guess we’ll go, then,” Damen sighed.“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, Laurent.It’s a breakfast thing, so it’ll probably be early, if that’s okay.”Laurent thought maybe Damen’s eyes lingered on him a little longer than necessary.

“Early is fine.”

They all walked to the door together and Laurent and Nicaise stood in the doorway, watching as Damen and his friends walked to his car and then drove away.It was silent for a moment and then Nicaise said, “You’re so totally into him.”

“Can we have this conversation where it’s warm?”

“I suppose, but you can’t run.”

“Do you want to bet?” Laurent asked, closing the door and then taking off, leaping up the stairs two at a time, before rushing into his bedroom and slamming the door just before Nicaise got there.

“Well that was extremely childish,” Nicaise said through the wood.

“You said I couldn’t run.”

“Do you really not want to talk about this?”

“Why in the hell would I want to talk to my thirteen year old nephew about this?”

“Because,” Nicaise said, obviously rolling his eyes judging by the tone, “I know him.I know what it will take for him to feel the same way about you.Hell, I’ll be able to tell when he does.”

“Nicaise…”

“He doesn’t scare easily.”

Laurent leaned his forehead against the door.“It doesn’t matter,” he said, hoping his words were loud enough to hear.He was having a hard time summoning the strength to talk.All he wanted was to crawl into bed and listen to the rain splatter against the windows and roof.“Whatever he could end up feeling.I will never be in a relationship with him and that is final.Are we clear?”

“Auguste would want you to be happy.”

“I don’t fucking care.He’s dead.”As always, a piece of his soul ripped off and flew away as he said it.It never got easier to admit.

“I want you to be happy.”

“You will not mention a word of this to Damen.Not a fucking word, or so help me god Nicaise, you will regret it.”

There was silence from the other side of the door and Laurent slammed his hand hard against the wall, making it throb and turn pink.Swearing, he left and went to lay on his bed.As he tried to calm himself down enough to think, there was a knock on the door.

“What does it take to make you understand I want you to leave me alone?” Laurent called.

Nicaise opened the door and stepped in.“I’m sorry,” he murmured.“I didn’t want to fight.I just…you are into him, right?”

Laurent closed his eyes, swallowed, and tried to think his way out, but he couldn’t because he was so emotional.It was the one problem with fighting with Nicaise.They’d been together long enough that Nicaise knew exactly what to do if he wanted to get to a place where Laurent had no walls.“Yes,” he breathed.“I have been for almost a year.”

“What?”

Laurent nodded, his head throbbing.“It was manageable then.But now…well…”

It was clear that Nicaise’s mind flashed to the party they had attended and the ones they were going to attend.Laurent was sure his imagination was running wild with all the things they could’ve done and could do in the future.In a quiet voice, Nicaise asked, “Then why the fuck did you ask him to be your date?”

“I was angry and I made a bad decision.”

Nicaise moved closer and crawled onto Laurent’s bed.With a gentleness not typical to him, he placed his hands on either side of Laurent’s head and guided it into his lap.Then he stroked Laurent’s hair and hummed the lullaby Auguste had hummed Nicaise when he was a baby, the lullaby Auguste had hummed Laurent whenever Laurent was scared or couldn’t sleep.It was something old and Celtic.Neither of them knew the words.Auguste had known.

When he finished, Nicaise said, “You’re fucked.”

“A succinct summary.Could you leave me alone, please?”

“Yeah,” Nicaise whispered.“Uh…have fun tomorrow.”

Laurent laughed humorlessly.“I’ll do that.”

Nicaise hopped off the bed and strolled out of the room.When the audience was gone, Laurent felt his thoughts still.He wished it was the good kind of still, the kind that allowed for productive thought, but it wasn’t.

With easy grace, he slipped off the bed, crossed the room, grabbed a lamp and hurled it across the room.It shattered and the pieces of ceramic and glass littered the floor.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First day of a new school term today...in summary, this is about all I can manage and I'll get to comments tomorrow, cuz I'm about collapse on the floor for eternity.  
> Also, I forget that there's probably a few new people...if you ever want to contact me, I'm super accessible on tumblr @itsthegameilike  
> Now that that's out of the way, thank you so much, as always. You guys make this so easy.  
> And thank you to Mari, who never fails to be the most awesome person.  
> Enjoy! I'm actually quite fond of this chapter, so I hope you guys are too. A lot, however subtle or not subtle, changes here for our boys. <3

Damen got out of his car and walked to the front door of the deVere mansion, a slight hop to his step.He wasn’t sure how pleasant the day would be, but it was reassuring to know that he and Laurent were on good terms.There was hope that it would be much less painful than the first go around had been.

Part of that hope was shattered when Damen saw Laurent.His clothes were as impeccable as always, but there were dark circles under his eyes, which weren’t as bright as usual.He stayed silent as they got into his car, but when they were on the road and driving towards his parents’—they had a house in the nearby suburb of Lake Oswego—he said, “Have a rough night?”

“You could say that.”

“Did your uncle take the shit I said out on you?”

“No,” Laurent said.“Don’t feel bad about what you said.Someone needed to say it.”

“Okay, so, this is a moment when I should stop asking questions, right?”

Laurent smiled and Damen felt something in him settle.“You’re learning,” Laurent said.

“I’m trying.”

“So,” Laurent said, “What should I expect?”

“Lots of food, my mom asking way too many personal questions—don’t worry, I’ll deflect them for you—my half-brother, who I’m currently not talking to, and my dad, who is still shocked that I’m bisexual…five years later.He might act strange, but don’t worry about it.He won’t say anything offensive.Oh, and presents.Lots of presents.In fact, I’d count on there being something for you, too.”

“Why aren’t you talking to your half-brother?”

“He fucked Jokaste.While we were dating.”

“So why are you talking to her?” Laurent asked.Judging by his expression, he was wondering why Damen had revealed such private information in the first place.The truth was, most everyone in his life knew, even Nicaise.

“A host of reasons.We lived in the same house, I still loved her for a few months after, she’s very convincing, and she apologized profusely, despite knowing we were over.Kastor didn’t apologize—he gloated, actually—and he doesn’t seem to care that we don’t talk, so I haven’t tried to fix it.”Whenever he saw Kastor, he wanted to fix it.It was easier to recall the times when they’d shot hoops or gotten drunk together, then the one time he’d fucked up—a memory Damen was still trying to actively block.

“So there is someone you don’t trust.”

Damen glanced at Laurent and laughed.“I suppose.I still love him, though, despite all that.”

“Why?You do realize that you don’t have to love your family, right?There’s no law written down.You shouldn’t have to care about them if they treat you like shit.”

Damen shrugged.“You’re probably right.Doesn’t change anything.”

They pulled of the freeway and Damen watched as the familiar markers of his childhood passed by his window.There was the place he and his family got Christmas trees, there was the building his father worked, there was the roundabout that Nikandros had crashed in.Without even realizing it, Damen found himself narrating exactly what he was seeing to Laurent.

When they were five minutes from his house, Laurent said, “And did you take a piss there?” pointing to the sidewalk.

“You could’ve just told me to shut up.”

“Don’t stop on my account.You sound like you enjoy listening to yourself talk.”

So Damen didn’t.He pointed out his high school, told Laurent when they entered downtown, told him how much money he still owed to the library as they passed that, and then they were at his house.The driveway was small, but it was huge and white, with modern edges and slopes.

“Your parents aren’t poor.”

“No,” Damen said.“It’s hard to live in Lake Oswego and be poor.”

“Why didn’t they buy you a suit?”

“Regretting your assistance?”

“Possibly.”

Damen laughed and got out of the car.Before Laurent got out, he’d crossed the driveway and opened the door for him.Laurent gave him a strange look and Damen shrugged.“I thought I’d start getting us in the mood.”

“Well, then, thank you, pumpkin.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh, I know,” Laurent said, stepping out of the car.He stared up at the house for a moment and then headed towards the door.Damen followed, leaning forward, his chest brushing Laurent’s shoulder as he knocked on the door.

Within seconds, the door was flung open and in a burst of perfume, his mother launched forward and pulled him into a ferocious hug.Laurent landed halfway in it, not quite escaping in time.His body was incredibly tense against Damen’s, but he didn’t utter a word in complaint, for which Damen was grateful.

“Hi, Mom,” he mumbled, patting her back.“Could you stop crushing my boyfriend, maybe?”

“I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed, stepping back.Her eyes landed on Laurent and she beamed, sighing dreamily.“Oh, you’re a beautiful boy.Honey,” she called back into the house, “Our son has the most beautiful boyfriend.Come in, darling, and Merry Christmas,” she said, with a wink.

Damen burst into laughter at the look on Laurent’s face.“Just go along with it,” Damen whispered into his ear.“She’ll be like this the entire time.”

“I thought people like this only existed in movies,” Laurent whispered back, as they walked through the door together, Damen’s mother still beaming at them, as if walking through the door were some sort of god-like triumph.

Damen just smiled and helped Laurent with his jacket, before removing his own.Without a thought, he turned to the left and disappeared into the kitchen.Laurent would be fine with his mom.She’d be careful right now, not wanting to scare him away.

“Hey, Dad,” he grinned, moving in for a quick hug.“What’re you cooking?”

“All of your favorites.Where’s this beautiful boy I heard your mother screaming about?”

“With her.”

“You’re pure evil.You’ll never get to see him again and I won’t get to meet him.”

“Oh, she’ll give him back eventually,” Damen said.Then, with as even a tone as he could manage, he asked, “Where’s Kastor?”

“He isn’t here yet.Didn’t even want to come.He’s such a child sometimes.”

“Dad…”

“You know how I feel about not owning up to your mistakes.Your brother is doing a piss poor job of acting like a member of this family.”

“You’re not seriously going to make me defend him, are you?” Damen sighed.

“Let’s talk about something else then.How’s work?”

“Same as always.Kids get hurt, I patch them up.There’s this one kid, Stephen, who has horrible nose bleeds and they happen all the time.We’re becoming pretty close these days.”

“Nose bleeds,” his dad scoffed.“These children should learn to grow a pair.”

“Jesus, Dad.He’s ten.”

“I’m just saying.”

“You’re always just saying,” his mom replied, entering the kitchen with a bemused Laurent by her side.Catching the look, she said, “Oh, darling, you can go back to Damen.I’ll let you get more used to me before we go another round.”

Laurent strolled over and nestled himself into the space right next to Damen.Tilting his head downwards, Damen whispered, “You survived.”

“How does one person have so many questions?” Laurent whispered back, his head tilted up and his lips right next to Damen’s ear.Turning his head, Damen met Laurent’s eyes and his stomach flipped at just how close they were.

“Wow, hi,” he said, nonsensically.

“I’ve been told you can drown in my eyes.Finding it difficult to breathe yet?”

He was, actually.Deciding not to dwell on that, Damen just laughed.Laurent was giving him another searching look, so he focused his attention back on his parents.His mom was staring at the two of them and smiling.“Welcome back to our world,” she said.

“This is horrifying,” Laurent murmured.

“It’s not your uncle.”

“I’m not sure which is worse.”

“Oh my god, Laurent, you’re fine.”

“I don’t think they’re back yet, honey,” Damen’s dad said.

“Would you two stop?” Damen asked.“At this rate, he’s going to break up with me and run screaming from the house.”

“That boy is not breaking up with you in any universe,” his mom said.

Damen rolled his eyes, thinking about how ridiculous all of this was.They weren’t even dating and yet, his mom thought she saw something significant.Laurent’s acting skills must be incredible.

“This is worse,” Laurent said.

Damen laughed again and stared at Laurent.In a loud voice and with Nikandros level drama, he said, “You’re never going to break up with me, right, sweetheart?You and me forever, baby.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“How do you like your eggs, Laurent?” Damen’s dad asked.“My son likes them so dry they could be sand in a desert.Please tell me you like them differently so that I can actually eat eggs the way they’re meant to be eaten.”

“Dry as a desert?” Laurent asked, eyes bright and shining.“You’re such a heathen.I prefer them a little moist, sir.And with cheese.”

“A man after my own heart.”

“I’m not going to be able to eat them,” Damen complained.

“Grow up, son.”

Damen sighed and he was about to sit down, so he could watch his dad cook, when his mom said, “Why don’t you give Laurent a tour, dear.There is more to this house than the kitchen.”

“You want a tour?”

“Of course he does.”

“Mom, you’re meddling again,” Damen said, raising his eyebrows questioningly at Laurent.With a small smile, Laurent nodded and held out his hand.It only took a second for Damen to remember his role and he took that hand in his, rubbing small circles with his thumb on the back of Laurent’s hand, trying to get him to release some of the tension inhabiting his every move.Tugging gently, Damen led him from the kitchen and into the living room next door.

“This is the living room,” Damen said, gesturing.“We watch TV in here.That’s about it.Sometimes we eat in here too, but my mom hates when we do that, so typically, it’s when she’s not here.”The couches were set up a little differently today to make up for the large tree in the corner with presents piled underneath.

He led Laurent through and out into a large hallway that was connected to the kitchen.There was a bathroom at the end of it, which he briefly showed Laurent, and then they circled back. 

Entering the sitting room to the right of the front door, he saw something in Laurent’s expression change.

“What?” Damen asked.

“Do you play?” Laurent said, pointing to the piano with his free hand.It was only then that Damen realized they were still holding hands when they probably didn’t need to.He thought about dropping Laurent’s hand, but it would be awkward and Laurent didn’t seem to notice or mind.

“I did when I was younger,” Damen replied.“But I was terrible so I quit pretty quick.Apparently, I have no musicality.My fingers are also kind of clumsy.My mom plays, though, and she’s very good.”

He still had that almost yearning look in his eyes and Damen said, “You play, don’t you?”

“Only a little.Auguste was better at it.”

It was rare that Laurent would discuss Auguste, so Damen held his tongue, hoping that Laurent would keep talking.He didn’t.Instead, he let go of Damen’s hand and moved forward gingerly, as if the piano were some wild animal.Carefully, he ran his hand up and down the keys, not pressing them down, and whispered, “It’s a beautiful instrument.”

“My mom takes good care of it.”

“Clearly.”Then Laurent sat down on the bench and played a few chords.His fingers were shaking slightly.

“When was the last time you touched a piano?” Damen asked softly.

“It’s been a long time.”That seemed to break the spell.He stood and walked away, instead looking at pictures up on the mantle of the fireplace.Most were from various vacations his family had gone on as a child.They weren’t anything special.Laurent seemed interested in them, though.When he returned his attention to Damen, he said, “You were an ugly child.”

“Thanks.It didn’t carry into adulthood, did it?”

Laurent gave him a dry look and then stalked off into the hallway, heading to a formal dining room that his family never used.There was an easel set up in the corner of it, in fact, with one of his father’s paintings on it.When Laurent saw it, he said, “That is terrible.”

Damen nodded.“My dad is awful at painting but he loves it.There’s an entire wall upstairs devoted to his works.My mom won’t let him get rid of them, says they’re labors of love and should be appreciated.In reality, they should probably be burned.”

“What’s it even supposed to be?”

“A bird, I think.He likes painting birds.”

“It looks like a yellow cucumber.”

Damen found himself laughing.It occurred to him that he should probably be offended and defending his father’s work, but it was hard, because Laurent’s words had no bite.It may have been an insult, but it just sounded like an observation that didn’t matter much.“Want to go upstairs?” Damen asked.

“Alright.”

As they headed up the stairs, Laurent stopped on each step to stare at the framed school portraits of both he and Kastor.“Kastor was an uglier child.”As they continued up and the pictures moved into high school, Laurent said, “Actually, he’s just unattractive.Is he not capable of smiling?”

“It’s not cool to smile, apparently.”

“He sounds like a winner.”

“You aren’t going to like him, but please remember to be nice.”

“Nice to a guy that fucked your ex-girlfriend?” Laurent asked, “I’m sure I’m more than capable.I’m so excellent at being nice to you, after all.”

Damen sighed.“Let’s make it up the stairs.”

But Laurent didn’t move.He kept staring at the pictures and then, very softly, he said, “They’re incredibly proud of you.”

“Yeah, well, they love me.”Laurent nodded and began to make his way up the remainder of the stairs.Damen tried not to think about the tinges of emotion in Laurent’s voice as he’d said that, tried not to think about what that meant.

Taking off on his own, Laurent began to explore the rooms, most of them bedrooms.There was a sort of bonus room with another TV and a bunch of gaming systems and then he came back, his face still.

“What’d you think?” Damen asked.

“Your room is the one in the corner, right?”

“Yeah.How’d you know?”

“It felt like you,” Laurent said cryptically, shoving past Damen and heading back down the stairs.By the time Damen collected himself enough to follow, Laurent had disappeared.Wandering into the kitchen, Damen was told by his mom that Laurent was in the bathroom.Damen sat at the small table beside the large window in their kitchen and watched his dad cook as he wondered if there was a way to get a closer look at Laurent’s brain without killing him.

 

Laurent stared at himself in the mirror.He looked as tired as he felt.If only there had been a way to refuse coming, because he wasn’t prepared for this today.This required a full ten hours of sleep, mental preparation, and a less fucked up person.The longer he spent in this house, the more he missed the family he had once had.Missing them like this was not something he had allowed for years and it was a heavy weight on his chest, one that felt like it was going to kill him.

He was distantly aware that he’d already spent too long in the bathroom, but he couldn’t leave.Because on top of missing Auguste, he was going to have to become the Laurent who was in a relationship with Damen.It was a version of himself he desperately wanted to be, but never could.  

There was a knock on the door.“I’ll be out in a second,” he called, still staring at himself.

“Listen,” Damen’s voice said, “I know something happened and that you need some time, but Kastor just arrived and I kind of need you.Or need you to let me in so that we can hide in the bathroom together.I’m alright with either option.”

Unable to resist Damen in this state, Laurent opened the door and beckoned him in before shutting it again.Damen went to sit on the toilet.

“I love this plan and everything, but we really do have to go back out there or my mom will kick my ass.”

“I know,” Laurent murmured.“I just need another minute.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”When he looked at Damen in the mirror, he noticed the flinch and realized he had said that too harshly.The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Damen.“I’m sorry,” he murmured.“I’m not myself today.”

“I don’t know.That kind of sounded like you.”

“Damen…”

“It’s fine,” Damen replied, his voice bitter.“I only thought I could help, but obviously that’s not something you would want from me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.I don’t know.”And it looked as if he really didn’t know.

“Ask your question,” Laurent said.

“What?”

“Ask your question,” he repeated through gritted teeth.If it was something he had to talk about, to clear a debt, he thought maybe he could.And, right now, it felt like something he needed to talk about.The pressure was only growing and he didn’t want to snap around Damen and his family.

“What’s going on and how can I help?” Damen asked, standing from the toilet and stepping closer.“That’s my question.”

“That’s two.”

“But I phrased it as one.”

“That’s cheating.”

“Still counts.”

“Fine,” Laurent said, taking a deep breath.He peered down into the sink and began talking.“I look around this house and all I can see is a family, one who loves each other unconditionally and I…I’m jealous.Not just jealous, it’s worse than that, because I used to have this.I used to and I hardly even remember it now.My parents died and then Auguste and his wife died and…I haven’t properly mourned them, you know.I never had the time and sometimes I’m hit with missing them and I can’t think.All I know is that I’m slowly suffocating.”

“And that’s how you feel right now.”

Laurent nodded.

“Time to answer part two of my question,” Damen whispered.

“I don’t know what will help.I’ve never accepted any before.Not that it’s been offered by anyone besides Nicaise, but…”

There was a long silence and then Damen tapped on his shoulder with a finger.Turning, Laurent stared up into Damen’s face.He expected pity, but he didn’t see any.All he saw was heartbreaking sadness, as though Laurent’s pain was his own.His hurt only grew because he realized then that it was hopeless.Everything he’d been trying to convince himself of, everything he’d been pretending he was capable of.No one had looked at him like this, no one had had this much compassion for him or had demonstrated this kind of empathy.Maybe he showed it to everyone, maybe he didn’t, but it hardly mattered, because Laurent felt his stomach do a flip, his heart pick up, and his chest contract and he knew that he’d lost.He was falling in love with Damen.Or just in love.What was the difference really?Life was about to become miserable.

“Can I give you a hug?” Damen asked.

Laurent didn’t even pause, because if he did, he would think about it too hard.He stepped forward and wound his arms around Damen’s waist, pressing his cheek into Damen’s chest, breathing him in just like he’d always wanted to.If he was fucked, he may as well enjoy it in the brief moments he was allowed to.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Damen said, but he reached down and returned the hug, nonetheless.“You know,” he murmured a few seconds later, “I wasn’t really sure how well the friend thing would go over, but this feels promising.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me?”

“Sounds like maybe I am,” Damen laughed. 

And he was.Laurent would never admit it out loud, but a lot of the pressure was gone.Before the hug went on long enough to give away more than Laurent was willing to give away, he stepped out and said, “Are you appeased now?”

“Did it help?”

“Sure.”

Damen sighed and said, “Well, I don’t really have time to keep trying.Ready to meet Kastor?”

Laurent stood up straight and nodded.“Oh, yes.I think I am.”

“Lord, this is going to be a nightmare,” Damen murmured.“But here we go.”He opened the door of the bathroom and stepped out, offering his hand to Laurent.

“Holding hands, are we?” Laurent asked, taking it, not even attempting to pretend he didn’t feel sparks fly up his arm.

Damen said, “I’ll let you in on a secret, Laurent, because you let me in on one.I’m terrified.Not of him, but of myself and what I might do.So I kind of need to be holding a hand.It grounds me.Besides,” he continued, flashing Laurent a brilliant smile, “we’re on a date, you’re meeting my family, and you’re totally in love with me, remember?”

“Right,” Laurent said, hoping he didn’t sound breathless.He’d tried really hard not to.

Damen wasn’t tipped off and Laurent breathed a sigh of relief as they wandered back to the kitchen, where there was now food on the table and a strange man sitting at the table.He looked a bit like Damen, especially in the nose and the physical build, but the way he held himself was completely different.He wasn’t self-confident like Damen and there was no hint of a smile on his face.He was like Laurent in that.

“You must be Kastor,” he said, his voice menacing.This was better then a hug or a hand holding his.Sometimes he wished taking other people apart didn’t make him feel better, because he knew that good people didn’t do it, but it really did.

“You must be the boyfriend,” Kastor sighed, extending his hand.

“I am,” Laurent smiled, shaking it.He made sure his eyes told Kastor exactly what he knew.

“Don’t worry,” Kastor said, “I won’t fuck you.I’m much straighter than my brother.”

“Kastor!” Damen’s mom said.“You will show some goddamn manners or we will go to your room and have a very long chat.It won’t be pleasant.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Laurent said, leaning forward, so only he and Kastor and maybe Damen could hear, “I bet I could make you interested.After all, I do look a lot like her.”

There was an earnest tug on his hand.Laurent swiveled his head to catch Damen’s eyes.Damen shook his head.

“At least she wasn’t my brother’s bitch,” Kastor replied.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“At least she wasn’t my brother’s bitch,” Kastor said louder and Laurent grinned.Right on time, Damen’s mom chimed in with another scolding and an order to follow her upstairs.Kastor’s eyes widened in surprise, before he stood, shoulders hunched, and walked away.

“What did I tell you?” Damen sighed.

“I’m sorry.I don’t listen well.”

“That’s bullshit.You’re just hurt so you’re taking it out on everyone else.”

How had he figured Laurent out so quickly?Sighing, Laurent said, “I don’t want to fight.If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Then, please god, stop.”

“Fine.”

“Thank you,” Damen smiled, brushing Laurent’s cheek with the pad of his thumb.Unwittingly, Laurent flinched away.Desperately, he tried to settle his desire to flee.People didn’t flinch when their boyfriends touched them.When he met Damen’s eyes with renewed control, Damen caressed his cheekbone one more time and this time, Laurent let himself enjoy it.It was gentle, soft, and…loving.God, he was so fucked.

“Why don’t you two eat?” Damen’s dad asked.“Those two will be awhile.I’m sorry, Laurent.I wish you didn’t have to witness the travesty that is my eldest son.”

“What have I told you about favoritism, Dad?” Damen asked.

“Kastor cannot blame his problems on me.”

“I bet you he can,” Damen mumbled, letting go of Laurent’s hand so he could help himself to eggs, toast, bacon, and hash browns.It was quite the meal and Laurent’s stomach grumbled in anticipation.

When Damen finished loading his plate, Laurent followed, smiling in thanks to Damen’s father, who smiled back and gave an encouraging slap to Laurent’s shoulder.It was overwhelming, this kind of easy acceptance and Laurent began to understand just how Damen ticked.Being raised in this kind of family would make it possible for him to extend the same acceptance to others.

“Have some more, son,” Damen’s dad said, when he saw what Laurent had served himself.“You’re a growing boy, like Damen.You can eat as much as you like.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Oh, call me Theo.”

“Thank you, Theo,” Laurent amended, piling some more eggs onto his plate.He was fervently wishing that this was real and that Theo and his wife weren’t going to be duly disappointed when he and Damen had some amicable break up in the future.He wished he could tell him that it was all a lie and not worth their time.

“You’re very welcome.”

Laurent went to sit beside Damen at the table, knocking elbows with him as he sat.For a moment, he watched as Damen practically inhaled his food, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous he was.

“What?” Damen asked.“It’s not often I get home-cooked meals.”

“Nothing.It’s just…”Never in his life would the word cute or adorable come from his mouth.Trying to think of a suitable alternative proved to be difficult, though, so Laurent just left the sentence hanging.Damen grinned, seeming to understand, before he shoveled more food into his mouth.

Theo sat down across from him with his own breakfast, eating in a similar fashion to Damen.Deciding it was better to eat then stare, Laurent gathered a small portion on his fork and ate it, mouth closed.He swallowed, paused, and then went in for a second one.

“Lord,” Theo said, “Are you from eighteenth century England?”

“Leave his eating habits alone, Dad.”

“No,” Laurent replied, “But I’m from a family of what this country typically calls the elite.The snobbishly rich.What have you.”

“Ah,” Theo nodded.“They’re still stuffy, are they?”

“Quite.”

“Sucks for you.”

Laurent laughed.“Typically, yes.Though I don’t want for much.”

“I like this boy,” Theo said, pointing his fork at Damen.“You’ve done well, son.He’s very grounded.His head is not in the clouds.That’s the kind of person you’ve always needed.”

“Glad you think so, Dad.I’m rather fond of him.”

Laurent smiled softly, taking a bite of the hash browns.They were seasoned perfectly and he resisted the urge to moan.

The rest of the breakfast passed pleasantly.Halfway through, Kastor and Damen’s mom came back down, served themselves and sat quietly until there was a break in the conversation.Then Kastor apologized—though it didn’t look like he meant it—and Damen’s mom burst enthusiastically into the conversation, choosing to ask questions about Laurent’s entire schooling history, for whatever reason.

After breakfast, they washed plates, Laurent moving to help because it was the polite thing to do, and then they all filed into the living room.To Laurent’s surprise, nobody sat on the numerous couches.Instead, they found a spot on the floor beside the tree and sat in a close knit circle.Wanting to irritate Kastor—who he sensed wasn’t very open to gay relationships—and feeling bold, Laurent settled himself on the floor in front of Damen, pushed his legs open with a flirtatious smile and then nestled close, so his back was pressed to Damen’s chest.Damen didn’t complain and his hand fell easily to Laurent’s stomach, pulling him in tighter.Every nerve ending in his body was on fire.

“You keep surprising me,” Damen whispered.

“The day I’m predictable, shoot me in the head.”

Laurent caught a disgusted glare from Kastor and he smiled back happily.Damen’s mom acted as Santa, picking presents up from under the tree and delivering them to their recipient.Because Damen’s hands weren’t easily available, he had Laurent open all his gifts, as well as his own—a fancy box of chocolates. 

Laurent found himself having fun.Actual, real life fun.While he and Nicaise would get each other presents, they rarely wrapped them and his uncle sure as hell didn’t get him anything.He’d forgotten how joyful it was to tear paper and bows from boxes.

For the most part, Damen got clothes.Altogether boring, but he seemed pleased.Apparently, he didn’t go shopping for himself.It didn’t surprise Laurent in the slightest.

“Hey,” Damen whispered, when they were watching Kastor unwrap something, “Can you move?I’ve got to run to the car really quick.”

“But I’m so comfortable.”

“Don’t be difficult.”

Laurent smirked and slid across the floor and to the side, so that he was leaning against the wall beside Damen.Damen pecked him on the temple and then jogged out of the room, waving away his mom’s complaint about missing out on family time.

When he came back, his arms were loaded with presents.He handed three to his mom, two to his dad, and two to Kastor.Then one he gave to Laurent, biting his lip, and scrunching his nose in worry.

Knowing that a boyfriend wouldn’t be surprised to receive a gift, Laurent tamped down on his own surprise, accepting it gratefully.“Damen,” he said, “would you mind fetching my jacket for me?”

Damen’s eyebrows furrowed, but he left and brought it into the living room.Reaching deep into one of the pockets, Laurent pulled out a small wrapped gift and handed it to Damen.He’d gotten it as a thank you, but this seemed an appropriate time to give it.Damen was much worse at disguising his surprise.“Wow, Laurent.Thank you.”

“Open it before you thank me.”

“You first.”

Laurent rolled his eyes, but did as he was told, tearing off the paper, which was surprisingly well wrapped up, and opened up the box it covered.Inside was a framed picture.He looked about eleven and he was standing with one arm wrapped around Auguste and another wrapped around his mother, a lovely, but frail women.Even then, she’d been dying of cancer.Laurent could tell because she was lying her head on his dad’s shoulder, not because she loved him—though she did—but because she was tired.

It was from their vacation to Hawaii.His mother’s dying wish for their family.He hadn’t seen this picture in ages.With a careful finger, he traced Auguste’s head, and had a brief flash of he and Auguste chasing each other across the beaches, trying to fling seaweed at each other.It was half a year before he found his future wife.A few weeks before his nineteenth birthday.

“How did you get this?” Laurent whispered, still staring at it.

He could hear the nervousness in Damen’s voice as he answered.“Nicaise mentioned that neither of you had many pictures of your family, because…well, because of your uncle, so I may have broke into his office.With Nicaise’s help.We were bored.And then we may have searched and searched until we found one.This is what we found.”

“You…I’m sorry, you did what?”

Damen scratched the back of his head.“Well, uh…”

“Never mind,” Laurent interrupted.“It doesn’t matter.I…I can’t believe you did that for me.Thank you.”

“You like it?”

“I love it,” Laurent whispered.

“Oh thank god.”

“Well, open yours.”

Damen shot him a smile and then unwrapped a much littler box.Waiting anxiously for his reaction, Laurent saw him pick up the piece of paper and read it.It wasn’t anywhere near as good as Damen’s gift to him, but he was hoping it was enough.When Damen finished, he beamed, leaning over and kissing Laurent on the cheek again.Then, into his ear, he whispered, “Are you serious?This place is ridiculously fancy.”

“Yes.It’s all payed for.You can just call, tell them your name, and they’ll work out a time with you.I’ve paid for the wine pairing, so make sure you do that as well.I thought the four of you might like to do something nice together.Nikandros does have a boyfriend, right?”

“Yes, Jord,” Damen smiled.“Oh god, they’ll all love this, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.Enjoy the restaurant.”

“I’m sure we will.”

“Are you two done over there?” Damen’s dad called.

Damen laughed.“Yes, sorry, guys.You know how it is being in love.”

Damen’s mom sighed, leaning her head in her hand.“Oh, darling,” she said, turning to her husband, “Can you imagine what it would be like to get that wrapped up in each other again?I can’t remember the last time we were with people, but in our own little world.”

“But we get the security and domestic bliss.”

“True,” she replied.

Kastor looked at Damen and said, “Thanks for the shit, bro.”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t…”

“I know,” Damen replied.“That’s okay.You don’t really know me anymore, so I probably wouldn’t like it anyway.”

“Damen,” Damen’s mother sighed, “I wish you’d…”

“You know I can’t.Not until he admits it was wrong.”

Laurent cleared his throat.“I don’t want to intrude, but perhaps you could do this when I’m not here?”

“Of course, of course.Laurent is right,” Theo said, standing and cleaning up all of the wrapping paper.Laurent stood as well to help and pretty soon after, they were ushered out of the house, likely to avoid a fight between Kastor and Damen, which looked more and more imminent the longer they stayed in the same room together.When the door was closed behind them, Damen said, “Well, that could’ve been worse.”

“Thank god you had a hand to hold,” Laurent drawled.

“You have no idea.”Then they got in the car and Damen drove him home.

 

“Did you have an alright time?” Damen asked, having walked Laurent to the door.

“I did.”

That was a relief.His family was a lot and typically, they scared people away.They’d done that to Jokaste the first time she’d met them.Although, maybe he was coping because they weren’t actually dating and he didn’t have to associate with Damen’s family ever again.

“So I’ll see you New Year’s Eve,” Damen replied.“Are you going to pick me up?”

“No need.The party is here.”He was about to knock on the door and have Carlos let him in, when he turned back around and said, “We’re friends, right?”

“Right,” Damen said, wondering where this was going.

“Okay.”

“What was that about?”

“If we’re friends, I expect you to treat me like one is all.I intend to do the same.”

Why were conversations with Laurent seemingly simple, but actually endlessly complicated?“What?” Damen asked, suddenly wishing for the ease of the morning, where they’d seemed to understand each other wordlessly and they’d held hands, cuddled, like it was nothing.

“You’re such an idiot,” Laurent groaned.“I mean that you can text me whenever.You can invite me to things, you can tell me stupid shit about your life.I can’t promise I’ll care, but I’ll listen.And I’ll do the same to you.”

“Okay, but…”

“I’m saying that I will see you New Year’s Eve, but that it is a week away and that if I want to see you before then, I’m going to see you.”

“Oh,” Damen said, finally understanding.It was good Laurent had made that explicit, because it was hard differentiating between their two roles sometimes and he was often left wondering what he was allowed when they weren’t pretending to be in love.“Okay,” he grinned.“I’ll text you, then.”

“Don’t abuse that power.”

“Never.Say hi to Nicaise for me.”

“You know I will,” Laurent replied, knocking and then stepping inside when the door swung open.“And Damen?”

“Yes?”

Something foreign flickered in Laurent’s face, but it was quickly shut down.“Thank you for today.In the bathroom.I…I think maybe I needed that.”

“Of course.I’m always here for you.That’s how being my friend works.”

“Then I’m glad I am one.Bye, Damen.”

“Bye.”

 

When Damen got home, he got out his phone and spammed Laurent with random emojis.It took awhile for a response to come, but it did.

_L: I take it all back.Go jump off a bridge for all I care._

Once, Damen would’ve thought that was genuine, but now he knew better.There was no bite behind those words and looking back, there was no bite to most of the words Laurent had ever said to him.He wasn’t cruel or rude, he simply kept people at a distance.For the first time since they’d met, Damen wanted to bridge that gap and discover what it was like to get the unfiltered truth.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updating this early again. This chapter is dedicated to @ginevre. I hope tomorrow is better and I hope this helps.  
> As always, thank you to every single one of you. The transformative affect (effect? yes even after years and explanations and so much writing I still never know for sure) you have on my life is incredible and I'm so grateful.  
> Thank you to Mari as well. I love you and I wish I could be there with you.  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen, Nikandros, and Jord were on the couch and watching a movie.Or, at least, Damen was trying.Nikandros and Jord had given up about ten minutes in, choosing to cuddle and look at things on each other’s phones instead.The movie was absolutely terrible, so it was hard to blame him.

After another unnecessary explosion, Damen sighed and pulled out his own phone.Sooner or later, Jord would notice that no one was watching and would suggest another movie, but until then he needed to entertain himself with something else.He supposed he could change the movie himself, but that would require moving from the couch.He considered his options, but ultimately decided to text Laurent.It had been two days since breakfast with his parents and besides the emoji spamming, neither one of them had texted the other.He was curious if Laurent had meant what he said.

_D: What’s up with you?_

_L: Why?_

Damen smiled, happy to receive such a quick response, especially since Laurent probably hadn’t gotten home from work all that long ago.

_D: Because that’s the kind of things friends ask each other, stupid_

_L: Nothing, really.I’m eating dinner and reading a book._

_D: Where’s Nicaise?_

_L: Nowhere.He’s doing the same thing._

_D: Strange_

_L: Well what are you doing that’s so much better?_

_D: Haha wellllllll I’m watching a terrible movie, actually_

_D: Watching is probably the wrong word_

_L: Sounds like what you’re doing is a lot stranger._

_D: Yeah.I should change it.I’ll let you guys do your eating and reading thing in peace_

_L: Alright_

Sighing, Damen set down his phone.He’d kind of been hoping for some argument from Laurent, but of course, there was none.Why he’d even hoped for anything different was beyond him.It was Laurent, after all.He didn’t do casual chatting.

“Hey, lovebirds, mind if I change this?” Damen asked.

“Nope,” Nikandros said, murmuring something to Jord directly after while gesturing to his screen.

“Oh for…would you two stop for a minute and have a conversation with me?”

“Someone’s feeling left out,” Nikandros laughed.

“Just a bit.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry, Damen,” Jord said, slipping his phone into his pocket and shooting Damen an apologetic smile.Then he slapped Nikandros on the chest and said, “Why did you let me get distracted?”

“Um, because when you’re distracted you don’t worry about other people being present and you make out with me?I kind of like it when we make out.I guess it’s mostly cuddling in this case.”

“We’re ignoring your best friend!”

Despite himself, Damen laughed.“I was mostly teasing, Jord.Don’t worry about it.I just wanted to know what I should put in instead.”

“We could do something else,” Nikandros offered.

“Like what?”

“We could get drunk.We could play a board game.”Nikandros watched the faces around him as he talked and then he said, “Or we could just watch another movie.I’ll go get my bag of M&M’s to make Damen feel better.You two pick one.”

Nodding, Damen stood and opened the lefthand drawer of their TV stand.Inside were haphazard piles of DVD’s.Damen pulled out every single one and flung them on the floor in front of Jord.To his credit, he didn’t comment on how unhelpful that really was.Instead, he shuffled through them and read summaries.

Eventually, Jord had a small pile of movies he’d been willing to watch and he laid them out on the coffee table for Damen to examine.After putting the other DVD’s away, Damen looked through them.There was _Spirited Away, The Princess Bride, Django Unchained,_ and _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone_.It was a strange collection, but they were all excellent movies and Damen had no idea what he was going to pick.

That was when Nikandros returned with his M&M’s and a bowl of popcorn.“What did we decide on?” he asked.

“Haven’t yet,” Damen replied.

“You guys are so slow.I managed to find Jokaste’s secret stash of kettle corn and pop it in the same amount of time.”

“Then help.”

“Eh, I’m good.Want some kettle corn?”

“I’m alright,” Damen replied, shoving aside _Django Unchained._ He’d had enough action today.He was about to do the same to Harry Potter, figuring they could branch out a little, when his phone buzzed.He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was Laurent.That was a surprise.

_L: Nicaise loves Gilmore Girls._

Damen grinned and started to type a response back when a piece of kettle corn hit him on the cheek.He glanced up to see Nikandros with his wrist cocked back, ready to throw another one.“Stop getting distracted,” he said.“You’re supposed to be picking the movie.Who are you texting anyway?”

“Laurent,” Damen replied.

“Laurent?Don’t tell me he needs you for Nicaise.”

“Nope.”

_D: I knew he would.I can’t imagine he was alright with you telling me though_

“Wait,” Nikandros said, “So you’re just talking to him?Are you guys friends now or something?”

_L: No.He’s been trying to steal my phone for the past five minutes.Too bad he’s so short._

Damen laughed.When he caught Nikandros’ expression, he stopped laughing and said, “Yes.Theoretically.It seems to be going alright so far.”

“Why the fuck haven’t I heard about this?”

“It’s a recent development?”

“Why the fuck haven’t I heard about this?”

“I don’t know.God, stop attacking me.”

Nikandros set the kettle corn down on the table and flung his arms around Damen’s shoulders and started shaking him.“We.Are.Best.Friends.I expect to hear about these things immediately.Especially when it’s Laurent and he looks like he came straight from one of your wet dreams.”

“Do I need to reiterate that we are friends?”

“Hmm,” Nikandros mumbled, sliding away from Damen and back to his own side of the couch.“Alright,” he said.“But you will tell me if anything changes, right?Immediately?”

“Sure.I won’t leave you out of the loop any longer.”

“Good.Now pick a goddamn movie.”

“Stop distracting me, then.”Nikandros stuck out his tongue and Damen did the same right back.Quickly, he typed out a response to Laurent’s text ( _you’re holding it above his head aren’t you?)_ before looking at _Spirited Away_ and _The Princess Bride_ and trying to decide which one would fit his mood best.

_L: It’s like you know me._

_D: Maybe I do_

“For fuck’s sake, Damen.Focus!” Nikandros said.

“Babe, it’s hardly even seven-thirty.We’ve got all the time in the world.Let him be,” Jord said.

“He’s sitting over there saying he’s friends with this guy, but in reality he’s acting like some thirteen year old boy with his first crush.Am I just supposed to fucking let him get away with it when…”

“Nik, you’re being dramatic.”

“ _The Princess Bride_ ,” Damen declared, throwing it into Nikandros’ face.“Happy?”

“Yes.”

“Thank god.”

Nikandros stood and put the DVD into the player, before moving back to the couch and snuggling up with Jord.They were murmuring to each other again and Damen sighed.It wasn’t that he minded, it was just something he missed; the non-sexualized physical affection.Sometimes, Nikandros was able to sate that want, but he certainly didn’t want to when Jord was around.

A thought occurred to him.He opened his messages and stared at the conversation between him and Laurent.This was a new kind of test and he wasn’t sure he was ready to be shut down.While he was contemplating the pros and cons, another text from Laurent arrived.

_L: So…what’s up with you?Did I ask that right?_

It was the perfect opportunity and Damen’s fingers were taking it before he’d even decided.

_D: Perfectly.It’s almost like you copied me._

_D: Nothing much.I’m about to start princess bride with a pair of lovesick assholes.Maybe you could come over and suffer with me_

Well, he couldn’t take it back now.In order to distract himself, he mindlessly watched the previews before the movie.It wasn’t working.His ears were straining for the sound of the vibration and he kept peeking glances at his phone.When it finally buzzed, he practically leapt out of his seat he was so worked up.

_L: I could._

_L: I do love The Princess Bride._

_D: So?_

_L: Alright.I’ll be there in twenty minutes._

_D: You’re a life saver_

“We have to wait to start the movie,” Damen declared.

“What?Why?” Nikandros groaned.

“Laurent is coming to watch.”

“Oh, he is, is he?”

“Yes, Nik.Friends hang out, you know.We do it all the time.”

“Fine.I guess we’ll just sit and wait.”

Damen rolled his eyes and settled into the cushions, pulling up Candy Crush on his phone.There was no stopping the grin that split his face as he realized that Laurent was actually coming, that they were actually taking this next step in their rather unconventional relationship.

 

As Laurent got into his car—having been practically thrown out the door by Nicaise—he tried to understand why he was suddenly a fan of making horrible decisions.When he turned on the car, it was as though he’d flipped the ignition in his head too, because there was only one explanation.Damen.He was the catalyst for all of them.

This one as well.The moment he’d seen the invitation, he’d known he was going to say yes.For two days, he’d been trying to think of something to text Damen.But nothing he’d come up with seemed good enough.Apparently, all he’d needed to do was ask how Damen was.At least he knew now.

For two days, he’d been consumed by how much he liked Damen and how badly he wanted to see him, like some teenager from one of his books.It made it hard to concentrate on anything, including work.However, recently, he’d managed to portion off a fresh section of his mind.He shoved all of Damen into it and locked the door when he had better things to do. 

That was the wrong phrasing.It implied that he had any control over it.It was easier to lock the door when he had something to do, but it wasn’t a guarantee.And it was fucking impossible to lock it when he was lying in bed at night, wishing for sleep.

Sometimes, Laurent thought it was all going to burst out of him one day.That Damen would say or do something that made Laurent’s heart falter and it would all come spilling out uncontrollably.But then he remembered he’d been training for this his entire life.There had been numerous times where he thought the same thing about his despair and grief for Auguste and his parents, but those feelings had never seen the light of day.Everything was going to be fine.They could be friends.

Laurent could be his friend.Because he would rather have that than nothing at all.In only a couple weeks, he was already attached to regular contact with Damen.

When he arrived at Damen’s house, he held himself back from knocking a moment, feeling how strangely momentous this moment was.He wasn’t here for a party or to buy Damen something for a party or to deliver Nicaise; he was here for him.Just him and his wants.The very idea of that almost sent Laurent back to his car, but the desire to see Damen and his smile was stronger.

So he knocked.

It only took a couple of seconds for Damen to get to the door and open it wide, his lovely smile ready and waiting and it settled some of Laurent’s anxiety.“Hi,” Laurent said, stepping inside.

“Hi,” Damen said, voice bright and cheerful.“I don’t think you’ve met Jord.Laurent, Jord.Jord, Laurent.”

“I take it you’re one half of the lovesick pair.”

“That would be me,” Jord replied, kissing Nikandros’ cheek when he shot Damen a glare.“It’s nice to meet you.”

“And you,” Laurent replied.He turned to the TV and saw that the movie was still on it’s opening screen, waiting for someone to press play.With barely a thought, Laurent’s gaze fell on Damen and he said, “You shouldn’t have waited for me.”

“Of course we waited.Where do you want to sit?”

Laurent scanned the living room.The couch was too crowded.There was no way in hell he was sitting there.If Damen sat there, too, he’d practically be in his lap and that would not help his situation in the slightest.The chairs packed in on the sides of the living room had strange angles and would receive a lot of glare from the TV.“I’ll sit on the floor and lean up against the coffee table,” Laurent said.There was a nice enough carpet there.Hopefully someone had vacuumed it in the past millennia.

“Oh that’s…” Jord began to protest, but Damen swiftly interrupted him.

“Do you want a blanket?”

Laurent dipped his head to the floor to hide his smile.“What do you think?Your house is fucking freezing.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.Heating the house costs a lot of money.I’m sure we could afford it, but we choose not to.Want me to go turn the thermostat up?”

“No.A blanket will do.”

Damen handed over a red one.It was huge—clearly meant for a full-size bed, at least—and it was incredibly soft.Laurent wrapped it around his entire body and settled against the coffee table, watching as Damen walked to the DVD player and pressed play.He was about to ask why Damen didn’t just use the remote, when Damen sat beside him and said, “We lost the remote years ago.It was either during a move or Nikandros took it somewhere and never brought it back.He once took the remote into a frozen yogurt place with him, if you can believe that.”

“Sitting here, are you?”

“How else am I going to comment on how gross those two are if I’m not sitting next to you?” Damen asked.When Laurent didn’t respond, his eyes lost their playfulness and turned concerned.“Is it alright?I can…”

“Would you like some blanket?” Laurent interrupted.He chose not to comment on the fact that if they were here, it would be impossible to see what Jord and Nikandros were doing at any point.He preferred not to lie to himself; he wanted Damen right where he was.

“Please,” Damen said, smiling down at him.When Laurent turned his head to get a proper look at it, he realized just how close they were, faces only inches apart.There was a mole on Damen’s neck.

Thankfully, some part of his brain kept up and he began unwinding the blanket from around himself and giving half to Damen.“Thank you,” Damen replied softly, their eyes still meeting. 

Hurriedly, Laurent looked away, feeling like he was about to explode.It was good that the grandfather had finally arrived in the movie, because he had something to focus on.This was one of his favorite movies and he was going to damn well enjoy it.

That was until, fifteen minutes or so later, Damen slung his arm across the back of the table and Laurent spent the next ten imagining what would happen if that arm fell from the table and onto his shoulders.Even though he knew that he would instantly search for an escape in real life, he pretended that he would snuggle closer into Damen’s chest and breathe him in, like the hug in the bathroom.

Every once in awhile, Damen would try to talk to him, but Laurent would shush him.Movies were meant to be watched, after all.That was literally why they were made.Besides, if he let Damen talk, he would talk back and then probably flirt and if he flirted enough, Damen would know.

Far more often, there were murmurings from behind them.The occasional sound of kissing.Laurent understood why Damen wanted company.He couldn’t imagine being around that all the time, especially all by himself.He would probably end up killing them both and then himself, so that he would never have to be in the same situation again.As he considered this, he found himself asking, “Where’s Jokaste?”

“Oh, so you get to talk but I don’t.”

“All the good parts are over.”

“Excuse me, but there’s Buttercup falling from the window in that fucking awesome dress and there’s the kiss.Both quintessential parts of the movie,” Damen said.

“Fine.Most of the good parts are over.”

“What if I shush you?”

“Would you?”

“No.And you know I wouldn’t.I believe that’s called taking advantage.”

“And you know that I love taking advantage,” Laurent replied.“And while this has been a lovely conversation, you didn’t answer my earlier question.”

“Hey, shut up you two,” Nikandros called, “Humperdink is about to get schooled.”

“I knew I’d forgotten another good part,” Damen mumbled.

“I can shut up when I like,” Laurent replied, “Especially since you two have been doing what we’re doing the entire fucking movie.Did I say anything?No.Get over it like I did.”

“Damen,” Nikandros whined, “Your guest is being rude.”

“Yeah, he does that.I can’t stop him.”

“And you enjoy that?”

Damen flicked his eyes to Laurent and considered him with a small smile.Then he looked back over his shoulder and said, “I think I do.”

Laurent felt his heart stutter to a stop for a moment.This was completely different than any relationship he’d ever had.There were people whose company he didn’t mind and who he was cordially polite to, asking about their rather banal lives and listening.He rarely teased or offended these people, though, because he knew it was something about him they would not be able to accept.It was designed to push people away, after all.Any sane person would find a problem with it and yet Damen just admitted he didn’t, in more ways than one.

“Why?” Nikandros asked exasperatedly, shattering Laurent’s thoughts.

“Because it rarely has bite.And when it doesn’t have bite, it’s just teasing and I enjoy teasing.”

“You’re deranged,” Laurent murmured.

“I agree with him,” Nikandros said.“Even though he was just rude to me.”

“And now we’ve missed Humperdink getting schooled,” Jord sighed.“Well done, Nik.”

“How in the fuck is this my fault?”

“Because you’re being overly dramatic.As usual.”

Everyone stopped talking after that.Five minutes later, after Buttercup had fallen from the window, Damen leaned over so his lips were practically touching Laurent’s ear and he said, “Jokaste is on a date.She won’t like him, so she should be home soon.”

“How do you know?”

“Saw her face when she opened the door.”

“That bad, was it?”

Damen nodded, laughing.“You would’ve felt the same.He was wearing a tweed jacket.”

Laurent shuddered.“I’m surprised you even know what tweed is.”

“I have hidden depths.”

“Clearly.”

The kiss between Buttercup and Wesley began and then the movie was over.This was the point of the night Laurent had been truly dreading.What did he do now?Part of him wanted to stay, badly, but the other part wanted to leave immediately so he didn’t impose on Damen and his friends.And then there was Nicaise to worry about.He didn’t know whether or not his uncle would be home tonight and that was a concern.

He didn’t have to decide, though, because Damen stood and said, “Want to stay?I can make food and we can go up to my room and get away from these two.”Apparently seeing Laurent’s hesitation, he continued with: “You don’t have to stay.I just thought I’d offer.But I would like it if you did stay.”

“Let me call Nicaise really quick,” Laurent replied finally.

Damen nodded and said, “My room is upstairs, first door on the left.I’ll make myself food and bring it up.If you can stay, we can share.If not, I’ll eat it myself.”

“Alright,” Laurent said, privately pleased that Damen had known he needed privacy.When they’d been texting earlier and Damen had suggested he knew Laurent, he’d thought that the most ridiculous thing.No one knew him, because there were so many things he’d never told a soul and yet Damen didn’t seem to need the backstory, didn’t need the why, he just respected and saw what was there.

God, he was hopeless.All Damen had done was offer his bedroom.

Laurent tramped up the stairs and turned into Damen’s room, which was as unexciting as Nicaise had deemed it.There were a few posters of sports stars Laurent didn’t know on the walls, but that was all in the way of decoration.The sheets on the bed were white and mussed and clothes littered the floor.Not particularly clean, then.

Settling himself on the edge of the bed, Laurent dialed the home number.Nicaise was the only reason they still had a landline.Carlos picked up and said, “Hello?”

“It’s me.Can you find Nicaise?I need to talk to him.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Thank you.”

He waited, holding the phone to his ear, and kicked his heels against the mattress.There was a crackle and then Nicaise said, “Hey.How’s Damen?”

“Same as always.Is Uncle home?”

“No.”

“Do you know if he’s going to be home tonight?”

“Laurent, if you want to stay with Damen a little longer, that’s fine.I’ll be okay.What’s the worst…”

“Don’t say that to me.You know.And it is not happening to you.If I’m still alive and it does, I will become the most unpleasant person on the face of this planet.Is he going to be home tonight?Because if he is, there is no goddamn argument.I am coming home.”

“I don’t know,” Nicaise sighed.“Do you want me to ask Carlos?”

“Please.”

“Hang on a sec.”

A minute later, Nicaise said, “Yeah.But…”

“I’m on my way.”

“Whatever.”And then Nicaise hung up.Laurent put his phone back into his pocket and jumped off the bed.He made his way to the door and ran straight into Damen, who was coming through it.The food he was carrying fell to the floor and for a second, Laurent just stared at it.It was just food and yet, he felt guilty.He felt guilty for wanting to stay, for leaving, and for causing a mess.

“You have to go,” Damen said.

“Yes.”And of course it sounded clipped, because he couldn’t be a normal person when he was emotional.If only he could force himself to go to therapy.It was invented for him.

“Are you worried about the food?Because you shouldn’t be.I’ll eat anything.Including food off the floor.”

“No, I…”

Damen reached down and gripped Laurent’s hand tightly.As though it was the most normal thing in the world.“You can talk to me, Laurent.I’m not saying now, but…you should just know that you can.”

It was all too overwhelming.This moment had been a long time coming and Laurent briefly wished he’d done more to prevent it, before he said, harshly, “Let go of me.”

Damen did, backing off—sideways, so he didn’t block the door.Somewhere, deep down, Laurent knew he should say goodbye.He knew that he should apologize for the tone and thank Damen for a good time and maybe even give him a reason for why he had to go, but he did none of those things.He simply fled the room, grabbed his jacket, and then fled the house, not sparing a glance for Jord and Nikandros, who both called after him curiously.

 

“What was that about?” Nikandros asked when Damen finally made his way back downstairs, after eating all of the food that had crashed to the floor and quietly moping.

“Fuck if I know,” Damen groaned.

“Did you do something?”

At that, Damen laughed miserably.“No.Nothing that would offend you or me.Of course, he’s not like you or me, so…”

“You don’t deserve to feel like this, dude,” Nikandros said.

“It was never going to be easy to be his friend.”

“Make sure he fucking apologizes.You hear me?”

“Yeah,” Damen sighed.And then more firmly, “I will.He had no reason to react like that.Not to me.”

“I’m not trying to defend whatever it was he did, but I can guarantee you he had a reason,” Jord said. 

“Oh, I’m sure he did.He probably just thought I needed more excitement in my life or something.”

Jord shook his head.“That’s not what I meant.I meant that he genuinely cares about you and that if he hurt you, I don’t think he meant to do it on purpose.”

“Well it still sucks.”

“True.”

They all sat there for a moment and then Damen said, “I think I’m going to go to bed.Tell Jokaste hi for me when she gets home.”Then he trudged up the stairs, stripped off his clothes and then laid on top of his bed and stared at the ceiling.Knowing it was stupid to text Laurent, he did it anyway.

_D: Hope you got home safe and everything’s okay_

 

Laurent got home, made sure Carlos knew he was there so his uncle would know, let Sam in from outside, and then went to his bedroom.He laid down on the floor in front of the fire and read the text message Damen had sent him again.And again and again and again.There were so many things he wanted to tell Damen, but he set the phone down and didn’t respond.He’d decided on the drive home that if Damen was mad, it was best he stayed mad.Things would be easier if Damen hated him.Maybe.

Okay, they wouldn’t.Not for Laurent.But it would be easier for Damen, whether he knew it or not.

There was the sound of claws clacking on the floor and he raised his head up to see Sam coming through the open door.Laurent stood and closed it and then kneeled down to ruffle Sam’s head, whose tail was wagging furiously.It occurred to Laurent then that he should really spend more time with the dog.Almost immediately after Laurent stopped touching him, Sam went to the fire and laid down in front of it, soaking up the warmth.

Laurent followed, curling onto his side so he could pet Sam at the same time, and watched the flames flicker, wishing Auguste was here.He would be able to tell Auguste what he was feeling and he’d be able to apologize to Damen.There were so many things in his life that would be different if Auguste was still here.Laurent tried not to think like this anymore, and usually he didn’t, but it was hard now that he was confused and feeling so many different things.It was the right amount of turmoil for Auguste to enter the fray and enter he did.

“Auguste,” he whispered to Sam, “I think I’m in love with a boy.He’s kind and smart and good and you would adore him.I wish you were here so you could convince me that I deserve him, so that you could tell me this is one thing I don’t have to screw up, because I don’t want to screw it up.”

Laurent was silent for a moment and then he said, “But you’re not.I’m alone.”And then he cried.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have an even bigger soft spot for this chapter, which I just discovered as I read it. I hope you guys love it just as much.  
> Thank you all. I'm sorry I made so many of you cry. Mostly. Not that I would change a thing.  
> Thank you to Mari, who keeps me going.   
> Without further ado, enjoy! <3

It was the day of the party and Damen still hadn’t heard from Laurent.  He was trying not to let it upset him, but it was.  Distantly, it occurred to him that he could’ve just texted himself, started the conversation, but he preferred being stubbornly childish.  Laurent started the fight, he should be the one to end it.

Not that it was a fight.  It actually hadn’t been all that big a deal when it had happened.  It was now, though.  Friends apologized, friends wanted to talk to each other.  They didn’t storm out of houses and then ignore each other for days.

To summarize all of his feelings neatly, Damen decided that the party was going to suck and that he was going to be in a bad mood and there was nothing anybody could do about it.  He intended to drink, cheer the New Year, and then get a ride home from someone, anyone.  Laurent was going to know he was upset.

When Jokaste wandered into the room, holding his freshly pressed shirt, she sensed the energy in the room immediately.  “Lord, Damen, just call him.  Neither of you are going to want to be alone at this party.”

“I’m sure he’ll be with me the entire time.”

“What happened to trying to have a good time because you were stuck together no matter what?” Jokaste asked.

“I became his friend and discovered he sucks.”

Jokaste rolled her eyes and handed over the shirt.  Damen stripped of the tee he was wearing and shouldered it on, doing up the buttons slowly so he didn’t have to look Jokaste in the eye.  She was behaving a lot like his mother.

“You are twenty-six years old, Damen.  You are an adult.  I’m fairly confident that you can handle this situation a lot better than you’re handling it.”

“I don’t want to, though.”

“Fine,” Jokaste sighed.  “The both of you can be stupid.  See if I care.”

“Why didn’t he just text me?” Damen whispered, still buttoning his shirt.

“Why didn’t you just text him?  Probably for a very similar reason.”

Damen nodded and looked up to see Jokaste holding out his suit jacket.  He put it on and then did a small turn.  “How do I look?”

“Very handsome.  But you need a tie.”

“I hate ties.”

“You’re going to have to suck it up,” Jokaste replied, looking through his selection and picked one with blue and silver diagonal stripes.  She threw it around his neck and then tied it.  “There,” she murmured, “Now you look perfect.”

“Thanks.  I guess I’m off.”

“Don’t be too angry with him.  He’s just scared.”

“Of what?”

Jokaste simply smiled and ushered him out of his room and then out the door.  Why were both her and Laurent so cryptic all the time?  Why couldn’t the world just be filled with people like him? 

Damen spent the entire drive contemplating what Laurent was scared of.  Was he scared of admitting he’d done something wrong?  Was he scared of talking about his feelings?  Was he scared of being friends?  None of it made sense in Damen’s head, though, so he dropped the topic in favor of contemplating just how much champagne it would take him to get drunk.

When he pulled into the driveway, there were lots of other cars—most infinitely fancier than his—and a valet that accepted his keys and drove his car away.  The front door was wide open and Carlos and Laurent’s uncle were standing in front of it, greeting people.  Laurent was inside taking jackets and directing people to the ballroom.  It was really just a large open space, but it was perfect for this number of people.

Damen made it through the procession relatively quickly and then he was in front of Laurent.  There was a long pause where neither of them did anything, but then Laurent’s hands were on his shoulders, removing his jacket.  The last thing Damen wanted to do was touch him or say something affectionate, but there were people everywhere and he wasn’t angry enough to embarrass Laurent.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he murmured, running a thumb down Laurent’s cheek.  Laurent leaned into the touch and Damen wished he knew whether it was an act or not. 

“There’s not many more people coming,” Laurent whispered.  “Do you want to wait here with me?”

“I…”

“You don’t have to,” Laurent said hurriedly.  “You know where to go.”

This was so painful.  All he wanted to do was have a private conversation with Laurent, but he couldn’t.  Instead, they had to skirt around the edges and pretend they were in love at the same time.  Both of his current options sounded like shit, so he made a new one.  “Do you mind if I go say hi to Nicaise really quick?”

“Of course not.  He’s in his room.”

“I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

“Alright.”

Damen went the opposite direction of all the guests and headed up the stairs.  When he got to Nicaise’s room he knocked and called, “It’s me.  I just wanted to say hi.”

The door opened and Nicaise was standing there in pajamas, his hair ruffled and his eyes tired.  “Don’t tell me you were asleep,” Damen said.

“No.  I’ve been reading.  Half reading, half sleeping, I guess.  It’s been an interesting couple of days around here.”

Nicaise stepped away, allowing Damen entrance, and yawned as he walked back to his bed.  He crawled underneath the flung back covers and nestled back into his warm spot.  Settling himself at Nicaise’s feet, Damen said, “Interesting how?”

“Uncle has been around a lot, which automatically puts Laurent on edge.  It’s more than that, though,” Nicaise said, raising his eyebrows at Damen.  “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?”

“He was the one that ran from my house, okay?”

“But what did you do?”

“Nothing,” Damen insisted.  

Nicaise nodded.  “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

“What?”  There had been no one that had actually believed him so far.

Nicaise stared at him for a moment.  “I’m not going to get involved in this.  It’s none of my business.”

“You’re acting more like an adult than I have all day,” Damen sighed.

“That does explain why you’re up here.  Fucking go back downstairs and be a good boyfriend.”  Damen grimaced slightly and Nicaise snapped his fingers.  “It’s not my fault you decided to help him.  It’s yours.”

Then Nicaise’s expression softened and he thumped Damen in the arm with a fist.  “Listen, I understand you’re mad at him, but he’s sorry and he misses you.  I mean, clearly.  God, he’s been absolutely horrible to everyone except the dog.  Point is, give him a chance before you hulk out on him.”

“Is he going to take that chance?”

“Nope.  Probably not.  And then you can be mad, but you have to give him the chance first, because you’re you and if you were in your right mind, that is what you would do.”

“Why is he so difficult?”

Nicaise grinned.  “Welcome to my life.”

 

Laurent was in the ballroom, clutching a glass of champagne, and wondering where Damen was.  Not that he had a right to wonder, but he still desperately wished for the company.  Talking to these people was dull and boring.  Not to mention, this ridiculous year was about to end and he wasn’t even happy about it.

He’d already made the rounds, so he settled against a wall and watched as people double-dipped their food into the chocolate fondue, making a note to avoid it tonight.  Charls, one of his uncle’s less irritating friends, caught his eye and Laurent didn’t avoid it quick enough.  Taking another sip of champagne, he forced a pleasant smile on his face and greeted Charls with ease.

“Where’s that boyfriend of yours tonight?”

“He’s saying hello to my nephew right now, actually, but he should be down shortly.”

“And does your nephew like him?”

“Very much,” Laurent said.

“Excellent,” Charls boomed, his cheeks already flushed from alcohol.  “I’m sure that’s very comforting for you.”

“Yes.  Quite.  How’s the fashion industry treating you?  I can’t believe you flew in all the way from New York for this.”

“For your uncle, anything.  As for the industry, it’s as brutal as ever, but I know my fabrics better than any of those up and comers so I still have an edge.  Eventually, I suppose, they’ll kick me out, but they still have lots to learn before that happens.”

“I’m sure they do,” Laurent replied, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole.  Small talk was the worst part of any party and unfortunately, it was what a lot of his uncle’s parties depended on.

Charls was about to add something else, when Damen arrived, planting himself right next to Laurent.  Unconsciously, Laurent leaned towards him until their arms were brushing and he felt himself relax slightly.  Until he realized that Damen was going to want to have a conversation about what had happened and then he was tense all over again.

“Hi,” Damen said to Charls, “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“Charls, my boy.  I’ve heard lots about you.  The many gossipers here love talking about you.  There were so many people who thought Laurent would never meet someone.”

“Really?” Damen said.  Charls completely missed the tone, but Laurent didn’t.  It very clearly said:  _ that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.   _ Then he took a large gulp of champagne and Laurent realized he was trying to get drunk.  The night was going from bad to worse.

As Laurent was thinking, Charls and Damen finished talking and Charls wandered off, likely to assault someone with the story of having met Laurent’s boyfriend.  If only it were a true story.

“I want to talk to you,” Damen murmured.

“Sure you don’t want to drink more champagne first?”

“Laurent…”

“What?”

“I’m so goddamn pissed at you, you know that, right?  You can leave my house in an unexplained rush whenever you want, but I expect an apology, and if not that, at least a text, so that I know it’s not me you’re mad at.  You’re not mad at me, right?”

Laurent sighed.  This is what he had wanted.  There were so many things he could  say that would push Damen away and out of his fucked up life.  But it was so much harder to follow through when he was standing in front of him, eyes pleading for an explanation, any explanation.  In a soft voice, Laurent said, “No.  I’m not mad at you.”

“Are you going to apologize?”

Forcing himself to laugh, Laurent shook his head and said, “For what?”  And then directly after, “Now look adoring.  We’ve got people headed our way.”

There was a moment of stunned silence, one that Laurent could feel his heart beating all the way through.  He felt sick, too.  It only got worse, when Damen, in the most tortured voice Laurent had ever heard from him, said, “Why?  Why do you do this?  Why can’t you go one day without pushing me away?”

Laurent said nothing in reply, instead greeting Guion and his wife as they approached.  He noticed out of the corner of his eye Damen grabbing another glass of champagne and downing almost all of it in one gulp.

 

Two hours later, they were nearing eleven and Damen was drunk.  Laurent had taken to dragging him around the room by the hand so that he didn’t engage the wrong people in conversation or abandon him for one of the pretty daughters and sons littering the room.  For most of those two hours, they hadn’t said a word to each other.  Laurent was utterly miserable but he preferred this to admitting how he felt about Damen or telling Damen any one of the number of horrors that made up his life. 

“I need air,” Damen murmured, drinking more champagne.  “It’s hot in here.”

“Probably the alcohol,” Laurent sighed.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have to drink so much if  _ someone _ just swallowed their pride for three seconds and fucking apologized.”

Knowing Damen was about to make a scene, he led them out onto the patio that was just outside the ballroom.  There were couples littering it, so he kept walking until they were out in the gardens.  Laurent found a bench next to a leafless dogwood tree and sat down on it.  Damen didn’t.  He glowered up at the sky with crossed arms.  Then he stopped glowering and his face grew thoughtful.  “I love the sky, you know,” he murmured.

“Oh, are we talking?”

“Who else am I going to talk to?  I don’t know these people.  You’re just going to have to put up with me since it’s your fault I’m here.”

“It’s not.  You didn’t have to agree.”

“Strong words from someone who is shit at personal responsibility.”

Laurent closed his eyes and leaned his head back.  Every time Damen talked back to him, he wanted to defend himself.  He wanted to tell Damen he was wrong.  But it wouldn’t help the situation and Laurent knew he was right about everything.  It was getting harder and harder to stay firm to the decision he had made a couple of nights ago.

“I’m going to talk, since you’re not talking,” Damen said.

“Wonderful.”

“You fucking suck.” 

Laurent almost laughed despite himself.  It was such an anti-climatic start and it was something that Damen had already said to him before.  Not that explicitly, perhaps, but over the years they’d had all sorts of small spats that left Damen with the same conclusion.

“Really fucking suck, because I thought we were really doing it this time.  I thought we were really going somewhere.  You didn’t hate me and I didn’t hate you and I still don’t, really, and I’m pretty sure you still don’t hate me.  But you’re acting like you do.  And I’m trying to figure out why you would do that and what changed, but I can’t because you’re complicated and make no sense and you don’t explain a goddamn thing.  Like, I get that your uncle is an asshole, but I don’t get why it matters to you so much that he hates you.  I get that you don’t like to leave Nicaise home alone but I have no idea why.  I get that you’re uncomfortable being close to people, but I thought, eventually, you’d fucking get over that like a normal person.”

Then his face went still and his voice quiet.  “I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore,” he mumbled.  “What it really comes down to, I think, is that it hurt me when you decided to ignore me.  I mean, oh my god, how many times over the past couple of days have I texted you?”

“Only twice,” Laurent said.

“Whatever.  The point is you purposefully ignored me and it was not nice of you.  Because I like you for some reason.  And I was pretty goddamn sure you liked me.  But here we are at a horrible party and I’m drunk and you’re gorgeous but mean and we’re not acting like us.  Or, at least, what I thought was us.”

Laurent’s brain latched onto ‘gorgeous’ and ‘us’ and he was having a hard time focusing on anything else.  If Damen wasn’t drunk, he would probably take those words to mean that Damen felt a similar way.  Either way, the end result was that it softened Laurent substantially.  It was suddenly obvious in a way that it hadn’t been before that they were both already in too deep.  And maybe for Damen it was only friendship, but that still meant something and Laurent found he couldn’t keep hurting Damen if the battle was already lost.  “What do you want from me?” he whispered, meeting Damen’s gaze.

“I don’t know,” Damen sighed.  “I really don’t.  I think somewhere I do, but my brain is all muddled and all it can really decide is that I want more champagne.”

“More champagne.  A brilliant idea.”

“Fuck you,” Damen said, stalking off back towards the party.  Laurent groaned and chased after him, knowing that this was not the type of party that Damen wanted to embarrass himself at.

“Damen,” he said, “You’re drunk.  You shouldn’t go back in there.  It’s the kind of thing these people will remember for the rest of their lives and bring up at every party forever after.”

“Will it embarrass you?”

“Probably.  But it will embarrass you more.”

“Are you pretending to care now?”

“I’m sorry, Damen,” he snapped.  “I am.”

“No, see, you’re just saying that because you don’t want me to go in there.  You’re calculating things in that brain of yours and coming up with a way to keep me out here.”

Laurent gripped his arm and forcibly turned him around.  Clearly Damen hadn’t expected such a show of force, because his mouth popped open and his eyes went straight to Laurent’s hand on his.  Very slowly and with care, Laurent said, “I admit, that is the kind of thing I would do, but that is not what I’m doing right now.  I realize you have no reason to believe me, but I am telling the truth.”  He stepped closer and slid his hand down Damen’s arm and slipped his fingers between Damen’s, trying not to think about how horribly he was failing himself.  “I am sorry,” he said.  Taking strength from Damen’s hand, he let himself continue.  “That night, I was overwhelmed and when you tried to comfort me, I snapped.”

“Why were you overwhelmed?” Damen asked, eyes suddenly earnest.

“I had to leave because my uncle was coming home, but I…I didn’t want to leave.  That alone brought it’s own host of issues.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

“That’s because you’re drunk.  We probably shouldn’t be having this conversation at all,” Laurent sighed.  “Just promise me that we’ll go straight through the ballroom, get you upstairs and into a bed with a glass of water.  I’ll make excuses for you.  It will offend some people, but it will be a lot less significant than any drunken acts you may commit.”

“What did he do?”

“What?”

“Your uncle.  What did he do to you?  He’s your guardian, so why he can’t be trusted alone with Nicaise?  It’s so strange.  It’s always been strange.  I wonder why I’ve never really made the connection before.  Probably because…”

“You’re too drunk for that conversation as well,” Laurent interrupted.  “And I’m not drunk enough.”

“But you don’t drink.  Sometimes you take champagne, but you never drink it.”

“I didn’t know you noticed.”

“Of course I noticed.”

Laurent tried not to read too much into that, instead pulling Damen after him.  They were about to enter the ballroom, when Laurent’s uncle intercepted them.  Internally, Laurent groaned.  This was the last thing he needed right now.  “Uncle,” he said, not even bothering to attempt a smile.  Knowing that Damen being drunk would embarrass his uncle as well, he didn’t see a problem with sharing that information.  “Damen has had too much to drink.  Could you please excuse us so I can get him somewhere comfortable?”

“I heard you two were having a quarrel.  I thought I would come smooth it over.”

“It’s been smoothed,” Laurent said, praying Damen wouldn’t contradict him.  For once, thankfully, he decided not be an idiot and kept his mouth shut.

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?”

“Very sure.”

The extra verification had given Damen time to think, though, and Laurent knew he was about to talk.  He tried to drag him away, but Damen was prepared this time and much stronger.  “What did you do to him?” Damen asked.

“Excuse me?”

“To Laurent.  I know you did something because he’s got some major, like, issues.  Okay, wow, that came out wrong.  Point still stands, but I’m sorry Laurent, that was terrible.”

“It’s alright,” Laurent said, still tugging.  “Let’s just go.”

“No.  No, no.  I want a fucking answer from someone.”

“I can assure you it has nothing to do with me, Damen.  Laurent has always been troublesome, but it’s entirely down to him.  I’ve only ever shown him kindness and forgiveness.”

Laurent tried not to throw up and throw accusations.  Throwing accusations didn’t work against his uncle.  He’d discovered that when he was much younger.  “Damen, please,” he murmured.  “We have tomorrow for this.  When you’re sober.”

Before they could leave, Laurent’s uncle stepped closer, so close that he was practically at Damen’s ear and Laurent knew.  He knew exactly what words were going to leave his uncle’s mouth and there was nothing he could do to stop it.  It was the ultimate play.  Laurent simply wondered in the seconds before it all fell apart, just how his uncle had found out.  Apparently, he hadn’t been careful enough.  Of course he hadn’t.  It was impossible to be careful around Damen.

“Any problems you two are having,” Laurent’s uncle whispered, just loud enough so that Laurent could hear, “most likely comes down to the rather simply and painfully obvious fact that my nephew is in love with you.”

 

Those words were enough to crack through Damen’s muddled brain and sober him slightly.  It was the most shocking thing he’d ever heard.  Unconsciously, his eyes strayed to Laurent and he was glad they had, because he might not have believed the uncle—instead believing it to be one of his ploys to separate he and Laurent.  Laurent’s face was resigned and weary.  It was true.  True enough, anyway.

Unsure what to do with the information, especially with the state he was in, he simply stepped away from Laurent’s uncle, knowing he wanted to do that much.  Damen was still confident he’d done something to Laurent, something horrible.  Even if he hadn’t, the man was generally repulsive.  Too smarmy for Damen’s taste.

When he’d managed distance, he started thinking about what Laurent’s uncle had said.  Clearly, it was true.  He had just decided that, he was pretty sure, but he had no idea how that explained anything.  If Laurent loved him, surely he wouldn’t have ignored Damen?  If Laurent loved him already, surely it had been happening for awhile.  So why hadn’t he been nicer to Damen until he needed him?

His head started spinning and he felt vaguely ill.  Laurent was gripping his arm hard again and successfully pulling him away this time.  Damen hardly even saw the room as they passed through.  Instead, his eyes were focused on Laurent.  Maybe trying to figure out how he felt while he was drunk was a bad idea, but he was going to do it nonetheless.  Because this changed things.  It had to.  It was just a matter of what changed.

“Did he break you?” Laurent asked.

“Huh?”

“You look like you’ve suffered some sort of mental break.”

“You love me?”

“Oh lord,” Laurent murmured, expertly weaving them through the partygoers.  That was all he said and Damen found that very dissatisfying.

“That’s not an answer.”

“I am not talking about this with you right now.  Or ever, frankly.”

“Oh, we’re going to talk about it.”

“Whatever you say,” Laurent said.  They were finally out of the ballroom and Laurent was leading him upstairs.  He didn’t take Damen to his or Nicaise’s room, but a guest room, one that was as exquisitely furnished as all the other rooms.  The fire was lit, there were deep red sheets on the bed, beautiful carpets adorned the floor, and there wasn’t a wall that didn’t have a piece of art on it.

“God is every room in this house beautiful?”

“Yes.  The perks of money.  Why don’t you go lie down while I get you a glass of water?”

Damen did as he was told, aware that world was spinning more than it should be.  He was going to be hungover in the morning and it was going to be awful.  Was he going to spend the night here?  He supposed he could, although Laurent would probably give him a ride if he asked.  It was good he was drunk, because otherwise, he wasn’t sure he would be able to ask Laurent anything ever again.  When he’d first heard that Laurent loved him, it had seemed like a good thing, an advantage, an insight, but in reality, it was terrifying.  People didn’t hold things over Laurent.

Just when he started to think it was taking Laurent awhile to get that water, Laurent returned, handing off the glass.  Looking into his eyes as he took a sip, Damen realized he was about to run.  “So your uncle sucks even more than I thought he did,” Damen said.

Laurent narrowed his eyes, but stayed where he was.  He looked awkward standing a couple feet from Damen, as tense as a human could be, but Damen was not about to tell him to sit down.  “It didn’t surprise me,” he said, finally.

“Who does that?”

“Wishing you hadn’t found out?”

“No.  I mean…I don’t know.  For fuck’s sake, that’s a very loaded question for a drunk person,” Damen said.

Laurent was quiet, looking down at his feet.  “I have to go back to the party,” he murmured.  “Don’t leave this room.”

“It’s New Year’s Eve.  You’re seriously going to leave me in a room all alone on New Year’s Eve?”

“Why do you…”  Laurent chose to stop that line of questioning.  “Fine.  I’ll be back before it’s midnight.”

“That gives you…”  Damen glanced down at his phone, seeing the time and then promptly forgetting what he’d read.  “Well, not long.”

“Which is why I’m leaving.  Finish that glass of water before I’m back.”

“Demanding.”

Laurent gave him another quizzical look and then left.  For awhile, Damen examined the room.  He thought about standing and exploring, but when he tried, everything spun unpleasantly, so he didn’t do that.  For a lack of anything better to do, he drank the water in small sips.  When he finished that, he was left thinking about Laurent.  Who loved him.  Apparently.  It was still utterly beyond him how that was actually possible.

It left him examining himself and his own feelings.  Laurent was undeniably gorgeous.  So fucking gorgeous it almost hurt, actually.  And Damen hadn’t ever minded holding his hand, or kissing his cheek, or…well, anything really.  But he didn’t really mind those sorts of things with Nikandros either.

Before he could think about that any further, Damen felt his stomach lurch.  Groaning, he went to the bathroom and laid his cheek against the toilet bowl.  He didn’t think he was actually going to be sick, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

That was where Laurent found him when he came back, another glass of water in hand.  He also had some food, but when Damen shot the little sandwiches a disgusted look, Laurent ate them himself.  Without a word, Laurent settled on the floor by the door and slid Damen the glass of water.  Then he tilted his head back, his neck bare.

It was a beautiful neck.  Graceful, pale, and long.  Damen didn’t think he’d mind kissing it, which was slightly surprising.  Of course, it could just be because he now knew Laurent felt something for him.  That was a powerful thing.  Even sober, he would have no idea where to begin differentiating his own feelings from what he wished he felt.  Or something.  God, he needed his brain back.

“Stop thinking,” Laurent suggested. 

“I’m having trouble doing that.”

“Perfect,” Laurent murmured, keeping his eyes directed at the ceiling.

“Does it hurt loving me?  Because I don’t want it to hurt.”

“Oh my god, Damen, please shut up.  We are not talking about this.  How many times do I have to tell you that?  Drink your water, throw up if you have to, and then go to bed.”

“I can’t believe that I didn’t even notice.  I mean…”

“For the love of god, what will it take to get you to shut up?” Laurent asked.

“Are you in love with me?”

Laurent lowered his head and stared at Damen with stone cold eyes.  When Damen didn’t look away, didn’t back down from the challenge, Laurent sighed and ran his hand through his hair.  It was nice when it was mussed like that.

“No.  But I…”  Laurent swallowed and his eyes drifted to the floor.  “I think it would be very easy for me to be.”

“Then why…”

“No.  You got your one question.  You are now done talking.”

“Fine.”  Damen took a sip of the water.  “How many minutes till midnight?”

Laurent very obviously rolled his eyes, but he didn’t complain, probably because the questions were no longer about him and his feelings.  Taking his phone out of suit jacket, he peered down and said, “Five.”

“I like you in a suit,” Damen said.

Laurent glared at him, before saying, “Excellent.  Wonderful news,” in possibly the most sarcastic voice Damen had ever heard from him, which was saying something.  Okay, so any sort of flirting was off limits.  Not that he had any idea why he wanted to flirt.  Ugh, why had he gotten drunk?  It had caused this entire mess.  Laurent must hate him right now.

“You hate me right now, don’t you?”

“No,” Laurent said shortly.

“Sounds like you do.”

“I’m five seconds from killing you, but I do not hate you.  I’m not capable of hating you.”  Then he winced slightly and turned his face away.

“Right,” Damen said, resisting the urge to say:  _ because you love me? _  If flirting was a bad idea, jokes were an even worse one.

Then it was silent and Damen figured that was better.  Gradually, he made his way through the glass.  He tried not to stare at Laurent, but it was hard, because he was the only other person in the room.  A rather tiny room.

“Do you want more water?” Laurent asked, when he finished.

“Nah.  How many minutes now?”

“Just one.”

“Well, are you going to kiss me?”

Laurent groaned and said, very definitively, “Fuck no.”

“You know, if I wasn’t drunk, and we were downstairs being all couple-y, you totally, definitely would’ve had to kiss me,” Damen said.  “It’s traditional, after all.”

“Do you want me to kiss you?” Laurent asked, eyes hard.

“I don’t know.  I thought I’d figure that out as it went.  Happened.”

“You are unbelievable.”

“Yeah, sorry, that was awful.  I don’t have a filter right now and I’m confused and my head hurts.”

“That much is obvious,” Laurent said.  “Are you going to throw up?”

“No.”

Laurent stood and held out his hand.  Gripping it, he lifted himself up and Laurent helped him stumble to the bed.  Without further ado, Laurent removed his suit jacket and laid it on top of a chair.  Then he ordered Damen to lay down and removed his shoes, setting them down at the end of the bed.  Again, he looked as if he were about to flee, but then something in his face changed and he pressed a kiss to Damen’s forehead.  “Happy New Year,” he whispered.  “Get some sleep.”

“Happy New Year,” Damen replied.  “And Laurent?”

“What?”

“Thank you for sitting with me.  I know you didn’t want to.”

Laurent’s eyes lingered for a moment longer then they should’ve and then he was gone, the door clicking firmly behind him.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday! I needed something positive after yesterday (really today, I've yet to go to sleep) and I thought this would do for all of us.  
> I realize this chapter is kind of short, but the next one is like ridiculously long and you'll be getting it on Tuesday so...hang in there. This is mostly just transition.  
> All of you are wonderful and deserve the best. I hope you're taking care of yourself. Trump seems to be a largely global plague, after all.  
> As always, thank you to Mari. I love you, my dear.  
> Enjoy! <3

It was the worst start to any new year of Laurent’s life.He hadn’t gotten any sleep, Damen knew he loved him, and he couldn’t even avoid talking about it, because Damen was here, in his house.There had been many instances over the years where Laurent had wanted to kill his uncle, but this was the year he thought he might actually do it.How else was he going to get back at his uncle for this one?

He had felt so helpless last night, unable to stop his uncle from destroying what he and Damen had, whatever that was.The helplessness branched into weakness; an inability to deny how he felt or leave Damen’s side however badly he had wanted to.He had wanted to be literally anywhere else.

Maybe he could stay in bed all day.Who was going to stop him?He didn’t have to go into work and Damen could handle his hangover just fine on his own.There was no way he hadn’t had one before.The plan would depend on Damen not seeking him out, however, and that was an unlikely scenario.He wanted to talk.How nice for him.

Sighing, Laurent flung the sheets off his body, pulled on his favorite sweater—it was much too large and very soft—a pair of sweatpants and then went to Nicaise’s room.It wasn’t quite eight in the morning, so he was going to wake Nicaise up, but he cared very little.Right now, he needed someone to listen who would understand.Or not listen, really.More like someone to mope with in silence.

He banged on Nicaise’s door, pausing every five knocks or so to listen for any noise within, before knocking another five.It took three rounds before there was a loud, “Go the fuck away!I see a seven on my clock which means it’s too goddamn early.”

“Those sounded like coherent sentences.”

“It’s winter break!What is your problem?”

“Open the goddamn door, Nicaise.”

“I hate you,” Nicaise called back, but Laurent knew he was coming to the door.They respected each other’s space unless it was important and Nicaise knew this.When the door opened, he said, “What?”And then, much more sympathetically, “Oh.You’re wearing your favorite sweater.What happened?”

“Uncle.”

Nicaise left the door open and turned to crawl back into bed.Then he patted the open space in the bed beside him and Laurent walked around it and slid underneath the covers, raising his head up with a couple of pillows.“What’d he do this time?” Nicaise asked.

“Told Damen I was in love with him.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck,” Nicaise said again as it really sunk in.Laurent nodded and turned on his side so he could see Nicaise properly.They stared at each other for a moment and then Nicaise extended a hand and gripped Laurent’s.“Have we managed to scare him away this time?” he murmured.

“I don’t know.It was bound to happen, though, wasn’t it?We can barely survive this family and we’re a part of it.”

“So what are you going to tell him?”

Laurent laughed derisively.“I don’t know.This is not a situation I know how to handle.Nor one I can really predict.I honestly have no idea what he’s going to do.”

Nicaise accepted this easily and closed his eyes again.Laurent knew he was going to fall back asleep, but this was exactly what he’d wanted.Someone who understood with very little explanation; not only the situation but what Laurent needed.

Fifteen minutes later, he felt more like himself.Very gently, he removed his hand from underneath Nicaise’s and tucked the sheets higher up his shoulders before slipping out of the room.He was hungry and cooking something would distract him. 

Going down to the kitchen, he opened the fridge and removed a carton of eggs, some milk, a pack of bacon, and green onions.Before he started on the bacon, he began brewing coffee.The dripping sounds soon followed by the sizzling sounds of bacon calmed him further.They were familiar and never changed.

Damen wandered in after Laurent had flipped the bacon.He was yawning, his hair was a mess, he had no pants on in favor of boxers, and his dress shirt was half-unbuttoned, revealing swathes of skin Laurent had no interest in seeing right now.But, god, his skin was shining bronze in the early morning light and it was lovely.

He had reached the moment he had to make a decision about Damen.And he still wasn’t ready.

“Please tell me that’s bacon,” Damen grumbled, falling onto one of the barstools and holding his head.“And can we get rid of the light?”

“Unless you plan on removing the sun from the sky, I don’t think so.Do you want some coffee?”

“Nope.That sounds horrifying.Water would be good.”

Laurent grabbed a glass from the cabinet to the left of the sink and filled it with tap water.Damen accepted it eagerly and downed half of the glass in the blink of an eye.

Deciding that surreptitiously sneaking glances at Damen was doing him no good, Laurent turned his full attention back to the bacon, making sure it didn’t burn.A couple minutes later, he removed it from the pan and onto a waiting paper towel.He dabbed the grease off and then slid the paper towel over to Damen.“Eat as much as you want,” he said.“I can always cook more.”

“Thanks,” Damen replied, already biting down on a slice.“Fuck that’s good,” he moaned, taking another.

It quickly became clear that neither of them wanted to broach the topic that was causing so much tension.It was palpable and it was making Laurent’s skin itch.Sopping up a lot of the bacon grease, leaving just enough to ensure the eggs didn’t stick, Laurent said, “If you insist we talk about it, now’s a good time.”

“So that all happened.”

“Yes,” Laurent said, cracking an egg into a bowl.

“Right.Is your uncle home?”

“What?”How was that at all relevant?And surely, Damen had more pressing questions.

“Is he home?Because if he is, I have some things I want to say to him.A lot of things, actually.And then maybe I’ll punch him.Okay, I’m not sure I can manage that right now, but I could tell him how much I want to punch him,” Damen said.

“He’s at work,” Laurent said slowly, realizing that Damen had just made his decision for him.He would do whatever it took to make Damen stay.To hell with all the scary shit he was now going to have to deal with.This was not a person he could lose.

“Maybe I’ll wait until he gets home.”

“Don’t you need to get home?”

“Anxious to get rid of me?” Damen asked, smiling slightly.

“Quite, frankly.”Whatever decision he had made, that much was true.He needed time to think, to process and it was likely Damen did too.

“I’m sorry that he revealed something you weren’t ready to.We don’t have to talk about it, Laurent.I’ll respect your privacy.I realize that last night I…might not have, but I have my brain back for the most part and I know better than to press.”

“We can just carry on as normal.Is that what you’re saying?” Laurent asked, trying not to stare at Damen like he was insane.He did realize that was impossible, right?Honestly, he preferred drunk Damen, if sober Damen was going to live in a fantasy world.

“No.I…fuck my head hurts too much for this.I know it can’t be the same.I just…I don’t know what else to do.”

There were so many options.Laurent’s personal favorite was Damen offering to take him on a date, but he knew that was just as fantastical as pretending it was the same as before.Besides, he wasn’t sure he would say yes to a date.Obviously, Laurent felt more strongly and even if, miraculously, Damen felt the same and had just done a marvelous job at hiding it—which was unlikely—Laurent was not sure he was capable of accepting love from someone.In fact, he was pretty damn sure he wasn’t.

The other options ranged from never talking again, breaking off their agreement, or giving Damen space and time. 

Laurent wasn’t about to give him ideas, though.Instead, he stayed silent, mixing up the eggs in the bowl, until they were bubbly and frothy.Then he poured them into the hot pan, piling in the green onions he’d chopped quickly, and lightly folded them in on each other, over and over again.

“Am I making any sense?” Damen asked.

“You never do.”

“Okay.My bottom line is simple: I would prefer not to lose you or our friendship.I can understand if it’s too difficult for you, but…”

“Wait,” Laurent laughed sardonically, the whole thing completely ridiculous.“You think I’m going to leave you?”

“I mean, it’s got to be painful being in love with someone if they don’t love you back.Or, I mean…I’m not saying that…”

“It’s fine, Damen.I don’t expect you to feel the same.And, yes, it’s painful, but it has been almost this entire time.I promise you I can handle it.I…I would prefer not to lose you, either.”

At that, Damen burst into smile.Butterflies cascaded through Laurent’s stomach and he had to look away before it was too much.This was all agonizing, if Laurent was being honest, but it had to be done.If he wasn’t honest and forthright, he would lose the one thing in his life that made him undeniably happy.“Okay, that’s a relief,” Damen said.“It does complicate the fake dating thing a bit, but…”

“We can stop.That’s what my uncle wants after all.Maybe he’ll leave me the fuck alone if we give it to him.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I’m giving you a way out, Damen,” Laurent sighed.

“Because you’re totally into me?”

“Yes,” Laurent said firmly, meeting Damen’s brown eyes.They were hazy with muted pain.Laurent pulled out his phone and texted Carlos, asking for aspirin.

There was a long silence on Damen’s end and then he murmured, “Okay, so that joke backfired.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Now I feel all flustered.”

“Serves you right.”

“We don’t have to stop,” Damen said, unswayed.“We’ll just need to establish rules.I can promise you that I’m alright with almost any amount of touching, but if you’re not, that’s something I’ll need to know.Actually, I’m alright with whatever.What we’ve been doing so far has been fine.”

Laurent sighed, turning off the gas stove and splitting the eggs in half on two separate plates.“I appreciate that you want to try,” he said, “But we have to stop.It worked before because there was a distinct separation between our real lives and our pretend lives.That distinction is blurred now and things will get messy.”

“I disagree.The distinction was already blurred for you, yes?So I know.Whatever.It won’t change how we play it.”

“Why do you care so much?” Laurent asked.He couldn’t prevent the spurts of hope every time he thought that Damen was about to admit he felt similarly.

“I’m not letting your uncle destroy your life.I’m not letting him win.”

That was something Laurent could get behind.It would be satisfying to show up at another party with Damen by his side.It would take his uncle completely by surprise.“This is insane,” Laurent said, shoving over the plate of eggs.“A horrible idea.”

“Hey, I assume you were already crushing on me when you asked me to do this in the first place. _That’s_ a horrible idea.This is mild compared to that, really.”

“If you say so,” Laurent shrugged, shooting Damen a flirtatious smile.“Just be careful you don’t fall in love with me.”

“Would that be so horrible?”

That was not the reply he’d expected and he shoveled eggs into his mouth so that his gasp wouldn’t be audible.When he managed to collect his thoughts, he swallowed and said, “You do not want to be in love with me, Damen.I suggest avoiding it if you can.”

“Why do you think things like that?”

“Because I know a lot more about myself than you do.”

“Well, maybe we should change that.”

This is exactly what Laurent had been afraid of.Turning his back under the ruse of pouring himself more coffee, Laurent took deep breaths and tried to imagine telling Damen about how he felt about Auguste being dead, about his uncle and what he had done, about how scared he was that he would make one small error and the same would happen to Nicaise.

It was impossible.Five words into any of those topics and Damen would be gone.Anyone would leave.

“Too much,” Damen said behind him.“Sorry.I can’t say I know how to navigate this.”

That was one thing they had in common.“Me neither.Anyone else would’ve run by now.”

“I’m not the running type.”

Laurent turned back, took a sip of his coffee, and watched Damen, hoping the longer he watched, the easier it would be to crawl inside his brain and read his thoughts.Because this man was certifiably insane.Laurent had nothing to offer that made staying worth it.

There was silence as the two of them finished their breakfasts.When Damen was done, Laurent gathered the plates, washed them off and stuck them in the dishwasher.While he was closing the door with his foot, Carlos came in carrying two aspirin.He handed them to Damen and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back before leaving.

Damen downed them with water and then ruffled his hair lazily.It didn’t fix a damn thing and Laurent wanted to fix it himself, put every hair back into place, maybe lingering a little longer than normal and playing with the curls lying against his forehead.They would be fun to twirl around his fingers.

“What are you thinking?” Damen asked, his attempt not to smile failing miserably.

“That I want to catapult you into space.”

“But then we’d be so far away from each other.”

“Damen…”

There was an awkward silence and then Damen said, “Yeah, sorry.I’ll work on the flirting.It’s just hard to control myself when you’re staring at me like I’m the brightest star in the sky or something.”

“I was not staring at you like that.”

“Kind of were.”Damen sighed and then shoved himself up from the counter.“I’m going to go get dressed and then leave.I’ll, uh…”Something changed in Damen’s face, a sort of determination flooding it, and he walked around the island and stood in front of Laurent, closer than Laurent would’ve preferred.He placed his hands on Laurent’s shoulders and forced Laurent to look at him.“Don’t change your mind about this.Don’t run from me.”

It wasn’t fair for him to fight like this.Of course, nothing in Laurent’s world was particularly fair, so it just fit with the pattern.The closeness and Damen’s words were overwhelming and he realized he couldn’t think.There wasn’t a single thought in his head, which was probably why his mouth started doing stupid things.“Why?” Laurent whispered.“Why are you doing any of this?It doesn’t make sense, none of it.Not the flirting, or the offer to continue pretending to date me, or the insistence that…”

“Because you’re important to me.I don’t know what exactly I’m feeling and that’s something I’m going to figure out.I just…”Damen paused for a moment, tilting his head slightly, “Laurent, the only reason I haven’t asked you out on a date already is because I don’t want to lead you on, realize I’m wrong, and then hurt you.But the idea does not repulse me.Not in the slightest.”It seemed to surprise him as he said it.That alone did not bode well for Damen actually figuring out what he was feeling.He was obviously not the sort who did a lot of introspection.

“I swear to fucking god, if you’re lying…”

“I’m not.”

Laurent swallowed hard and tried not to get his hopes up.If only he could lock them in a box and toss them into the ocean.“Okay,” he said, much more firmly.“Weren’t you leaving?”

“Yes.I’ll continue doing that.Do you expect a party anytime soon?”

Laurent nodded.“If I was my uncle, I would create the need for one almost immediately.He does enjoy humiliating me.”

“Text me when he’s home for an extended period of time so I can come kick his ass.”

“Alright.I’d probably enjoy that.”

“Bye, Laurent.”

“Bye.”

 

Damen went upstairs, gathered all of his things, and left, knowing that Laurent had no interest in seeing him again right now.Honestly, he was surprised that Laurent had been around at all this morning.It spoke to how badly he didn’t want fuck things up with Damen.

He hardly paid attention to the road on the drive home, his thoughts too wrapped up in what he now knew.Besides, it was bright and he didn’t have sunglasses, so he had to squint and it was only expounding upon his headache.

He hadn’t lied to Laurent.The idea did not repulse him at all.In fact, when he thought about taking Laurent out, getting deeper inside that head, having an actual opportunity to kiss him, he found himself grinning stupidly.And if Laurent didn’t feel as strongly as he did, that would be enough.But Damen wanted to make sure they were on the same page before he did anything.One thing he knew for sure was that if he entered a relationship with Laurent, it would be serious, it would be important, and it would be long-term.

Groaning, he pulled into the driveway of his house, turned off the car and the clapped a hand over his forehead.Thinking about it was only making things worse.This was not how he solved things.He needed to talk to someone.Desperately.Hopefully, someone had New Year’s Day off.

When he walked into the living room, he saw that everyone was there, including Jord.They were eating bowls of cereal and watching House Hunter reruns.All their heads turned when they heard the door slam. 

Jokaste shook her head and turned her attention back to the TV.Jord got up and fetched a Gatorade from the fridge and tossed it to Damen.Nikandros said, “Wow.You look like absolute crap.I’m pretty sure whenever I suggested you get drunk, I didn’t mean _this_ drunk.”

Damen cracked open the Gatorade, took a sip, and then muted the TV.

“Hey,” Jokaste said.“I was watching that, you know.”

“We’re having Damen time,” he said.“I never ask for anything, so you’re all just going to suck it up and deal.”

There was a moment of silence and then they all nodded.Damen smiled at their serious and concerned expressions, happy to have the friends he did.When nobody said anything, Nikandros said, “Okay, so, you should probably, like, talk, dude.Want to come lay your head on my lap?Impromptu therapy session?”

“No.I just don’t really know where to start,” Damen replied, sinking onto the floor and resting his head on the coffee table.Figuring there was no hope of organizing his thoughts in his state, he just started talking.“Okay, so, I show up at the party and I’m pissed, right?Laurent’s been ignoring me and I don’t know why and I don’t know why I care so much that he is.So I get drunk.I don’t know how much champagne I drank, but it was the bubbly kind, so it didn’t really take all that long.At which point, I got…”

“Emotional,” Jokaste supplied dryly.

“Right.So I said something, I don’t remember what, but Laurent dragged me out into the garden so I wouldn’t be the talk of the party and that’s when I started yelling.At least, I’m pretty sure I yelled.I was angry enough to.The night is a bit of a blurred haze, to be honest.

“And I don’t remember what he said, but it was enough to calm me down.Actually, it was enough to make me not angry, but somehow, his uncle figured out about the fight.I think.And, uh, he said some stuff and Laurent said some stuff and they were…”

“Wow, could we speed this up?” Nikandros asked.

“Yeah, sorry.Laurent’s uncle told me that Laurent was in love with me, basically.That’s the story.”

“And is he?” Jokaste asked, her face surprisingly calm.

“Well, he’s definitely…pretty much.”

“I did not see that coming,” Nikandros said in an awed voice.

“I didn’t either,” Damen replied.

There was a stunned silence, all of them processing the new information.Jokaste was the fastest to process and she said, “I assume we’re having this discussion because you don’t know what to do or how you feel.Which is a bit ridiculous, really.”

“Huh?”

Jokaste rolled her eyes.“I’m willing to admit that you’re not in love with him.He’s a lot less open than you and you haven’t really had the opportunity, but if you don’t think you’re totally into him, you’re fucking stupid.”She took a bite of cereal, swallowed, and said, “Excuse my language.”

Both Jord and Nikandros nodded and Damen stared at them blankly.“Just a month ago, you were all convinced I hated him.”

“Yeah, but that was before we saw him,” Nikandros said.

“Not this again.”

“You have a very distinctive type.What were we supposed to think when he showed up at the door?Besides…” Nikandros trailed off, shooting a look at Jokaste.She nodded and he continued, “We’ve been talking about it when you’re not home.”

“What?”

“You were just surprisingly comfortable around him is all, both at the party we attended and when he came over here.You were smiling a lot, too, and don’t even get me started on how ridiculous you were when you were texting him that one time.”

Softly, Jokaste said, “You two are on your own wavelength when you’re together and it looks like the most natural, unforced thing in the world.You hardly ever look away from him when he’s in the same room, you know.”

“I didn’t really notice, no,” Damen murmured.

“Go get the boy, Damen,” Nikandros said.

“But…but I haven’t noticed those things.And I admit, I wouldn’t mind dating him, but what if I’m just feeling that way because he told me he loved me?I wasn’t thinking about it at all before he said anything.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jokaste sighed.

Damen considered that and realized he probably was.Thinking back on it, he could come up with lots of moments he’d wished the fake dating was less fake or that it applied when they weren’t pretending.“Alright,” he said slowly, “But whatever he’s feeling is a lot stronger.What if I never reach that point?What if I hurt him?”

“That’s a part of relationships,” Jord said.

“And you’ll reach that point,” Jokaste said.“I wouldn’t worry about that.I’d worry about us.You two are going to be insufferable if you actually get your heads out of your asses.”

“Jesus,” Damen said, “Relax, would you?”

“She’s just jealous,” Nikandros said.

Jokaste didn’t grace that with a response.Instead she calmly pulled out a book and started reading it, her face giving nothing away.Gradually, they all settled back into their own activities, leaving Damen alone to think and process.

The conclusion he came to was rather simple: they were right, but he wasn’t going to force it or press Laurent into something he wasn’t ready for.Because if he knew anything about Laurent, it was that he didn’t have many close relationships and that was for a reason.Maybe the next time he saw him, he would try and broach the subject.

Upon deciding this, he declared, “I’m going to go take a long shower and then sleep.Wake me up around dinner time if I’m not already awake.”

“I got you,” Nikandros said.

Damen walked upstairs, stripped off his clothes and then got into the shower.It would’ve been nice, probably, if he wasn’t thinking of bed the entire time.But he did, so it was much quicker than he’d been anticipating. 

The minute he collapsed on his bed, hair still wet, he fell asleep.

 

When he woke, there was a text message from Laurent waiting for him.

_L: As predicted, there’s a party.It’s to celebrate the promotion of someone I don’t even know, so it will likely be smaller.It’s not at our place, so I’ll come get you.Two days from now.7:30._

_D: Wow.That was fast_

_L: Yes._

_D: How are you doing?_

_L: Peachy._

_D: That sounds sarcastic_

_L: It sounds like nothing.It is symbols on a screen._

_D: You are so totally in a mood.Am I helping?_

_L: No._

_D: I’ll see you in two days then_

_L: Lovely.Wear your second suit.I don’t want you to smell like a bathroom._

_D: Noted_

_L: Excellent._

_D: Is it actually written in your DNA that you have to have the last word?_

_L: Yes.Bye Damen._

Damen laughed and set the phone down, his fingers itching to type back, knowing that Laurent would keep replying.But he resisted, because Laurent clearly wasn’t in a talkative mood.

All Damen wanted to do was talk to him, though.For hours and hours, with no interruption.He’d be okay with not talking too.Just sitting and sharing space would be fine.Anything.Anything that put he and Laurent in the same room, because suddenly, that was the most important thing.It felt crucial to his survival.

It was strange how quickly things could change after a switch was flipped.

How in the hell was he going to last two days?


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Tuesday has returned! Thank god...I've been like anxiously waiting to post this chapter because I love it so much.   
> Thank you all for the comments and the love and the conversations on tumblr. I love it all.  
> And, as always, all my love to Mari, the coolest girl ever.  
> Enjoy!

“Would you stop pacing?I’m trying to watch _Game of Thrones_ ,” Nikandros said, ultimately pausing the show and sighing as his eyes followed Damen’s figure walking back and forth across the living room.

“I haven’t talked to him in two days.Two days.I got mad at him for ignoring me.What if he’s mad at me?Okay, not that I actively ignored him.He didn’t try to talk to me either.What am I going to say to him when he gets here?‘Hi, Laurent, I know it’s been two days and it probably looks like I’m majorly freaked out but in reality I’d love to take you out sometime, I just thought you wanted space.’”

“Sure.I think that’s a great idea.Now that you know what you’re going to say, you can stop pacing.”

Damen glared at Nikandros and Nikandros glared back.With a sigh, Damen moved to Jokaste, who was sitting in her usual chair, and laid his forehead on top of her head.Absentmindedly, she reached up and caressed the nape of his neck.Once she finished the page she was on, she said, “It will be fine.Trust me.”

“You think?”

She shook her head, her hair static-y against his forehead, “No.I know.”

“Alright.”

“You look very handsome,” she said.“Right, Nik?”

He hummed noncommittally before groaning at an unnecessarily gross death on screen.

“Besides, even if you two are incapable of sorting out your problems, at least you’ll get to take his uncle down a couple pegs,” Jokaste continued.

“True,” Damen smiled, joy flooding his body.His imagination had conjured a pretty good image of the man’s face, but he knew reality was going to be better.And it would make Laurent happy.That was good.

There was a knock on the door and Damen was there in seconds.He almost slammed the door against the wall, he opened it so quickly, and his attempt to look casual had Laurent biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing.“Hi,” Laurent said.

Looking at him, Damen wondered how he managed to look so calm and collected.His self control was truly enviable.“Hi,” Damen replied, smiling.He wanted to add, _you look fucking beautiful_ , but he had no idea what he was and wasn’t allowed at the moment.

“Ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Shoes, Damen,” Jokaste called.

“I thought I put those on,” he said, staring down at his feet, nothing but light gray socks covering them.

“I had you take them off because they were fucking loud and You.Wouldn’t.Stop.Pacing.”

Damen blushed, avoiding Laurent’s eyes as he searched for his shoes.He found them beside the coffee table.Sitting on the arm of the couch, he slipped them on, laced them, and then hurried back to the door.“I’m ready now,” he declared.

“I can see that.Bye Nikandros, Jokaste.”

“Bye,” they called as Damen closed the door.

“You were pacing?” Laurent asked slyly.

“I’ve been a little worked up recently.”

They both got into Laurent’s car, but Damen didn’t miss Laurent’s smile.It was electric.

Almost as electric as the energy in the car, which was dark and enclosed.Damen felt nerves settle in his stomach and he almost laughed at how ridiculous this entire situation was.Three days ago, he could’ve done this without any trouble, but now he was practically shaking with anticipation.

It only got worse as they drove and neither of them said a word.Laurent seemed happy with that, but Damen wasn’t, and before long, he was ready to burst, so he did.“Could you please say something?I’m going crazy.”

“I’ve noticed.It’s mildly entertaining.”

“Yes.Hilarious.”

“What do you want me to say?”

Damen realized then that Laurent had no idea how he felt or what he had decided.Of course he didn’t.Damen hadn’t said anything.Which meant Laurent was probably just as uncomfortable as him, just a lot better at hiding it.The realization relaxed him slightly, though the energy was still present, and he said, “Promise me, that after this party, we can talk because I have some things I want to say.”

“Of course you do.”

“Is that a promise?”

Laurent flicked his eyes away from the road and nodded once.

“Thank you.Also, are there any rules for tonight?Anything you’re not comfortable with?”

“On the contrary.Go wild.Whatever you’re comfortable with, Damen, because I can guarantee you it will flummox my uncle and I do so love it when he’s flummoxed.”

“I’ll try not to create a scene tonight.”

“I would appreciate that immensely.”

“He’s such a dick.”

“You’ve mentioned,” Laurent said dryly, stopping for a red light.While the red glow wasn’t particularly flattering, he was able to see Laurent’s face and it sent a flutter of joy through his body.He was struck with the desire to call Laurent beautiful again.

“Stop staring,” Laurent murmured.

“Sorry,” Damen sighed, turning his eyes back to road, shiny with water.

Ten minutes later, they had arrived at yet another mansion.This one was slightly smaller than Laurent’s and Damen hated the brick, but it still made him feel slightly nauseated.Yet another night spent with odious people.

Laurent hopped out, handed the valet the keys, and then came around to open Damen’s door.“Thanks,” Damen smiled, twining his fingers through Laurent’s.His hand was cold, but it was still perfect because he’d been thinking about doing it for days.He’d been thinking about doing lots of things for days, actually.(More than days.He had lists.Lists made longer ago than he’d imagined)

Damen knocked and they were greeted by a portly man with a pleasant smile, who led them to yet another sitting room.Apparently, it was a staple in houses like these.When they walked through the door, all heads turned to them and Damen felt Laurent’s hand tighten it’s grip.

“What do you think?” Damen whispered, staring at Laurent’s uncle, who was staring at them intently.As far as Damen could tell, he was giving nothing away, but Laurent knew him much better.

“I think we should be very careful.”Then he turned to face Damen, his blue eyes piercing.“Do not, under any circumstances, get angry.Am I clear?If you think you’re going to lose control, tell me and I will get us out of here.”

“He’s going to try and goad me, isn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“Do come sit down,” said a man with the reddest face Damen had ever seen.“Would either of you like something to drink?”

They strolled over and sat down on the one unoccupied couch, their thighs touching as they settled.“I’ll have a Vodka martini,” Damen said.

“I’m alright for now, thank you,” Laurent said.

“Are these the only people coming?” Damen whispered.There were a total of fifteen people and they were all seated in a circle, like a discussion in a high school English class.Where was the piano music?The wives?The glittering lights and champagne?

“Probably.”

“Fuck me.”

“What are you two whispering about over there?” a man asked, while smoking a cigar.An actual cigar.And he was smoking it inside the house.Damen just blinked at him.

“How beautiful Gerald’s house is,” Laurent said pleasantly, scanning the room with appraising eyes, though Damen could tell he was actually bored.“The ornamentation on the ceilings and doors is especially beautiful.After the rococo style, I imagine?”

“Yes, I believe so,” the man getting Damen’s drink—who had to be Gerald—said.“My wife knows better than I do.She’s obsessed with that sort of thing.”

“It’s a shame she isn’t here.”

“I always think that,” Gerald laughed.“She enchants a room in a way I can’t.”

“I’m sure,” Laurent said under his breath.Only Damen caught it and he started coughing, unable to disguise his laugh in any other way.With a smile, Laurent reached up and slapped Damen’s back a couple of times.

“Excuse me,” Damen mumbled.

Conversation quickly fell back into what they had been discussing before Damen and Laurent arrived: the insurance business.Gerald came over and handed Damen his Vodka martini before sitting back down and engaging in the conversation with gusto.While the focus was off him, Damen took the opportunity to whisper, “I’m going to fall asleep.”

“No, you won’t.I’m sure my uncle will turn the conversation over here at some point and then you’ll wish you were dead.”

“That’s comforting.”

“I sincerely hope it wasn’t.”

There was a bout of laughter and then the conversation dwindled away, everyone taking a sip of their drinks.Laurent leaned back in and whispered, “Here we go.”

“Damen,” Laurent’s uncle said, smiling widely.It was terrifying—too many teeth—and Damen felt the urge to duck behind Laurent and pretend he wasn’t here.“I didn’t think we were going to see you tonight, not after the scene at New Year’s Eve.”

There was some whispering between some of the men, which was mystifying, because they couldn’t possibly know anything.Maybe they were hazarding guesses.For a second, Damen was utterly paralyzed, unsure what to do.That was when Laurent’s hand crossed the short distance between them and rested on his knee, squeezing it gently.Reaching down, Damen covered Laurent’s hand with his own and then said, “It was a fight, sir, not the apocalypse.I wouldn’t abandon Laurent over a single, stupid fight.Besides, we’ve reconciled.He realized he was being unreasonable.”

Laurent pursed his lips but didn’t say anything.Damen managed to swallow his laugh this time, figuring another bout of coughing would make the first one suspicious.

“Really?You were the drunk one, if I recall.”

Sighing, Laurent stole Damen’s martini and took a small sip.The reverberations around the room at those words could be felt and Damen tried not to panic.It wasn’t like these people mattered to him.“Ah, yes, well, I think it’s safe to say we were both at fault.”

“Yes,” Laurent said.“But, surely, the ins and outs of our personal relationship are not something any of you are interested in.That would be unseemly, after all.”

“Very true,” Gerald said, likely wishing to prevent a fight in his home.“Tell me, Damen, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a school nurse.”

“Oh?”The scorn in that word was poorly disguised and Damen felt his irritation grow. 

“Yes,” he said.“It’s actually quite rewarding to help people.”His voice made it very clear that he thought the insurance business did very little in that regard.Laurent squeezed his knee hard and Damen took a deep breath, smiling to soften the blow.

“I’m sure.Are you working to get Damen a place in the company, Richard?If he and Laurent are serious, I know you would prefer if he were working somewhere more suited to the family he wishes to belong to.”

They hadn’t even been dating a year in their pretend scenario.Damen glanced at Laurent, who smiled back, eyes apologizing a thousand times over.

“I would,” Laurent’s uncle said.“What do you say, Damen?I’m sure I could fit you in somewhere.Your hours would be longer and it would leave you less time to watch Nicaise, but I’m sure you would sacrifice anything for my nephew.”

“It’s a kind offer,” Damen said in a hard voice.“I’ll think about it and let you know.”

“Do.”

Laurent had gone tense beside him and Damen wondered if it was because Nicaise had been brought up.It had seemed an odd thing to do.The visceral reaction was enough to make Damen angrier and he tried to remember that, if he wasn’t careful, he would fall right into the trap being set for him.It was good that Laurent had realized the situation as soon as he’d walked into the room and let Damen know, because if he hadn’t, Damen would’ve already fought back more than once.

The conversation moved away from them and to children and the various Ivy League colleges they were going to and Damen felt himself relax slightly.Though, he did notice that Laurent’s uncle kept glancing at him curiously, and it rankled him a bit.

Laurent returned his martini to him and slid his hand out from underneath Damen’s.Instantly, Damen missed the warmth and he forced himself not to chase after it.He tried to focus on the conversation, hoping it would distract him from Laurent, who would actually add questions and thoughts.They were thoughtful and intelligent and he would sit forward when someone was answering him, as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.

He was incredible.

Halfway through an explanation of recent market trends—it was impressive that he had anything to say at all—Damen reached down, picked up Laurent’s hand, and pressed his mouth against the back of it.Laurent’s words faltered for a half-second, before he continued, only shooting Damen a glance when he had finished speaking, slipping his arm around Damen’s waist briefly so he could pinch his side hard.

There were a couple more questions directed his way, but for the most part, he was ignored.Damen was surprised but grateful that Laurent’s uncle seemed to be done pressing for the night.

Gradually, the party wound down, until Laurent excused them easily, citing that it was growing late and he had work in the morning.It was something everyone present, except Damen—who had a day and a weekend left of his break—could sympathize with.So they all stood and prepared to leave.Laurent rushed Damen though and they were out of the house before anyone else.He heard Laurent take a deep breath of relief only to stiffen when his uncle called, “Wait, you two.I’d like to talk.”

Glancing around, Damen saw men from the party were still lingering, sharing last thoughts as they waited for their cars to arrive.Laurent’s uncle wasn’t done.He should’ve known.

“Are you heading back to the house, Laurent?”

“Yes,” Laurent said definitively, as though that had been their plan all along.

“Excellent.There’s a pile of signed documents on the kitchen counter.I forgot to grab them.When you get home, could you fax them to my office please?”

“Of course,” Laurent said.“Anything else?”

“Yes.What exactly are your intentions with my nephew, Damen?I must admit, I didn’t foresee this outcome and I’m wondering why.”

“Don’t pretend to care, Uncle,” Laurent said.

“Why wouldn’t I care?We are family and I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Laurent laughed derisively, grabbing Damen’s hand and tugging on it.Damen didn’t budge, though, eyeing Laurent’s uncle.“I wasn’t going to leave him to face you alone.Not after what you did to him.”

“What I did?”

“Are you serious?” Damen asked.“You think it’s okay to tell me that Laurent is in love with me?You think it’s okay to share Laurent’s secrets before he’s ready to tell them himself?It’s complete bullshit that you don’t want to see him hurt, because that’s hurtful.I just…”

“Damen,” Laurent said, a warning in his voice.“Not now.Let’s go.”

“There’s lots of secrets Laurent keeps to himself.You might never have found out,” Laurent’s uncle said.He lingered for a moment, obviously waiting to see if Damen would take the bait, and then he strolled off, waving a hand as he did.Seething, Damen glared at his back, mad that he hadn’t had the opportunity to punch that man yet and mad that he was dwelling on what other secrets Laurent had, which was likely exactly what Laurent’s uncle had wanted.

“Damen,” Laurent whispered.“I know how you feel, but there’s a time and a place and this isn’t it.Get in the car.We’ll go to my place and we’ll talk.Okay?”

“Fine.”

 

Damen was angry the entire drive.He was still angry when they arrived at the house and he was still angry as he pulled one of the barstools out to sit on, the metal feet scraping harshly against the tile floor.Laurent found it strangely flattering.Someone cared about him enough to get this angry on his behalf.

Of course, Laurent did not want to have whatever conversation Damen wanted to have while Damen was angry.It couldn’t possibly end well, so after he faxed his uncle’s documents, he suggested tea.Damen hummed assent, his mind still far away and Laurent smiled, grabbing himself lemon ginger and Damen a packet of hot chocolate.In two years, Damen had never wanted tea.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were over,” Nicaise’s voice said.Both Laurent and Damen turned and saw Nicaise standing at the edge of the tile, feet bare and in pajamas.He looked so young and Laurent felt his heart contract.

“Hey, kid,” Damen said.“How are you?”

“Better than you, by the looks of it.Are you making tea, Laurent?”

Laurent nodded.“Want some?”

“Thanks,” Nicaise replied, pulling out a stool beside Damen and lifting himself onto it.“I wasn’t sure I’d see you again,” he said to Damen.

“Whatever happens with Laurent and I, I’ll always be here for you.Alright?”

“Oh…well, okay.Why are you angry?”

“Richard.Do you think I could get away with calling him dick to his face?Technically, it’s a nickname for Richard.”

“Do it,” Nicaise said.“It’d be hilarious.You might not survive, but it’d be hilarious.”

“My death is worth it, huh?”

“Definitely.”

Laurent smiled as he heard the electric kettle finish.He could hear Damen’s mood improving.Pouring hot water into three separate mugs, he put tea bags in two, and mixed chocolate powder into the third.He distributed them and then leaned against the counter, watching as Nicaise and Damen poked each other in the stomach.

When they finished, Nicaise took a sip of his tea, nodded happily, and said, “Well, I’m going back upstairs.There’s lots of sexual tension in this room, so I’m figuring you two want to sort that out.Good night.Try to sleep.”

Damen’s mouth fell open and then he started laughing, giving Nicaise the finger.Nicaise gave it right back.

“You’re good with him,” Laurent said, choosing to completely ignore Nicaise’s observation, because he didn’t know what to do with it.

Damen shrugged.“Kids are pretty easy.I only have three rules, really.Don’t invalidate them, listen, and play when they want to play.”

“Not always easy.”

“No,” Damen agreed.“But they’re foolproof.”

Laurent circled the top of his mug with the pad of his index finger.Watching it’s procession around and around, he said, “So, you wanted to talk.”He was very grateful for the counter separating them.

“Yeah,” Damen breathed.“I…uh…”

“Yes?”

“It’s a lot harder to vocalize when you’re standing there, listening.”

“Do you want me to hide behind the counter?”

“You’d do that?”

“No,” Laurent said.It came out sounding confident, just like he’d wanted, but in reality, he was contemplating doing just that.It might be easier to listen to his life falling apart if he wasn’t looking at Damen.Because, either way, that was the result.Either Damen wanted to be friends and Laurent had to resign himself to an existence of pining for someone he couldn’t have or Damen wanted Laurent and Laurent had to find the will to remove walls.And he would try.Damen was worth losing walls for, however much it hurt.

“Okay, so, after that night, or morning, I guess, I went home and I talked to Jokaste, Nikandros, and Jord about it, because I think out loud way better than I think in my head.And they all concluded, rather quickly, that I was an idiot for even questioning how I felt.I didn’t think it was all that ridiculous because I’d kind of disliked you for a long time and because knowing someone loves you changes everything and I wasn’t sure how to reconcile that change.”Laurent almost laughed despite how tense he was, sensing a long, rambling speech in his future.

“Anyway, I thought about it and I realized that not having you in my life is unthinkable, that I want to talk to you for hours and hours about absolutely nothing, that I have a very long list—some compiled from much earlier than when we started this—of ways that I want to touch you, that I have been thinking of nothing else for two straight days, that I desperately wanted to tell you all night that you were beautiful.You were beautiful, by the way.You are beautiful.

“I don’t love you, but I think I want to.I want to know everything about you and I want to wake up in the morning to your smile and I want to kiss you and taste lemon and ginger on your tongue.”

It was good that Damen looked like he had more to say, because Laurent couldn’t think of a single thing to say in return.His brain was empty.Completely and entirely blank.All he knew was the beat of his heart, the sound of his labored breathing, and the color of Damen’s eyes.

“I also know that that’s a lot, especially for you.The last thing on earth I want to do is make you uncomfortable and so I can wait.I can wait as long as you need me to wait.Because I know that being in love with someone passively is very different from being in love with them actively.I just hope that someday, you’re willing to leap with me.”

“Leap?How cliché,” Laurent said, before wondering why in the fuck he had said that.

“My brain can’t come up with new and original metaphors on such short notice, unfortunately.”

Laurent’s brain was still empty and it was starting to scare him.He was aware, instinctively, that he should be saying something in return, anything, but he couldn’t get his mouth to move.He just stood there, staring at his tea cup and watching the steam float up.

“Well, at least I’ve found a sure fire way to shut you up.”

“I…I can’t think.I need to…”Laurent wasn’t sure what he needed.Space, probably.Somewhere to think and process.Somewhere where Damen wasn’t, because apparently, thinking around him was impossible.

“I said what I needed to say.We can move on.I don’t really want to leave, but I can.”

“No.Don’t leave,” Laurent murmured, taking the mug in both hands and sipping it.Closing his eyes, he felt the hot liquid burn down his throat and settle in his stomach.He did it again and again, until he felt his thoughts sluggishly returning.“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Okay,” Damen said brightly.Laurent glanced up and felt vaguely like he was going to melt into the floor when Damen’s smile hit him full blast.He was so okay without a response from Laurent and it was so strange.If it were him, he’d be going absolutely insane.Nobody would know, but he and Damen were different.If Damen was going insane, it would be obvious.“What do you want to do then?”

“Murder you,” Laurent said truthfully.If Damen was dead, he wouldn’t have to do this, he wouldn’t have to put his trust in someone who could tear him apart.Why he found himself wanting to was beyond him.He’d always been a creature made for survival, but he was about to throw all that work away for one man.

He’d throw it all away for just _one_ more moment with Damen.That terrified him even more.

“Are you sure you want me to stay?”

“Yes.”

“You’re very contradictory,” Damen said.

“Clearly, you don’t mind.”

“Not much, anyway.Sometimes it makes me want to strangle you.”

“I’m glad we’re both in homicidal moods,” Laurent said.“If my life ever falls apart and I end up writing Hallmark cards, I’ll make sure to mention that romance is only romance when it involves homicide.” Damen laughed and Laurent bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.It was just nice to make someone laugh.It was nice to want to make someone laugh.It was nice that his rather odd sense of humor made Damen laugh.

“I won’t kill you if you don’t kill me,” Damen said.

“You have yourself a deal.”

Then, very consciously, he grabbed his mug and walked around the counter, occupying the seat Nicaise had left not so long ago.Damen swiveled his barstool so that their knees were touching and said, “Do you like getting caught in the rain?”

“Or piña coladas?” Laurent said dryly.

“Or making love at midnight?” Damen replied, still smiling.Laurent briefly wondered if he was ever going to stop.

“Can’t say I like any of those things.”

“Too bad.I like all three.”

Before Laurent could catch himself, he was smiling and not his usual smile, close mouthed and deprecating.It was the one with teeth, the one that could make his cheeks hurt if he wasn’t careful.

“Oh, that’s nice,” Damen said.“I’ll make you smile like that again before the end of the night.”

“Will you?”

“Yes.I’m determined.”

Laurent took a deep breath, trying to steady himself.He felt like he was breaking into tiny pieces and floating to every corner of the room.And each piece was quivering, alight with electricity.It was unbearable.Looking at Damen, who looked back, he realized there was only way he was going to be able to make it bearable, only one way he would feel grounded in this moment.So he laid his hand on Damen’s shoulder, before sliding it down, down, down, until their hands were flat together.They’d done this before, but it felt new.He was worried it was going to make him nauseous or start a series of unwanted flashbacks, but nothing happened, so he slipped his fingers between Damen’s, conscious of skin and knuckles.“I don’t do this,” Laurent whispered.

“I know.”

“I’m going to be terrible at it.”

“I disagree, but I know you feel that way.”

“I won’t be able to have sex for a long time.So if you’re…”

“Okay.”

Laurent swallowed and let his eyes fall to their hands, their differences obvious.Damen’s hands were significantly larger and darker.Laurent could hardly tell his hand was there, except that he could feel it, in a way he couldn’t feel most things.His entire mind was bent to how Damen’s hand felt around his.

“Let me take you out,” Damen whispered.“For real.”

“When?”

“How about now?”

“Now?” Laurent asked, fixing his eyes on Damen’s and pursing his lips.“You do realize I have work in the morning, yes?”

“I’ll give you lots of good memories to get you through the day.”

“Arrogance.How nice.”

Damen grinned and leaned in closer, so close that Laurent could probably count every one of his eyelashes if he wanted to, “I’m confident I can show you a good time.I have the advantage of knowing a fair amount about you.What do you say?”

His thoughts were gone again and the only word left on his tongue was, “Yes.”

 

The first thing Damen realized is that he was wearing a suit and he didn’t particularly want to wear one out on an impromptu date.He also didn’t have his car, so Laurent was going to have to drive and it was feeling less like he was doing the taking out, but he didn’t care enough to stop it from happening altogether. 

When Laurent said he was going to change, Damen said, “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “This was your idea.It’s not my fault you have no suitable clothes.”He didn’t move, though, and kept staring before he sighed and said, “Follow me.I have some things of Auguste’s that might fit you.”

“Auguste’s?” Damen asked, following Laurent upstairs.He tried to keep his voice as light as possible.

Laurent gave a stiff nod.“When he died, I kept a lot of his clothes and wore them because they smelled like him.They don’t any longer, though, so mostly they just hide in the back of my closet.”Damen could hear how carefully each word was picked and his heart soared.Already, Laurent was trying for him. They ended up in Laurent’s bedroom, a place Damen had never been.It was a lot like all other bedrooms, decked out in decorations and unnecessary furniture and a gigantic bed, but unlike the other ones, there were books everywhere.Half of Laurent’s bed had books.Shelves were filled to the brim and almost every surface had a pile of books on top of it.“Wow,” Damen said.“You love reading.”

“I do.”

Laurent headed towards the closet, but Damen veered towards a pile beside the door, glancing at the titles.He was prepared to look at every single book in the room, but Laurent stuck his head around the edge of his walk in closet and said, “You can do that some other time.Get in here.”

“Right, sorry,” Damen said, hurrying over.He walked into a crowded closet that was almost entirely blue, black, and gray.Laurent was grabbing a sweater from a neat pile on the leftmost shelf.Seeing Damen had entered, he gestured to shelves on the right and said, “Bottom shelf, to the right.Those are all his.It’s unlikely any of the pants will fit, but you’re welcome to try.I’ll be in the bathroom changing while you do that.”

“Alright,” Damen said, crouching down and scanning his options.There was a dark purple sweater that he loved and it looked slightly larger than the others, so it would probably fit.The only hope for bottoms was a ratty pair of sweatpants, so Damen decided to stick with his dress pants.At least they weren’t uncomfortable, like the tie and the jacket were.

Stripping off his jacket, he was about to toss it on the floor, when he realized Laurent would probably give him shit for that, so he hung it up with one of Laurent’s spare hangers.Then he worked his tie off and then unbuttoned his shirt.Both fell to the floor and then he stood there staring at them for a moment, wondering if he should leave them there or not.This wasn’t his house or room, but he didn’t really know what he would do with them if he picked them up either.

“The floor is fine,” Laurent said, back and changed.His eyes were roaming Damen’s body and Damen smirked.

“Enjoying the view?”

Laurent flushed lightly, but managed to say “No,” very convincingly.

Damen laughed and threw the sweater on.To his relief, it fit and it was extremely comfortable.Well worn.“Is it alright?” Damen asked, “I can change if…”  

Laurent burst into laughter, holding his stomach as he did.“You look absolutely fucking ridiculous,” he choked about, before doubling back over.

“I’ll assume it’s fine then,” Damen said flatly, strolling over to Laurent, until they were standing only inches apart.That got Laurent to stop laughing, eyes flying straight to Damen’s.There was weariness there, but also excitement and happiness.

“Ready to go?” Damen murmured.“You’re going to have to drive, but I’ve got places in mind.”

Nodding, Laurent said, “Let me just double check that my uncle isn’t coming home tonight.If he is, we’ll have to stay in.”

“Okay.”

Laurent began texting, his fingers flying over the keypad.Hardly a minute later, there was a response and Laurent’s mouth curled at the corners.“Let’s go.”

They bounded down the stairs and out the front door, where Laurent’s car was waiting for them.He must’ve alerted Carlos, too.They both got in, shut the doors, and then sat there, both surprised that they were actually doing this.Damen started laughing and then Laurent followed suit, though more reservedly, only driving the car around the driveway when they could both breathe again.“Downtown, I presume.”

“Yes,” Damen replied.

 

Before long, they were in Portland.The lights seemed brighter to Laurent and he watched as groups of people made their way to various bars and dance clubs.It was hard not to wonder what Damen had in mind, especially considering he had very little interest in a bar or a club. 

“Where do you want me to park?” Laurent asked.

“Northwest twenty-third.Anywhere around Glisan.” Laurent’s mind started filing through options around there.The only problem is he didn’t know what was open at eleven-o-clock at night.Damen seemed to know.He must’ve gone out a lot when he was younger.Maybe he still did.Laurent supposed he didn’t really know.It was something he could ask now, though, without worrying about seeming too interested in what most people would deem largely uninteresting things.“Spend a lot of late nights in Portland?”

“I used to.Nik’s a big partier.I don’t mind, but I also enjoy nights in as long as I have someone to spend that night in with.Anyway, back when I worked at a deli and work wasn’t as exhausting, we would go out once or twice a week.Clubs, bars, you name it.”

Laurent silently contemplated that, noticing Damen hadn’t said anything about a more relaxed environment.

Damen laughed at the silence.“No clubs or bars, Laurent.I know better than that.”

“What else is there to do?”

“You’ll see.”

Laurent sighed.He hated surprises.It was hard to prepare or get the lay of the land when you knew nothing.But, this…all of it…depended on trusting Damen, so that was what he was going to do.

When they passed Glisan, Laurent began searching for a parking spot.Portland was always crowded at night, but he managed to find someone leaving.He turned on his blinker and waited, then he parked. 

“That was some impressive parallel parking,” Damen said, awe not disguised in his voice.

“It’s not hard.It just takes practice.

“I don’t know about that.”

Laurent got out of the car, seeing a break in the stream of cars, and then hurried over to the sidewalk where Damen was waiting, hands dug deep into his pockets.It was rather cold.“Are you telling me that you can’t parallel park?”

Damen shrugged.“I can.It just takes me awhile.”

“That’s pathetic.”

“Not all of us can be perfect,” Damen said, grabbing Laurent’s arm and winding it through his own.“Okay?I’m kind of cold.”

Laurent nodded and snuggled in closer, because he liked to disappoint himself and because he could.Heat was pouring from Damen’s body, so much so, that Laurent would’ve suspected he had a fever if he was showing any signs of being sick.Apparently, he just ran warm.

They walked down the street, their breaths puffing in the air.Laurent’s eyes roamed the collections of little shops, all closed, waiting for something that was open.When he didn’t see anything in the vicinity, he shot a glance at Damen, who might as well have been whistling for how self-satisfied he looked.Laurent elbowed him in the side and said, “Tell me where we’re going.”

“We’re close.”

“That is not an answer.”

“Look at the Christmas lights, Laurent.Aren’t they pretty?”

“Christmas is over.”

“Scrooge.”

“It was almost two weeks ago,” Laurent protested.

“Feels like it was only yesterday,” Damen said in a dreamy voice.When Laurent shot him a disparaging look, he laughed, tilting his head back as he did.Unable to help himself, Laurent noticed the way his adams apple bobbed and how his curls flopped against his forehead, like waves against the sand.Everything about him was so carefree and easy.Laurent wondered what it would be like to live like that.

Damen took his free arm and raised it, pointing to Papa Haydn’s.“That’s where we’re going.”

“Dessert.”

“Yep.”

“And how would you know I like dessert?”

“Oh come on,” Damen said, waiting for a break in the cars so they could cross the street.“Christmas.Last year.Nicaise and I baked sugar cookies, ate a few, and then went to watch TV.When I came back up to grab one more before I left, there were significantly fewer there and your uncle wasn’t home yet.”

Laurent said nothing in reply, shocked that Damen had noticed and then made the connection for tonight, especially on such short notice.That was when he realized that, perhaps, this had been inevitable.Years of dancing around each other, noticing things they wouldn’t notice about other people…it hadn’t occurred to Laurent that Damen might’ve been falling in love the entire time and was too stupid to notice, but the longer he considered the option, the more plausible he deemed it.Damen _was_ too stupid to notice.Emotions weren’t his strong suit.

“Dessert is okay, isn’t it?”

“Of course,” Laurent said, pulled out of his thoughts. 

“Good.You went kind of quiet there.”

“I was thinking.”

“About what?” Damen asked with interest.Laurent was disinclined to answer and Damen noticed almost immediately.“You don’t have to answer that.” 

They had reached the entrance to the restaurant and Damen held the door open for him.“Thank you,” Laurent said, pulling his hands from his pockets and letting them warm in the snug atmosphere.He strolled up to the hostess and told her they wanted a table for two and that they were here for dessert.She smiled, informed him it would be a ten minute wait, asked for his name, and then called the names of a different group, menus in hand.

“Ten minutes,” Laurent said to Damen.There wasn’t much to the front of the restaurant so they had to stand close.Effortlessly, Damen put an arm around his waist and pulled him in tight.

“Nicaise mentioned once upon a time that you don’t typically like to be touched,” Damen whispered into his ear.“If it’s ever too much, let me know and I’ll let go.”

It was already the best first date Laurent had been on.Not that he had much to compare it with and not that Damen was ever going to know and not that it really mattered because Laurent was already in deep.If he wasn’t careful, this was going to move faster than he wanted.Normally, he wouldn’t be worried, but it was hard to be careful around Damen.

Ten minutes later, they were seated at a small table beside a large window, a tiny little candle settled in the middle of the table.“How romantic,” Laurent drawled, opening his dessert menu.

“God, I’m so good at spontaneous dates,” Damen grinned.

“Do you ever not act like a golden retriever puppy?”

Rolling his eyes, Damen said, “I think you have a fair amount of proof to support that I do, in fact, not always like a golden retriever puppy.See New Year’s Eve.”

“I am sorry about that,” Laurent murmured.He wished he had the guts to tell Damen that it might happen again.

“You’ve already apologized.So, are you a milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or white chocolate person?”

“White chocolate isn’t even chocolate,” Laurent scoffed.

“I’m guessing dark then.”

“Yes.But milk is edible.”

“Edible.Wow.Cadbury should use that as an advertising tool.Solid milk chocolate bunnies.They’re edible.”

“It would be true,” Laurent said, trying not to laugh.“Now, shut up.I can’t read and talk at the same time and I would really like to order something within the next hour.”

There was a breathy laugh, but Damen didn’t respond, taking the command to heart.They scanned the options in silence, before the waiter came over and with a forced smile, asked if they would like anything to drink.

“Water is fine,” Damen said.

“A hot chocolate, please,” Laurent said.

“Want whipped cream with that?”

“Please.”

He scurried down a couple of notes and then said, “Are you two ready to order or do you want more time?”

Damen raised his eyebrows at Laurent, who nodded.“It looks like we’re ready.Can I have the berry cobbler please?”

“Sure.”

“Thank you.”

The waiter turned his attention to Laurent.Running a finger down the menu, Laurent found what he wanted and said, “I’d like the Scharffen Berger Bombe, please.”Then he folded up his menu and handed it to the waiter.Damen did the same and then he leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table, and his head on his hands.

“What the fuck is in that?”

“It’s essentially glazed chocolate mousse.”

“Sounds rich.”

“Thankfully, you don’t have to eat it,” Laurent said, unraveling his silverware and smoothing the napkin down into his lap.Damen was still watching him and it was sort of unsettling, but in an exciting way.

“So,” Damen said in a light tone, “Why do you love me?”

“Because you think I’m going to answer dumb questions.”

Damen shook his head, smirking.“Well, that’s a reason, I suppose.”

“Please tell me you didn’t actually expect me to answer that.”

“Not really, but I figured it was worth a shot.Someday, you’re going to start actually answering my questions, so I still want to be asking them when that time comes.”

“Optimistic of you.”

“You don’t think you will?” Damen asked.

“I don’t know,” Laurent whispered, looking back down at his lap. 

“You have to have more faith in me than that.”

“What?”

“If I can’t make you feel safe and comfortable, then we’ve got a problem,” Damen said.

“I’ve haven’t felt either of those things since Auguste died, to be honest.”

“What was he like?”

“Auguste?” Laurent asked, knowing that that was what Damen meant.But he needed to buy time, because it was hard to talk about Auguste, but he wanted to try.

“Yeah.”

“He was the best man I’ve ever known,” Laurent said, twirling his finger around the rim of his water glass.“You two are very similar, actually.Kind, simple, and _good_.He was seven years older than me, so I followed him everywhere and I always tried to be like him.It was impossible—our minds were too different—but he was the reason I noticed the sun when I woke up in the morning.He made my entire world brighter and kinder and more hopeful.”Laughing self-deprecatingly, Laurent continued by saying, “I probably hero-worshipped him.I can’t tell you what he was really like, honestly.”

“What he was to you is the only thing I really care about, anyway.”

Laurent smiled softly, a small sliver of weight lifting from his chest.His hot chocolate arrived, whipped cream crowning the top of the cup.He took a long sip, feeling the warmth flood him, and he smiled again.The warmth from the hot chocolate didn’t disappear and Laurent suspected it was because he was happy.

“You’ve got a mustache,” Damen said, staring intently at the top of Laurent’s lip.

“You look like you want to lick it off.”

“Maybe I do.”

“You’re shameless,” Laurent said, licking it off himself.Damen watched the journey of his tongue.Shameless wasn’t even the right word for him.He was unabashedly indecent and it was kind of wonderful; definitely attractive.

“Is it good?” Damen asked.

“Very.”

“Good.”

Laurent took another sip and then said, “What about your brother?I know you’re not talking, but you must’ve been talking at some point.”

“We used to talk,” Damen nodded.“We used to do lots of things, actually.It’s how he ended up having sex with Jokaste in the first place.I would invite him to almost everything she and I did when it wasn’t a specified date night.”

“Please tell me you don’t blame yourself for that.”

“I mean, if I hadn’t…”

Laurent reached across the table and took one of Damen’s hand in his.“No.When people do shit like that, it’s their decision.Even if you’d shoved them together and demanded they kiss, it would still be their decision.They fucked you over and it’s on them, not you.”

“I know,” Damen sighed.“It’s so hard to believe that, though.”

“It is,” Laurent said.The amount of times he’d tried to convince himself of that very thing was argument enough.Laurent began to withdraw his hand, figuring the moment had passed, but Damen gripped it tightly.

“It’s nice,” he smiled.“I like touching you.”

Laurent flushed, smiling slightly.Damen was running a thumb over his knuckles over and over again and he could feel himself slowly losing control.He let it go to the brink and then he pulled his hand back, settling it into his lap.There was no protest from Damen.He didn’t even look offended.He simply smiled reassuringly, his eyes kind.Maybe he didn’t understand, but it didn’t seem to matter to him.

Feeling like he owed some kind of explanation nonetheless, he said, “It’s going to take me some time to get used to, but I don’t hate it.Not even remotely.”

“Thank god.”

Laurent laughed and then took another sip of his hot chocolate to avoid smiling like an idiot, because that was all he wanted to do.This was not something he could’ve ever predicted, this ease, this strength of emotion and chemistry.It was so dangerous.

That was when their desserts arrived, both looking absolutely delicious.For awhile, they were happy to eat their own and discuss Nikandros, but then Damen attempted to steal a bite of Laurent’s.It resulted in a spoon duel of sorts, Laurent unwilling to share.Only when Laurent was positive someone’s spoon was going to fly out of their hand and across the restaurant, did he let his guard down, saying, “One.One bite or I swear to god, this date will end in homicide.”

After dessert and after Damen had paid—citing that Laurent had driven and it was his turn to contribute—they strolled back to the car, arms linked.“Okay,” Damen began, “I have another idea.But, you do have work and it’s almost midnight, so I can save it.”

“I should really get home,” Laurent sighed.

“It’s nice to hear that you sound unhappy about that.”

“Fuck off.”

Laughing, Damen said, “I’ll save it then.We have to do it late at night like this, though.It’s the best time to go.Almost magical.”

“I suppose you’re not going to tell me what it is.”

“Nope.”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t, actually,” Damen said.

Laurent rolled his eyes and got into the car.He waited for Damen to be seated and buckled in and then they were heading home, Laurent trying not to focus on just how hard it was going to be to let Damen leave.Absence didn’t always make the heart grow fonder.

 

Laurent pulled up in front of the house and Damen hadn’t hated the sight of his own house more than he hated it right now.Obviously, he wanted Laurent to be well rested for work, but he didn’t want to leave him.Tonight, while long, had ended up being one of the better nights of his life and it had everything to do with the man sitting beside him.

“Walk me to the door?” Damen said.

“If you insist.”

They got out of the car and walked slowly.It seemed as though Laurent didn’t want him to leave, either.When they reached the door, they both stood there in silence—but it wasn’t awkward, though perhaps it should’ve been.Instead, it felt like the right thing to do, the thing Laurent would appreciate; time and space to think.

“Thank you for tonight.For all of it.Especially the party.I’m sorry my uncle was callously rude.”

“It’s okay.I had you.”

Laurent bit his lip lightly, before saying, “You need to stop saying things like that.”

“Why?” Damen asked, trying not to grin like a fool.

“My brain loses all hope of functioning.”

“That’s not always a bad thing.”

“I’ve never found it to be a good thing,” Laurent said.

“I’ll prove you wrong.”

“I’m sure you will.I should go.”

Figuring a kiss was too presumptuous, especially since holding hands seemed to drive Laurent crazy enough, Damen leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, lingering a little longer than he needed to, just so he could breathe Laurent in.When he pulled away, he smiled and said, “Good night, Laurent.I’m pretty damn sure I won’t be able to stop thinking about you.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Laurent murmured, stepping forward and pressing his lips to Damen’s surprised ones.It didn’t take long for him to understand what was happening though.He slipped his arms around Laurent’s waist and pulled him in closer, kissing back enthusiastically, pleased at how right it felt.After one kiss, Laurent pulled back, resting his hands on Damen’s chest and tilting his head down towards the ground.

Then he looked up and whispered, “You are going to be the end of me,” before kissing Damen one last time, a hand featherlight on Damen’s jaw, and stepping out of his arms to walk back to his car.

Damen didn’t bother hiding the fact that he was touching his lips, already replaying the kiss in his head.He couldn’t say if Laurent saw or not, but that didn’t seem to be the most pressing matter.What Damen really wanted to know is if Laurent was smiling that smile again.

 

He was.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing knew or exciting to add today. Thank you all for reading and commenting and being lovely. I'll always be endlessly grateful.  
> As always, thanks to Mari. l love you and all that you do.  
> Enjoy! <3

When Laurent woke up the next morning, he bemoaned having to go to work.As he laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, he considered calling in sick.Damen had the day off and they could do something together.In his head, he was already halfway through planning a day out, before he sighed, got out of bed and went to his closet.He was going to have to get through many days without seeing Damen.The earlier he started, the better.

Of course—as usual—the world was working against him, because the moment he walked into the closet, he spotted Damen’s shirt and tie still on the floor.It was exactly what he didn’t need.The weak hold he had on his self-control completely vanished and he was flooded with images of last night.Damen’s smile, his curls spilling onto his forehead begging to be tugged and wrapped, his hands, his lips—warm, soft, and surprised.With cautious fingers, Laurent brought his hand to his lips and felt a ghost of the kisses he’d given Damen last night.Not in his entire life had Laurent felt anything like it.His entire body had turned into molten lava that sparked and spitted wherever Damen touched him.

He’d also been thoughtless.So thoughtless, he hadn’t even had the chance to be concerned that there was nothing but blankness.It could become addicting.

Wandering back out of his closet, he grabbed his phone, intending to text Damen that his clothes were still here.But when he checked the main screen, it was to see that Damen had already texted him.At four in the morning.

_D: For the first time in my life, I hate being right.You’re all I can think about and frankly I’d like to be asleep_

_D: Also, I still have Auguste’s sweater and you still have my clothes_

And then there was one more that he had sent at seven in the morning, a little less than a half hour ago.

_D: When do you head into work?_

Smiling, Laurent typed out a response.

_L: Leaving home at 8:30._

Not knowing if Damen was going to reply immediately, Laurent got dressed, grabbing a scarf from a hanger for later when he actually had to leave, and then he whisked his phone off the nightstand and headed downstairs to the kitchen.He wasn’t hungry in the slightest—his stomach was a mess of nerves—but he figured he should try and eat something.It was going to be a long day at work.They were discussing a series of stories and Laurent had liked none of them and it was rarely fun to discuss the ones he didn’t like.In fact, it usually led to an argument, because most of his coworkers were dense and liked stupid things.

The fridge was open and he was considering the contents when his phone buzzed.Digging it out of his pocket, Laurent read:

_D: I’m going to bring you Auguste’s sweater_

_D: Is Nicaise up?_

_L: I haven’t seen him._

_D: Well, it doesn’t matter_

_D: Don’t eat_

_L: And what am I supposed to do?I’m starving, Damen.It’s going to take you a half hour to get here._

_D: Ten minutes, actually_

_L: You’ve already left, have you?_

_D: Yep.Like twenty minutes ago._

_L: You’re insufferable.What if I hadn’t wanted you to come over?_

_D: That’d be too bad_

_D: You don’t mind, though, right?_

_D: Cuz I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.I’m just going kind of crazy not seeing you and then you’re going to work so I thought I’d ease some of the craziness.Can’t be good when it gets built up_

_L: I don’t mind.I’ll even wake Nicaise._

_D: Don’t do that.He’ll blame it on me_

_L: Too bad._

Laurent bit on his lip hard to stop himself from smiling, figuring he needed to relearn how to control that impulse in this new situation, and then he went upstairs to Nicaise’s bedroom.Not bothering to knock, he walked in.

Nicaise was sound asleep, half of the covers on the floor instead of his body.His arms were curled around Billy the stuffed unicorn—he would fervently deny the existence of Billy to everyone but Laurent—and Laurent almost reconsidered.It was rare he slept this well.Although, not too rare of late.

Crossing the room, Laurent laid a hand on Nicaise’s shoulder and shook him gently.Nicaise’s eyelids fluttered open.After five seconds, he realized he was awake and he scowled magnificently, shoving Laurent’s hand off of him.“Why?” he groaned.

“Damen’s coming over and bringing you breakfast.”

“Why the fuck is he…”Then Nicaise sat up and stared at Laurent intently.For a moment they were both silent, Laurent barely managing to contain a smile, and then Nicaise was out of the bed and his arms were wrapped tightly around Laurent’s waist, his head slamming into Laurent’s chest.“Oh my god,” he said, voice excited.“He likes you back?Is that why you came in so late last night?You have to tell me everything.”

“Nicaise,” Laurent sighed, reality crashing back in now that someone else was involved.“We…I have to be prepared for the eventuality that Damen will…”

“No,” Nicaise interrupted.“Don’t get sensible.Not over him.He deserves dreams.”

Laurent brushed his hands through Nicaise’s curls and smiled.“Okay,” he whispered.“Dreams.”There was no crushing that face.Besides, Laurent thought the exact same thing Nicaise did, despite himself.

“So, what happened last night?I mean, I know you went to the party and I’m sure it was awful, but there’s no way that it lasted until one.”

“Nicaise…”

Stepping out of the hug, Nicaise slapped Laurent hard in the stomach and said, “Tell me or I’ll keep hitting you.I know you want to talk about it.Your face may be all put together, but your eyes are on cloud fucking nine.”

“We went out for dessert,” Laurent said.

“That tells me absolutely nothing.”

“I realize that.I’m heading back downstairs.Damen will be here soon.”

“Fine.I’ll just ask him, you know.”

“I know,” Laurent sighed, pretending it wasn’t entirely part of his plan, pretending that he cared very little about how Damen would describe the night they spent together.

Together, the two of them went and sat on the last step of the stairs, waiting for Damen to arrive.Nicaise played Candy Crush on Laurent’s phone and Laurent watched, occasionally pointing out a smarter move if he could see what Nicaise was going to do before he did it.On occasion, it was the type of thing that would upset Nicaise, but when he was in a better mood, he was willing to listen and learn.

When the doorbell rang, they saw Carlos heading for it, but Nicaise shook his head and shouted, “We’ve got it, Carlos.”

“Very well, sir,” Carlos said, backing off with an amused smile. _Damen?_ he mouthed to Laurent.Laurent nodded, following Nicaise at a more relaxed pace.

When Nicaise managed to get the door open, Damen was standing there, holding a tray of coffee in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other.He grinned when he saw Nicaise.“Hey, kid.Just right off the bat, I’d like to say that I told Laurent not to wake you up.”

“I don’t care anymore because you are going to tell me all about the date you went on last night with my uncle.Brother.Bruncle.Whatever.Point is, he won’t tell me a goddamn thing and it’s very irritating.”Laurent felt his stomach flip at the word ‘brother’ leaving Nicaise’s mouth.

Damen stepped inside and raised his head so his eyes were on Laurent instead of Nicaise.Laurent’s stomach was flipping again, but harder.“He won’t?Why does that not surprise me?”

Laurent crossed his arms over his stomach and smiled slyly.“Because I was going to tell him it was absolutely horrible, but I knew he would report back to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Damen said, stepping forward, so that he was right in front of Laurent, only a half step from kissing.Lowering his voice slightly, Damen said, “I can breathe again,” before kissing Laurent’s temple softly.He’d had no idea how Damen was going to treat him this morning and he felt a wave of utter relief sweep him as Damen’s lips were against his skin.It hadn’t all been a sadistic dream.

“Holy fuck,” Nicaise breathed.“You’re both so whipped.I’m not sure I like this anymore.It’s going to get disgusting really fast.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Damen said, laughing easily, as if it wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about.He probably didn’t think it was.“I need to set this stuff down before I drop it all.Kitchen?”

They walked there together.Then Nicaise and Laurent got onto barstools while Damen unpacked the paper bag and started listing the items he was pulling out.“So we’ve got croissants, egg and sausage biscuits, scones, and one slice of coffee cake—which is for me, although I could be talked into sharing.”

Nicaise grabbed the nearest three things and dug in.In the middle of a bite, he said, “I’ll eat, you talk.”

“Swallow, then talk,” Laurent chastised, giving him a disgusted look.

Nicaise rolled his eyes and took another bite of what looked to be a raspberry scone.When Damen didn’t start talking fast enough, he snapped his fingers.He even opened his mouth to talk again, but when he caught Laurent’s glare, he stopped himself.

Laughing, Damen handed out the coffees and then tugged a bar stool over to where he was.He sat and said, “Well what do you want to know?”

“All of it.I didn’t actually think Laurent would ever get any of this, so I have to relish.”

Laurent took a large sip of coffee.

“Alright,” Damen said, having just finished taking a bite of coffee cake.“After the party, we came back here for a little while because I wanted to say some things to Laurent.At this point, there were no further plans.I was going to say my thing and then leave.”

“What’d you say?” Nicaise said eagerly.Clearly he wasn’t getting enough of the gossip that circulated in school.

Damen smiled fondly, obviously remembering the moment and Laurent felt himself flush slightly.Catching Laurent’s eye, Damen smiled wider, then said, “I told him that I’d thought about what his uncle told me and that I thought he was beautiful and that I wanted to know everything about him and that I really, really like him.”

The flush only grew and Laurent said, “I can’t believe what comes out of your mouth.”

“Anyway, then we flirted and then he said he wanted to murder me and then he caved.It was adorable, the way he caved, I mean.You should’ve seen it.”

Nicaise was laughing and Laurent was drinking more coffee, sending thinly veiled death glares Damen’s way.They weren’t genuine, though, and Damen could tell.Laurent was pretty sure Damen knew Nicaise was the only one he could tell this story to and that was just another thing to love him for.

“Then we went out for dessert at Papa Haydn’s.I bought and we talked about all sorts of boring adult things that couldn’t possibly interest you.I wanted to take him somewhere else, but he complained about work, so he drove me home.He walked me to the door like a proper gentleman,” Laurent rolled his eyes, “and then,” Damen paused for dramatic effect, a brightness entering his eyes, “he kissed me. _He_ kissed _me._ And it was perfect and I felt like I was going to swoon.He’s a good kisser, your uncle.”

“Ew,” Nicaise said happily.Laurent felt absolutely giddy and he avoided Damen’s eyes so that he didn’t burst into laughter or do something incredibly stupid.Like kiss Damen again.

“Then I was home and he was gone and I was stuck watching Jord and Nikandros attempt to cook drunk.After that fiasco, I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep.”Damen’s voice softened and Laurent couldn’t stop himself from looking up, knowing this part of the story was directed entirely at him.“Every single goddamn thought was of him and I was all jittery and over excited and then at about four I realized that if I couldn’t see him in the next ten hours, I was actually going to die.”

“You came to the wrong place, then,” Laurent said.“I’m about to kill you.”

“It is gross,” Nicaise nodded.“He’s sappy.”

“He is.”

“And you like it.”

Laurent grabbed a sausage and egg biscuit and pretended that none of what was happening had anything to do with him.Both Damen and Nicaise laughed and then started talking enthusiastically about the possibility of snow in the future.Apparently Damen had been keeping an eye on his weather app for Nicaise all winter.More than happy to listen, Laurent kept eating and drinking his coffee, watching time tick inevitably forward.It wasn’t long before he had to go to work.

“I’m off,” he sighed, finishing his coffee. 

“Bye,” Nicaise said, picking up Laurent’s half-eaten scone and downing it.Laurent wanted to walk out without a glance back—it would be easier that way—but his eyes disobeyed him, landing on Damen’s.And there it was again.That ache.He never thought he’d be in a position where he had this and he didn’t know how long it was going to last and in the face of that, work seemed pointless.

Before he lost his nerve, he strolled back and slid his hand into Damen’s hair just like he’d always wanted to do.“See you later,” he murmured, running his thumb across Damen’s cheekbone.

Damen’s pupils were blown wide and he was grinning from ear to ear.“I did not see that coming,” he said.

“Unpredictable, remember?”

“You look like you don’t want to leave.”

“Please,” Laurent said, regretfully detaching himself.“You’re not difficult to leave.I know very well you’ll be here when I get back.”

“Will I?”

“Yes,” Laurent said, turning away and heading out of the kitchen.The truth was, he didn’t know that, but he sincerely hoped Damen was.Even though they’d come to some sort of…arrangement, there was a lot they had to discuss.Laurent had let down his guard last night, but eventually, the novelty of Damen was going to wear off and he’d be able to think; think about what he expected and wanted.Nothing in his life came without conditions.Maybe Damen deserved dreams, but Laurent was not the person to give it to him.

 

_N: Dude, where the fuck are you?_

_D: Laurent’s_

_N: How’s being friends going?_

_D: About that…_

_N: WHAT_

_N: YOU BETTER MOTHERFUCKING CALL ME_

_N: IMMEDIATELY_

_N: OMG ITS WHY YOU WERE OUT SO LATE LAST NIGHT WASNT IT AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME_

_N: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THIS???_

Damen sighed and turned to Nicaise, who was trying to bounce a ping-pong ball on his paddle, but doing so rather unsuccessfully.They were in the entirely unused second garage and had been playing before Nikandros had interrupted.“He wants me to call him,” Damen said.

“But I’m about to beat you.”

“You’re seven points behind.No you’re not.”

“Better finish playing so you can prove it,” Nicaise said.

Damen rolled his eyes, hoped Nikandros wouldn’t drive over and hit him in the back of the head with a bat in the meantime, and waited for Nicaise to serve the ball.Hopefully, it would be a quick finish.He only had four more points to go.

To his surprise, Nicaise managed to pull even before he pulled out all the stops and won.Cheering, he picked up his paddle and waved it above his head while circling the table over and over again.Nicaise watched him irritatedly, before saying, “Yes, yay, you won.Please stop.”

“Yeah, alright, I have to call Nik anyway.”

“Is he going to be mad?Because if he is, I want to listen in.”

Sighing, Damen called Nikandros and then put his phone on speaker.When Nikandros picked up, the shouting was immediate and Nicaise grinned in excitement.“That was not immediately, asshole.You were literally just texting me.How did it take you ten fucking minutes to get back to me?Whatever, it doesn’t matter, because I think you were telling me that you succumbed to the inevitable and that it like maybe happened last night and that you walked into the house, smiled at Jord and I, and then said absolutely fucking nothing.”

“You were drunk,” Damen said weakly.

“Who cares?I probably would’ve been in a celebratory mood instead of an irritated one.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Damn right.Now, when’s he coming over?”

“What?”

“For dinner.In the ten minutes you didn’t call me, I was talking to Jokaste about it and she thinks he should come over for dinner.I think she’s right.We need to properly meet him and by meet him I mean slowly roast him at three hundred and fifty degrees and then slice him into little pieces.”

“Wow,” Damen said.“Is that really necessary?”

“I won’t be able to tell if he deserves you until he’s in pieces.”

“Fuck you,” Nicaise growled.

“Oh, come on, Damen, I didn’t know the kid was there.”

“My name is Nicaise, asshole.Don’t talk about Laurent like that.”

“Hey, he did not put a good show on when he was at my house last.”

“You probably didn’t either,” Nicaise said.

“You don’t even…”

“Shut up.Both of you,” Damen demanded.“Nik, I will ask Laurent when he’s available to have dinner and I will tell you anything else you want to know when I get home, which incidentally, might be late again.”

“Again?You’re not gonna completely disappear, are you?Because if you’re thinking about it, I would like to remind you that relationships take work and that our relationship is incredibly important to you.”

“I’m not completely disappearing.Relax,” Damen said.“We just have some things we need to talk about.”

“Yeah.‘Talk about’.Sure.Make sure you use a condom.”

“I don’t think I need a safe sex talk,” Damen said dryly.

“Maybe the kid does.Need a safe sex talk, Nicaise?I’m happy to give you one.It can’t hurt to have Damen listening in.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Nicasie said.

“I guess that’s a no.Bye, Damen.”

“Bye.”

Nicaise crossed his arms over his chest and said, “I don’t like him anymore.”

“He can be abrasive,” Damen sighed.“But then, so can you.”

Nicaise growled lowly, but didn’t protest.Damen watched him, honestly fascinated by the display.It wasn’t rare for Nicaise to get worked up and show disdain for people, but Damen had never seen him do it for Laurent.Perhaps there hadn’t been an opportunity until now.It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one who would fight for Laurent.

“Shall we go make dinner?” Damen asked.

“We do have a cook, you know.”

“It’s a good skill to have.There will come a day in your life when you don’t have a cook and you’ll want to know how.”

“Fine.”

 

“What’s this?” Laurent’s voice said.His hair was still windswept from being outside and there was a light flush to his cheeks.He was staring at Nicaise, a wry smile on his face.“Are you wearing an apron?”

“Yes,” Nicaise said defiantly, raising his head.

Laurent turned his eyes to Damen and said, “I can’t believe you got him to do something productive.During winter break, no less.”

“I’m trying,” Damen said, stirring noodles in a giant pot of boiling water, unsticking them from the bottom.“Sometimes he helps.Most of the time, he just sits on the counter and tries to order me around.It would help if he knew anything about cooking.”

Nicaise stuck out his tongue and stirred the stir fry Damen had made with the wooden spoon.“Look, I’m stirring.”

“Doesn’t need to be stirred.It’s done, remember?”

There was a laugh from Laurent and Damen refocused his attention on him, endlessly pleased.Leaning against the counter, Damen said, “How was work?”

That question apparently decided something, because Laurent crossed firmly into the kitchen and sat down at the counter, tossing his work bag on the floor beside him.“Long,” he said.

“Busy thinking about me?” Damen teased.

There was a gagging sound from Nicaise.

“Didn’t have time,” Laurent said.It sounded true but it also sounded like Laurent was perhaps disappointed by that, so Damen was satisfied.“We had to look at six stories today, because some idiot let us get behind.I didn’t really have any desire to be in an all day meeting.”

“Nobody needs that,” Damen said.Leaning down, he said to Nicaise, “Watch the noodles.In about five minutes, they should be done.Test one before you dump it into the colander, though.”

“I’ll just let them cook too long.”

“No you won’t.Not if you want dinner to be edible.”

Nicaise sighed and then nodded, taking the fork Damen offered.Standing on the tips of his toes, he peered over the side of the pot and watched the water roiling with a bored expression.Leaving him to it, Damen came up behind Laurent and laid his hands on Laurent’s shoulders, before kneading lightly.He wasn’t sure he was wanted, but when Laurent moaned softly and gave a murmured, “A little lower,” Damen gripped harder and grinned.

It felt like his entire back was knots, not that it surprised Damen.That was the inevitability of being as tense as Laurent typically was.He was even tense now.“Why don’t you relax?” Damen whispered.

At that, Laurent only tensed further and then he said, “Stop, please.”

Obliging, hoping Laurent wasn’t angry with him, Damen sat down on the stool beside him and watched as Nicaise tried to obtain a noodle with a fork.They kept slipping back into the pot and Damen could tell he was about to burst and start yelling expletives at the pasta.

When that happened, some of the pressure between he and Laurent lifted.“I’m sorry,” Damen said, not entirely sure what he was apologizing for, only that he knew the apology was important.

“No need to apologize,” Laurent said stiffly. 

Awkwardness settled back in and Damen sighed, seeing that Nicaise was still swearing and trying to grab a noodle.“They’re done.Just pull them off.”

“Thank god,” Nicaise said, lifting the pot and waddling over to the sink—the pot almost too heavy for him—and pouring the pasta into the colander.Standing, Damen went to help mix everything together and pour the final product into a massive bowl, which they set on the counter in front of Laurent.

“Bowls?” Damen asked.

“Right of the sink,” Laurent murmured, eyes on the food.

Opening the indicated cabinet, Damen pulled out three bowls, grabbed three forks and knives, and then put them on the counter for Nicaise to serve.Nicaise looked to Laurent and kept piling on pasta until Laurent gestured for him to stop.He did the same for Damen and then served himself.They ate in silence, until Nicaise said, “This is actually good.Better than our cook can do most of the time.Sure you don’t want to quit your job and cook for us?Uncle would pay you well.”

“I’m sure,” Damen laughed.“But I’m glad you like it.”

“Thank you, Damen,” Laurent said, smiling.Damen could tell the difference between an attempt and the real thing now, however, and he knew that was a fake smile.Something had happened during the massage.If only he knew what.

“My, Damen, that does look delicious.Do you mind if have some?”

Everyone stiffened and Damen saw Laurent close his eyes, his breathing heavy, but steady.

“I suppose not,” Damen said to Laurent’s uncle.

“Why are you home so early?” Nicaise asked.

“I simply ran out of things to do,” Laurent’s uncle said, grabbing a bowl and a fork and then promptly serving himself.“And I thought it was high time I spent some time with my family.I’ll admit, I didn’t think Damen was going to be here, but he’s more than welcome to stay.”

“As if you could kick him out,” Nicaise mumbled.“He’s our guest.”

“It’s my house,” Laurent’s uncle said pleasantly.“How are you today, Laurent?”

Laurent, who had determinedly been ignoring his uncle, looked up and said, “Oh fine.I’ve got a headache coming on, but otherwise, I’m excellent.So happy I could dance.Or sing.”

“No need to lie to me.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and took another bite of his dinner.His uncle clearly caught the motion because he said, “Do stop with the unpleasantness, nephew.We’ve got company.Besides, I’m hardly ever around.Surely you could muster a better attitude now that I’m here.”

“Leave him alone,” Damen said.

“Tell me, Damen, why are you the most ardent defender of my nephew all of a sudden?”

“Because I actually give a shit about him, unlike you.”

“I assure you,” Laurent’s uncle said, placing a firm hand on Laurent’s shoulder, “I care about him deeply.”It was said with such confidence that Damen couldn’t even fight back.It was like arguing with fire; it ignored you, kept growing, and then burned you if you stayed in its way.

While Laurent didn’t move, Damen could see him delving deep inside himself, closing all the doors.His eyes were completely blank.Scary blank.

“Uncle,” Nicaise whispered, eyes afraid.“Stop touching him.Please.”

He let go, but only after sweeping his fingers through Laurent’s hair in a fatherly gesture.There was a long silence and Damen started eating again.So did Nicaise, but Laurent didn’t.In fact, he shoved his food away slightly and stared into the distance.Damen wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how.

And then Laurent’s uncle started talking, about this and that, very simple, polite topics.Every once in awhile, in an attempt to make Laurent and Nicaise comfortable, Damen would give a reply so they wouldn’t have to.Once their plates were empty, Laurent stood, gathered all of them and went to the sink, washing every single one by hand.Even the silverware.

“Uncle,” Nicaise said, standing and grabbing his hand, “Come look at what Damen got me for Christmas.It’s this really cool video game.I could probably even teach you how to play.”

Laurent turned from the sink at those words and shot Nicaise an unreadable expression.Shaking his head lightly, Nicaise tugged Laurent’s uncle out of the kitchen excitedly, blabbing about the game.When they were gone, the last piece of silverware clattered out of Laurent’s hand and back into the sink.Damen wasn’t sure what to do or say, because he had no idea why the room felt like it was about to explode.

“What can I do?” Damen whispered.

“You should go.”

“I could do that or you could let me help you.”

“It would help me if you left,” Laurent said, voice icy.

“Alright,” Damen said.“I’ll leave then.Text or call if you need anything, though.Please.”

There was no response and Damen didn’t ask for one.Instead, he left the kitchen, gathered his jacket and left, trying not to feel hurt.It wasn’t him Laurent was upset with.He knew that and he just had to keep reminding himself.

 

Laurent was down in the basement.He wasn’t watching Nicaise and his uncle play whatever video game they were playing, but it was important that he was physically present.Luckily, mental presence wasn’t required, because he couldn’t have managed it.His head was swimming with pain, anxiety, and self-loathing.

He wanted Damen here.Desperately.

He shouldn’t have sent him away.But in his panic, that was the only response he had been able to come up with.He hadn’t wanted to admit he needed help.Nor had he wanted to admit why he’d needed that help.Hopefully Damen had meant what he’d said and actually wanted to see him again, because now that he’d had a taste, Laurent didn’t want to live without him.

Their game ended and Laurent could feel his uncle’s eyes on him.He lost the ability to breathe.“Where did Damen go?”

“Home,” Laurent said shortly.

“That’s too bad.He’s good company, polite.”

The suggestive tone of his voice—insinuating that Damen only hung around out of politeness—brought back what had happened in the kitchen and Laurent saw flashes of memory, nausea rising.There was his uncle’s hand on his shoulder, which morphed into his hand flat on his stomach and the whispered, _“Why don’t you relax, Laurent?I promise I won’t hurt you.”_

There were voices, someone was talking, but Laurent couldn’t hear it.The room was spinning slightly, his vision was blurry, and he didn’t know if he was standing or sitting.Then there was a hand in his and he recoiled violently, his back hitting the wall.

Softly, carefully, the hand returned and some part of Laurent registered that the hand was small, much smaller than his uncle’s, and he relaxed enough to be dragged up the stairs, up some more, and then into his bedroom.Suddenly, there was a glass of water and two aspirin in his hands and a voice murmuring again.

In what felt like slow motion, Laurent returned to the present, muttering, “What?”

“Take those,” Nicaise said, eyes filled with concern.

Laurent did as he was asked, sitting on the edge of his bed, back straight.Nicaise sat beside him, slowly lowering his head inch by inch, giving Laurent time to pull away, and then laid his head on his shoulder.“Thank you for all that you do for me,” Nicaise whispered.

Nodding absently, Laurent took another sip of the water.Awareness was still coming back in pieces and this time, he noticed that he was shaking, that his upper lip was sweaty.Drinking more water, Laurent’s mind reached for Auguste, something that could return him to normal.Or normal enough that he could pretend everything was fine.

Seeming to know exactly what Laurent needed, Nicaise said, “Tell me a story about my father.One I haven’t heard before.”

“Once, when I was very young, I broke one of my mother’s antiques on purpose.I don’t really remember what I was upset about, but I seemed to think it was a good idea.I do remember standing there after I’d done it, looking at the shards of broken furniture and wondering what I was going to say.I knew it would break her heart and that was worse than any anger she could muster to throw at me.But Auguste found me before she did.He didn’t ask any questions, he just pulled me in for a hug and when my mother found us, Auguste said he did it.He even made up a reason.I don’t think my mother believed him, but she didn’t punish me.She simply explained that she was hurt and that Auguste should clean it up.

“I thought Auguste would at least make me do that, since he’d taken the brunt of the punishment, but he didn’t.He simply grabbed a trash bag and a broom and set to work.

“Later, he asked my why I’d done it.I told him and he’d understood.I remember thinking that there was no way he would understand.But he did, said he was more than happy to take the blame, and then went to do his homework.”

Laughing softly, Laurent said, “I didn’t even realize how ridiculous it was that he’d taken the blame back then.But he was eighteen years old, Nicaise.Eighteen.Not in a million years would he have broken a piece of my mother’s furniture out of spite.”

Nicaise shrugged.“I think you’d still do that.”

“Maybe,” Laurent whispered.“I’m not him, though.”

“No,” Nicaise said.“But however important and large he is in your mind?That’s how I feel about you.”

Laurent didn’t see how that was possible, but he wasn’t going to argue.There was a sigh from Nicaise, who likely knew his words weren’t believed, and then he stood.“I’m going to bed.I told Uncle that’s what we were doing after all.” 

When Nicaise left, he was all alone, the memory of Auguste barely sustaining him.He could feel himself dangling from a dark pit in his brain, a place he desperately didn’t want to return to.Letting Damen in, even partially, had opened the door wide enough that other things wormed their way through.It was terrible.A part of him wanted to shut the doors forever, but a larger part of him couldn’t stand being alone, not now, not when his uncle was prowling every thought.His first thought was that he needed Auguste, but Auguste was dead.His second was of Damen, a man startlingly like Auguste in many ways.

Picking up his phone, disregarding every thought screaming at him in warning, he pressed on Damen’s name and then pressed his phone to his ear, listening to the ringing.If Damen didn’t pick up, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

“Hi,” Damen said warily.

“Are you home?” Laurent asked, wincing at the crack in his voice and at the unease in Damen’s.That was not how he wanted Damen to feel.

“Yeah.Just got here.”

“Okay,” Laurent said, Damen’s voice calming him enough to realize he couldn’t possibly ask Damen to come back now, not after he’d just gotten home.Unsure how to end this conversation quickly, but not rudely, Laurent said, “Sleep well, Damen.”

“Hey,” Damen said hurriedly.

“What?”

“What do you need?I’ll do whatever you need, Laurent.If you’re thinking about letting me help you, if even a tiny sliver of you is, tell me what you need.”

“Come back,” Laurent blurted.Willing himself to calm down, he said with less insanity, “Come back.Please.”

“Okay,” Damen said.“I have to do a couple of things first, but I can be back in an hour.Is that alright?Or do you need me to come immediately?”

“An hour’s fine.”

“Alright.I’ll see you soon.Call me if you need anything else before then.”

“Okay,” Laurent said softly.It hit him then, yet again, how utterly in love with this man he was.He hung up the phone and then slipped his head between his knees.There were too many emotions and he couldn’t shut them off.Everything was too raw to function properly.Knowing that the hour would be terribly painful if he didn’t find something to help, he pulled on his favorite sweater, leaving pants off, and went downstairs to let Sam in.

As always, Sam was happy to see him, tail wagging and tongue lolling.Laurent gave him a shaky smile and then led him into the foyer.Sitting against the wall right beside the door, Laurent told Sam to sit and then he began to pet him over and over again, until thoughts dissipated because of rhythm and repetitiveness.

 

Unaware of time passing, he was surprised when there was a knock on the door.Sam bounded up and waited at the door, his tail wagging again.Laurent opened it and Damen stepped in, greeting Sam by bending down and letting his face be licked.He chuckled and Laurent almost smiled.It was amazing that Damen could find joy in so many things, even when he couldn’t possibly be in a good mood.

Then Damen stood and kept his distance, staring at Laurent cautiously.He wished Damen wouldn’t look at him like that, but honestly, it was probably for the best.Definitely smart of him.“So…uh, I’ll be honest, I have no idea what you want me to do.I’m going to need you to give me some direction.”

Laurent didn’t know either.All he knew is that it was better that Damen was here.The idea of being touched still disturbed him, so he said, “Follow me.”It would be better if his uncle didn’t know Damen was here. 

Damen did as he was asked, not saying a word.They ended up in Laurent’s bedroom—the only place in the house Laurent truly felt safe—and Damen said, “Can I flirt?”

“Why on earth do you want to do that?”

“There’s a lot of skin,” Damen said, gesturing to Laurent’s bare legs.Laurent had forgotten he wasn’t wearing any pants.

“See something you like, then?”

“Definitely.”

Laurent tried for a smirk, but he could tell from Damen’s face that it fell flat.There was a painfully long silence, where they were simply staring at each other, and then Laurent turned and crawled into bed, unwilling to deal with it.There was rustling behind him and then Damen sat down on the end of the bed, by his feet.“Here’s the thing,” he murmured.“I want to be here for you, but you have to let me.”

“I’m not good at that,” Laurent said into his pillow.

“Clearly.”Then Damen paused and cursed under his breath.“Sorry, I…I know you’re not.Just…am I helping at all?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s a start.Can I lay down?”

“Whatever you want.Just don’t touch me.”

“I can do that,” Damen said, kicking off his shoes, standing, and then walking to other side of the bed, where he laid down, the mattress sinking to accommodate him.Laurent could feel him staring, but he kept his eyes in his pillow, the darkness just as comforting as the sound of Damen breathing.

“How long do you need me to stay?” Damen asked.

“If you don’t want…”

“No, no.I want to be here.I’ll change my question to a statement.I’m going to stay as long as you need me to, alright?”

“Thank you,” Laurent mumbled.

“I don’t suppose you want to talk about what happened.”

“No.”

“It might help.”

“I highly doubt that.”It would only scare Damen away, reveal just how damaged and soiled he really was. 

“Fair enough.I’m going to stop talking now.”

And he actually did.For almost an hour that laid there together in silence, neither of them sleeping, though it looked as if Damen wouldn’t have minded.There was no way Laurent was getting any sleep tonight, though.He knew the nightmares would be particularly bad tonight if he did.

The hour had managed to relax Laurent enough that he started to want flirtation and touch, though he wasn’t sure he could handle the latter, no matter how much he wanted it.“Are you still awake?” he whispered, knowing full well Damen was.It felt like the easiest way to start a conversation, though.

“I am,” Damen replied, keeping his voice just as low.

“Here I thought maybe we could have a good night.”

“It’s not all that bad.I’m with you.”

Laurent’s heart missed a beat and he tried to fathom how a person like this could exist.How was it possible in this world for someone like Damen to exist and still be this good and kind in his middle to late twenties.“You’re too good for me,” Laurent sighed.

“I disagree.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Then tell me.”

Laurent closed his eyes and said, “What are we even doing, Damen?”

“I’d like to be your boyfriend, in all honesty.If that’s alright.”

“Still?”

“Still.”

“Okay then.”

“So that’s alright with you?” Damen asked.

“Yes,” Laurent said, a thrill passing through his body.A positive emotion of any kind was enough to get him to reach out for Damen’s hand, who gave it easily.

“Anything more I can do to help?”

Laurent nodded and slid across the bed, so his head was resting on Damen’s chest.“Touch me,” he whispered, hoping it would be alright, hoping Damen would know what that meant and what it did not mean.

Without a word, Damen began stroking Laurent’s hair.“Can you promise me that we’ll talk about this sometime?” he asked as he stroked.

It was painful to even think about, but Laurent thought maybe he could.He loved Damen and, foolishly, he trusted him.He was here now and gave no indication of leaving.Laurent had no idea when he was going to be ready for that conversation, but he thought, for the first time in his life, that maybe he could be.“I can try,” he said.

“Perfect,” Damen said.“One more question.”

“What?”

“Do you want me to sleep here?Because if you don’t, I suggest letting me go home now.I’m about five minutes away from drooling all over your pretty head.”

“Please tell me you don’t actually drool,” Laurent pleaded.

“No, I don’t,” Damen laughed.“The point does stand, though.”

“Just stay.”

“Okay.Thank you for letting me.”

“Why are you thanking me?”

Damen kissed the top of his head.“Because I know how hard it is for you to let me be here.I know how hard it is for you to show weakness.Well, what you perceive as weakness.”

“This isn’t weakness?”

“No,” Damen said.“This is being human.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one is almost entirely fluff. I realize the last one was rough. It makes all of your comments and love even more wonderful. Thank you.  
> I would say that what you read last week was the worst of it, but it's not and I'll make sure to warn you guys next time it gets liek that.  
> As always, a huge thank you to Mari, who gives me and my writing life.  
> Enjoy! <3

When Damen woke up, he noticed Laurent was sitting up, sweater pulled down around his knees, and watching Damen intently, as though he were about to burst into flames.Blinking, Damen sat up and rubbed a hand over his face.He was still wearing all of his clothes from yesterday and he hadn’t gotten the chance to brush his teeth.It was not the best feeling in the world.

“You snore,” Laurent said, voice empty.

“I know,” Damen replied.“Not loudly, though.”

“True.”

Their eyes met and Damen started to notice little things he hadn’t when he’d been busy worrying that Laurent regretted what happened.His hair was mussed, his eyes were heavy with sleep, and his face was flushed.His bottom lip was even red, probably from biting it.He was unfairly stunning for just having woken up.All Damen wanted to do was push his fingers through Laurent’s hair and kiss him senseless, but he thought that was likely unwanted.

“Should I leave?” Damen asked gently.

Laurent remained silent, everything about him unreadable.Deciding that was a good enough reason to go, Damen got out of bed and gathered his shoes and jacket.He moved to a chair in front of a fireplace—a beautiful one, fancy ornamentation on the mantle—and slipped his shoes on, doing up the laces.Shrugging on his jacket, he glanced back at the bed and saw Laurent had turned to watch him.Smiling, hoping that eventually Laurent would come to him, Damen said, “I’ll text you.”Then he stood and headed to the door.With the door halfway open he stopped because he heard a strangled noise of irritation behind him.

“Something to say?” Damen said.

Laurent was now off the bed, long legs still bare.It looked cold, but Damen wasn’t going to complain.Laurent was still staring, but then a hint of determination entered his eyes and he said, “Not even going to kiss me goodbye?”

“I have terrible morning breath.I haven’t brushed my teeth in twenty-four hours, either.”

“That does put a slight damper on things.”

Damen shut the door and took a few steps back into the room.“But I’m willing if you are.I can’t imagine you have great morning breath, either.”

“I don’t regret it,” Laurent said out of nowhere, staring down at the floor.“I don’t regret calling you if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then what are you thinking?”

“That I don’t know what I’m doing.That I woke with my head on your chest and I couldn’t decide if it was perfect or horrible.That I’m scared.”

Moving even closer, Damen nodded.“Yeah, me too.”

Laurent sent Damen an incredulous look and Damen laughed.“I’m terrified, Laurent.I know we haven’t been doing this long, but I’ve known you for years and I know you’re important.If I fuck this up, I won’t be able to forgive myself and I’m pretty damn sure I’ll fuck it up.”

“Please,” Laurent sneered.“If anyone is going to fuck anything up, it’s going to be me.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like all you do is fuck things up.”

Laurent didn’t reply to that, eyes steeling.Taking a deep breath, Damen said, “I don’t want to fight.I’m going to go.”

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine, Laurent.I know when you need space.Or, at least, I like to think I do.Besides, I should go into school today and get things set up for Monday.Not to mention, Nikandros and Jokaste are so desperate to see me they might threaten me with a kitchen knife the next time I try to leave.”

Laurent nodded, shifting his eyes back down to the floor.It was hard to leave him when he was wearing an overlarge sweater and trying so hard to be vulnerable and open.“Can I touch you?” Damen asked.It was becoming a repetitive question in their relationship, but it was such an important one Damen hardly cared.

“Yes.”

Taking the last few steps to close the distance between them, Damen did exactly as he’d wanted when he’d woken up.Sweeping his fingers through Laurent’s hair, who leaned into the touch ever so slightly, Damen leaned down and kissed him on the mouth, lips soft and pliant.Once.Then he pressed his forehead to Laurent’s and breathed with him for a moment.“You know I’m here for you, right?” Damen murmured.

“Yes.”

“Good.”He kissed Laurent one more time and then untangled himself.“If you’re up for it, we should do something tomorrow.You, me, and Nicaise; before he goes back to school.”

“Okay.”

It was hard to leave, even though he knew he had to.Leaving Laurent like this didn’t feel like the right thing to do.For a moment, he paused and wished desperately that Laurent would tell him everything.

But then he smiled to himself and moved to the door.If it was easy, it wouldn’t be Laurent and he wanted Laurent.

“Damen?”

He turned.“Yeah?”

“I’ve never wanted to fuck anything up less.You have to know I’m trying.”

“I do,” Damen smiled with confidence he hadn’t had until now.“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He closed the door behind him as he left.Jogging down the stairs, he practically ran into Laurent’s uncle at the bottom, who was dressed in a dark red bathrobe, accentuating the light rolls of fat that most of his tailored suits disguised, and carrying a cup of coffee.They stared at each other and Damen tried not to feel like he was in high school, getting caught where he wasn’t supposed to be.

“Hi, sir,” Damen said finally.

“Hello, Damen.A fine morning, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” Damen said, trying to figure out what that meant.

Laurent’s uncle gave him a smile and headed up the stairs, likely back to his office.Watching him, Damen hoped that his relieved feeling wasn’t misplaced.He left the house in a hurry, in case Laurent’s uncle came back downstairs for whatever reason, and drove home, the sun just coming up.He hadn’t realized it was so early.It was likely he was going to wake Nikandros and Jokaste up and they were going to be mad about it.

As he unlocked the front door, his phone buzzed in his jacket pocket.

_L: Thank you.No words have ever been more inadequate._

_D: You’re welcome._

He stepped in, sloughed off his jacket and then crashed on the couch.Last night, when he’d left, he’d expected to be tired this morning, but the opposite was true.That was some of the best sleep he’d gotten in a long time and he hadn’t even been under covers.He’d forgotten how nice it was to have a warm body beside you, curled around you.It was a singularly excellent comfort.

Smiling to himself, feeling a bundle of nerves break open in his stomach, he relived all of the kisses he and Laurent had shared, unable to help the indulgence.Because despite everything that had happened last night, he was still in the early rose gold days of a relationship and it was nice.

The grumbling of his stomach pulled him out of his daze.Not only did he need to eat, he needed to change clothes and brush his teeth.Maybe shower.

He was about to do just that when Jord and Nikandros stumbled down the stairs, clothes half on and hair messy.They were both yawning and when Nikandros saw Damen he said, “The sun is barely even up, you fucker.You know we can hear everything in this house.”

“Sorry.I’m surprised I haven’t seen Jokaste yet.”

“Oh, she’s up.She’s showering.”

Damen winced.“Again, sorry.I hadn’t realized how early it was until I was driving home.”

“It’s fine.Make me breakfast and I’ll forgive you.”

“Deal,” Damen said, moving to the kitchen and pulling out all the necessary ingredients for pancakes, Nikandros’ favorite breakfast.For a moment, Nikandros and Jord murmured among themselves and then Jord wandered into the kitchen to help, silently handing Damen measuring cups and ingredients when he needed them.Jord wasn’t a morning person, so engaging him in conversation was pointless, but it was nice to have him around.He was like a river, a large, old one.Steady, ever-flowing, and calm.

Nikandros came to sit on the counter and watch.“So why did he need you to come back last night?”

“I still don’t really know,” Damen said, mixing the ingredients together.They still hadn’t bought a Kitchenaid or an electronic mixer, though they had the money.Damen could mix anything, so they didn’t see the need, though Damen sometimes wished they would get one so he didn’t have to do this for everyone.

“He didn’t tell you?”

Damen shook his head.

“And that doesn’t bug you?”

“No.I trust him to tell me why eventually.”

“Of course you do,” Nikandros sighed.

“You don’t think he will?” Damen replied.

“I don’t know.I don’t know him very well, but I do know you and how easily you give people the benefit of the doubt.Did you ask him about dinner?”

“Oh.I kind of forgot.”

“Why don’t you do that?I’ll finish up the pancakes.How many do you want?”

“Three?” Damen said, shoving Nikandros off the counter and taking his place.It was the only open space on their counter so they had to share.He picked up his phone and typed out his message to Laurent.

_D: I forgot to mention that Nik and Jokaste want to have you over for dinner_

_D: We could do that tomorrow if you want.Nicaise can come.Up to you_

_L: We’ll come._

_D: Okay?_

_L: Yes._

Damen set down his phone and leaned his head back against the cabinets and watched as the edges of the pancakes dried and the tops began to bubble.Expertly, Jord flipped them, even with Nikandros hip checking him whenever he thought Jord was going to try.

His phone vibrated against his leg and he looked down to see another text from Laurent.

_L: No._

_D: Wanna talk about it?_

_L: My uncle saw you._

_D: Yeah.Is that bad?Why is that bad?_

_L: I suggest that when my uncle is around, you refrain from touching me._

_D: What the fuck did he say to you?_

_L: Nothing, really.Which is what worries me._

_D: Okay.I’ll do whatever you say_

There was a break in their texting and Damen tried not to worry about it, instead watching Nikandros draw a mustache on Jord’s face with some of the pancake batter.Jord remained completely still, even when some of it dripped onto his lips and he unconsciously licked it, mouth pursing at the taste.

As Nikandros laughed and licked it off Jord’s face, gagging, Laurent responded with another text.

_L: I miss you already._

Damen smiled and a small giggle escaped him, one that made Nikandros and Jord burst into laughter, imitating the giggle back and forth between each other.The scathing look Damen sent them did nothing to help. 

“The pancakes are burning,” Damen said dryly, before smiling down at his phone again, resisting the temptation to get in his car and drive back immediately.He really did have things to do, though they didn’t seem so important now.

_D: I miss you too.Waking up to you was nice_

_L: I’m sure._

_D: That’s not very flirtatious_

_L: Were we flirting?_

_D: I sure as hell was.I’ve got all sorts of lines.It saddens me that you don’t._

_L: Oh I have them, I’m just not ever going to use them._

_D: Why not????_

_L: Never use that many question marks again._

_L: I don’t want you to get a big head._

_D: But what are egos for if they can’t be soothed?I need to be validated, Laurent_

_L: Go fuck yourself.I’m sure you’d do an adequate job._

_L: How’s that?_

_D: Abysmal_

_L: That’s the best I can do, I’m afraid._

_D: I’ll give you three if you give me one_

_L: Remind me to never let you bargain for anything because you’re shit at it._

_D: I’d disagree.I know exactly what I’m doing.Admit it, you’re tempted, but you wouldn’t have been if I’d only offered one or two_

_L: You see me.I hate it._

Damen grinned and then simply listed the top three things he was currently thinking about.

_D: I love the way your hair smells_

_D: I want to lick, kiss, and bite your neck until it’s covered in bruises_

_D: I love that you called me last night_

_L: Who else was I going to call?_

_D: I think no one was an option_

_L: It wasn’t._

_D: Jesus_

_L: I doubt he had much to do with it._

_L: I have to go._

_D: Okay.I’ll see you tomorrow_

_L: Tomorrow._

Damen was handed three pancakes on a plate and a fork and some syrup.He smothered the pancakes with the syrup and wondered how he was going to make it until dinner time tomorrow. 

“What’s the story on dinner?” Nikandros asked.

“He says he can come tomorrow.Nicaise is coming too.”

“No,” Nikandros whined.“He hates me now.I don’t want to be abused by a child.”

“Make him like you again, then.”

“Fine.Want to go shopping today?”

“Get Jokaste to go with you.I have to go into school today and get set up.”

“Jokaste’ll just make fun of how little I know about food.”

“It’s good for you,” Damen said.He hopped off the counter, took three huge bites of pancake, and then said, “I’m going to go take a shower and then head out.Make sure Jokaste decides to make something that a kid can eat.Nicaise isn’t super picky, but it helps if the flavors are simple.”

“Dude, I’m a child when it comes to eating.I’ve got this covered.”

“It’s true, he does,” Jord said.

“Excellent.”Putting his finished plate in the sink, he bounded up the stairs and began to get ready for the day.

 

Laurent had yet to leave bed, which was unusual for him, but after his uncle had come and asked what Damen had been doing here overnight, he had little interest in pretending he was alright.He had no idea why he was worried about his uncle figuring out what role Damen was playing in his life now, but he was.It couldn’t be something he liked, which meant he was going to retaliate eventually.

One of his retaliations was bound to scare Damen away forever.His uncle was as stubborn as he was.And just as smart, if not smarter.

There was a knock on the door and he groaned internally.If it was his uncle again, he was going to jump out of the window.That would be preferable to being in the same room as him right now.Laurent was still very raw from the events of last night.

“Come in,” he said.

Nicaise peered around the corner and then slid inside, quickly shutting the door behind himself.“You’re not out of bed,” he said.

“No.”

“Uncle mentioned that Damen spent the night.”

“He did.”

“Good,” Nicaise said, crossing the room and crawling up onto Laurent’s bed, sitting right beside him.“You needed someone.I’d be more careful next time, though, because Uncle’s eyes were sparkling as he told me.Bad sparkling.Kind of like how your eyes sparkle when you’re five minutes from eviscerating someone.”

“I know.”

“You don’t think he’s going to hurt Damen, is he?”

Laurent shook his head.“No.He’ll make sure I’m the one to do that.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, Nicaise.I don’t know.”

 

                                                                                                                                   —— 

 

“Remind me again why I have to go,” Nicaise said, slouching against the wall beside Laurent’s full length mirror.

Deciding black was a little too depressing for this occasion, Laurent stripped off his shirt and went in search of a light gray one.“Damen wants to see you,” he said, as he pulled out a sweater in the exact color he wanted.

“But I want it to be just us.”

“So do I,” Laurent said, his mind fixated on imagining what would happen if Damen’s friends didn’t approve of him.“But we’re deVere’s.When do we get what we want?”

“You’d think fate or God or whatever would feel bad for us eventually.”

Laurent smiled and said, “You would think.”Turning back to the mirror, he put on the gray sweater and looked at himself.Finally, he’d found the right mix between casual and formal, which was all that really mattered.Only rarely did he worry about his actual appearance, fully aware that he was attractive.

“I hate being in a room full of adults.”

“You’re always in a room full of adults.”

“Yes, but…”

Laurent sighed and flicked his gaze to Nicaise.“Do you love Damen?”Nicaise grumbled something to himself and Laurent tried not to smile.“What was that?” he asked.

“Yes,” Nicaise said through gritted teeth.

“As I thought.He doesn’t ask for much, so you can do this for him without complaint.”

“Fine.”

“Excellent.Let’s go.”

“Uncle’s not home, is he?”

“No,” Laurent said, feeling grateful.If he had been and had suspected that Laurent and Nicaise were going to Damen’s, he would’ve been a nuisance.It was becoming clear that Laurent was going to have to be extremely careful from here on out.This was a loss of control that his uncle could not be allowed to feel, because if he did, it could mean losing Damen.

Together, they flew down the stairs and out the house, getting into Laurent’s car and shivering at the cold.Laurent turned on the car and then blasted the heat, waiting for his fingers to warm slightly before he put them on the freezing wheel and drove them to Damen’s.

When they were parked in front of the house, they both sat there for a moment staring at it.“Still have the bottle of wine?” Laurent asked.

“Yep.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how quickly do you think we’ll want to be home and in bed?One being never and ten being immediately.”

“About an eight.”

“I was thinking seven and a half.”

“Extroverts,” Nicaise said disdainfully.

Nodding, Laurent got out of the car, accepted the bottle of wine from Nicaise, and walked up the driveway and the small path, until he was at the door and knocking.

The door was opened almost immediately, Damen standing there with a goofy grin on his face.Without hesitation, he took the bottle from Laurent’s hands and tossed it to Nikandros who caught it easily.Apparently, neither of them had considered what would happen if Nikandros had missed.Nicaise punched Damen in the stomach playfully and then slipped past, completely ignoring Nikandros and engaging Jord, who he hadn’t met yet, unlike Laurent.

“Hey,” Damen said, drawing Laurent’s eyes back.

“Hi,” Laurent said, releasing a breath he’d been holding for the past day.“That color suits you.”Damen was wearing a dark red tee.

“Thank you,” Damen smiled, leaning down and pecking Laurent on the mouth, lips slightly chapped, but so warm, and it sent a wave of boneless ease through Laurent.When Damen pulled away, Laurent kept staring at his mouth, wanting more.Noticing, Damen kept flicking his eyes between Laurent’s eyes and mouth.The tension was growing and despite how utterly ridiculous it would be to make out in front of an open door and all of Damen’s friends, Laurent could feel Damen was about to do it. 

“Stop making eyes and close the goddamn door,” Nikandros shouted at them.“It’s freezing out there.”

It broke what was between them and Damen laughed, scratching the back of his neck.Stepping out of the way, he said, “I hope you like chicken because we have a fuck ton of it.Nik got a little carried away.”

“Please.I can eat at least two chickens by myself,” Nikandros shouted from the kitchen, where he was fetching Nicaise a glass of water.Someone was trying to be nice.

Nicaise didn’t say thank you when he was handed the cup and Laurent approached him.“Be polite.”

“I’m mad at him.”

“How on earth did you get angry with him so quickly?”

“Oh, that was my fault,” Damen said, coming up beside Laurent.“I had a conversation with Nik on speaker and Nicaise was present.There was some talk of testing whether or not you deserve me which Nicaise did not appreciate.”

“No, I didn’t,” he said, glaring at Nikandros.

“How long does he hold grudges?” Nikandros asked, eyeing Nicaise strangely.

“Oh, quite a long time,” Laurent smiled.“If you want him to like you, I suggest apologizing and then being his personal slave for a day.That’s what I had to do last time, anyway.”

“Two days and a video game,” Damen said, taking a sip of his beer.“Do you want anything to drink?” he asked, turning to Laurent.

“Water would be perfect.”

“Water it is.”

Laurent watched him walk away, engage in a brief conversation with Jokaste, who was still cooking, and then fill up a glass with tap water.When Damen was back, he accepted it and then strolled into the kitchen, figuring that Jokaste could use some help and it was an easy way to settle into the evening, instead of being thrust in.He could do either, but he preferred settling.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Laurent said.

Jokaste glanced up from checking something in the oven and smiled, her cheeks dimpling slightly.“Can you cook?”

“I can.”

“Oh, thank god.Damen can, but he’s been busy preparing everything else.Nikandros is completely useless and he won’t let Jord off his arm so I’ve been floundering.I believe you’ve just saved me.”

“What can I do?”

“Let’s see,” she said, raising to her full height and brushing her bangs from her face, “I need someone to put together the salad and I need someone to carve the chicken when it comes out and I need the rolls warmed up somehow, but I haven’t quite figured that out yet because the oven is completely taken.”

“Alright,” Laurent said, rolling up his sleeves.“I can do that.”

“I like the go to attitude.”Then she seemed to realize something and deflated.“Oh fuck…dishes.We have no dishes, unless…Nik!”

“What?”

“Did you run the dishwasher like I told you?”By the sound of her voice, she already knew the answer.

“No?”

“You are so fucking useless,” she shouted back.“Jord, slap him for me.”Jord did.Laurent got the sense that she was the one in charge in this house.Nobody willingly disobeyed a word she said.“Dishes, dishes…”

“Nicaise,” Laurent said.

“What?”

“Come hand wash dishes.”

“I’m busy being polite.”

“And now you can stop.Hallelujah.”

“I hate you,” Nicaise grumbled.

“That doesn’t concern me.So does the rest of the world.”

Nicaise entered the kitchen and opened the dishwasher, pulling out plates and silverware and piling them in the sink.Jokaste watched the procession for a moment and then turned to Laurent.“I would kiss you, but I get the sense that would horrify you.”

“Completely.”

“Well if you’re ever in a bind and need to be kissed, I’m your girl.”

“What kind of bind could possibly need that?” Laurent asked, ripping up lettuce and tossing it into a large bowl Jokaste had provided him before Laurent had even asked.

“The worst kind of bind.Awkward social situation, you need out immediately—probably because they’re all banal and like talking about insurance on fancy, old buildings—so I run over in my fabulously gorgeous dress, looking like a supermodel who just got off the plane from Paris, and I shout your name, wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you.Everyone looks away and I start tugging on your hand, insisting that I need to fuck you immediately, because I’m that fabulous of a girlfriend, and then you’re free.I’ll immediately leave you, of course, in the interest of finding someone who actually wants to fuck me.”

“What color is the dress?”

Jokaste smiled, stirring a tomato sauce on the stove, while also working on some sort of cookie.“What do you think?”

Laurent looked her up and down, judging her and her personality, and the answer was obvious.“Red, of course.”

“Of course,” she nodded, shooting him an appraising glance.“Come over more often, Laurent.You’re exactly the kind of company I need.”

“Damen can keep up.”

“Yes,” she admitted.“But not as well as this.He teases and laughs and it’s a sort of praise and that’s pleasant enough, but conversations with you would be challenging and intellectual.I don’t get those often.”

“Why did you fuck Kastor?”He’d thought about asking how long she’d known Damen, but this question would probably cover a lot more ground and he sensed she could handle it.

The question didn’t seem to surprise her, but Laurent could hear the living room go silent.Only Nicaise seemed unconcerned, mumbling about adults being dumb while cleaning yet another dish.Jokaste was silent, but her face was thoughtful, and she looked incredibly calm.It was interesting to see.Instead of tensing and shutting down to hide, she relaxed and opened, acting as though absolutely nothing could set her off.“Did you know that Damen wanted to marry me?”

Laurent shook his head.

“He did.We were so young and I didn’t want to get married.I never want to get married.The very idea horrifies me, to be honest, but I didn’t know how to tell him that in a way he would understand.For years, Kastor had been looking for a way to fuck Damen over and so I knew he would do what I wanted.

“It was terrible,” she sighed.“I was different then.Selfish.I hardly even thought about the damage it would do to Damen or his relationship with Kastor, I just wanted out.”

“You were scared,” Laurent said.

“I was.I think you understand that.”

Laurent said nothing, simply worked on putting already chopped ingredients into the salad.Of course he understood that.Never in his life had he revealed his entire self to a person and the idea that he would do that for Damen someday made him very uneasy.“But you wouldn’t have fucked Kastor,” Jokaste said.“Because you and I aren’t the same underneath the show we put on.At least, I don’t think we are.”

“I wouldn’t have fucked Kastor,” he agreed.

“Well, that got heavy,” she declared, smiling at Nikandros, Damen, and Jord who were all gaping at them.“Don’t mind us, boys.I assure you, if it gets interesting again, I’ll announce it.Loudly.”

Damen and Jord had the grace to look embarrassed.Nikandros looked like he was still in the middle of some sort of existential crisis.When he burst out of it, he said, “Nobody in the world has conversations like that.Someone please back me up on this.”

“Agreed,” Jord said.Damen nodded. 

“I believe we are both people,” Laurent said dryly.Then he turned to Jokaste and said, “What kind of dressing do you want?”

“What do we have?”

Laurent opened up the fridge and peered at the shelves on the door.“There’s balsamic vinaigrette, a raspberry vinaigrette, honey mustard, and ranch.”

“What do you like, Nicaise?”

“Honey mustard,” Nicaise said.

“Honey mustard it is,” Jokaste said.

Pulling it out, Laurent cracked the bottle and poured a small dab into the salad, mixing it around, decided it wasn’t enough, and poured more.He felt someone behind him and flinched when arms went around his waist and a body pressed against his back.But then he smelled Damen and he relaxed slightly.

“Sorry,” Damen whispered into his ear, “I’ll announce myself next time.”

“A good idea.Have you come to watch me stir a salad?”

“Anything you do is fascinating to me.”

“You’re the all in type, aren’t you?”

Damen nuzzled Laurent’s neck before placing a kiss there.Instinctively, Laurent tilted his head slightly, allowing Damen better access.He hadn’t really meant to, but it had felt good.“So are you,” Damen murmured into his skin.“You’re not fooling me.”

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Damen, stop distracting my helper,” Jokaste said.“He’s got things to do.”

“But I missed him,” Damen pouted.

“Leave the kitchen or I will put you to work.”

“Alright, alright,” Damen laughed.“I’m leaving.”He kissed Laurent’s neck one last time, sending shivers down Laurent’s spine, and then left.

Jokaste came up beside him and smiled, leaning in.“God, he’s into you.”

“You think so?” Laurent asked, resisting the urge to break into a smile brighter than any he’d smiled in awhile.It was different hearing it from someone who knew Damen.They were possibly the best words he’d heard in his entire life.Or, at least, that’s how it felt, however ridiculous the notion.

She nodded.“Definitely.Just be prepared.”

“For what?”

“He’ll fall in love fast.”

For some reason, his body was tingling with unrestrained joy, despite being terrified.It was the strangest thing he’d ever experienced.“Of course he will,” Laurent said.“I’m irresistible.”

Laughing, Jokaste pulled a chicken out of the oven and placed the broiler on two ceramic tiles on the counter.The chicken sizzled and spat and Jokaste stared at it proudly, the skin a nice golden color.“I’ve never cooked a whole chicken before.”

“Feeling ambitious?” Laurent asked, slicing rolls in half.

“I can always use more excitement in my life.”

Making it through all of the rolls, Laurent searched for a small pan in the cupboards near the stove.When he found one, he put it on an open burner, turned it on, and placed the halves face down.He would have to be very careful or they would burn, but it was a way to heat up rolls.It was either this or the toaster and the toaster would be too messy.

Silently, he finished that task, wrapping the finished ones in a towel as he went.Jokaste found them a bowl.After that, he set about carving the chicken, at which point, Jokaste pulled out even more chicken from the oven, this one just thighs and wings laid flat on a baking sheet.They appeared to be marinated.“That is a lot of chicken.”

“Yes,” Jokaste said.“I told Nik it all has to be gone by the end of the night or I’d put the rest on a plate, shove it in front of him, and make him sit and eat until it was gone, however long it took.He insisted we didn’t have enough, after all.”

Finally, dinner was ready and Jokaste declared that to the living room.Nicaise, Damen, Jord, and Nikandros all scurried in, grabbing plates and loading them with food.Following them, Laurent piled a reasonable amount of food on his plate and then he went to sit beside Damen on the couch, who was patting the seat like they were in a high school cafeteria.

“Where am I supposed to sit?” Nikandros groaned.He and Jord had been busy flirting instead of grabbing a seat.

“Guests should get the couch,” Damen said.

“You’re on the couch.”

“Yes, well, the guests like me best.”

“How nice for you,” Nikandros sighed, resigning himself to the floor, putting his food on the coffee table.Jord did the same and Jokaste grabbed one of the chairs and tugged it over, so that they were in a makeshift circle.

“We should’ve rented a fold up table,” Jokaste said.

“This works fine,” Nikandros mumbled.Clearly, he’d fought for not getting one and was regretting it.Laurent laughed and it earned him a glare, which earned Nikandros the finger from Nicaise.

“I heard you had some questions for me,” Laurent said, taking a bite of chicken and staring at Nikandros.Before Nikandros could respond, Laurent smiled at Jokaste and said, “This is very good.Thank you.”

“Look at those manners, boys.You could learn something.”

Everyone chimed in with a thank you and some form of compliment, though Nikandros’ leaned towards overdramatic.Laurent continued to watch him curiously, wondering if he was actually going to have the guts to do what he wanted.

Judging by the fire in his eyes, he did.And sure enough, it began.“What are your intentions?”

Damen laughed and said, “Dude, I’m not being forced into some antiquated arranged marriage.Chill.”

“My question still stands.”

“Surely you’ve heard I’m in love with him by now,” Laurent said.“I know Damen didn’t keep that a secret.”It took almost everything out of him to say those words in front of all these people, but Nikandros’ reaction was worth it.

“I, well…” Nikandros paused, floundering for words.“He might’ve mentioned that.I just didn’t think you’d own up to it.”

“Anything else?”

“When?Why?”

“Nik, come on, that’s not…” Damen said.Laurent held up his hand, stopping him.The gesture was also meant for Nicaise who looked as though he were ready to leap out of his seat and scratch Nikandros’ eyes out.He could defend himself.

“I’ll answer that if you answer one of my questions.”

“It’s not, like, a weirdly personal question is it?” Nikandros asked.

“I’m not going to tell you what kind of question it is.Although, I would like to point out that your question is also weirdly personal.”

“Maybe we should just eat,” Damen said.

“Go ahead,” Laurent said, shooting Damen a look.Understanding, Damen sighed and worked on his roasted potatoes and vegetables.Eyes sliding back to Nikandros, Laurent gave him his coldest stare, knowing it would be the only way he could make it through this with a straight face.“What’s the name of your penis?”

“Excuse me?”

“I asked: what’s the name of your penis?And you can’t tell me you haven’t named it, because you’re exactly the type of person who would.”

“You don’t even actually want to know the answer to that,” Nikandros spluttered, while everyone laughed, Jord hardest of all.Laurent was pleased to realize he had guessed right.There was no way Jord would be laughing that hard if he didn’t know the name.

Whenever it got quiet, someone would burst into a fresh set of giggles, usually Nicaise.He really should’ve filled the silence by now, gotten it over with, but instead, Nikandros was staring dismally at his potatoes.Finally, he groaned and said, “Fine.It’s name is Thor.”

Jord started to howl, slapping the coffee table, the wine in their glasses slapping the sides from the vibrations.That prompted everyone else to do the same and Nikandros just sat there miserably, drinking wine, and staring at Laurent, who was smiling and formulating his answer for his own question.It would be just as embarrassing for him, though no one else would likely think so.This just wasn’t the type of thing he talked about with anyone.Ever.But he wasn’t going to back down from his word.Plus, Nikandros’ humiliation was probably worth it.

“Your turn,” Nikandros said once the table had settled down.He started eating, as though a movie had just started.The room went silent, everyone sensing Laurent’s tenseness, but he barreled ahead, knowing that at least Damen would want to kiss him senseless by the end.

Taking a swig of his water, he met Nikandros’ eyes, figuring he owed him the courtesy—besides it would impress him and impressing Damen’s best friend was suddenly paramount—and began to talk.“It happened almost a year ago.I’d had a long day of work, my uncle was being my uncle, and as Damen would attest, I hardly paid any attention to him.But this particular night, he and Nicaise were in the kitchen, sharing a hot cocoa, and chatting about school.And not just a ‘how was school?’ sort of conversation, but one about a girl named Charlene, who Nicaise wanted to be friends with, but wasn’t sure how.I realized then that Nicaise trusted him and whoever Nicaise trusts, I trust, because it’s not something that is easy for either of us.

“That was enough of a shock for me, enough to get me to hurry through preparing a meal, keeping my back to Damen at all times.The plan was working fine until I started thinking, a pastime that can sometimes distract me.”

“Oh my god, really?” Damen interrupted.He must have finally recollected the exact night Laurent was talking about.“I was just trying to be nice.”

“I know,” Laurent smiled.“Anyway, I managed to burn myself and the chicken on the stove.I remember letting out a string of curses and then Damen was there, pulling the chicken of the stove, shutting it off, and then wetting a towel with lukewarm water.He said, ‘People typically use ice for these kinds of burns, but that’s not a great idea.Just makes it worse, usually.Trust me, I’m a nurse.’And then he wrapped the towel around my burn.

“I think I said thank you, but I’m not entirely sure.It didn’t seem to disturb Damen either way.He just smiled down at me and then returned to Nicaise.For months, I’d been asking him to come over and babysit and for months I’d ignored him easily and willingly, but then he helped me without thought and without a desire for thanks and from that point on it became hopeless.Does that answer your question?”

Nikandros nodded with a smile.“I decided I had to be his friend when he started bringing brownies to every lunch in junior high.He would break them into chunks and give every single last piece away, saving none for himself, so I know exactly what you mean.”

“I forgot about those,” Damen said.“Those brownies were fucking delicious.”

“You never fucking ate them,” Nikandros argued.“How would you even know?”

“There were some at home.”

“What scares me is that I know you would still give them all away, even today.”

Damen shrugged and that launched them into a long reminiscing of junior high all the way through college, Jokaste coming in with her own stories once college had arrived.Laurent was more than happy to listen and laugh along with everyone else.It was halfway through his second glass of water and his second helpings of almost everything that he realized he was comfortable and happy.These were people he wanted to trust and people he wanted to like.It was all because of Damen he’d found them and maybe—hopefully—he could one day accept all they would give him.It had been so long since he’d had friends.He’d forgotten it could feel like this.

Once everyone had finished eating, there was a collective effort to clean up and distribute leftovers and then Jokaste said, “I was thinking about watching a movie.Feel free to stay and watch you two.”

Nicaise stared at Laurent with bright, pleading eyes.Clearly, he was experiencing something similar to Laurent.Still, he didn’t want to impose.But then Damen came up behind him and whispered, “Stay.”

Helplessly, he nodded and Nicaise fell onto the couch, limbs sprawling everywhere.Nikandros and Jord began to prod at him to make room and Laurent was wondering where he would sit when Damen declared, “Laurent and I are going to up to my room and make out.Any objections?”

“No,” Jokaste said, tossing movies into Nicaise’s lap.

“Just don’t give me details,” Nikandros replied, as he wrestled with Nicaise, who looked very close to biting him.

Then Damen’s eyes landed on him and Laurent understood that the objections question had been entirely for him.It was sweet, but Laurent couldn’t imagine why he would have any objections.All he’d wanted the entire evening was alone time with Damen, if he was being honest.He slipped his hand into Damen’s and smiled shyly, letting more emotion into his eyes than he typically did.

Damen responded beautifully, grinning and biting the inside of his cheek.“Come on,” he murmured, dragging them up the stairs.

 

Laurent had been here before and yet, Damen was still battling an extraordinary amount of nerves.He didn’t even think they were actually going to make out—it was just an easy way to get Laurent alone—but it could happen and that alone was enough to drive Damen out of his mind.

“Relax, Damen.I’m not as terrifying as all that.”

“You are, actually,” Damen replied, sitting on the edge of his bed.Laurent came and sat beside him, their thighs touching.

“There’s a distinction between me and what is happening between us.One is a lot more terrifying than the other.”

“Yeah,” Damen whispered.“It’s just happening really fast.It’s never happened this fast before.”

“We can always…”

Damen shook his head.“I don’t want it to slow down.I want nothing more than to give my heart to you.”

“Are you trying to get laid?”

“Is it working?”

“No.”

“Too bad,” Damen laughed.They exchanged a glance and it was a lot heavier, making it obvious to both of them that they weren’t fooling themselves.Damen had meant every one of those words and Laurent wasn’t handling it well.“Now who’s panicking?” Damen said.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to that.”

“Well, I already know I have yours, so…”

Laurent slapped him on the chest with the back of his hand and Damen started laughing, falling back onto his bed.As before, Laurent followed his lead.Turning his head, Damen noticed that Laurent had done the same and that their noses were practically brushing.“You have beautiful eyes,” Damen sighed.“That shade of blue shouldn’t even be real.”

“Thank you,” Laurent murmured.

“So,” Damen said, keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the little space that lay between them, “When did you first find me attractive?”

“Attractive?You think I find you attractive?”

“God, I wish you weren’t so good at acting.I honestly can’t tell if you’re serious or not, except that I’m pretty sure you can’t be, because when I do this…”Damen moved in closer, their noses touching now, “Your pupils go crazy.”

“The first day I saw you,” Laurent said.

“Really?” Damen responded, voice warm.

“Yes.”

“And what about me is attractive?”

“You’re shameless.”

“It’s not like you’d tell me otherwise,” Damen said.

“That first day, it was your gentleness.I first saw you and I thought, ‘Wow, this man is a big, lumbering idiot,’ but then you held puppies and petted dogs as if they were as fragile as glass.Then you were gentle with Nicaise, too, and I…it was contradictory.”

“It would be like you to be attracted to contradictory things,” Damen laughed.

“It’s a good sign that there’s more to a person then you can see,” Laurent said.“And I like puzzles.”

“Have I been a good puzzle?”

“The best.I still haven’t solved you.”

“I’m not that complicated,” Damen replied, running a finger down Laurent’s cheek.When he’d moved closer, he hadn’t bothered moving away and it was getting harder and harder to focus on conversation, especially when Laurent’s lips were moving.

When Laurent didn’t respond, Damen whispered, “You’re being awfully open tonight.”

“It’s something I’m trying.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not losing you.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Damen smiled, leaning in and brushing his lips against Laurent’s, delighting in Laurent’s words.It was one thing to know something and another to hear it spoken aloud.“I really wouldn’t.I’m completely hooked.Besotted.Intoxicated.Whatever word you would prefer.”

“I’m all in, Damen.I need you to know that, because my uncle is going to try and ruin it.It will be easier to handle him if you know that.”

“Why is he like this?”

Laurent was silent, eyes closed and breath coming shallowly.Immediately, Damen could tell this was something that he wasn’t ready to talk about.It was enough to see how hard he was trying to find the words.Laying a finger on Laurent’s lips until he opened his eyes, Damen said, “I’ll stop asking.You’ll tell me when you’re ready.I trust you.”

“Kiss me,” Laurent murmured, flushing lightly.

Joy fluttered in Damen’s chest and he brushed his lips against Laurent’s again, gently.There was a small release of breath that puffed against Damen’s lips and then Laurent was groaning in irritation.“What kind of fucking kiss is that?” he mumbled, rolling so that he was on top of Damen, straddling him.

It was a shocking turn of events and Damen was entirely breathless as Laurent leaned in to kiss him, hands on either side of Damen’s head.He was also very turned on very suddenly and it wouldn’t be long before Laurent would be able to tell.

Laurent’s lips were warm and soft and all of his kisses were tinged with inexperience.But he more than made up for it in the seriousness of them.Every kiss was a decision and every kiss rang _Damen, Damen, Damen_.It was as though they were only meant for him, that Laurent hadn’t and wouldn’t kiss anyone else.It was heady.

“Hey,” Damen whispered, holding Laurent’s head between his hands.“I need to catch my breath for a second.”

“Don’t you exercise?”

“Yes, but you’re exceedingly sexy right now and I’m having a hard time doing anything.”

Laurent rolled his eyes and moved his lips to the inside of Damen’s hand, across his palm and then down towards his wrist, where his pulse was beating rapidly.Lingering there, Laurent flicked his tongue out, tasting his skin.

“You’re actually going to kill me,” Damen groaned.

“Thank god.”

Laughing, Damen grabbed Laurent’s waist and flipped them, so he was on top.Then he kissed Laurent again, sliding his tongue against Laurent’s bottom lip, begging for entrance.After a moment, Laurent’s mouth opened, their tongues touched, and Damen felt like he was about to pass out.It was all too much coming from Laurent.Somehow, he managed to keep his lips moving, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, sliding his hands down Laurent’s sides.His thumbs found hipbones and he dug them in there, rubbing circles.

This time, Laurent pulled away, leaning his head back and breathing hard.Damen moved his lips down to Laurent’s neck, sucking, licking, and kissing every inch, delighting in the soft sounds Laurent would make if he was over a pulse point.“What do you like?” Damen whispered, moving his mouth to Laurent’s ear and grazing the lobe with his teeth.

“I don’t entirely know,” Laurent breathed.

“Excellent.I’ll find out.”

“Damen.”

“Hmm.”

“I’d like to stop.”

Nodding, Damen removed his head from Laurent’s neck and laid on his side, staring at Laurent’s flushed skin and heaving chest.It was incredible how beautiful he was.

“That was…” Laurent said, staring at the ceiling.

Damen hummed agreement.“I’m incredibly turned on right now and I didn’t even get my hands on your skin.”

That caught Laurent by surprise and he burst into laughter, turning on his side and leaning his forehead against Damen’s as he did.By the time he finished, he was smiling that smile again.“I’m sorry I’m unreasonably sexy,” he said.

“You should be.”

“Was it like this with Jokaste?” Laurent asked softly.

“It’s never been like this, Laurent.”

“You were going to marry her.”

“I was,” Damen nodded.“I loved her, we’d been dating for a couple years…it seemed like the next step.I was young enough then that I thought I had to follow all the steps to be happy.I think it’s lucky for both of us that she panicked.”

“Why?”

“I think we might’ve ended up killing each other.I’m not nearly enough to satisfy her.”

“How is that possible?” Laurent whispered.

Grinning, Damen shrugged.“She’s always on the search for something new, something exciting, something she can really dig her claws into and tear apart and I’m not that.”

“No.You’re not.”

“How about a lighter topic?” Damen declared.“Like, what’s your favorite curse word?”

“Fuck.Does anyone have a different one?”

“Stupid people, probably.Fuck is definitely the best one.”

“It’s so versatile.”

Damen laughed.“Favorite food?”

“Foie gras.”

“I don’t even know what that is, though it did sound good coming from your mouth.”

Laurent laughed, blushing pleasantly.“My favorite food is actually my mother’s split pea soup.Though, that might just be the nostalgia talking.”

“I take it you haven’t had it since she died.”

“No.There’s a recipe somewhere, though.”

“We should make it sometime,” Damen said.

“I’d like that.”

That was how they spent the rest of their night—exchanging favorites—until Nicaise come upstairs and declared the movie was over and that he was tired.Laurent hopped up right away and started straightening his clothes and hair.

“You literally told everyone you would be making out.They don’t expect you to look perfect.Let’s go,” Nicaise said.

Damen let out a breath of laughter and sat up on the bed, taking Laurent’s hand and spinning him back so that Laurent was standing between his legs.“I really, really like you,” he said.

“Good,” Laurent murmured, kissing him sweetly.Damen’s heart stopped, totally enraptured by Laurent and sweet.He’d been like this all night and Damen could hardly believe it.It was not something you would guess about him.Nor was it something most people saw.

“Are you ever going to tell me you love me?” Damen asked curiously.It wasn’t something he needed, but he was curious why Laurent hadn’t, especially since Damen already knew.

“Someday,” Laurent said.“They’re my words and not my uncle’s, so I’ll say them when I’d like.”

“Makes sense.”

“When will I see you again?”

“I’ll text you.If you think I can go more than two days without you, you’d be kidding yourself.”

Laurent smiled, kissed him once more, then turned to Nicaise and walked out of the room.Damen followed and watched as everyone said goodbye to Laurent and Nicaise.After they were gone, everyone in the living room was silent, until Jord said, “Those two are awesome.”

“Hard to argue,” Nikandros said.“Even though the kid still hates me.He literally bit me, Damen, and I still haven’t gotten him to actually have a normal human conversation with me.”

“They’ll be around,” Damen said, happy that his friends approved so readily.

“Thank god,” Jokaste said.“This house could use them.”


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really exhausting school week, so I'm rewarding myself.  
> I don't have anything new or exciting. But I love you all, as always. And thank you. I'll get to all the comments when I'm less done with being awake.  
> I also love Mari, as always. She's all the stars in the sky at once  
> Enjoy! <3 Not much exciting happens, but it's technically a big plot point.

Two weeks later, Damen and Laurent were hanging out in the basement, Damen seated at the end of the couch and Laurent’s head in his lap.Nothing was on the TV and Nicaise was at a friend’s house, having a sleepover—a sleepover that Laurent’s uncle knew nothing about.It was the only thing stressing Laurent out at the moment, otherwise he was very relaxed.If his uncle came home and started asking questions, the result wouldn’t be pleasant.Sleepovers were the sort of thing he didn’t allow.He preferred having his toys under his direct supervision at all times.

“What are you thinking about?” Damen asked, continuing to stroke Laurent’s hair, as he’d been doing for the past hour—an hour which hadn’t involved much talking. 

“Oh, just praying to gods I don’t believe in that my uncle won’t come home.”

“Carlos said he wasn’t going to, right?”

“Yes, but I’m still going to worry about it.He’s been more on edge lately.”

“What would he do?”

“Well, he’d start by going and getting Nicaise.I’d have to go with him and I’m sure he’d give me a nice long lecture full of unpleasant reminders while in the car.Then we’d come home and he’d threaten and scare both of us and I would be hoping that the incident isn’t enough for him to actually follow through on his threats,” Laurent said.

“He wouldn’t physically harm you, would he?”

Laurent laughed shortly, amazed that Damen hadn’t figured it out.If it was the other way around, he would’ve.A very long time ago.Of course, Damen saw the world differently.He liked to believe in family, even when they did shitty things.And he would never suspect them of any wrongdoing.Not ever.

“No,” Laurent said.“It’s unlikely he would physically harm me.”

“Thank god.”

Reaching up, Laurent hooked his hand around Damen’s neck and pulled his head down so they could kiss.It was sloppy, lips not quite lining up, but it was still nice and Laurent felt his mind go pleasantly blank.“Tell me something,” Damen murmured against his lips.

“What?”

“Tell me about Auguste.”

“Is this why you’ve been trying to relax me all evening?”

“No,” Damen said.“But I will admit that I’ve been curious for awhile.”

Sighing, Laurent brought up an image of Auguste in his mind.It was blurry, but still there.Unless he was looking at a photograph, most of Auguste’s features were impossible to recall after all this time.The only thing he could remember with clarity was Auguste’s nose and that was because they had the exact same one.His hair was blonde and his eyes were blue, but they weren’t like Laurent’s.He was sure Auguste’s hair had been softer and that his eyes had been larger.Maybe.

“What do you want to know?” he asked.

“Everything you haven’t told me.”

Laurent nodded and started to organize his thoughts.This was something he thought he could talk about, unlike what his uncle had done.It was a way to deepen the trust between them without sacrificing too large a part of himself.He could do it.He had to do it.There was nothing in Auguste that Laurent could find shame in.

“Everything I haven’t told you,” Laurent whispered.“I believe that only leaves the sad parts.”

“Yeah.”

“I was thirteen when he died.Nicaise was two.By then, my parents were already dead; my mother from cancer and my father from a broken heart.At least, that was what Auguste told me.I’m sure there was an actual medical reason, but I never knew it.I was happy with that explanation because I’d felt like I was going to die from missing them myself.

“Anyway, a year later, he and his wife, a beautiful girl named Charlotte—I still miss her too, sometimes—were in a car crash on a bridge.Drunken driver.Lots of other cars were involved in the crash, actually, but my brother’s car was the only one to break through the barrier and fall into the water.They both drowned.I was the one to pick up the phone when the police called, but of course, they wouldn’t tell me anything, wanting my uncle instead.So he was the one that told me.

“I thought I was going to die missing my parents, but I had no idea.Missing Auguste didn’t make me scared of death, it made me wish for it.”Laurent closed his eyes because they were burning with tears he was barely managing to hold back.He’d never talked about this with anyone and it was hard.His words tasted like rusted metal coming from his mouth.

“Darling,” Damen murmured.The endearment sent Laurent’s heart racing and it was uncontainable, all of these emotions.Why anyone had to feel so many things at once was beyond him.It was easier not to feel.But, of course, if he was still living like that, he wouldn’t have Damen.“It’s okay to cry, you know.It usually helps, in fact.”

“How would you know?” Laurent murmured.

Damen laughed softly, leaning down and kissing Laurent on the forehead.“I bawled after Jokaste and I broke up.On and off.For days.”

“Did you really?” Laurent asked, laughing wetly.

“I did.” 

“I just…”His voice started shaking and he let it.He let it break, when he said, “I miss him.I feel like I should miss my parents, but all I miss is him.Once he was gone it overshadowed every other hurt.He was everything.”Then, after a small pause, he curled his face into Damen’s stomach and started to sob.It was undignified, ugly, messy, but he hadn’t cried like this for years and years and there was no stopping now.Luckily, Damen didn’t seem to mind.He just kept stroking Laurent’s hair, staying silent, somehow knowing Laurent didn’t need platitudes murmured at him.

Laurent cried until his entire body was sore, until his eyes were red, and Damen’s shirt was wet.Every once in awhile, he would still hiccough, but when those dissipated, Damen said, “I think I’m going to need a change of shirt.”

“Who said you needed one?”

With a laugh, Damen gripped the back of his shirt with one hand and ripped it off, falling back against the couch.“Is that better?” he said.

Carefully, Laurent pressed a kiss to his belly-button, tongue slipping in just slightly.Damen inhaled sharply and Laurent laughed, feeling surprisingly light after crying.To him, crying had always been a privilege, not something he was allowed, and so he’d never realized just how powerful it could be.But it felt easier to breath.More than that, he felt connected to Damen in a way he hadn’t before.It was hard to imagine their connection growing stronger—it was something, even when they’d barely known each other, that had been there, making it easy to understand each other, even if one or both of them was being purposefully cryptic—but it had.He knew Damen could feel it, too. 

Honestly, it felt a bit like home.It felt as safe as Auguste had in the late nights when Laurent had run into his room crying, asking to sleep in his bed, because lying alone and seeing his mother’s skin stretched tight over her face as she died was not something he could do.Auguste would say nothing, just open up the covers, and let Laurent slide in so he could hold him tightly and sing softly.If Charlotte was over, he would simply leave bed and go back to Laurent’s to do the same there.

And that wasn’t something that could scare him.Not ever.Once he realized that, he realized he could tell Damen anything.It was probably time to start formulating words for the one thing that would explain everything, because if Damen asked again, he was going to tell him.

“Feeling okay?” Damen murmured.“Any way I can make it better?”

“No.This is perfect.”

“Perfect?Wow.I feel honored.Nothing is ever perfect with you.”

“I’m rarely safe.”

Smiling, Damen ran a finger down the bridge of Laurent’s nose.“I’m having a premonition,” he said.

“Learn anything interesting?”

“I’m going to kiss you, but that’s not the most important part.”

“Oh?”

“I’m going to be so in love with you.I can feel it.”

“Please kiss me,” Laurent said.“I need to not overthink what you just said.”

“It’ll be earth shattering, Laurent.”

“Damen.”

“Fine, fine,” Damen laughed, leaning down and kissing him.It was just as sloppy as the first time they’d tried it from this angle, so when Damen pulled away, Laurent sat up—dislodging Damen’s hand—and straddled his lap.Cupping Damen’s neck with both hands, feeling the fluttering pulse, Laurent leaned in and kissed him again, slow and hot, their tongues sliding.Damen’s pulse was beating as fast as a hummingbird’s wings. 

Long make out sessions hadn’t been typical.There were always people around, but there wasn’t now and Damen’s shirt was off, and Laurent’s hands were sliding down, caressing ribs with his thumbs.The feel of Damen’s skin, warm and smooth, was intoxicating and Laurent broke away from Damen’s lips just so he could feel that skin with something other than his hands.

Halfway through nuzzling Damen’s neck, his mind had cleared enough to realize they were both hard.Not only that, Damen’s hands were under his shirt, roaming his back and his hips were canting ever so slightly.So slightly that Laurent knew he was asking permission and that was the only reason Laurent didn’t completely lose his mind. 

The worst part was it felt good.Laurent didn’t know what to do with that.Part of his mind knew exactly where to go from here, but that part of his mind was untouchable, because he’d be landed into a series of memories that would ruin everything.All he was left with was the part of his brain that was clueless, unsure, and unconfident.

Positive sexual relationships were a complete mystery.

“Damen…” Laurent murmured, regretfully removing his lips and hands, sitting back on Damen’s lap.

“You need to stop,” Damen sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Laurent said, trying not to sound bitter.It was unreasonable to expect Damen to be patient forever, he knew that.It was probably a miracle he hadn’t demanded more already.They were two adults in a relationship, something slightly different from two virgin teenagers.

“No, I’m sorry,” Damen said.“Your pace is the pace we go.”

“But you’re not happy about it.”

“I mean…”Damen met Laurent’s eyes and sighed again.“I want to make you feel good.That’s all.With anyone else, I would achieve that through some form of sex, but that’s not what is going to make you feel good right now, so…I’m fine.I swear.”

“Are you sure?Because…”

Damen shook his head, eyes disbelieving, but in a loving way.“I’m sure.You are not sacrificing a goddamn thing to make me happy.Especially when I’m perfectly happy to begin with.”

“You are happy, then?” Laurent whispered, not bothering to disguise the anxiety in his voice.It was hard to see why someone would be happy with him when he had so little to give.

“Of course, Laurent.You make me unbelievably happy.”

“You make me happy, too,” Laurent said, leaning forward so that their foreheads were touching.He would take a breath while Damen was exhaling and then Damen would take a breath while he was exhaling and it was enough to settle his heart and his brain.

That was when his uncle made his presence known.

 

“I must congratulate you both.It looks as though the arrangement you made a few months ago has paid off in spades.”

To Damen’s surprise, Laurent didn’t remove himself from Damen’s lap.All he did was move his head from Damen’s and into Damen’s neck, inhaling deeply there.His breath tickled the sensitive skin and Damen wasn’t sure what to do.While he didn’t see any harm in Laurent’s uncle knowing, Laurent did and that was enough to be concerned.

Luckily, before the silence grew long enough that Damen had to say something, Laurent slipped his head out of Damen’s neck and stared at his uncle.From this angle, Damen couldn’t quite see his face, but judging from the tension in his body, it wasn’t a pleasant expression.

“I’ll admit,” Laurent’s uncle said, “I didn’t imagine in the slightest that this would be the result of me telling you, Damen, that my nephew was in love with you.You’re surprisingly resilient.”

“To what?” Damen growled.

“Why, my games, of course.I won’t pretend you aren’t aware of them any longer, since we’re not in polite company.”

“I wouldn’t call it resilient, I would call it loyal,” Damen said.“I’m not going anywhere.”

“We’ll see about that.Laurent, how long are you going to sit there struck dumb?”

Standing, Laurent crossed his arms over his chest and wandered over to the wall on the other side of the staircase from his uncle.They were having another stare down and Damen wasn’t sure what to offer. 

That wasn’t true, actually.He knew Laurent wanted him to leave, but he didn’t want to leave.He wanted Laurent to want him there, beside him, helping him fight back.Still, he knew it was best to respect Laurent’s wishes, so he said, “Should I leave?”

Surprisingly, Laurent looked Damen’s way, as though he weren’t entirely sure what he wanted.However, he landed in the place Damen had expected him to.“Go,” Laurent said.“I’ll text you.”

Without another word, Damen gathered his shirt from the floor where he’d tossed it, put it on, and trudged up the stairs.He wanted desperately to kiss Laurent, give him something to remember while he was fighting with his uncle, but it was unlikely Laurent wanted it.

Halfway up the stairs he realized he didn’t actually know that.While his assumptions about Laurent were usually correct, they couldn’t always be, and frankly, he needed the reassurance.Laurent was not the only one who was currently worried.

Scampering back down the stairs, Damen walked in on Laurent and his uncle staring each other down, Laurent saying, “…school tomorrow.You’re the one who sets the strict nine-o-clock bedtime.Which, is a bit ridiculous, if I’m being honest, because you’re rarely here to enforce it, but he’s so scared of you that…”

“You’re back,” Laurent’s uncle said with a harsh smile, interrupting Laurent with ease.

“Yeah, hi, sorry.I was halfway up the stairs when I realized I didn’t get to kiss my boyfriend goodnight and if it’s alright with him, I’d like to do that.”

Laurent considered him with cold eyes.It was not pleasant to be stared at like that and Damen was going to have words with him about it later, even though he knew it was one of Laurent’s many defense mechanisms.He didn’t deserve it. 

Gazing back, barely daring to blink, Damen watched as Laurent melted slightly, his eyes losing their severity and his mouth turning up at the corners.He grabbed Damen by the hem of his shirt and tugged him forward, their lips meeting in a rush.“Now, go,” Laurent murmured as he pulled away.

“Call me when you’re done.”

“Got something to say?”

“A few things.”

Laurent nodded carefully and then untangled his hand from Damen’s shirt.Despite his minor irritation, Damen gave him a reassuring smile, hoping it would help and then turned and went back up the stairs.There was nothing more he could do now.

 

Arriving home, he found Nikandros, Jord, and Jokaste in the middle of a game of Monopoly, something Damen wouldn’t allowed if he’d been home.Monopoly never ended well in their house.Either Nikandros flipped the board or Jokaste started surreptitiously stealing everyone’s money.

“You’re home early,” Nikandros observed, before bursting into a cheer as he landed on a space.Clearly it was one he could buy.

“Yeah,” Damen sighed, sinking on the couch.“His uncle came home.Caught us making out.Well, caught Laurent straddling me, anyway.”

“That would ruin the mood.”

“He wouldn’t let you stay,” Jokaste said softly, meeting Damen’s eyes.

“No.”

Something flickered in her eyes but she didn’t say anything else, instead rolling the dice.Damen was curious what she was thinking, but there was no getting it out of her if she wasn’t interested in sharing and it was obvious she wasn’t.Still, she knew something.Or thought she did.And judging by her secrecy, it was likely Damen didn’t know.

Damen sat silently for awhile, listening to his friends bicker over what trades were and weren’t allowed, especially between boyfriends.Then he stood and grabbed a beer from the fridge before switching on the TV and absentmindedly watching people flit across the screen.He assumed they were talking, but he was having a hard time paying attention.

“Why are you watching _Frasier_ reruns?” Jord asked. He was the only one in a position to see the TV.

“I’m not,” Damen said, taking another swig of beer.“I’m thinking.”

“You never do that,” Nikandros said.

“I try not to, anyway.”

“Oh, Damen,” Jokaste murmured.“It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

“What’s obvious?”

There was a sigh and it sounded as though she were about to say something, but then Damen’s phone rang and he picked it up immediately, getting up to go to his room.“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.”Laurent’s voice was void of emotion.It was unsettling.“Could you do me a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Go get Nicaise and bring him home.My uncle hasn’t figured out he’s missing yet, but he’s bound to if he isn’t here.And soon.”

“Alright.Text me the address,” Damen sighed.

“Okay.”

“Laurent?”

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Right,” Damen said, running a hand down his face.“I’ll go get Nicaise then.I’ll text you when we arrive, so you can sneak him in however you want to.”He held his phone in place between his shoulder and ear and used both his hands to put shoes on.If he’d had hands, he might’ve hung up, but Laurent was still there, breathing and saying nothing.When he had one shoe on and there was still nothing, he said, “What Laurent?”

“You’re upset.”

“Probably.Does that bother you?”

There was another silence and Damen took a deep breath, remembering that Laurent had very little experience with relationships of any kind.“Listen,” he said, “I just…when you’re not fine, don’t tell me you’re fine.I’m not saying we then have to talk about everything that’s wrong, but I want to know the truth.And when you’re going through shit, don’t shut me out.Even if I can’t help with the actual problem, I like to think I’d be able to help in other ways.”

“But you can’t help.Not with this.”He said it like it was a fact and Damen knew he believed it.It hardly mattered though, because it only irritated Damen more.

“Whatever.I have to go.We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Damen…”

“I promise, okay?I just can’t do this right now.”

“Okay,” Laurent said, voice emotionless again.Rolling his eyes, Damen let his phone fall from his shoulder and onto the bed.He quickly tied a double knot in his second shoe and then went back downstairs.Sure enough, Nikandros was standing and swearing at Jokaste.He must’ve landed on a property with a hotel.

“I’m headed out.I’ll be back soon.”

“Where are you going?” Jokaste asked.

“I’m…” Damen paused and laughed.All three of them looked over in surprise and mild concern as Damen kept laughing.“I’m sneaking Nicaise back into his own house,” he finished.“For some reason.God knows why.At least I’m good for something, I suppose.”

“Do you want someone to come with you?” Jord asked, his face contorted into something strange as he tried not to stare at Damen like he was insane.

Damen waved off the kind gesture.“No.Finish your game.Also, Jokaste, I suggest easing up slightly or that board will be flipped in five minutes.”With that, he grabbed his jacket and keys and exited the house.

 

He arrived at a small, well-lighted house in the older neighborhoods of Portland.It was charming and Damen glanced briefly around at the other houses, thinking he might like to live in one of these someday.There were wrap around porches and balconies, some of his favorite characteristics in a house.

Walking up the rickety stairs, he knocked on the door and tried not to feel awkward.It was later than he would normally call on people and they weren’t going to know who he was.

The door opened slowly and an older woman in a nightdress peered out.“Yes?” she asked, her voice shaking slightly.

“I…I’m a friend of Laurent’s and Nicaise’s.Nicaise needs to come home, if that’s alright.”

“Oh, of course,” the woman said.“I’m Sylvia.”

“Damen.”

“Nice to meet you.Why don’t you come inside and I’ll go get him.”

“Thank you,” Damen said, entering the house to see a man, likely the woman’s husband, sitting in a chair by a fireplace, doing a crossword.He didn’t acknowledge Damen at all.Normally, that kind of behavior would rankle Damen, but he was grateful now.This was not something he wanted to be doing or a place he wanted to be.

Nicaise tramped down the stairs in front of Sylvia five minutes later, carrying a bag, and still in his pajamas.They exchanged a knowing look, Nicaise slipped on his shoes, and then they were out the door and in Damen’s car, driving to the deVere mansion.

“He wasn’t supposed to come home,” Nicaise said.

“I guess he changed his mind.”

“Why are you in a mood?”

“Laurent.”

Nicaise nodded reasonably and settled into his seat, putting his feet up on the dash.Carefully, he started rambling about his friend and the video games they had played while he was there.Damen listened and felt his mood improving slightly.It was nice to know someone knew how to handle him when he was like this.Eventually, Damen was relaxed enough to ask questions and they ended up having a pleasant conversation, the drive going much faster than it had on the way there.

When they arrived at the mansion, Damen pulled out his phone and texted Laurent.

_D: Here.How do you want to do this?_

_L: Just bring him to the kitchen door._

_D: Kay_

“Looks like we’re tramping through the backyard,” Damen sighed.“Want to put your shoes on more securely?”

“No.We should hurry.”

“Alright,” Damen sighed, opening his door and stepping out.He was about to shut it when Nicaise shook his head vigorously. _Quietly,_ he mouthed.Nodding, Damen did as he was asked and then followed Nicaise around the side of the house, helping him open up the gate that he wasn’t quite tall enough to unlatch.

When they got to the kitchen, it was lit and Laurent was waiting there, door open.He ushered Nicaise in and murmured something.With a hurried nod, Nicaise rushed off, the heels of his feet not touching the floor as he did.His steps were largely silent.

Once he was gone, Laurent and Damen were left alone, staring at each other.Ever so softly, Laurent said, “Want to come in?”

“No.I have to get home.”

“Alright,” Laurent said.“Thank you for getting Nicaise.”

The politeness of the exchange was killing Damen slowly, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it or if he wanted to.“Sure,” he said.“I’ll…”

“Talk to me tomorrow.Yes, I know.”

“I suppose you do,” Damen said, wringing his hands.Before he could say anything else dumb, he turned away and walked back to his car, opening and closing the car door as softly as he could.As he drove away, he felt a wrongness settle in his chest and linger.By the time he was home, it had grown so large that Damen knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep.

He made a brief stop at the Monopoly table, which was surprisingly still going, and then he went to his room.He took a long shower, brushed his teeth, took off his clothes, and crawled into bed, only to stare at the dark ceiling.The last thing he wanted was to be in a fight with Laurent.Now, he desperately wanted to fix it, but he was here and Laurent was there.They had been so awkward.It was rare when they were awkward, even when they’d barely known each other.They weren’t meant to be like that.

As the time passed, he heard the crash of a board hitting the ground and then he heard everyone make their way to bed.Later, there were the soft squeaks and low groans of Nikandros and Jord having sex, something they were allowed to do because they were largely quiet. 

After they finished, he tried to sleep, but it wasn’t working.When he realized there was no hope, he picked up his phone from the nightstand and saw that it was almost two in the morning.It would be rude to call this late, but he wanted to.Badly. Deciding to test the waters, Damen set Laurent a text.

_D: Can I call?_

The response was immediate.

_L: Can’t sleep?_

_D: No.You can’t either apparently_

_L: I rarely can._

_L: You can call._

Pressing Laurent’s name, Damen brought the phone to his ear and let out a shaky breath.He didn’t know if this could go disastrously wrong, be he hoped it didn’t. 

“Hi,” Laurent said.

“Hi,” Damen whispered, not wanting to keep any of his housemates up.

“You wanted to talk, I assume,” Laurent replied, easily adopting Damen’s register.It was incredibly intimate and it eased some of Damen’s worry.

“I hate fighting.With anyone, but especially you.I missed you, however ridiculous that sounds.”

“I…it’s not ridiculous.”

“I think, maybe, I was expecting too much so early in a relationship.That’s what logic would tell me, anyway, but to be honest, this feels so incredibly real that I’m having trouble with that.Do you at least see where I’m coming from?You and I should be a team.I’d like us to be,” Damen said.

“I don’t really…I do things alone.”

“I know.But I also know you’re open to having me help.You wouldn’t have asked me to get Nicaise tonight, otherwise.You couldn’t have been in that tight of a bind.It was just going to make you feel better.”

“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“Just the truth, Laurent.”When there was no reply, Damen sighed.“I know it’s a lot.I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it hurt me that I was shut out so quickly, for no discernible reason.I mean, I guess your uncle is a reason, but I still don’t know why he’s a reason.”

“Are you asking?”

“What?”

“Are you asking why my uncle is a reason?”

“I know better.”

“Ask me tomorrow,” Laurent said, voice strained.“If you want to know, ask me tomorrow.I’m not going to have this conversation over the phone.”

“You don’t have to…”

“I promised myself the next time you asked I would tell you.”

Damen smiled, despite the seriousness of the topic.This was Laurent trying to give him what he wanted; trust.All of the fight flowed out of Damen and he said, “Okay.Tomorrow.”

“I wish you were here,” Laurent murmured.

“Wow,” Damen laughed.“You’re excellent at resolving fights.”

“I’m glad that worked.”

“Please.I know you meant it.”

“Did I?How will you ever know for sure?” Laurent asked.

“Because I know you.”

“Arrogance doesn’t suit you.”

“I bet it turns you on,” Damen teased.

“Oh, Damen,” Laurent said, his voice almost sad, which felt strange in the context of flirtation.“ _You_ turn me on.”


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, folks here we go. Thought I'd throw in a few tw just in case...talk of past sexual abuse with and without the abuser and mentions of cutting. I know it sounds like it'll be really rough and it probably will but I put in fluff to ease the pain, I promise.  
> Anywayyy thank you so so much all of you. You're wonderful and special.  
> Thanks to Mari, my beautiful beta. Love you, dear.  
> Without further ado, enjoy! <3

The next morning, before he was even out of bed to go to work, there was a knock on his door.Sitting up, clutching the covers around his chest, Laurent said, “Come in.”

“You look tired,” Laurent’s uncle said, shutting the bedroom door behind him and moving to sit on the bed at Laurent’s feet.Unable to control the workings of his body like he was able to control everything else, his heart raced and his hands started shaking lightly. 

Curling them into the sheets to disguise it, he said, “It was a late night.”

“You should invite Damen for dinner.”

“You’ve met him.”

“Yes, but I wasn’t aware you were actually dating him.”

“It’s a recent development,” Laurent said shortly, staring into the ice gray-blue eyes of his uncle, his instinct to fight kicking in.It was the only thing that got him through these conversations.

“Do you not want him over?”

Sighing, Laurent said, “I can invite him.Which day were you thinking?”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Alright.I’ll ask him.Is that it?”

“Are you seeing him tonight?”

Laurent nodded carefully, unsure where this line of questioning was going.Since it was his uncle, he knew it wasn’t harmless.

“How often do you see him?”

“Often enough.Uncle, I should really get ready of work.Could we continue this later?”

“But I won’t be home before the dinner tomorrow,” Laurent’s uncle said.“Is there anything wrong with an uncle inquiring about his nephew’s life?”

“When it’s you, yes,” Laurent said, slipping out of the covers and off the bed, strolling to his walk in closet.He preferred the conversations they had in private, because there was a lot less posturing and politeness.He was allowed to walk off and do other things.If his uncle really wanted to talk, he would follow.

He entered while Laurent was pulling on a pair of pants.His chest was still bare and he said, “I’d prefer if you waited outside.”

“It’s not anything I haven’t seen before.”

Laurent closed his eyes, swallowed bile, and said, “But much too old for your taste.”

“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Turning his back, Laurent pulled on a simple button down, slipping each button into its respective hole before returning his gaze to his uncle.“What do you want?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”

“Of course not,” Laurent murmured, grabbing a pair of socks and shoes before walking past his uncle, making sure no parts of their bodies touched.

“Why do you think he’s willing to date you?”

“I’m not sucking his cock every night, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m simply trying to understand why he wants to be with you, used goods.”

Laurent slipped socks onto his feet, keeping his eyes firmly on his task.“Do you enjoy ruining my day?” he asked.

“Of course not.I’ve never wanted to do that.”

“For someone who doesn’t want to ruin any of my days, you’ve done a piss poor job,” Laurent said, slipping on one shoe and then the other, working on the laces.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No, I didn’t.It doesn’t concern you.”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“If that’s what you think, it must be true,” Laurent said.

“Stop evading.”

The tone of voice his uncle used was commanding, the tone that said: _if you want Nicaise to be safe, I suggest doing what I say._ If only Laurent was Nicaise’s legal guardian and not his uncle.Everything would be so different.

“I don’t know,” Laurent clipped.“Okay?You’re completely right.I have no idea why he wants to spend any time with me.If you want a better answer, I suggest asking Damen.He would know.”

“You must have some idea.”

“Maybe I would if you hadn’t fucked me and reduced my self-esteem to practically nothing.Karma.”

“That was crude.”

“Yes, well, I’m irritated,” Laurent said.“Are we done?”If his uncle didn’t let him go, he was probably going to throw up on his nice carpet.Carlos would try to clean it up, but Laurent wouldn’t allow him, finding the task disgusting enough himself.And then he’d be late for work.

“Fine,” his uncle said, heading towards the door.“I look forward to dinner.”

“I’m sure I do too.”Right when the door closed, Laurent hurried to the bathroom and dry heaved over his toilet.Thankfully, there was nothing in his stomach.It didn’t stop him from feeling clammy, though, and it was a long while before he pried himself off the floor.

In the kitchen, he glanced down at his phone and saw that it would have to be a quick breakfast.He grabbed a box of cereal, poured some milk in, and worked his way through the rather drab meal, wondering if Damen was at work yet or not.It would be nice to hear his voice.

Remembering the fight they’d had last night, Laurent realized that it didn’t matter.Damen wouldn’t find a call rude, even if he was at work.He’d probably see it as a positive sign of Laurent’s growing trust.Maybe it was.

After he finished his last bite of cereal and washed out his bowl, sticking it in the dishwasher, he picked up his phone, opened his contacts, and pressed on Damen’s name.It rang twice and then there was a yawn, before a tired voice said, “Yeah?”

“Is that any way to greet your boyfriend?” Laurent asked

“Oh, Laurent.”The voice brightened considerably and Laurent smiled.“Sorry.I didn’t look at who was calling.I didn’t get much sleep.”

“Neither did I.”

“Let’s start over.Good morning, babe!What’s cooking?”

Laughing, Laurent felt nerves gather in his stomach and his smile only grow.This was exactly what he had needed.How could a person be capable of catalyzing such an aggressive mood change?“‘What’s cooking?’”

“First thing I could think of.”

“It’s terrible.”

“I know,” Damen laughed.“What is cooking, though?Because if nothing’s cooking, I should probably get back to my paperwork and organizing my band-aids.”

“You organize your band-aids?”

“Sure.I’ve got colored ones, normal ones, and some superhero ones.They get mixed up really easily and it’s better to pull out the right kind of band-aid when a kid is bleeding.There’s less protesting.If you give a kid a normal band-aid when he wants a superhero one, you’re fucked.”

“Nothing is…cooking,” Laurent said.“Organize your band-aids.”

“Are you sure?You’re don’t typically call.”

“Bad morning.I thought…”

“Oh my god, you thought hearing my voice would make it better.This is truly momentous.I should probably write it into my calendar.”

“You don’t have a calendar.”

“I don’t know how you could possibly know something like that, but you’re right,” Damen said.“I guess I’ll just have to remember.I have to have something to hold over your head when we have to tell grandkids about our relationship.”

“Grandkids.”

“I’m…sorry.Tired.You have to know that I don’t actually, or, I mean…I don’t think about us that far in the future.At all.It’s just a…”

“Damen, it’s fine,” Laurent interrupted, trying not to laugh.It hardly mattered to him.He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about them that far in the future.Of course, that was typically while taking baths and in a more fantastical and dream-like sense, not actually something he pretended could realistically happen.

“Okay, good.Why was it a bad morning?”

“My uncle was asking questions about our relationship.”

“Why?”

“I’m sure he knows why,” Laurent said.

“Well—in solidarity—what a dick.”

“You know, you’re not a horrible boyfriend.”

“What a compliment.”

“The best I can deliver,” Laurent smirked.Glancing at the digital clock on the microwave, Laurent realized he needed to hang up and drive to work.Being late because he couldn’t stop talking to Damen was a lot more pathetic than being late because his uncle prevented him from being on time.The problem was, Laurent wasn’t sure he cared.This felt like the most sane decision he’d made so far today.

“What do you want to do tonight?”

“You’d better come over,” Laurent said, knowing he would want the privacy and the quiet of his own house.Damen’s house was comforting in it’s own way, but it was always busy and crowded.

“Sounds good.I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“I have to go, but before I do, you should know that my uncle wants you to come to dinner tomorrow night.There’s likely a reason, but I don’t know what it is.It won’t be fun, but I need you to come.”

“Then I’ll be there,” Damen said.“Are you sure you have to go?”

“I thought you were organizing band-aids.”

“I’d pick you over band-aids any day.”

“How romantic.”

“I thought so.”

Sighing, Laurent said, “I really do have to go.But I’ll see you tonight.Bye, Damen.”

“Bye,” Damen said.The phone was still crackling, signaling a connection, after he’d talked and then fifteen seconds later, Damen said, “I’m not hanging up first.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Laurent said, pressing the red end button.He knew that across the city, Damen was laughing.Imagining what that laugh would sound like, he left the house and headed to work.

 

After work, Damen went home, took a shower, watched TV, and ate dinner.Jokaste and Nikandros had both come home while he was eating and the three of them chatted about their days, most of it involving some form of complaining.None of them actually hated their jobs, but complaining was entertaining and Nikandros was always willing to start.

Then, when he was positive that Laurent was home from work, he texted him and said he was on his way.A response acknowledging the information came a few seconds later and then Damen left, humming along to the radio as he drove.The small fight they’d had last night had solidified their relationship in a way Damen couldn’t have predicted.It was hard for him to not feel jittery and excited.Earning the trust of someone like Laurent was incredibly rewarding.

When he arrived, Carlos let him in, took his jacket, and pointed Damen towards the kitchen with a genial slap on the back.Their friendship had only improved over the weeks, Carlos finding the house much easier to work in these days and he accredited it entirely to Damen.

Both Nicaise and Laurent were in the kitchen, sitting at the counter, eating salad and reading books.Damen had found them in this exact position countless times and it never got old.There was no doubt they were a family when you saw them like this.

“Hi,” Damen said.A moment of silence followed his greeting, as Laurent and Nicaise finished their respective pages.But then Nicaise burst off his stool and gave Damen a hug, automatically starting a long, winded story about this paper he had to write for school and how much he hated _Romeo and Juliet_.All Laurent did was swivel in his seat, but he did shoot Damen a beautiful smile, one that had Damen’s stomach falling to his feet.

Damen made sure to listen to every last word of Nicaise’s rambling before he walked over to Laurent and slipped an arm around his shoulders, kissing him on the top of the head.“What the fuck is in that salad?” he asked, staring at it as he rested his chin on the place he’d kissed.

Dislodging Damen, Laurent turned so he could continue eating it and said, “Cranberries, pears, and walnuts.”

“It’s so good,” Nicaise said.

“I do like cranberries,” Damen said, reaching over to Nicaise’s plate and stealing as many as he could before Nicaise tried to stab him with his fork.Laughing, Damen tossed the cranberries he had managed to grab into his mouth and reveled in the sourness of the fruit, which only worked because of the sweet aftertaste.

“What are you up to tonight?” Damen asked Nicaise.

“This,” Nicaise grumbled.“Laurent says you two need alone time.To be fair, I have little interest in watching you two make out, so I’m okay with it.”

“What are you reading?”

“ _Eragon_.I’ll probably go read something else, though.I was only reading it because I was trying to remember if I liked it.I don’t.”

Laurent rolled his eyes.

“He’s pretentious,” Nicaise said.“And it’s basically _Lord of the Rings_.”

“It’s a little pretentious,” Laurent admitted, “And it is _Lord of the Rings_ , but that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy it.Dragons, Nicaise.Dragons.”

“Hard to beat dragons,” Damen said, laughing.Nicaise glared at him, but then shrugged, collecting his book.He poked Damen in the side and then slipped out of the kitchen.Damen listened to the sound of his feet slapping against the stairs.

Silently, Laurent gathered both his and Nicaise’s plates and took them to the sink, washing them off.After he put them in the dishwasher, he turned, leaning against the counter and stared at Damen.

“What?” Damen asked.

Laurent crooked his finger and beckoned Damen with it.Feeling a sharp spike of arousal, which was rather surprising as he wasn’t actually in an amorous mood, Damen walked over until he was standing only inches in front of Laurent, running a finger down the bridge of his nose.

Slowly, Laurent wrapped his arms around Damen’s neck and then leaned into his body, every inch of him incredibly tense.Smiling, Damen let his arms fall around Laurent’s waist, his hands dangling off his lower back.After about thirty seconds, Laurent started talking, his arms clutching Damen tighter.

“I’m not entirely sure how to tell you what I want to tell you, but I’m going to try.It may take me a long time and I need you to listen to any directive I give you, no questions asked.Are you alright with that?”

Damen nodded.Then, softly, he said, “We don’t have to do it now, you know.”

“I’d prefer to get it over with.”Then he let go of Damen, one of his hands falling into Damen’s.

He was lead upstairs and to Laurent’s room.Instead of sitting on the bed like they typically did, Laurent gestured for Damen to sit in one of the chairs in front of the fire.Damen did and watched as Laurent moved to stand in front of the lit fire, face still.The silence grew and Damen was about to say something, anything, when Laurent said, “You can’t interrupt me.You can’t touch me, unless I specifically ask you to, and you can’t murder my uncle.I realize you are going to have to see him tomorrow and I need to be sure that you can do that.”

“I can’t know that for sure until I know what he did.”

“Yes you can.Imagine the worst possible thing a person can do to another person.If, say, my uncle did that to me, would you be able to sit at a dinner tomorrow with him and not stab him with a knife?Because if you can’t, I’m not going to tell you.”

Realizing the importance of this question, Damen considered it, instead of just saying yes like he was inclined to do.Slowly, actually picking his words carefully, Damen said, “I can do it as long as you’re there.It’s probably worth mentioning that it can be difficult for me to control my anger and that if you aren’t there, I’m not sure what I can promise.”

“I wasn’t planning on leaving you, anyway,” Laurent said.  "Ask."

"What did your uncle do to you?"

Nodding, Laurent took a deep breath—there were small hitches as he inhaled—and then he closed his eyes.“The beginning is as good a place to start as any,” he murmured, opening his eyes, the blue piercing Damen.“Everything changed when Auguste died.In the year since my parents had died, I’d been living with him and his wife.I think it’s unlikely that Auguste knew anything about the proclivities of my uncle, but nonetheless, he didn’t trust him.But when he died, there was nowhere else for Nicaise and I to go, so we came here.

“Those first weeks were horrible.I was supposed to be going to school, but I didn’t.Uncle wasn’t around often, so he had no idea.I would sit with Nicaise for hours and hours, finding pieces of Auguste in him and crying.He didn’t have any idea what was going on and I think he was as scared as I was, but he was barely three so he didn’t know how to express that.

“I think it’s important to note that I felt very alone.I had very few friends, even then, and the ones I did have I lost after Auguste died.They didn’t appreciate my new moods nor my disinterest in hanging out with them.My only other company was Nicaise, a toddler who could string together sentences, but few of them made actual sense.

“So when my uncle stayed home from work one day and spent time with me, I was ecstatic.He’d lost a brother and a nephew all within the span of a year, so he knew how I felt.Not only that, he was kind.Over the months he devoted time to me, he would bring presents home, he would sit with me late at night and hold me while I cried, and he’d take me out for dinner often, buying me whatever I wanted.I hardly noticed the steady increase in familiar—altogether too familiar—touches.Touches I soon realized I didn’t want.”

“Laurent,” Damen whispered, his mind breaking in half.He didn’t want to hear this.Why had he thought this was a good idea?

“No interrupting,” Laurent said sternly.

He was on the verge of protesting but Laurent gave him a harsh look and he halted all the words begging to slip out.Instead, he tried to smile and nodded, giving Laurent permission to continue.

Taking another shuddering breath, Laurent said, “I think you know where this is going and judging by your reaction so far, I think I’ll make this the short version of the story.We can do the long version some other time.”Then he laughed softly and Damen felt his heart break slightly.All he wanted to do was wrap Laurent in a hug and never let him go, but he remembered the rules, so he kept sitting helplessly, saying nothing.

“From the ages of thirteen to fifteen, I was sexually abused by my uncle.”There was a long pause after that, Laurent closing his eyes, his body going so still, Damen wasn’t sure it was healthy.Then, in a cold voice, he said, “He will do the same to Nicaise if I let him.Does that answer your questions?”

“Laurent…”It did.It explained everything, actually, but that hardly mattered anymore and Damen wasn’t going to pretend it did.

“Does it?”

“Laurent,” Damen said, voice firmer and more authoritative.“I don’t care about my goddamn questions.I care about you and I want to…thank you for telling me, because I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was.”

Laurent scoffed and turned his back to Damen, staring down into the fire.Knowing that vulnerability tended to bring out the worst in Laurent because it was a place he wasn’t comfortable, Damen lowered his voice in tone and pitch.“What would you like me to do right now?I can leave, if you’d like.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Laurent whispered.

“Okay,” Damen replied, sinking back into his chair and staring at the tense lines of Laurent’s back.The best thing to do was wait.Laurent would think and then he would come to him.

“Go on,” Laurent said, eyes still on the fire.“Run to the hills.I would say I won’t miss you, but we both know that would be a lie, so I won’t bother.”

“I’m not running.”

“Like used goods, do you?”

“Did your uncle tell you that’s what you are?Because that’s bullshit, Laurent.Complete and utter bullshit.You’re incredible.Funny, smart, surprisingly tender and sweet…I’m not just here because I want to fuck you.Someday, I would like to _make love_ to you, but even if that someday is very far off, or if it never happens, I’ll still be here.”

“Why?” Laurent whispered. 

“Because I really really like you.I get butterflies every time you smile.I think about kissing you when I’m making dinner, when I’m lying awake in bed, when I’m in the shower.You make me happy and if I thought I had to go a day without hearing your sarcastic and deprecating jokes, I would be miserable.”

Standing, Damen came up behind Laurent and said, “Can I touch you?”

Laurent gave a jerky nod.

Reaching for a shoulder, making sure every movement was slow in case Laurent wanted to pull away, Damen turned him so that they were facing each other.Then he took Laurent’s hand and pushed it against his chest with his own hand.“I’m not running,” he murmured.“I’m not running.”

Laurent finally met his eyes, lashes wet with tears that he must have wiped away.“I’m not running,” he said one more time for good measure, sweeping his fingers through Laurent’s hair.

“Stop,” Laurent said.

Damen did and took a step back, too, just in case.All Laurent did was watch him with cagey eyes, as though he were an animal on the verge of being captured.“I…it doesn’t disgust you?”

The thought hadn’t even occurred to Damen.How anybody could think that was beyond him and he started shaking his head vigorously.“God no.Your uncle disgusts me.He deserves a slow, painful death followed by a prolonged stay in purgatory, before God decides he sucks and shoves him down to hell where he’s the personal slave of Satan.But you?No.Never you.”

“You’re going to behave yourself at dinner, yes?”

“I’ll try.”

Laurent sighed and then released some of the tension from his shoulders.Moving to his bed, he laid down and flipped on his back so he could stare at the ceiling.Damen watched from the fireplace, not sure what Laurent wanted from him.When Laurent didn’t make that obvious, Damen returned to the chair he had occupied earlier and stared at the ceiling himself.It was lucky Laurent’s uncle wasn’t here, because if he was, there would be no attempt to be civil.

In fact, the more he thought about it, the angrier he grew, until he had a strong urge to either scream or punch something.Anything.

“Damen,” Laurent said, “Please don’t trash my room.”

“What about a wall?Do you really need four of them?”

“I would prefer having all four,” Laurent said, some amusement leaking into his voice.That amusement was what pulled Damen back down to earth.He let his head fall back against the chair and then turned it to the side so he could stare at Laurent.Laurent was staring back, locks of hair falling into his face.

“You’re so beautiful,” Damen sighed.

“So are you.”

“That was an actual compliment, you know.”

“I do.”

“I want to hurt him as badly as he hurt you,” Damen whispered.It wasn’t something he was proud of.But it was true.

“I know.”

“Can I come join you?”

Laurent nodded, rolling over on the bed so Damen wouldn’t have to walk around.Trying not to disturb the bed much, Damen laid down beside Laurent, close but not quite touching.Even though he would never purposefully do anything Laurent didn’t want him to do, consent suddenly seemed much more important.

Seeming to sense this, Laurent said, “If I need you to stop, I will tell you.Don’t worry about it too much.”

“That’s why you needed me that night, the night I slept over.You were triggered.”

Laurent nodded.“It happens.Less so now.I don’t think it will ever come to a complete stop, though.”

“You can’t sleep because you have nightmares.”

“Often enough,” Laurent confirmed.

“That fucking bastard.”

“Yes.”Then Laurent slid over, laying his head on Damen’s chest and flinging an arm over his waist.“I can hear your heart beating,” Laurent murmured.“Rather fast, actually.”

“I’m still a bit worked up.”

“And here I thought it was because of my presence.”

Damen laughed softly and moved his arm so he could pull Laurent tighter against his side.“That too.Definitely that too.”

“I love you, you know.”

His heart completely stopped for a second and he knew Laurent could hear it, judging by the tiny smirk.“I’ve heard,” Damen replied, trying not to sound too giggly, especially after the seriousness of their previous discussion.

Then they stopped talking, Laurent listening to Damen’s heart and Damen listening to Laurent’s breathing.Hours passed and then they were asleep, thoughts of tomorrow the least of their concerns.

 

Grabbing his phone from the nightstand when he woke, Laurent immediately started swearing.“Fuck, fuck, fuck.Damen, wake the fuck up and get off me.”Somehow, through the night, half of Damen’s body had landed on his and he was simply too big to move.When there was no reaction, Laurent sighed, grabbed a curl of Damen’s hair and tugged hard.

“Ow,” Damen grumbled, eyes fluttering open.For a moment, it was hard to remember his urgency.As Damen yawned, Laurent felt the soft and sleepy morning it could’ve been settle in around him and he smiled, letting go of the curl and running a finger down the line of Damen’s jaw.“Mm,” Damen smiled.“Good morning.”

“It is.We’re both about to be very late for work, though.”

“Fuck,” Damen said, launching himself from the bed and stumbling over to Laurent’s mirror, fumbling with his hair and trying to smooth down his wrinkled shirt.It was largely hopeless, which Laurent could’ve told him, and he laughed when Damen said, “Please tell me I have time to drive home and take a shower.”

Laurent shook his head, typing out an email on his phone.“You have to be there at eight?”

“Ideally.Nine at the latest.”

“That gives you forty-five minutes.”

“Fuck,” Damen said again.“Can I use your shower?”

Laurent laughed again, finding it all very amusing, and said, “No.I have to shower too, you know, and as it’s my shower, I think I should be the one who gets to use it.You might be able to get Nicaise to share.”

“Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“I would had to leave fifteen minutes ago to be on time.I’ve emailed my boss and, until I arrive, there’s nothing else I can do.I might as well take my time.”

“How nice for you.”

“Quite.”

“We could…shower together?”

Laurent felt a light flush spread across his cheeks, but thankfully, an email from his boss arrived and so he had something to briefly distract himself from responding, time to collect his thoughts.

Thankfully, his boss was not miffed in the slightest.Laurent’s years of overtime and taking few sick days was finally paying off.Feeling significantly more relaxed, Laurent leaned back on his elbows and watched Damen stand and wait for an answer, his teeth grazing his bottom lip anxiously.

“How exactly do you imagine that would work?” Laurent asked.

Damen shrugged self-consciously.“I don’t know.How showers usually work?Getting naked, turning on water, soap, shampoo, you know…the standard stuff.”

“Really?” Laurent said, afraid to clarify what his question had really meant.“I typically slaughter a ritual cow before every shower to guarantee the water stays hot.”

No laugh was forthcoming and Laurent sighed, debating Damen’s offer.He wasn’t going to deny for a second that last night had been significant.Even just looking at Damen was powerful enough to send waves of serenity through his body.That hadn’t been true yesterday morning.At least, not like this.It was entirely possible he could make it through a shower, but it would put him on edge, an edge he likely wouldn’t come down from for the rest of the day.

“Never mind,” Damen said.“I’ll just go to work like this.It’ll be great.All of my coworkers will ask about my wild night out and I’ll say, ‘Oh yeah, it was wild.I stayed in with my boyfriend and talked about the devil.’”

“Might want to phrase that a little differently or they’ll think you’re strange.”

“He is the devil.”

Laurent glanced down at his hands, surprised that talk of his uncle didn’t make his blood start boiling like it usually did.There was something comforting about having someone see the same thing he did when he looked at his uncle.Standing, he strolled over to Damen and curled his arms around Damen’s waist, pressing his body in tight.Breathing in deeply, he said, “I think you deserve to know that…”And then he trailed off, words flying from his head.What he had been going to say was not nearly accurate enough to describe what he was feeling.

“Yeah?” Damen said.

There were still no words, but Laurent knew just what to do.Because it made sense now, what he was feeling.He didn’t know how to describe to Damen that everything had changed last night, that the last piece of the puzzle had slotted into place, that his trust in Damen was complete and absolute, that there was no alternative to this, but he did know how to show it.Removing himself from the embrace, he twined his fingers in Damen’s and started tugging him towards the bathroom.To his credit, Damen said nothing.He simply followed.

Light was flooding in from the windows, making the white tiles glow, and Laurent reveled in the warmth a bit like a cat would, before taking off his clothes unceremoniously.The air was cold on his skin and he hurried over to the shower, turning it on and fiddling with the temperature, before turning and saying, “It’ll be ready in a couple seconds.”

Damen’s eyes were fixed on Laurent’s face and he kept blinking.Slowly smiling, then grinning, Laurent said, “Have I melted your brain?”

“Yep.”

Blushing hard, Laurent whispered, “You can look.”

Damen’s eyes traveled downwards and then back up, at the same, leisurely place.It was something he’d done before, but Laurent sensed nerves behind the proprietary look and that gave him the courage to say, “Well?Surely you don’t shower with your clothes on.”

“No.Not usually.I did once in college, actually.I was really drunk and Nikandros dragged me in there, clothes on, to vomit and sober up and get clean and…”

“Do you want help?You are in kind of a hurry, you know.”

“Right,” Damen said, stripping off his shirt and then unbuttoning his pants and pulling the fly down.In one smooth motion, he pulled down his boxers and jeans and Laurent’s eyes went straight to Damen’s cock, half hard.His eyes lingered there a little longer than he would’ve liked and when he managed to pull his eyes away, Damen was grinning.“See something you like?”

Laurent glared at him good-naturedly, the fluttering of nerves in his stomach increasing when Damen moved towards him, his physicality all too real in the flood of sunlight.Gently, Damen ran a finger across a scar on Laurent’s upper thigh and then the almost exact replica on his other thigh.It was a question and Laurent whispered, “High school was difficult.”

Damen nodded solemnly and then went around Laurent and stepped into the shower, facing the water and cupping his hands and then splashing the gathered water across his face.All Laurent could do was watch, eyes trailing up and down Damen’s profile, appreciating the curves and muscles.Unable to help himself, he joined Damen—thankfully the shower was very large and he wasn’t gripped by claustrophobia—and wrapped his hand around Damen’s bicep, saying in a valley girl accent, “Do you work out?”

Laughter burst into the space between them and Laurent smiled happily, pleased to have gotten such a reaction.He hadn’t felt like this since Auguste died; carefree, happy, and unguarded.Damen could ask him anything and there would be no resistance.In fact, there would be more than that.There would be willingness.The worst Laurent had to offer was there between them and Damen was further from running than he’d ever been.

Pulling Laurent under the stream of water, Damen slid his hands from Laurent’s neck down to his hips.Without conscious thought, Laurent moved closer to him, silently pleading for more gentle touches, enjoying the feel of warm skin and water.More than enjoying it.He probably would’ve begged for more if Damen had stopped, but he didn’t, moving his hands inward, splaying them across Laurent’s stomach.Loosing a breath he’d been holding, Laurent said, “That feels good.”

“Does it?” Damen said, eyes bright.

Laurent nodded.

“Gentle, then.”

“Are you keeping lists of what I like?”

“Totally.”

Laurent smiled shyly and then put his hands around Damen’s wrists, regretfully shoving his hands away.“I’d start washing my hair, if I were you.”

“Fuck.I keep forgetting about work.You’re very distracting.”

“Apparently.”

Damen grinned and grabbed Laurent’s shampoo, pouring a dollop into his hand.Lathering it into his hair, he said, “God, no wonder you always smell so good.What the fuck is in this?”

“Ocean mist.”

“How does one create ocean mist?”

“Does it look like I know?Shut up and wash your hair.”

“Fine,” Damen said easily.“Why don’t you get wet while I do this?”

A dozen clever responses jumped into his brain, but Laurent shoved them all down, knowing that it was a perfectly sound suggestion.Sliding fully into the warm water cascading down, Laurent sighed peacefully and ran his fingers through his hair over and over, making sure every bit got wet.Damen seemed to find the position he was in to be particularly attractive, because when Laurent brought his arms back down and gazed at him, Damen’s eyes were dark and intense.

“Haven’t gotten any in awhile?” Laurent asked.

Damen flushed and smiled bashfully.“Sorry.You’re just…it’s almost supernatural how stunning you are.Like Edward Cullen or something.”

“Did you actually just compare me to Edward Cullen?”

“No?”

“I’m getting out of this shower right now,” Laurent said, making sure his face was flat and emotionless.Then he actually opened the shower door and made a move to step out when Damen grabbed his arm and tugged him back.

“I’m sorry,” he said with overzealous gravity, cupping Laurent’s face with his hands.“I didn’t think that through.”

“Did you even read _Twilight_?”

“Nope.”

“So, really, you’re comparing me to Robert Pattinson.”

“Kind of.”

“God, that’s even worse,” Laurent said.

“Can I take it back?Make you forget it ever happened?”

“No.I will hold this over you until the day I die.”

“Until the day you die.” Damen said.The way he said it reminded Laurent of something he’d said, a similar tone. _Grandkids._

“You heard me,” Laurent said.Their eyes were locked and it was so easy, natural, to reach up and kiss Damen, their skin slick with water, hands and thighs gliding.Water pooled between their chests and mouths and Laurent was considering what it would be like to jerk Damen off, when Damen made a noise and detached his lips.

“I open my eyes for a second to look at you and there’s water everywhere.Goddammit.”

“Hurt?”

“Yes.”

Laurent laughed brightly, splashing more water into Damen’s eyes.Stopping all movement, Damen considered Laurent, mouth hanging open in mock surprise, and then he shoved Laurent up against the wall of the shower, trapping him in with his legs and arms.The playfulness of his expression and the tile digging into his back was what kept Laurent grounded.Otherwise, he probably would’ve panicked.

Still, it was enough to make him wary.“Have something to say?”

Damen smiled.It wasn’t his usual smile, though.This one was full of mischief and hint of seduction and Laurent felt a rush of heat in his groin and it took everything in him to keep his expression controlled.Leaning in, slowly, clearly sensing Laurent’s wariness, Damen licked a stripe up the side of his neck, nuzzling his nose against Laurent’s jawline at the end of the journey.Then teeth grazed his earlobe and Damen whispered, “You’re happy.”

“And here I thought you were trying to seduce me.”Laurent flinched lightly when he heard the hitch in his own voice.That wasn’t supposed to be there.

“I think I did.”

Groaning, Laurent shoved Damen away and lathered shampoo into his hair.It was silent as they cleaned themselves.When the water was shut off and the only sound was the fan and the water dripping off their bodies, Laurent said, “I am happy.Deliriously so.”

“I didn’t think I’d see the day.”

“Neither did I.”

There was a beat of silence after that and then Damen gathered Laurent into his arms, lifting him off his feet.Holding on tight, Laurent dug his head into Damen’s neck and breathed in the scent of his shampoo.It was dark and warm and safe and he knew Damen could hold him as long as he wanted to be held.“Work, Damen,” he whispered, once he thought the memory of the embrace was enough to get him through the day without it.

“Fuck work.”

“That was not your opinion fifteen minutes ago.”

“Yeah, well, a lot can change in fifteen minutes.”

“I know you want to go.I’m not going anywhere.”

Damen let go of Laurent and smiled softly.“I think I actually believe that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Usually I can find the urge to run in your eyes.Sometimes it’s smaller, sometimes it’s larger, but I can always find it.I can’t find it right now, though.”

“It’s not there,” Laurent said with confidence.Honestly, it was as much a surprise to him as it was to Damen.He didn’t want to run.He wasn’t even scared.This is exactly where he wanted to be, this is exactly what he wanted to feel, and this was exactly who he wanted to be with.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to formally apologize ahead of time for the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter. I'm a terrible person.  
> Also, this chapter gets a little rough towards the end, just...fair warning.  
> Anyway....I would like to thank you all for your continued support and love and dedication. It continues to mean everything to me.  
> And thank you to Mari. How I found a friend like you is still a mystery to me.  
> Enjoy! <3

Damen was helping Jokaste shuffle furniture in her room—something she did almost monthly, citing a need for a change in scenery—when Laurent texted him, saying he was home from work.It was a little later than typical, but Damen suspected that was due in large part to him being late that morning.Even Damen had had to stay late so he could do a lot of the tasks he typically did before the kids arrived.He’d literally gotten to the school one minute before classes had started.

“I’ve got to go,” Damen said to Jokaste, who was analyzing the placement of her things.

“Alright,” she sighed.“I’ll get Nik to help me if I need to change anything else.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Thank you.Tell Laurent hi for me.”

“I will,” Damen said.

“And Damen?”

“What?”

“Don’t do anything rash.I’m not saying Laurent’s uncle doesn’t deserve it, because he does, but that man is dangerous.If you anger him badly, there may be no one that can protect you, including Laurent.”

“What do you mean?” Damen asked, feeling a shiver run down his spine.Jokaste was rarely this intense.

“I think he can destroy your life.He’s done well with Laurent’s, wouldn’t you agree?”

Instead of wondering what or how Jokaste knew anything about that—something that was always a waste of time—Damen tried not to focus on the almost portentous mood that settled between them.It was disturbing enough that Damen was going to keep her warning in mind.

Nodding, Damen waved goodbye and then bounded down the stairs, shouting another goodbye at Jord and Nikandros, who were in the kitchen attempting to bake edibles.Damen had no idea how that was going and he thought it was likely he didn’t want to.There was a reason they were expensive.They were not simple things to make.

He drove to Laurent’s, said hello to Carlos, and was directed to the kitchen.That meant the meal was more informal.Damen probably had Laurent to thank for that.

Sure enough, he strolled into the kitchen to find Nicaise and Laurent’s uncle playing speed on the counter, both wearing jeans.It was odd to see Laurent’s uncle in them and Damen had to remind himself that they in no way changed who he was or made him more approachable.The man was a monster, no matter what he wore.Punchable.

Laurent, who had likely seen where Damen’s eyes had landed, rushed over and smiled something lovely.There was no way Damen wasn’t going to smile back to that.“Just as beautiful as you were this morning,” he said in lieu of a greeting, trying to keep his eyes focused on Laurent.

“And that surprises you?”

Damen laughed.“Not in the slightest,” he said, poking the tip of Laurent’s nose, which proceeded to crinkle up at the contact.But that was the only complaint Laurent gave and Damen considered that a success.

Mustering up every ounce of willpower he had, Damen said, “Hello, sir.Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”The words tasted absolutely vile.They made him want to throw up.This man did not deserve that kind of courtesy.He had no idea how lucky he was that Laurent wanted Damen to behave.

Laurent’s smile grew, his relief palpable.Damen only wished he could guarantee he would be able to keep it together the entire time.It was hard when his and Laurent’s uncle’s eyes met and Damen found himself contemplating what they would look like with bruises around them.The thought was an addicting one.Before Laurent’s uncle had even responded, Damen had imagined shoving him up against a wall and beating him until he was bleeding from at least two different places.

“You’re welcome,” Laurent’s uncle said, the smile he gave making Damen feel sick.“I hope you like carbonara.Our cook is sick and it’s the only civilized meal I can make.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Excellent.Everything’s ready.We’re just waiting for the pasta to be done.”

“Perfect,” Damen said, unsure what else to say.Nicaise shot him a smile before mouthing: _I’m so, so sorry_.He was almost caught by Laurent’s uncle, who definitely knew he’d missed something, Nicaise not quite recovering normalcy in time.

“One more game of speed, Uncle.Please,” Nicaise said.

“Alright.One more.”

Nicaise began to deal quickly and Laurent took the moment to slip his hand into Damen’s and drag him towards the sliding glass door.“Damen and I will be out on the porch until dinner is ready.”

“It’s cold,” Laurent’s uncle said.

“Damen’s practically a walking furnace.We’ll be fine.”Then he slid the door open and tugged Damen out.They didn’t go far, simply sitting on the step that led up to the door.But it was separation, enough that Laurent felt comfortable.For awhile, they leaned against each other and watched the sky darken.Once it was hard to discern a color that wasn’t a shade of gray, Laurent began to talk.

“I appreciate that you didn’t start tonight by yelling.”

“I thought I’d wait until dessert.I screamed into my pillow last night in preparation.”

Laurent smirked, but the half-smile disappeared almost instantly, taken over by blankness, a blankness that spoke of anxiety, something Damen was becoming very attuned to.“He’s going to break you,” Laurent sighed.“It’s inevitable.He’ll sense that you’re upset with him and he’ll pounce on it.”

“He’s good at reading people I take it.”

“The best.”

“Well, shit.”

“Yes,” Laurent murmured.

Sighing, Damen slid his arm around Laurent’s waist and leaned his head on top of his.“I would promise it’s going to be okay, but I can’t.The only thing I can promise is that it won’t do a thing to change how I feel about you.However difficult he makes it for us, I won’t give up.”

“I know,” Laurent whispered.It seemed to pain him.

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“What are you worried about then?”Laurent took a breath, about to answer, when the sliding glass door opened behind them and Nicaise stuck his head out.“Fuck, it’s freezing,” he murmured.“Dinner’s about ready and Uncle wants you back inside.Now.He had the look.”

Laurent sent Damen a resigned look and stood, pulling Damen up after him.They returned to the kitchen and despite his determination to not enjoy a single thing Laurent’s uncle did, his stomach grumbled at the smell of food.Apparently he could cook carbonara.

They all served themselves and then gathered at a little, largely ignored table at the far end of the kitchen.It had scratches, only four chairs around it, and the light above it was dim.It was strange being this informal with Laurent’s uncle.

It was silent as they ate, but it felt like the silence before a storm and Damen was reminded of what Jokaste said when he’d left.Not so subtly, he reached down and held Laurent’s hand in his.Laurent’s thumb rubbed circles into the back of his hand.It was a kind of comfort Damen didn’t expect Laurent to offer and he smiled into his pasta.

“Dating my nephew has treated you well, I take it,” Laurent’s uncle said, staring at them like an adult does a teenager who’s just been caught in bed with their significant other.Clearly he hadn’t missed the hand holding or the smile.Damen was beginning to think he didn’t miss anything.

Unsure what exactly Laurent’s uncle was trying to find out, Damen nodded warily.“Yes.He’s…I like him very much.”

“I can see that.”Then, unexpectedly, so unexpectedly that Damen was not the only one to choke on his food, Laurent’s uncle gave him a warm, seemingly genuine smile.No one had a response to offer and so Laurent’s uncle took over the conversation, talking about an article he’d read in National Geographic about mountain climbers in Myanmar.It was actually fascinating and Damen understood how people could get wrapped up into this.He was intelligent, well-spoken, and listened with interest.And even though Damen knew it was faked, he still found himself forgetting occasionally.

When Laurent’s uncle stood and picked up all the plates and went to wash them, Damen leaned in and whispered, “What the fuck?”

“I don’t know,” Laurent replied.They both stared at Nicaise, who was having a hard time not looking terrified.

Suddenly, Laurent was very far away and Nicaise scooted his chair closer and leaned his head on Laurent’s shoulder, whispering, “Laurent, please tell me you have some idea what he’s doing.”

Slowly, Laurent shook his head.

Nicaise inhaled sharply and Damen understood that it was rare for Laurent to not understand his uncle.So far, Damen had come to understand that their relationship was made of moves and countermoves.But Laurent couldn’t make his countermove if he didn’t know the move.

“How about a game of Pictionary?” Laurent’s uncle asked.“I don’t have to work tonight and I’d love to spend more time with all of you.”

Damen desperately wanted to say no, but he didn’t think it was his call.Neither Laurent nor Nicaise said a word.The silence grew extremely awkward and then Laurent’s uncle laughed softly.“Relax.Both of you.I simply don’t foresee Damen going anywhere, so I’m trying to be inclusive.Let me, would you.”

“Sure,” Nicaise said.“Pictionary.I’ll go get it.”

“Excellent,” Laurent’s uncle said.

He sat back down at the kitchen table and leaned back in his chair.Feeling extremely uncomfortable and therefore angry again, Damen pursed his lips and stared down at his lap, because it was better to glare at himself then at Laurent’s uncle.

“You had work today, yes?” Laurent’s uncle asked.“How was it?”

Glancing up, Damen growled, “Fine.”

“I had a lovely day at work,” Laurent said smoothly.“I got to sit at my desk and read stories.It was the kind of day that reminded me why I picked this profession in the first place.You should really read one of the stories I read today, Uncle.I think you would like it.”

“And what’s it about?”

Without delay, Laurent went into detail about the story he’d read.It was about a young woman’s struggles to regain custody of her child with hints of magical realism.Despite the rather gritty subject material, Damen found himself slowly growing more and more engrossed and his anger dwindling to the cadence of Laurent’s voice.When Laurent was finished explaining, it was clear that he’d done it entirely for Damen’s benefit, as he shot him an exploratory look.

Before Laurent’s uncle could say something, Nicaise returned with Pictionary.Wordlessly, he set it up, handing out paper and pens, and then sat beside Laurent’s uncle.“You guys against us,” he said.“I bet you can’t win.”

Laurent scoffed.

Damen laughed and said, “You must be an excellent artist, then.”

“Not particularly.”

“Well, I’m abysmal, so I don’t know how you intend to win.”

“I don’t lose,” Laurent said.“If you want to be on this team, you need to be confident.Can you be confident?”

Helplessly, Damen grinned at him and nodded.He could be anything Laurent wanted him to be.

So they played.Before long, Damen forgot about Laurent’s uncle, spending the entirety of the game laughing, shouting, and gazing at Laurent.As they were on the same team, he didn’t need to concern himself with anyone else.

They were both truly terrible at drawing, but Laurent was superb at guessing and Damen was good at guessing every word under the sun until he landed on the correct one.

The best part was that Laurent was joyous too.He shouted and laughed right back.One particularly memorable round was an all-play.Damen and Laurent’s uncle were drawing ‘hang glider’.It was going well.Damen had drawn a man hanging himself for the first part, but when it came to the second he was largely clueless, so he simply sat there and thought.For awhile, Laurent guessed, but then he hit Damen and demanded he draw something.The point of the game, after all, was not staring blankly at a piece of white paper.They started arguing while Laurent’s uncle and Nicaise still played, and before long, they were sitting extremely close together, the game entirely forgotten.Nicaise had guessed the correct answer and they’d completely missed it, still arguing, Damen desperately trying not to kiss Laurent into silence.Once Nicaise had rolled and moved their piece, they were interrupted with coughs and by Laurent’s uncle saying, “Aren’t you two smitten?”

Ultimately, they lost, something Laurent did not take well.When Laurent’s uncle disappeared to go shower, Laurent shoved him up against a wall in the kitchen, hand strong on his sternum, and said, “What am I going to do with you?I can’t have a boyfriend who can’t even win me a game of Pictionary.”

“I’m not sure I’m entirely to blame.”

“You didn’t guess giraffe, Damen.Giraffe.”

“It looked like an attempt of a stick figure praying mantis.”

“Oh don’t get me started on your map.You were not even close to accurately depicting either the shape or location of Alabama,” Laurent argued.

“The south is all a little hazy for me.”

“It’s basic geography.”

“Are you insinuating I should go back to third grade?”

“Entirely.”

Damen smiled and covered Laurent’s hand with his.“I had fun, though.And I didn’t murder your uncle.Even if you didn’t get your win, it was a successful night.”

Removing their hands, Laurent stepped forward, and leaned his forehead against Damen’s collarbone.“I’m still worried about him,” he murmured.“This was far from normal behavior.Honestly, you should go home so I can figure out his plan.Maybe his mood will carry to any hypothetical conversation I have with him.”

“I could stay while you…”

“No,” Laurent said, softening the blow with a kiss to his sternum.“He won’t reveal a single part of his plan to me if you’re here.He prefers me to be alone and isolated because he knows it gives him the upper hand.”

“Call me then, when you know.Please.”Laurent had to remember he wasn’t actually alone.That was important.

“I will.”

Though the conversation seemed over and they’d decided that Damen was going to go, Laurent didn’t move.His breaths were warming Damen’s chest and the slow up and down of his shoulders helped Damen slide into a state of relaxation.Carefully, he strung his fingers through Laurent’s hair, occasionally swiping a thumb across the top of an ear.“It’s going to be okay,” Damen murmured.“I’ve got you and you’ve got me and Nicaise has got us both.You’re not fighting him alone anymore.”

Tilting his head up, Laurent closed his eyes and extended on his toes to kiss Damen, his fingers clutching Damen’s neck as if he were a lifeline.“I’m not alone,” he said, as if saying the words aloud was the only way to make them real.

“Alright, one last kiss and then I’ll go.”

Smiling softly, Laurent obliged, lightly teasing with his tongue.It was gentle and soft and Damen felt as though his knees were about to buckle.“God,” he whispered, “I didn’t really expect you to be like this and it might ruin me.”

“Like what?” Laurent whispered back.

“Sweet.”

“What did you expect?”

“Pretty much the opposite.”

Laurent said nothing and Damen laughed softly, cupping Laurent’s jaw in a featherlight touch.“I should’ve known better, though,” he continued.“Underneath all those walls, you’re kind and loyal.Why would how you kiss be any different?”

“I don’t want you to go,” Laurent said in reply.

“Except that you do.”

“Except that I do.”

“You’re going to call me tonight, right?”

“Right,” Laurent said firmly.

“Then, tonight,” Damen replied, pecking Laurent’s lips again because he could, before detaching himself and walking towards the front door.Laurent followed, helping Damen gather his stuff and then waving goodbye as he left.

Taking one last glance at the mansion, Damen hoped that the lingering feeling of apprehension was misguided and that everything would be as fine as he’d pretended. 

 

Deciding that now was the best time to handle his uncle as he was still riding on the high that being around Damen provided, Laurent sought his uncle out.As expected, he found him in his office.Knocking on the door politely, Laurent waited until he was invited in with a smile and a wave.

“What were you doing tonight?” Laurent asked bluntly.

“Getting to know Damen better.”

“Drop the act, Uncle.Nobody, not even Damen, was convinced it was real.”

“Why on earth would I tell you what I’m thinking, Laurent?You’ll only do everything you can to prevent it from happening,” Laurent’s uncle said.

Approaching his desk and sitting down in the chair opposite it, crossing his legs, Laurent said, “Because I’m not dumb.Clearly I’m not smart enough to realize what you’re doing in the first place—and it disturbs me as much as you think it does—but I do know that I’ve already lost this battle.What’s the harm in telling me?Gives you the opportunity to gloat.I know you do so love doing that.”

“I was going to try and do this in a civilized and gentle way, but you’ve suddenly made that very difficult.”

“Yes, because the way you deliver your news is entirely my fault.There’s no personal choice in it at all.”

“Well, nephew, it’s a two part plan.Would you like to commence with part one?”

“Please,” Laurent said, staring his uncle down.In his head, he was chanting: _you are not alone, you are not alone, you are not alone._

“He’s in love with you.  That's what I was trying to discern tonight.”

Taking a deep breath, Laurent managed to keep his voice even.“That’s your big plan?Why would you tell me something that will only strengthen our relationship?That can’t possibly be in your interests.”

“Is it going to strengthen your relationship?”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

“Because of who you are, Laurent,” his uncle said.“Because the very idea of giving your heart away to someone who will give theirs to you is a very real nightmare for you.I don’t think it’s necessarily difficult for you to give away yours—you tend to be masochistic in nature—but, getting the same in return?You don’t feel you deserve it.And you would be right.You don’t.You’ve committed incest.You’re dirty, unclean.I am the only person on this entire planet who can accept you for exactly who you are.”

They were words he’d heard countless times before and they started working in the way they typically did.Seeping through his skin, they fell into his bones and his bloodstream, reminding him just what he was made of.And it wasn’t stars.It was mud.

However, he hadn’t stopped chanting Damen’s words and he knew exactly what to say next, however hard the words were to conjure.“He knows, you know.He knows what you did to me.”

“You told him?”

“I did.”

There was a long silence and with sick gratification, Laurent realized he’d surprised his uncle.Picking each word with care, Laurent’s uncle said, “I was hoping it wouldn’t have to come to this.I was so sure it wouldn’t.I don’t wish to hurt you, Laurent, but I’m afraid I have to.”

Unsure what exactly his uncle meant, Laurent’s mind flashed to the few times he’d been physically beaten over the years.If that was the only price he had to pay to get his uncle to leave him and Damen alone forever, he would take it.He could pretend that it was enough to sway him from his course and then keep seeing Damen.They would have to be more careful, of course, but that was manageable.

How wrong he was, though.Instead, his uncle said the very words he’d hoped never to hear.“You must stop seeing him.If you don’t, I will kick you out of this house.I cannot have him taking you two away from me.”

A flood of helplessness swept in and Laurent found himself speechless.There was nothing he could say or do.The inevitability of this moment sunk in and Laurent knew that he was going to do exactly as his uncle asked.He always would.He would jump through whatever hoop to keep Nicaise safe.But after so many hoops, he’d always hoped the last one wouldn’t be one made of knives.

Not being able to find words, not wanting to admit how royally he’d lost this one, Laurent simply stood and left the office, going to his bedroom and crawling into bed, trying not to think about what tomorrow would bring.Not only would Damen be upset about not receiving a call—something he couldn’t force himself to do, not now—but he would have to say goodbye to someone who made him feel like the world was a beautiful place.Someone he loved.Deeply.Why couldn’t Nicaise be old enough to leave?

Tears were only natural and Laurent let them flow, feeling as small and weak as he had when he was fourteen and his uncle shoved him into the mattress and pressed himself against Laurent.He’d fallen from the edge of the cliff he’d spent years clinging to, one he thought he was about to climb up, and there was no bottom.Instead it was a whirlwind of memories and the feeling of helplessness that had pervaded all those years.Helplessness, fear, and self loathing.At the center of it was his uncle, confirming all of those feelings and pushing them in harder and there was no way out.All he could do was fall, hope the bottom was only an unseen thing, and that it would kill him.

Through his sobbing, mostly into his pillow in an attempt to muffle sound, Laurent heard his phone ring.Picking himself to glance at the screen, he saw it was Damen.The last person on earth that deserved this kind of treatment.But there was nothing he could do.Ignoring the call, Laurent fell back into his bed, shed a few more tears, then stared blankly at the ceiling, willing himself to stop feeling.

It was the problem with loving Damen as fervently as he did.Shutting out emotion meant shutting out how he felt about Damen and that was not something he wanted to do, even now, even when he had to end what they had.

The phone had just stopped ringing when there was a knock on the door.For a brief moment, Laurent ridiculously thought that it was Damen.

But it couldn’t be.He didn’t say anything.Either the person would come in or they wouldn’t.He hardly cared at the moment.

The door opened and Nicaise poked his head around the frame.“Uncle said that you…”And then he stopped talking.His feet pattered quickly across the floor and distantly, Laurent knew he was running.He was probably even saying something, but Laurent had no idea what.Currently, he was floating in a different realm, one where time, place, emotions, people, didn’t exist.It was safe because there was nothing.

He was brought out by a harsh stinging in his cheek.With surprise, he met the deep blue of Nicaise’s eyes and then brought his hand up to his face.“Did you just hit me?” he murmured.

“Yes.You weren’t fucking responding and I panicked.What the fuck happened?”

“Nothing.”

“That’s bullshit.You’ve been crying.You’re having one of your panic attacks, except this one is worse.I’m not stupid you know.”

“I’m fine, Nicaise,” Laurent said blankly.

“You don’t get to shut me out.”

“Nicaise…”

“No.I know that this entire time you’ve always considered yourself the one and only thing standing between Uncle and me.I’ve let you think that you’ve been fighting this fight completely alone.Or, maybe, I just knew you wouldn’t believe me if I told you you weren’t.I don’t know.The point is, you are not fucking alone and you never have been.I’ve been here the whole goddamn time!And I haven’t gone anywhere and I never will.You would do anything for me and I would do anything for you.So, no.You don’t get to shut me out.Not after all these years.Not after everything.We’re in this together, we always have been, and we will continue to be,” Nicaise shouted.

“How can you possibly be fighting against uncle?I can hardly manage it.”

“Because I’ve had to, just like you.What happened, Laurent?”

Somehow, Nicaise had pulled him out of the whirlwind and forcibly planted his hands back on the edge of the cliff.Maybe he was right.Maybe he couldn’t do this without Nicaise and maybe he never had.It hadn’t ever seemed like he’d depended on Nicaise because he hadn’t wanted to depend on anyone so young, on anyone who didn’t deserve the burden, but maybe he’d been wrong.That was obviously something he could be.In a wavering voice, Laurent said, “I have to break up with him, Nicaise.”

“Why?”

“Uncle will kick me out if I don’t.I have to break up with Damen.”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day to those of you who care. I'm not really one of them, but I hope wine and chocolate are involved in your day nonetheless. Every good day should have those two things.  
> Thank you, all of you, for everything. I know the last chapter was rough, but I promise, it's going to be fine. You'll see.  
> As usual, thanks to Mari, who continues to be an absolute sweetheart.  
> Enjoy! <3

Nicaise sat in shocked silence for a minute before he started shaking his head vigorously.“No.You are not doing that.He’s my friend, Laurent.I’m not losing him because you don’t have the guts to ask him for help.”

“That is not what’s going on,” Laurent sighed.“And you won’t lose him.He told you that much himself, didn’t he?”

“I can’t fucking believe you.”

“Nicaise…”

“No.I get that you think I don’t understand, but I do.It’s been like this for years.Whenever Uncle threatens me and forces you to do something you don’t want to do, you allow it to happen.I don’t know if it’s because you like playing his sick games or if it’s because he terrifies you that badly, but we can run.We’ve always been able to run.So keep Damen and run.If anything in this world is worth it, it’s him.”

“It’s not that simple,” Laurent said.

“And not everything is as complicated as you make it.”

Another silence followed and Laurent didn’t know how to fill it.Maybe Nicaise was saying something that made sense, but they weren’t cutting through the wall of hopelessness.Nicaise was only thirteen.What could he really know about what had to be done?Sacrifice was not something he had to understand yet.

A small voice in the back of his head was yelling at him, telling him that was bullshit, that he’d known at thirteen, but it was barely audible over his uncle’s voice, making threats and wracking Laurent with images of long nights spent in his uncle’s bed.That could not be allowed to happen to Nicaise, not ever.

“Did you tell him about the abuse?” Nicaise whispered.

“What?” Laurent asked distractedly.

“Damen.”

Laurent nodded, thinking rather absentmindedly that he wanted to take a shower.Or sleep and hope nightmares didn’t plague his dreams.Anything that made this stop.

“Good.”Nicaise placed his small hands on either side of Laurent’s face and tugged it around until their eyes were meeting.Nicaise’s eyes were fire.“I know that I can’t convince you of a goddamn thing, but at least call him.For me.Call him, tell him the situation, and see what he says.”

“Why?” Laurent whispered.He couldn’t see what possible good that would do.There was only one decision to make.

“Because he’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.Because Uncle doesn’t scare him as much as he scares you.Because his first priority isn’t me, it’s you.”

“Nicaise,” Laurent said again.It seemed to be the only thing he could say.

“Shut up.Call him.Do whatever you need to do to calm down and then call him.I’ll check in in an hour to make sure you’ve done it.”

“What are you going to do if I don’t?”

“Hate you.”

As though his words were knives, they pierced Laurent directly in the heart.Suddenly, it was an unbearable sacrifice.That was when he realized just how right Nicaise was about all the years they’d been together.Laurent had never been fighting alone and the idea that saving Nicaise was going to result in a situation where he actually had to almost ruined him.The very idea of it.Very softly, Laurent said, “Hate me.Right.”Then he stood and padded to the bathroom, not even hearing whatever words Nicaise was calling after him.It hardly mattered.Nicaise was going to hate him very soon, after all.

Removing his clothes, he turned on the shower, and stepped inside.Because every door was open and every wall was down, he was regaled with images of the last time he’d been in here, Damen kissing him, Damen pinning him against the shower wall, Damen embracing him, making the harshness of the world completely disappear.Had that really been only this morning?Without a thought, Laurent sat down on the floor of the shower, the spray just over him, getting into his eyes and mouth, and cried soundlessly.It hurt so badly.Everything hurt so badly.It was worse than when Auguste had died, probably because there was no blocking up his emotions this time.One reminder of his uncle or Damen and whatever he’d managed to build back up would come crashing down again.

Maybe he could stay in the shower forever.It was safe and warm and no one could yell at him for ignoring them or his duties.After all, he could simply say he’d been in the shower.

It was with that thought and the sound of water continuously hitting his back that Laurent began to calm down.Partitions stopped getting knocked down and before long, he was collected.Collected enough to think about the situation without falling back into the dichromatic whirlwind.

There were three important facts: he was supposed to break up with Damen, he didn’t want to, and he had to make sure Nicaise was safe.The longer he thought, the more he realized Nicaise was right.He couldn’t get past his uncle.Every time he tried, he was close to returning to the state he’d been in, a state that had already done its damage, leaving him exhausted and tight. 

He had no idea what to do.

But he had to figure it out.Both Nicaise and Damen deserved that much.

Standing, he shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping his lower half in a towel.Returning to his bed, not bothering to put on clothes—it seemed like too much work—Laurent glanced down at his phone and saw he’d missed another call from Damen.It made his heart ache and before he even knew what he was doing, his phone was open and his finger was hovering over the call button under Damen’s name.

Nicaise’s voice entered his head: _call him._

So he did, even though his heart was about to beat out of his chest, even though he didn’t know what he was going to say, even though it was something he simply didn’t do.

Damen picked up almost instantly.“Hey,” he said, voice tight with worry.

“I have to break up with you,” Laurent blurted.“But I don’t want to.”Then he held his breath and kept holding it as a crackling silence followed.

It was released in a rush when Damen said, “I’m coming over.”

“No, Damen, you can’t.”What would his uncle do?

“My boyfriend just said the words ‘break up’ in a sentence.I’m coming over.”

“I don’t…”

“No, Laurent.I’m sorry, but there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”In a more self-reflexive voice, Damen said, “I shouldn’t have left in the first place.”Then, in a gesture very unlike Damen, he hung up without even saying goodbye.It hurt slightly, but Laurent could see the intelligence in the move.Laurent certainly couldn’t talk him out of coming now.Throwing his phone across the room, hoping it didn’t crack, Laurent slumped into his bed and realized his mistake.He’d made so many, but this had perhaps been the greatest one.He should’ve let Damen think everything was fine.

 

With barely a word to Jokaste or Nikandros, Damen was out of the house and in his car.He had no idea what he was feeling but he knew if he saw Laurent’s uncle, he was going to punch him.Damen was confident enough in how he felt and how Laurent felt to know that this was entirely the uncle’s doing.No one else could affect Laurent this strongly.

He was distantly aware he was driving too fast, but it didn’t really set in until a policeman flipped on his lights and tailed Damen.Slamming his hands down on the wheel, Damen pulled over and sat silently, fuming and waiting.The officer knocked on his window and Damen rolled it down, managing a semi-polite smile and an, “Officer.”One of the very first lessons he’d received from his mother when he’d first started learning to drive was how to pass what she called the attitude test.He couldn’t give the police a reason to get angry with him, not with his skin color, which stupid people liked to attach to all sorts of different nationalities and ethnicities.

“Are you aware how fast you were driving?”

“No,” Damen sighed.“I’m sorry.I’m a little distracted.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be driving, then.”

“You’re right, I’m sure,” Damen murmured.

The policeman sighed and said, “Well, are you going to tell me the story?”

“No?”

“That’s refreshing.It’s a thirty, you were driving forty-five.Just so you know.”Then he started scribbling on a pad and Damen folded his hands into fists in his lap, trying not to worry about Laurent being alone for even longer.Allowing Laurent time wasn’t ideal in this situation.He could decide something stupid and shut Damen out.One moment of vulnerability did not mean Damen was going to receive the same reception when he arrived.

The officer ripped off the top piece of paper and handed Damen the ticket.“You’re gonna drive the speed limit now, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

Slapping the car with his hand, the officer nodded and returned to his car.Damen waited until the officer drove off before he glanced down at the ticket, noticing that the number wasn’t nearly as high as it could’ve been.Still, it wasn’t anything he wanted and so it only exacerbated his mood.

By the time he reached the deVere household, he could’ve keyed someone’s car or thrown rocks through a window.No one should be able to make Laurent feel like this or fuck with Damen’s life this easily.It was unacceptable.

Knocking on the door, Damen didn’t even muster a proper hello to Carlos, who saw his face and immediately backed off, saying nothing.Heading straight for the stairs, Damen took them two at a time.When he reached the top, he practically ran into Laurent’s uncle, who looked completely unsurprised to see him.

“Damen,” he smiled.“Back so soon?”

“Oh my god, you are actually unbelievable!” Damen shouted, cocking his arm back and punching Laurent’s uncle in the face.His jaw and cheekbone were like stone against Damen’s fist, but he hardly cared about any future bruising.Watching Laurent’s uncle’s head snap to the side and his body fall backwards was incredibly satisfying.Before Laurent’s uncle said anything or Damen lost control, Nicaise appeared, staring between them and then tugging on Damen’s arm, pulling him away.Damen let him.

“That was so awesome,” Nicaise whispered.They weren’t out of hearing range of Laurent’s uncle yet.“But you can’t ever do it again.It won’t help the situation.”

“I know,” Damen clipped.

“So Laurent called you.Good.”

Damen didn’t offer a reply, instead trying to calm himself down.This was not how he wanted to look or behave in front of Nicaise.

Nicaise led him to Laurent’s door and said, “I know you’re angry but…go easy on him.He’s not okay.”

Nodding, Damen opened the door and slipped inside.He expected to see Laurent sitting up, impeccably dressed, and stony faced, but it was the complete opposite.Apparently, he was less okay than Damen had even imagined.Either that or Laurent was entirely uninterested in even pretending to keep Damen at arms length, which was unlikely.It was probably a mix of both.

Laurent was spread out on his bed, a towel wrapped precariously around his waist.Otherwise, he was naked.One arm was flung over his eyes and Damen was suddenly struck with nerves, his anger dissipating, being replaced with an incapacitating realization that he was at a complete loss of how to handle this.He knew if he made one wrong move, Laurent would break up with him.

Seemingly sensing Damen’s wariness, Laurent mumbled, “I expected you sooner.”

“I got pulled over.Speeding.”

“Pricey?”

“Hundred bucks.”

“Not bad,” Laurent said.

It was clear that Laurent was not going to make this easy.Knowing that he would be directionless from this point forward, Damen tried to recall all he’d learned in the past month.Walking around the bed, he laid down beside Laurent, but didn’t touch him, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead.Then he spoke, quietly, only loud enough to be heard.“What did he do?”

“If I don’t break up with you, he’ll kick me out of the house,” Laurent said flatly.

For a second, Damen wondered why that mattered, but then his brain made all the connections and he felt his anger rise again.Threatening Nicaise was low—not beneath Laurent’s uncle, obviously—but so low that Damen could hardly believe it.What was even worse is that he realized this was exactly what Laurent’s uncle had been holding over Laurent’s head all this time; this possibility.The only slightly reassuring thing was that it was his big move and he probably didn’t have any other ones.

“So are you going to break up with me?” Damen asked.

“I don’t know what else to do.”

“But you don’t want to.”

The arm covering Laurent’s face fell down to his waist and Laurent turned his head on it’s side so he could look at Damen.His eyes were puffy and red and blank.But Laurent’s voice came out wracked and despairing.“Of course I don’t.”He took a shuddering breath, practically gulping in air, and then slid across the bed.Damen did notice the towel slipping off, but he didn’t say a word.It wasn’t like he was feeling particularly amorous anyway.

Laurent ended up curled against Damen’s side.“I’m in love with you.Of course I don’t want to lose you.It hurts because of how much I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.”

“How?” Laurent said.“Tell me how, Damen, because if you have a how, I will do it.I will do anything.”

Blinking, Damen tried to think, but he was still too surprised to do that properly.He wasn’t sure he had expected every single one of Laurent’s walls to be up, but he had expected some of them to be.This, though…this was Laurent, raw.

Knowing that if he pointed it out, Laurent would retreat and curl in on himself, Damen decided to let silence fall between them.He wrapped an arm around Laurent’s shoulders and started to think with all he had.“We could pretend we broke up and see each other in secret.”

“He’d find out,” Laurent said.“He’d check my text messages, he’d watch me, he’d…”Laurent broke off and shook his head, hair tickling Damen’s chin, “I know he won’t just trust my word.”

“Alright,” Damen said, starting to think again.He had to admit this was a troublesome problem and he began to understand where Laurent was coming from.Nicaise was paramount, after all.But if there was a way Nicaise could be safe and Damen could have Laurent, he was going to fucking find it.

It was pretty obvious there was only one other solution—besides going to the police, which Damen knew would be impossible to convince Laurent of—but it wasn’t one Laurent was going to like.Damen thought this solution at least had a chance, though.All he had to do was think of a good argument.

As he did so, the silence lengthened and Laurent moaned pathetically, sitting up and rubbing his face.“I’m sorry it had to end like this, Damen.You don’t deserve it.God, you’re the last person on earth who does.”

“Would you shut up and let me think?I don’t want to hear another word about that come of out of your mouth,” Damen said, trying not to sound harsh.

“There’s nothing you can do.Not this time,” Laurent said, gathering the towel, wrapping it back around his waist and heading to his closet.Putting his armor back on.For some nonsensical reason, Damen was positive he couldn’t allow that to happen.If Laurent thought of this as a fight he had to win, Damen was going to lose.

Standing in a rush, he bounded after Laurent, pulling him into a fierce hug so he would stop looking at the clothes in his closet, trying to decide what was best to dump Damen in.

“Let go of me,” Laurent growled.

Every part of Damen screamed to do just that, unwilling to physically deter Laurent in any way, but this seemed important.“I will if you promise not to put on fancy clothes with buttons and shit.”

“Good god,” Laurent whispered.

“That’s right,” Damen replied.“I know what you’re doing and I won’t let you until you let me fully think through the situation.I’m sorry it takes me longer than it takes you.”

“It doesn’t take you longer.There simply isn’t an answer.It’s an impossible problem.”

“Promise.”

“Fine.Can I put on my sweater, at least?”

“Yes.”

Damen let go of Laurent and watched as Laurent pulled on that long, oversized sweater he’d worn once when he’d asked Damen to come back and lay with him.He was heartbreakingly lovely, even like this, distraught and convinced he was about to lose everything.Unsurprisingly, he held his pain in well.Damen wished he didn’t have to.

Leaning against the wall separating the closet from the bedroom, Damen finalized the last couple things in his plan, hoping it was enough.In his sweater, Laurent still looked vulnerable enough.Hopefully that meant he would be receptive.

“You move out and you take Nicaise with you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You find a place and you move out.He can’t do anything to you or Nicaise if you have your own place, with your own locks.”

Laurent stared at him, eyes wide.Then, slowly, he said, “Trust you to come up with something so simple-minded.”The way he said ‘simple-minded’ was borderline cruel.Damen tried not to let it offend him too badly.

“Don’t take your anger out on me.I don’t fucking deserve it.”

“He’s the legal guardian, Damen.I can’t take Nicaise anywhere.It’s against the fucking law.”

“I realize that.”

“Let me get this straight, you’re suggesting we break the law?”

“Oh, come on,” Damen said.“You hear about it all the time.A kid goes and lives with their best friend’s family or they spend so much time away from home they hardly even live there.”

“Damen…” Laurent said, shaking his head.The sound of his voice was one Damen was hoping he wouldn’t have had to hear.There was the sound of a decision there.He was willing to give Damen up and it hurt.It hurt so badly that Damen considered giving up and letting it happen, but he held the knowledge that Laurent didn’t actually want this close to his heart.

“I don’t think he’ll alert the cops.Look at what he did to you in one conversation.He knows what he can do and he knows the power he has over you.If I wasn’t here, you would break up with me and we would never talk again.”There was a noise of protest from Laurent but Damen waved it off.“I know that.But I am here and I don’t think he knows me as well, doesn’t know our relationship well.The last thing he expects is for you to take Nicaise and leave.”

Laurent’s eyes were distant as he thought and then he said, “What if he does alert the police?”

“Then you go to court,” Damen shrugged.“You can win.You have a steady job, I’m sure you can get a place, you have excellent character witnesses, Nicaise will want to live with you, and there’s the abuse, the effects of which you’re still living with, effects I can attest to if necessary.But, like I said, I don’t think your uncle will do that.He’ll know his options once you’re gone and he’ll know it’s not worth it.Can you imagine the scandal if he got embroiled in a court case where it was revealed he abused his own family?”

Crossing his arms, Laurent let his gaze fall to the floor.His entire body was tense.Reaching down and taking Laurent’s hand in his, Damen said, “Let me fight for you.Let us fight together.Please.”This was really the crux of the matter.After all, Damen hadn’t been invited here, he’d simply come.He needed Laurent to want this more than he feared his uncle.It was a lot to ask and Damen knew if Laurent let him slip away, he wouldn’t blame him.

Laurent’s hand dangled limply in his and he said nothing.Nor did he look at Damen.Letting go, Damen stepped back and whispered, “I’m going to give you some time and space.I’ll be out by the fire.I…I wish I could give you the whole night, but I sense that this is something we should probably solve now.”

Slipping outside, Damen strolled over to the lit fire and sat down in front of it, not in a chair, but directly on the floor.He leaned back on his hands and let the flickering of the flames lull him into a stupor.If he watched them, he didn’t have to think about Laurent back in his closet, deciding their fate.

Nope, he was totally thinking about it.

If he lost Laurent now, after everything…the very idea made Damen’s eyes sting.It was ridiculous, a decision hadn’t been made, but he couldn’t prevent the silent tears sliding down his cheeks.Every once in awhile, he would wipe them away and sniffle lightly, but the tears would only keep coming, so eventually he stopped trying to prevent anything, closing his eyes and letting it happen.

A few minutes later, there was a soft sound and then there were hands cupping his face.Opening his eyes, Damen saw Laurent’s blue eyes directly in front of his.Before Damen could say a thing, Laurent’s lips were on his, fierce and hot.He pressed forward until he was kneeling between Damen’s legs and deepened the kiss, swirling his tongue into Damen’s mouth.

Whimpering into the kiss, Damen placed his hands on either side of Laurent’s waist and sat up more fully so their chests were flush.

There was a light laugh when they broke their lips apart to breath and then Laurent moved to lick and kiss all of the tears off Damen’s face.“I made you cry,” Laurent whispered in between kisses.

“You didn’t.This shit of a situation did.”

Laurent smiled and ran his fingers along Damen’s jawline reverently.“You and me,” he whispered.“We’ll get Nicaise out of here.If we do it my way.”

“Okay.”

“I need time to find a place.Hopefully not too long, but during that time, we’re going to have to pretend to be broken up.We can’t talk, we can’t see each other, we can’t text.If my Uncle even gets wind we’re together still, everything will fall apart.And I have to move out during a weekday, during work hours so he doesn’t know until we’re gone, and I think you should help me move.”

“Oh you do, do you?” Damen said, grinning.

“I do.Somehow, I’ll let you know when it’s happening.You’ll need your car, because we really do have to get it all out in one run.”

“Okay.How long?”

“Hmm?”

“How long am I going to have to go without you?” Damen said, the idea already killing him.

“Not long, I promise,” Laurent replied, sliding his hands down to Damen’s neck.Then, in a much softer voice, “This better work.”

“It will.”

Laurent leaned in and kissed Damen again, much slower and sweeter this time.Wrapping his arms around Laurent’s waist, Damen pulled him in tight, until Laurent was practically in his lap.They pulled back and stared at each other for awhile, Damen making sure to memorize the way Laurent’s eyes sparkled when he was happy, and the words just fell from his mouth.“I think I’m in love with you.”

Laurent’s eyes widened, but that was the only sign he was surprised.In a nonchalant tone, he said, “Well, it’s about time.”

Laughing, Damen kissed Laurent again.“Should I go?”

“No.Not yet.Just…hold me for awhile.Please.”

In one fluid motion, Damen slid his arms in place, flipped Laurent so that he was laid out bridal style, and carried him over to the chair only a few feet away.He settled himself into it and left Laurent on his lap, moving his arms to curl around Laurent’s waist and hold him in place.There was no complaint, to Damen’s surprise.Instead, Laurent simply leaned his head against Damen’s chest, closed his eyes, and breathed.“I’m going to miss you,” he sighed.

A wave of warmth spread through his body and Damen started laughing, pressing lazy, open-mouthed kisses into Laurent’s neck as he did.It may have sounded a bit unhinged, but his joy was uncontainable.

There was a rapid knock on the door and Laurent flinched viciously, but he didn’t slide off Damen’s lap.“If your uncle sees us like this…” Damen began.

Laurent shook his head.“It’s Nicaise.My uncle doesn’t knock like that.Come in,” he said louder.

The door opened and Nicaise crept in, shutting the door softly behind him.“I heard Uncle outside my door, so I went through the bookcase into…”Suddenly, Nicaise ran to the fireplace so he was facing them and broke into a smile.“You haven’t killed each other!”

“Were you just talking about a secret doorway?” Damen asked.

“Oh, yeah.Laurent had it put in for me when Uncle was away on a business trip a couple years ago.Just in case.”

Figuring that an exchange of information was the least he could do, Damen replied, “We haven’t killed each other.The opposite in fact.We’re getting you out of here.”

The brightest smile Damen had ever seen crossed Nicaise’s face and he rushed forward, flinging himself on top of Laurent and Damen, bony limbs flying all over the place, making both he and Laurent grunt in pain.Once Nicaise settled more fully into Laurent’s lap, most of the pain ceased, though there was a lot of pressure on Damen’s thighs and chest.Nothing he couldn’t handle, though.This was too nice for complaint.“When?” Nicaise said.“When can I get out of this hellhole?”

“Soon,” Laurent promised, swiping a finger down the bridge of Nicaise’s nose.“Soon.”

“You don’t think that Uncle will…”

“No,” Damen interrupted.“I don’t.”

“ _We’re_ willing to take the chance,” Laurent added, leaning his head back on Damen’s shoulder to smile at him.It was such a kind and trusting gesture that Damen felt he was about to implode.This was the kind of thing that made it so easy to be with Laurent, to love him.When he gave you something, it meant everything, because you knew you’d earned it.

Unable to help himself, he nuzzled Laurent’s jaw with his nose and breathed in the soft hints of cologne and shampoo.It was divine and he might’ve spent the rest of the night there if Nicaise hadn’t slapped his head.“I can’t even see you and I know you’re being gross.There’s a child present.”

“You’re a teenager.”

“Whatever.”

Sighing, Damen kissed Laurent’s jaw once and then pulled away, letting his head fall onto the back of the chair.“I should go,” he sighed.“Nikandros and Jokaste are worried.”

“But I’m so comfortable,” Nicaise whined.

“Me too,” Laurent said in a similar tone, laughing when Nicaise started laughing.The hand that was loosely holding Damen’s disappeared so that Laurent could wrap Nicaise in a hug.A hug that didn’t last long, because then he started tickling Nicaise and that was when it was all over.Limbs were flying, shrieks of laughter pierced his eardrums, and he was practically elbowed in the face more than once.

Unceremoniously, Damen called on his strength and stood, letting Laurent and Nicase fall to the floor.

“Hey,” Nicaise said.“Not cool.”

Smiling serenely at him, Damen flicked his eyes to Laurent who was slumped against Nicaise, cheeks red, and eyes bright.“Fuck,” Damen breathed, “I love it when you’re happy.”Then he extended a hand to help Laurent up.

“I can’t believe this,” Nicaise said.“I liked you first.Does that get me anything?No, of course not.Just leave Nicaise on the floor all by himself while you go make out on the bed.”

“Okay,” Damen said.

“Don’t make out on the bed!”

Laughing, Damen pulled Laurent off the floor and then said, “I wasn’t actually going to.Relax.I really do have to leave.Although…” he trailed off and let himself get lost in Laurent’s eyes.The blue really was lovely.It transported him to far off places in the Mediterranean or Caribbean.“I’m going to miss you.”

Nicaise coughed none too subtly.

“Both of you,” Damen amended.

A somber mood filled the room and Laurent’s face grew serious.With careful fingers, he brushed Damen’s lips and said, “I think you’d better give me something to remember you by.”

“Wow.That was smooth.”

“Thank you.I would like it noted that I do possess some skill in this sort of thing.”

“Noted,” Damen whispered, leaning in and capturing Laurent’s bottom lip between his lips.He sucked lightly and then let his teeth graze the lip as he pulled away, only for a second, letting his tongue slide into Laurent’s warm and waiting mouth moments later.It was perfect and wet and sent light shivers down his spine.When he finally extricated himself fully—or as fully as he could; eyes closed, forehead still leaning against Laurent’s—he whispered, “Was that good enough?”

“Not even close,” Laurent said, but he sounded breathless, so Damen didn’t quite believe him.Nonetheless, he leaned in for one more kiss, unable to resist.In all honesty, they probably would’ve continued for awhile if Nicaise didn’t interrupt with yet more complaining.

“Alright, alright,” Damen laughed.“I’m leaving.

“Damen,” Laurent said, lips red and just kissed.God, was it hard to leave.“We just broke up.I wouldn’t put it past my uncle to be waiting for you, just so he can get a visual.Look less euphoric.”

“Right, uh…”

Murmuring, “Why do I have to do everything myself?” Laurent stepped forward and slapped Damen in the face.Damen wouldn’t say it was hard, but it wasn’t soft either.

“Goddammit,” he said, holding his cheek.“A little warning, maybe?”

“Go.”

“This isn’t a very good goodbye.”

The thought seemed to put Laurent out slightly, but he managed to choke out, “And I don’t care.Look dejected and angry.Think about my uncle.Whatever it fucking takes, understand?”

“Yes,” Damen said seriously.“I do.”With one last look at Laurent, soaking in everything he would miss, Damen turned and left the room, heading towards the stairs.He made it down them without incident, but that was as far as he got.Laurent’s uncle was in the kitchen and when he heard Damen bounding down the stairs, he stepped out.

“Leaving so soon?”

“Fuck you,” Damen said.Then, because he could and because he noticed the signs of swelling, “How’s your face?”

“A little raw.”

“Thank god something about this night went right.”Then Damen stormed off towards the door.Most of it wasn’t even faked.Just the sight of Laurent’s uncle was enough to make him vaguely homicidal.

“So my nephew did actually manage to do what he was told.”

Stopping, Damen let those words sink in, his anger increasing.Knowing it wasn’t enough, he thought back to how he’d been feeling by the fire, waiting for Laurent to decide their fate.Only when he had that emotion firmly in grasp did he turn around.“Yes,” Damen said, voice breaking slightly at the end.There were even tears in his eyes.He had no idea how that had happened.It had been an emotional night, apparently.“Thank you for fucking everything up.”Then, mustering all his courage, trying not to think about all the beauty and architectural splendor around, Damen spat onto the floor, just barely missing Laurent’s uncle’s shoes.

Then he left.It would do him no favors to kill the monster.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is formatted a little weird, but I hope it makes sense. There was just more time to cover and I had to figure out a way to do that reasonably.  
> Also you may have noticed a chapter count has finally been added. Yes that's how many chapters there will be and yes I realize that's kind of soon. But I've finished and I love it and I think you all will too.  
> Anywayyyy thank you so much, all of you. I will never stop thanking you. Ever.  
> And thank you to Mari, as always, who has done so much for me.  
> Enjoy! <3

Laurent settled back into the chair when Damen left, nonsensically finding it less comfortable than Damen’s lap.Wordlessly, Nicaise sat on the floor, leaning against his legs and staring into the fire.He seemed to know that Laurent needed quiet so he could think.

It was hard, though.It had been the longest fucking day of his life and the toll from his panic attack—or whatever the fuck had happened—was massive.Every thought was sluggish and incomplete.If he didn’t have to start figuring things out now, he would go to bed.

“Laurent,” Nicaise whispered.

“What?” he asked, trying not to snap.Being interrupted was not helping the situation.

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.Take tomorrow off of work to think.Mope around the house.Uncle will expect nothing less anyway.”

“I can’t fuck this up.”

Sighing, Nicaise stood and tugged on Laurent’s hand until he reluctantly stood.He let himself be pulled over to his bed.When Nicaise threw back the covers, he crawled in and let Nicaise tuck him in.It was sort of strange, a reversal of their roles, but at the same time, it was just an extension of what Nicaise had been doing for him for ages.Now that he’d realized that, it was easier to accept this kind of help from him.“You’re not going to fuck it up.You’re Laurent deVere.You don’t lose.”

For awhile, Laurent simply stared up at Nicaise, wondering how he had overlooked Nicaise for so long; seeing him as something that needed to be protected, not a person who could protect himself as well as protect right back.“I love you, you know,” Laurent said.“I know I never tell you.”It came out awkward, but to be fair, he felt awkward.

Another bright smile crossed Nicaise’s face and he said, “Damen is so good for you.”

“Do you want to sleep here tonight?” Laurent asked.

“Can I?”

“I’d prefer it honestly.I don’t trust Uncle at all right now.He’s especially dangerous when he thinks things are going his way.”

Nicaise nodded and wandered to the closet.When he came back, he was in a pair of Laurent’s sweatpants and one of his tees.They were both ridiculously big on him, but Laurent didn’t laugh like he would’ve if it was Damen.He’d seen Nicaise like this so many times over the years that it simply felt normal.

There was a waft of cold air against his legs as Nicaise lifted the covers on the other side of the bed and settled in.They were both quiet for a moment and then Nicaise said, “Bet I’m not as good of company as Damen.”

“Jesus.”

Nicaise cackled and settled in more comfortably.“Turn off the goddamn lamp and get some sleep.You’re going to want it.If I have to go to school, you’re going to wake up to hear me complain about it.”

Laughing softly, Laurent did as he was asked.The room went dark and immediately, he felt his eyes grow heavy.This is what he’d needed ever since dinner.He felt the world slipping away when Nicaise whispered, voice more vulnerable than usual, “Laurent?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for not hurting him.”

“He doesn’t deserve it, does he?”

“No.”

“Goodnight, Nicaise.”

“Night.”

“Nicaise?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for loving him first.”

 

Three Weeks Later

 

“Damen!”

“What?” Damen shouted back, rifling through shirts on the floor, trying to find one that was sort of clean and didn’t smell.He hadn’t done laundry in weeks.He hadn’t done much in weeks, actually.It was hard to carry on life as normal without Laurent.

Finding a shirt, he threw it on and began tramping down the stairs, his brain mentally tallying yet another day onto the running total in his head of days he’d gone without seeing or talking to Laurent.

He knew he’d been driving everyone insane, but honestly, he couldn’t help it.Most evenings, he found himself apologizing for talking about Laurent _again_ , burning food, or being boring.Nikandros was the only one who bugged him about the last fault.

Jokaste was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, holding out a piece of folded paper.Accepting it, Damen stared at her quizzically. 

“It’s from Laurent,” she said.“I read it, sorry, but I wasn’t sure what it was, because it got sneaked into my bagel order this morning.Did you happen to tell Laurent I went to Case Study every morning before work?”

“I might’ve,” Damen said, shrugging.He honestly couldn’t remember.

“Ask him how he managed it, would you?When you see him again, that is.Couldn’t come soon enough.I actually want to kill you.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever wanted to kill me before,” Damen smiled.

“You’ve never been this insufferable before.”

Laughing, Damen stared down at the little piece of paper, feeling hope and nerves swell in his stomach.Weeks of waiting might finally be over.Figuring he should finish the conversation with Jokaste first, though, he said, “I used to miss you like this, you know.Okay, not quite like this, but Nik will back me up.”

“I was a terrible girlfriend, wasn’t I?”

“Kind of.”The words just came out.They were true, but Damen was surprised he could actually utter them.In all honesty, he was the type to lie to spare other people’s feelings.

“I’m glad Laurent turned out to be a lot braver than I was.”

Damen nodded, his eyes flicking back down to the piece of paper, and Jokaste laughed, shaking her head slightly.“I won’t keep you any longer.”She turned and shouted, “Nik!Let’s go.I’m not going to be late just because you and Jord spent ten minutes arguing about what to have for breakfast.”

Nikandros shouted something back from the kitchen, but Damen hardly heard.He was busy unfolding the piece of paper and reading the words.

 

_Tomorrow.Eleven._

_Love,_

_Laurent_

 

It was entirely unsatisfactory.Damen was aware that the purpose of the note was not to reassure Damen after weeks apart, but that was what he wanted.Reading it again, swiping his finger over the words, feeling the grooves the pen made into the paper, Damen imagined Laurent writing it.Maybe he’d been in the coffee shop or maybe he’d been at home in his bed, writing on top of a book.

On the third read through, ‘love’ caught his attention in a way it hadn’t before.It was a typical sign off for most people, but Laurent wasn’t most people.He wasn’t the type to sign his letters like that.There was the reassurance Damen was looking for right there.Grinning, he tucked the paper into his pocket, and marveled over the fact that Laurent had known he would need something to get him through the day.

Strolling into the kitchen, seeing that everyone had managed to leave, Damen grabbed a box of Froot Loops and some milk and settled in for a quick breakfast.He had to be at work in less than a half hour after all.And it would be good if he was on time because he had to let the right people know that he would be taking the day off tomorrow, a generally frowned upon action at a private school.But Damen hardly cared.Even if they threatened to fire him—which they wouldn’t—he would still take the day off.It had been so long since he’d seen Laurent.There were so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to ask.

Under the table, his leg started to bounce up and down and he knew it was going to be a long day, a day where very little would get done.

 

Leaning back in his chair at his cubicle, Laurent stared at the pile of stories he had to read and mark up today.Since he was taking the day off tomorrow, it was the last day he had before they met up to decide what got published and what didn’t.

Any other day, even days where he’d spent the entire evening wrapped up in Damen, he would have been fine, able to split what he had to do from what he wanted to think about.But today was different.All he could think about was Damen.On every page of every story, there was at least one word that brought Damen to mind and how close they were to being able to see each other again.

Because, the truth was, Laurent hadn’t been handling it well.His uncle had been around more than usual, likely making sure Laurent stayed resolute in his break up.There was also a strange shift in mood around the house, one both Laurent and Nicaise sensed.It was as though the disappearance of Damen made it clear to Laurent’s uncle that he had to start making moves and soon, before Laurent and Nicaise healed.Nicaise spent most nights in Laurent’s bed.Neither one of them got much sleep.

It put all of them on edge.And the truth was, if Damen was around, it wouldn’t even be happening.But more than that, Laurent would be happy at least one moment of the day.He missed that more than anything else.Well, that and the kissing.He really missed the kissing.Damen was so goddamn unfairly good at it.And it was like drinking hot chocolate with a dash of Kahlua in it; it flooded the stomach with jittery warmth.

Not even bothering to stop his brain, thinking if he indulged he might be able to focus later, Laurent imagined what it would be like when they saw each other again.Would they hug?Kiss?What would they say to each other?Would it be awkward?No.It wouldn’t be awkward.That much he was confident of.There were so many things he wanted to say and do.Lists.Not that Damen was ever going to know that.

“Laurent.”

Startled out of his reverie, Laurent glanced up to see Erasmus leaning over the edge of his cubicle.Easily, Laurent regained control and leveled Erasmus with a questioning glance.

“Do you have that weird murder-suicide story?”

“Are we in the same meeting?”

“I think so.”

“Then I presume I do,” Laurent said.

“Haven’t read it then?”

“No.”

“It’s weird,” Erasmus said, tone light and conversational.Typically, he knew when and when not to talk and that was why Laurent liked him.He clearly wasn’t understanding right now, though.

“You said.”

“Are you alright?”

“Fine.”

Erasmus nodded, blond hair flopping around on his head as he did.His curls were very similar to Damen’s despite the color and Laurent sighed, wishing his brain could focus on anything else.Erasmus gave Laurent a smile, a slightly cautious one, and then disappeared back into his cubicle, presumably to actually do his job.Lucky him.

Sighing, he glanced down at his watch and saw he had five hours left in the day.Maybe he should find his boss, ask if it was okay to leave early, and have Nicaise read him the stories aloud.That was probably the only way he would get this done.Nicaise would hate doing it, but he’d been extremely nice the past couple weeks, thanking Laurent in his own way for getting him away from Laurent’s uncle.He would do as Laurent asked.

Rising from his desk, Laurent sought out his boss.

 

Damen got home from work exhausted.He had been clumsy today, dropping things left and right.The kids had found it hilarious, which was worth something, but the effort of bending up and down combined with treating children, far from an easy task, left him just a shell of the man he’d been this morning.He was almost tired enough to not think about Laurent and tomorrow.Almost.

No one else was home yet, so he collapsed on the couch and turned on the TV.He didn’t bother changing the channel, not really caring what was on.All he wanted was the background noise, something to fall asleep to.

An hour into lying with his eyes closed, he realized there was absolutely no hope.His body was incapable of moving, but his mind was a flurry of activity, counting down the hours until he could see Laurent again.He imagined Carlos opening the door, Laurent and Nicaise standing just inside.In his fantasy, he jogged straight to Laurent and swept him up into a hug, one that lifted Laurent off his feet, one that lasted a good long while, as he said all the things he’d been dying to say for weeks.Once he was satisfied, he would of course say hi to Nicaise, maybe even give him a brief piggyback ride, and then they would pack up and leave that dreadful house behind forever.

He wondered what kind of place Laurent had found, whether it had lots of windows.Laurent seemed like a natural light sort of person.

There was the sound of a key turning in the lock and Damen raised himself up on his elbows to see Jokaste come in.She smiled in greeting, took off her jacket, then lifted Damen’s legs and settled beneath them, yawning.

“Long day at work?” Damen asked.

She nodded.“I tried to sell this one piece to a man for over three hours.He kept going back and forth.I had no idea someone could be that indecisive.It wasn’t even all that much money, a couple hundred bucks.”

“Jesus.”

“You?”

“Definitely long.I’ve been a little preoccupied.”

Jokaste laughed.“Yes, you did seem a little daydreamy when I walked in.”

“I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.I wish I could tell him.”

“I’ll bet he already knows.”

“Not the same,” Damen said.

“No.”Jokaste yawned again and began running her fingers up and down the arches of Damen’s left foot.He wasn’t ticklish there, so he didn’t mind.It was something she had used to do when they had been dating and she’d been thinking.Now, it was simply a comforting gesture.“We’d better distract you then,” she said decidedly.“Pass the time quicker.How would you feel about a jog, cooking dinner, and then endless rounds of drunk Mario Kart?”

“It’s good I have you,” Damen smiled.“Let’s do it.”

 

Nicaise read the last word of the last story and then collapsed dramatically on the bed, flinging his arms outwards, one of them hitting Laurent square in the chest.“My throat hurts,” he complained.

“Don’t talk, then.”

“Get me some water.”

“Get it yourself.”

“I just read you six short stories because you are incapable of functioning like a human being.It’s the least you could do,” Nicaise said.

“But, as you said, I’m incapable of functioning like a human being.Why, I don’t even think I can stand.”

“Fuck you.”

“Respect your elders,” Laurent said dryly, not meaning a word.It was enough to get Nicaise even more riled up, though, which was what he wanted.It was entertaining enough to keep thoughts of Damen on the back burner.

Sighing, Nicaise stood and wandered to the bathroom, filling up the cup Laurent typically used to help him wash out his mouth after brushing his teeth.He came back, taking small sips, and said, “I’ve missed him, too, you know.”

“And here I thought I could manage a minute without thinking about him,” Laurent said.

“Do you think he’s thinking about you as much?”

“I sincerely hope he isn’t.It’s terrible.I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

“I bet he is,” Nicaise said.“He probably doesn’t even mind.”

“Probably not,” Laurent conceded.“He is an idiot.”

“I wish I could sleep.”

“Mm,” Laurent murmured, feeling the same.The hours would slip away so much faster if he could sleep.He wished he could call Damen and hear his voice.That was the only thing that might actually help right now.

But since he couldn’t do that, he grabbed his book from the nightstand, _A Little Friend_ by Donna Tartt, and cracked it open.Laurent knew Nicaise had followed suit when he heard the flip of a page beside him.There were worse ways to spend a night.

 

By the time ten-thirty rolled around, Damen had cleaned his room—something he rarely did—had made breakfast for everyone actually going to work, had watched the news, and had read the entirety of Jokaste’s Crate and Barrel magazine.Yes, read.He could still remember some of the obscene prices for pieces of art and furniture.

But it was ten-thirty and that meant he could leave.As excitedly as a puppy, Damen stood from the couch and bounded around the house, collecting his things.He was smiling, even as he grabbed some protein bars from the pantry.It made him wonder if there was going to be a single moment today where he didn’t want to smile.

In thirty minutes he would see Laurent.

Laurent.

Damen felt like spinning, but managed to contain that impulse, confident he would embarrass himself if he did spin, whether someone was there to watch it or not.

When he had everything he needed, he jogged out of the house, hardly remembering to lock the door, and started his car.

The drive was both short and long.He was antsy enough that everything seemed to be moving faster than it did normally, but as he watched the familiar landmarks of the drive pass by, he thought they weren’t passing nearly as fast as he wanted them to. 

But then he was there, pulling into the drive of the deVere house, and his nerves only increased.He was probably taking the driveway way too fast, but he hardly cared, slamming down on the brakes and wrenching the car to a stop.Tugging the keys from the ignition, he hurried to the door and knocked.As he stood waiting for the door to open, he realized he was out of breath, and he couldn’t figure out if it was from the running or if it was from the excitement and anticipation.

Carlos opened the door and Damen was practically jogging in place, waiting for Carlos to tell him where the fuck Nicaise and Laurent were.“Good to see you, Damen.I’ve missed having you around.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve missed you too, buddy.Where the fuck are they?”

“Damen!” a high-pitched voice yelled and Damen broke into a grin, shoving past Carlos to see Nicaise running from the kitchen.There was some wordless agreement between them, as they met eyes, that this situation called for a hug, one that possibly Nicaise would pretend never happened when it was over.

Bending his knees slightly, Damen opened his arms and felt a rush of relief wash through him as Nicaise flung himself into his arms.Lifting Nicaise off his feet, Damen held him close and said, “Long three weeks, huh?”

Nicaise nodded vigorously into his neck.“The longest.”

“I missed you.”

“Not as much as I missed you.”

“Are we having a contest?Because, kid, I hate to break it to you, I’m going to win simply because you can only be vulnerable for about five more seconds,” Damen said.

“Fuck you,” Nicaise replied.Damen noticed that Nicaise did tighten his arms around his neck, though.

As Damen held Nicaise, he saw Laurent come from the kitchen.He was wearing a simple gray sweater and black skinny jeans.They simply stared at each other, Damen unable to look anywhere but bright blue eyes. 

Nicaise started flailing in his arms and Damen dropped him unceremoniously, too focused on Laurent.It did earn him a slap in the stomach from Nicaise, but Damen hardly cared.Neither he or Laurent were moving.He thought maybe he should move.Or say something.But for the life of him, he couldn’t get his brain to cooperate.

It seemed to amuse Laurent to no end.The corners of his mouth curled into sardonic smile, he crossed his arms over his chest, and then he said, “Hi.Long time, no see.”

“It’s like I’ve never seen you before,” Damen murmured.When Nicaise groaned, he almost groaned with him.What the fuck had that been?That was the kind of softness that Laurent would tease endlessly.

Surprisingly, Laurent simply laughed, walking forward and laying a gentle hand on Damen’s cheek.He’d almost managed to fool Damen into thinking he wasn’t going as crazy.Almost.If it hadn’t been for the way his hand was shaking and the something in his eyes that Damen would describe as _tenderness_ , he would’ve been fooled.“Am I more or less beautiful than you remember?” Laurent asked.

“More.Definitely more,” Damen smiled, covering Laurent’s hand with his.

“Mm.I think you’re uglier.”

“Still attractive, though, right?”

Laurent chose not to answer, instead leaning in and kissing Damen.It was a barely-there kiss, a nothing kiss.Damen desperately wanted more.“Time to move boxes,” Laurent said, “I hope you’re prepared.”

“So prepared.Where do we start?”

“Kitchen,” Laurent said.“Nicaise, why don’t you…”

“Yeah, yeah.I’ll leave you two alone and move shit from my room.Please actually move boxes eventually, though.I don’t want to do this all myself.”

Laurent smiled slyly and led the way to the kitchen.There were two stacks of boxes by the counter, already packed and labeled.Laurent had been busy.Clearly he wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been able to sleep. 

Laurent stopped abruptly in front of the boxes.His frame tensed and Damen knew he was unsure about what he was supposed to do.Deciding he didn’t mind making an executive decision, Damen laid a hand on Laurent’s shoulder, turned him and then jostled him in front of the boxes, pressing his hips against Laurent’s to keep him in place.“Going to prove Nicaise right, are you?” Laurent asked softly.

“You may be unpredictable, but I’m as predictable as they come,” Damen said, kissing Laurent hard.He heard as Laurent inhaled sharply through his nose, but then he lost all awareness, because their tongues were swirling around each other and it was so _nice_.All of his limbs grew heavy with lethargy and Damen called on all of his will just to stay standing.

Laurent made a soft whimpering noise, one Damen desperately wanted to hear again, and then he pushed back against Damen’s hips, curled his hands in Damen’s shirt and reversed their positions.Their bodies were suddenly flush, one of Laurent’s legs was pressed in between his own and Laurent’s hands were in his hair, stroking.The stroking quickly turned into pulling, Laurent letting his lips fall and drag down Damen’s chin to his neck, nuzzling his pulse point.When he grazed his teeth there, a moan was ripped from Damen’s throat and it made the lips still.“I want…” Laurent breathed.

“What?” Damen asked, voice raspy.He didn’t know what Laurent wanted, but he knew what he wanted.Everything.

There was a long silence and Damen laughed softly, gripping Laurent’s shoulders and pushing him away gently.Running a thumb up and down his cheek, Damen said, “Let’s move boxes, yeah?”

Peering down at the floor, Laurent whispered.“I want you.Promise me that…”

After another long silence, Damen said, “I can’t read your mind, Laurent.”

“I don’t know.It’s ridiculous.I’ve just…I’ve missed you so much.”

“Yeah?”

Laurent nodded.

“And I missed you.”Then, with a smile and a guess, he said, “I promise.I want you, too.”

Laurent’s had snapped up and he laughed breathlessly, as though the thought of wanting and being wanted had never occurred to him.It probably hadn’t ever happened at the same time for him before, but Damen wasn’t going to examine that thought too hard.“Boxes,” Laurent murmured.

“Boxes,” Damen agreed.“I can’t very well fuck you in the kitchen when Nicaise is upstairs, after all.”

Laughing brightly and with honesty, Laurent ran a hand through his hair.

“I missed your laugh the most I think,” Damen said.

Laurent rolled his eyes, the comment seeming to give a measure of control back, and picked up a box, shoving it into Damen’s arms.“Stop being sappy.We have things to do.This pile of boxes here contains fragile stuff and I would prefer them to be on top of piles.These boxes can go anywhere.Can you carry more than one at once?”

Damen nodded.

“Wonderful,” Laurent said, placing another box on top of the box Damen already had.

“Is all of this yours?”

“Yes.Most of it was Auguste and his wife’s, actually, but it is legally mine.Some of it’s from the apartment I had in college, too.”

“Do you want these in your car or my car?”

Laurent considered that for a moment and then said, “Let’s load up my car first and then yours.”

“Sounds good,” Damen replied, heading towards the front door, which was open.He passed Nicaise on the way out and they grinned at each other conspiratorially.It was heady, helping Laurent and Nicaise leave this place.

 

Four hours later, everything was packed, including Sam, and they were driving to Laurent’s new place, Damen following him.It was a nice late winter day, the sun shining, and they were entering the heart of Portland.If this is where Laurent really lived, it would mean they were significantly closer, only a ten minute drive with little to medium traffic.Even that little detail excited him.

Laurent turned into a parking structure for an apartment complex.Figuring that it wasn’t something he could enter, Damen made a note of the building and then drove off in search of a spot on the street, trying to make it as close as possible.Carrying the boxes more than a block or two would be terrible.

He got lucky, noticing just in time that someone was pulling out.Grabbing the spot, he executed a series of forwards and reverses, taking much longer to parallel park than Laurent had when he’d driven them into the city.When he stopped the car, he pulled out his phone and texted Laurent to let him know where he was parked.Then he got out of the car to wait, leaning against it as he watched the hustle and bustle of people heading to and from lunch breaks or from stores, arms laden with bags.None of them paid him any attention, too consumed with what they were doing.It was perfect, really.Laurent’s uncle would be hard pressed finding him in this mess.

A couple minutes later, Laurent showed up, slinging keys around his finger and jostling Nicaise with his hip, who was chattering away about something and holding Sam steady with a leash.When they were within talking distance, Nicaise said, “Laurent won’t let me go wander around by myself.”

“It’s probably his call,” Damen said.

“Why did I even bother complaining to you?”

“You can go wander after we get all of the boxes into the apartment.You know that.Maybe if you spent less time complaining and more time moving, you could actually do exactly what you wanted,” Laurent said.

“Seems fair,” Damen said.

“Oh, shut up,” Nicaise grumbled, opening the trunk of Damen’s car and grabbing a small box so he could still have one hand free for Sam.Laurent and Damen got their own boxes and then they were on their way to the apartment, thankfully a short walk.Even better, there was an elevator and they took it to the fifth floor.The hallways were carpeted and well lit and Damen could tell just from that, that it was a nice place.When Laurent let them in, he was proved correct.There were huge picture windows all along the far wall and it was an entirely open floor plan except for the bathroom and bedrooms, of which there were two.The kitchen was spacious and glowing in the sunlight from the windows.It was the kind of place Damen had dreamed about owning when he was younger.There were even brick accents.

“Wow,” Damen said.

“Like it?” Laurent asked, placing the keys on a small table that was already by the door.In fact, most of the apartment was already furnished to Damen’s surprise.Someone had been busy.

“I do,” he replied.

“Go ahead and explore,” Laurent said.There was a loud noise of protest from Nicaise, but Laurent ignored it.“Nicaise and I will go fetch more boxes while you do.Oh, and if you miraculously see a way to assemble the dresser in Nicaise’s room, I implore you to give it a try.”

They all set down their boxes in the center of the room, where a large watercolor rug decorated the space.Sam was released from his leash and he automatically ran off towards the bedrooms.Damen heard the door close behind him, but he didn’t look, too entranced by the light blues and grays of the furniture, the endless bookshelves taking up any free space, the beams across the ceiling, and the view.The magnificent view of buildings and cars and people.

It was strange how much a space could feel like a person.As Damen walked around, exploring each nook and cranny, he was overwhelmed with how _Laurent_ it was.There was no detail that didn’t fit with the Laurent he knew.It was neat, organized, but light and open.It wasn’t oppressive in the slightest, which was likely the idea.

When Laurent and Nicaise returned with yet more boxes, Damen said, “This is where you’re meant to be.”

Laurent broke into a stunning smile.“I thought so, too.”


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing new to report.  
> Thank you, as always, for the comments and the kudos and the love. It makes my life.  
> And thank you to Mari. Talking and writing with you is an endless joy.  
> Enjoy! <3

It was late, everything was unpacked, and the three of them were passed out on the couch, mindlessly watching the TV Damen had managed to set up and eating pizza.It was uncanny how right it felt.Part of Laurent was screaming in protest, begging him to acknowledge this wasn’t something he should get used to, but the rest of him was relaxed and happy.His heart was beating slow and for the first time in a long time, he understood why people gave a shit about their families.

As the movie they were watching—something truly terrible on Hallmark—went to commercial, Laurent said, “We got out.”It hadn’t really hit him until now that he never had to return to the deVere mansion if he didn’t want to.He would say he’d never have to see his uncle again, either, but Laurent suspected, even with the vaguely threatening letter he’d left, that his uncle wasn’t about to entirely give up.

He wasn’t thinking about that, though.

“We did,” Nicaise said, picking the pepperoni off his pizza and eating it separately.“Feels pretty fucking good.”

“It does,” Laurent said, glancing across Nicaise to Damen, who was smiling at him.For some reason, his mind flashed to the moment in the kitchen this morning and the wave of arousal and utter _want_ swept through him again and he had to avert his eyes.He wasn’t sure it was something he wanted to feel.

“I still can’t believe how many books you have,” Damen said, staring around at the overflowing bookshelves, pretending as though he hadn’t seen anything in Laurent’s eyes.“I didn’t actually think you’d be able to fill them.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate me.”

“No,” Damen laughed.“I really shouldn’t.”

“Would Auguste have liked it here?” Nicaise asked.

As always, the sound of Auguste’s name made Laurent’s heart ache, but it didn’t sadden him as it usually did.There was something pleasant of thinking about Auguste in this way: positively and with the desire to share him with Nicaise, his son, who’d barely known him.Laughing softly, Laurent said, “No.He liked cloistered places.Called them cozy and warm.I call them claustrophobic.”

“Hmm,” Nicaise murmured.“I’m going to have to agree with you on this one.”

“Any sane person would.”

The Hallmark movie came back on and for a couple minutes, they all pretended to be interested in watching, but now that they had been talking, they wanted to keep doing so.Noticing the shift in the room and not being the type who was alright with wasting time, Laurent shut the TV off and jostled his position on the couch so he was fully facing Damen and Nicaise, legs tucked up under his body.He was about to speak when Sam came bounding into the room, tail wagging, tongue lolling, as he tried to leap up onto the couch.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Laurent said, forcing him down.“This is a nice couch, Sam.”

“Please, Laurent,” Nicaise whined.“We have our own place now.Uncle can’t stop Sam from doing anything.”

“He can sleep on your bed if you’d like, but he’s not sleeping on mine.Nor is he allowed up on the couch.Is that clear?”

“You’re such a parent.”

“Did you buy the couch?”

“No,” Nicaise grumbled, petting Sam behind the ears.“I’m sorry we live with a tyrant, buddy.”

Watching the interaction, Laurent sighed.“I’m going to have to come home on lunch breaks and walk him.”

“We can take turns,” Damen said.

“Oh we could, could we?”

Damen nodded earnestly.It was frankly adorable.“And how exactly do you propose doing that?You don’t have a key.”

Flushing lightly, Damen laughed self-deprecatingly.“Here I am, making assumptions,” he said.“Don’t mind me.”

In all honesty, Laurent had intended on doing it later, preferably when Nicaise wasn’t around, but there wasn’t going to be a more perfect opportunity, so Laurent stood from the couch and wandered to the kitchen, pulling open a drawer he was currently using for miscellaneous crap and picked up the key he’d made for Damen.He stood there for a moment, staring at it in his hand, making sure this was something he actually wanted to do.

Of course it was.This home was entirely thanks to Damen.Besides, the idea of Damen dropping in whenever he wanted sent a small thrill through Laurent’s body.Clutching it in a fist, Laurent returned to the couch and handed Damen the key, reaching over Nicaise’s body.

The room went completely silent.Laurent felt there wasn’t anything he could say that would make this action mean more than it already did.As for Nicaise and Damen, they were both in shock.

“Thank you,” Damen managed to choke out, still staring at the key as though it were a precious jewel.

“You’re welcome.I’m not supposed to make copies, so don’t tell anyone you have that.”

“Can I…or…what am I supposed to do with this?”

“Put it on your key ring?” Laurent said, trying not to laugh.It wouldn’t be fair to do so, after all.Damen’s wariness was likely due to the conditions Laurent tended to place on anything and everything.But there were no conditions on this.“It’s yours, Damen.Use it whenever you’d like.”

“Whenever?”

“Whenever.”

“Fuck,” Damen breathed, eyes finally meeting Laurent’s.“I feel like I should give you something in return.Not that it would be enough.”  

“I think we’re beyond debts and favors, don’t you?”

Damen broke into a breathtaking smile.Eyes briefly flicking to Nicaise, Damen said, “I’m going to kiss Laurent senseless now, so if you don’t want to be here for that, I suggest leaving.”

“Ugh,” Nicaise said, standing.“Come on, Sam.Time to hide.”

“Nicaise?” Laurent called after him.

“What?”

He paused.It wasn’t as though he was uncomfortable or embarrassed or unsure that he could say what he wanted to say with confidence, but he wasn’t sure what Damen would take from it.Deciding that Damen would listen to him no matter what he thought he’d been promised, Laurent said, “You might want to wear headphones.”

“Oh my god,” Nicaise protested.“You’re seriously going to bang while I’m in the apartment?Like fifteen feet from you?Seriously?”

“Yes.I don’t intend on being celibate, that’s for sure.”

“Jesus fucking christ.Fine.Thanks for the warning, I guess.”

“My pleasure.”

Unable to look at Damen quite yet, Laurent watched Nicaise wander into his new bedroom and shut the door behind him.There were sounds of Sam’s claws clacking against the hardwood floor in excitement, but then it settled, likely already finding a comfortable spot on Nicaise’s bed.

Suddenly, there was a warm hand on his neck and, helplessly, Laurent met Damen’s gaze.“Are you sure?” Damen whispered.

“Not entirely,” Laurent admitted.

Nodding, Damen leaned in and kissed the corner of Laurent’s mouth, then the tip of his nose, then his forehead.“But you want to try,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Bedroom?”

“Sure,” Laurent murmured, voice wavering slightly.Thankfully, Damen didn’t laugh, nor did he say anything to try and reassure.He simply stood, took Laurent’s hand in his, and led him into his own room.Laurent hardly remembered to close the door he was so distracted and nervous.

Because, to be perfectly honest, he didn’t know how this was done.He knew what his uncle had done to him, what that had involved, and he knew Hollywood movies.Neither of those scenarios could be simulated with Damen, though.Laurent desperately hated going into a situation blind.

Seeming to notice that Laurent was going out of his mind, Damen sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space next to him, asking Laurent to do the same.It was far from romantic, but Laurent began to sense that this wasn’t going to be.Not in a traditional way, anyway.

“Okay,” Damen said, letting out a whoosh of air.“Is there anything you know will make you uncomfortable?”

“I…do we really have to talk about it?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“We could just…”

“No,” Damen said.“I’m not jumping into this blind.”

“I don’t want it to be awkward.”

At that, Damen laughed and then covered his mouth with his hand when Laurent shot him a glare.“I’m sorry,” Damen said.“But it’s going to be.A bit.Trust me, though, you want it to be awkward now.”

“Oh, to be experienced,” Laurent grumbled.

Softly, Damen brushed Laurent’s bangs back.“You know I’m not really one for ultimatums, but if we’re going to do this, you’re going to have to answer my questions as best you can.”

“Fine,” Laurent sighed.“I don’t know what will make me uncomfortable.I don’t think…I don’t think I’ll be able to go down on you yet and I think it’s best you avoid ordering me around.Posing things as questions might be fine.But I…I don’t really know.”God, he really didn’t want to talk about this.He wanted to kiss Damen until he forgot what he was doing.Maybe he would regret it in the morning, but that was something he could deal with. 

Still, it spoke to how much Damen loved him that he was forcing Laurent to do this.That made a difference.

Nodding, Damen said, “And how far do you want to go?”

“No penetration,” Laurent said firmly, his new plan being short, to the point answers so this part would be over quicker.

“Okay.Now I remember you saying that you didn’t know what you liked, so I won’t ask that, but I’m going to tell you what I enjoy about sex so you know.”

“Great.”

“I’ll try and spice it up a little so you’re having fun,” Damen grinned.

Laurent didn’t smile back, but he felt the knot in his chest unwind slightly.If Damen kept smiling like that, they could probably talk all night and get nowhere and he’d be alright with it.

Taking Laurent’s hand in his, Damen brought it up to his mouth and kissed the knuckles of each finger before starting.“For me, I’m having the most fun when my partner is pleased.”

“What a surprise.”

Damen laughed, dropping Laurent’s hand in favor of moving closer and placing his hands on Laurent’s hips, rubbing circles with his thumbs.“I can be loud,” Damen whispered, lips against Laurent’s ear, breath warm and ticklish.“I love hearing and being heard.I love exploring, I love discovering new places of pleasure my partner didn’t even know about, I love taking my time.”

“I remember,” Laurent said, breath hitching slightly.Damen had just kissed the skin right behind his ear and it was doing unfair things to his body.“You took personal offense to the idea of having a quickie in the bathroom.”

“Mm, the good old days, when you were pining and I was oblivious.”

“I don’t pine.”

“I think you do.”

“You’re going to have to find me proof for me to admit anything,” Laurent said.

Shrugging, Damen flicked Laurent’s earlobe with his tongue.Laurent had no idea before this moment that the ear could be considered an erogenous zone in any way, but he thought now he could perhaps write an entire essay on why it should be considered one.“Do you have a problem with any of that?”

Laurent shook his head slowly, his skin suddenly too hot.Damen had decided to move down to his neck, kissing and sucking.It was the one thing he knew they both knew Laurent liked.“Are you done with your inane questions?” he asked.

“I suppose.You will stop me, though, right?If it’s too much?”

“I will.”

“Good.Why don’t you go get comfortable then?”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent took of his socks.He was about to take off his shirt, when Damen grabbed his hand and whispered, “Let me.”Choosing a rather slow method of removing a shirt, Damen slid his hands up underneath, caressing every inch of skin as he moved up, slowly bringing the shirt with him.

It felt incredibly wonderful and Laurent sighed into the touch, letting his eyes fall closed and his head fall onto Damen’s shoulder.As he sat there, relishing the touch, Laurent realized that this is exactly what he liked.Gentle and slow touches.He wasn’t going to admit it, though, not when he was already so vulnerable.It spoke to more than sex, but to his deeper desire to be validated and appreciated and cared for, traits he liked to pretend weren’t there.They were detrimental to survival.Though, maybe, possibly, his life didn’t have to be about survival anymore.

Thumbs grazed his nipples lightly and Laurent trembled, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Damen’s neck.The smell and taste of Damen’s skin grounded him slightly.

“Slow,” Damen whispered.

“And here I hoped you’d never figure out,” Laurent mumbled.

“Darling, when you’re practically a puddle because I’m taking over a minute to remove your shirt, I’m pretty sure there’s no other conclusion I can jump to.”

“Now you’ve ruined it.”

Damen laughed and took Laurent’s shirt off in one swift motion.Then he gestured for Laurent to lay down and get settled.Crawling up the bed, Laurent nestled his head into a pillow and situated his limbs into a lazy, comfortable sprawl.“Still okay?” Damen asked, removing his own shirt and crawling until his entire body was hovering over Laurent’s.His physicality was overwhelming like this.But it didn’t make it scarier, like Laurent thought it might.It simply made him feel safer.

“Shut up and get on with it,” he said, winding his arms around Damen’s neck.When Damen gave him a disapproving look, Laurent sighed.“Yes.I’m fine.”

“Excellent,” Damen smiled, kissing Laurent on the lips.Immediately, Laurent opened his mouth to Damen’s tongue, letting the kisses be slow and hot and lazy.It was unbelievable how different they both kissed, but how well it worked.It was undeniable that Damen knew what he was doing.Laurent already knew he would think that more than once tonight.

Needing more skin, Laurent ran his hands down Damen’s chest, careful to go slow, not think about the shaking in his hands, and not explore too far.He didn’t want to assume anything.It was just really hard to believe that this was all his to touch.

But it was, as Damen verified ten seconds later.“You can touch me anywhere.Whatever you want.”

“Can I…”

“What?”

“Can you lie down?”

“Sure,” Damen said easily, falling to the side and turning his head to smile at Laurent.Gathering courage from that smile, Laurent straddled Damen and laid his hands flat on Damen’s stomach.

“Feels nice,” Damen encouraged.

“Do you ever get impatient with me?” Laurent asked.

“Sometimes.Never over this, though.”

“No?”

Damen laughed.“No.Do you remember the first time you kissed me with tongue?”

“In your bedroom.”

“Yeah.I practically had an out of body experience and that’s not even close to what I’m experiencing right now.”

That was not what Laurent had expected to hear.The idea that someone took pleasure from touches he willingly gave was unbelievable.His uncle…no, he wouldn’t think of him, not now.Laurent didn’t want this to stop.

Laurent leaned down and kissed Damen, letting his hands trail up and down Damen’s sides.After a few minutes, he broke the kiss and began peppering lazy kisses down Damen’s neck to his collarbone, swiping his tongue to taste the sweat that had lightly gathered there.There was a soft whimper and Laurent glanced up to see Damen’s eyes were closed.He’d done that.A wave of triumph swept through him and Laurent continued down, scraping his nails gently across Damen’s nipples.That earned him a small jerk and a low moan.

“Loud might be an understatement,” Laurent said, feeling infinitely more confident than he had been.It occurred to him when Damen moaned that this was just Damen.This was someone he loved and who, inexplicably, loved him.

“Oh, fuck off,” Damen replied happily.

“Very well,” Laurent said, sitting up, even removing his hands from Damen’s chest.

“You look way too self-satisfied.”

“Are you going to do something about it?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Damen said, flipping them expertly.Laurent wasn’t even sure how it had worked.

“Impressive.”

“I’ve got all sorts of moves.”

“Show me,” he whispered.

“God, you are going to be the death of me,” Damen murmured, kissing Laurent again.“So goddamn, unfairly sexy,” he said into the kisses, sending Laurent into a fit of laughter.The kisses kind of tickled as Damen talked and there was something about the words that seemed ridiculous, though Laurent couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.It seemed to bemuse Damen slightly, but he didn’t complain, simply kissing in other places.

“Mind if I blow you?” Damen asked.

And he stopped laughing.Not because he was nervous, but because he was surprised and incredibly turned on.Nobody had ever done that for him before.“I suppose not,” he said carefully, raising himself up on his elbows.

Unceremoniously, Damen unbuttoned Laurent’s jeans, unzipped the fly, and tugged all of it—briefs included—off of Laurent.There was some struggle down at his feet, as the jeans were kind of tight.“Fucking skinny jeans,” Damen sighed.

Laurent laughed again.“I’m glad I’m doing this with you,” he said.

“Yeah?” Damen said, still struggling with the jeans.

“Yes.”

They were finally off and Damen shot him a pleased grin.“I’m so fucking happy about that.”Then he laid down on his stomach, feet dangling off the bed, and loosely gripped Laurent’s cock in his hand.

A jolt of pleasure shot through him and Laurent whispered, “Shit.”

“How long are you going to last?”

“Shut up.”

Laughing, Damen didn’t linger any longer, suckling the head of Laurent’s cock with his mouth.Losing his breath, Laurent couldn’t focus on anything but how Damen’s mouth felt, warm and wet.Unconsciously, his hips jerked upward and when he realized what he’d done, he was going to apologize, but he saw that Damen had compensated for it easily, his throat relaxed.

Falling backwards, no longer capable of watching his own cock disappearing into Damen’s mouth, Laurent moaned softly.Damen hadn’t even established a rhythm yet, but Laurent could feel that he was close, heat in his lower stomach building inexorably.He was aware how fast it was, but nobody had ever cared for his pleasure before. “If you don’t…fuck…if you don’t stop I’m going to come.”

Damen removed his mouth briefly, eyes aroused, lips plump and slick with spit and Laurent practically came just from the sight.“Oh, I know,” Damen said.He was about to start up again, when Laurent sat up, grabbed his face and pulled him up so they were kissing.

“Don’t want to orgasm?” Damen whispered in between kisses.

“I don’t…”

Moving back, staring into Laurent’s face seriously, Damen said, “What?”

Knowing it would ruin the moment, but figuring Damen deserved to know, Laurent said, “My uncle wouldn’t let me.Ever.I had to learn to…not.Or I would be…”Maybe Damen didn’t need to know that much.

Biting his lip and closing his eyes, Damen slumped to the side and flung his arm over his eyes.

“Sorry,” Laurent said, worried Damen was disgusted with him for even getting aroused in the first place when he was…with his uncle.

“Don’t fucking apologize.Just give me a moment to stop being angry.”

That was a relief.“Okay.”Nonetheless, he felt overly vulnerable, so he reached down to grab his shirt from the floor, pulling it back over his head.Then he overextended it, happy to buy a new one if it became a problem, and tucked his legs beneath it.His arousal, still sensitive, brushed against his stomach and he had to breath slowly to settle down enough to swipe his shaking hand through Damen’s hair.It was the best he could do.

“You could’ve told me,” Damen mumbled.

“I…”

“You had to know where this was going to end up.”

“Fuck you,” Laurent said.That was unfair and he knew Damen knew it.

“Okay, I deserved that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I have a new question.”

“Of course you do,” Laurent sighed.

“What would it take for you to orgasm?”

“I don’t know.”

“Will you let me try and make it happen?”

“You still want to do this?”

Removing his arm from over his eyes, Damen nodded.“Of course I do.I want you so badly, Laurent.I’m determined.”

“I want you, too.”

“Good,” Damen said, sitting up and removing his pants and boxers.Laurent’s eyes traveled to Damen’s half-hard cock and he felt a rush of arousal that had briefly left him during their conversation.With a sure hand, as this was something he knew how to do, Laurent took Damen in hand and pumped, swiping his thumb over the slit on the way up.

“Jesus, I did not see that coming,” Damen murmured, falling back into the bed and fucking gently into Laurent’s hand.

He only jerked Damen off until he was fully aroused and then he whispered, “So how are you going to make me come?”

Eyes dark and blown wide, Damen moved so that he was hovering over Laurent again and then he kissed him hard and without any sign of stopping, Laurent’s shirt coming off again somewhere in the process.Kissing always relaxed Laurent and he felt it working on him now.Then, with a small shock, he felt Damen’s cock brush against his own and then felt it press down harder until it was very obvious exactly what Damen had in mind.

Breaking off the kiss so he could focus, Damen gazed into Laurent’s eyes and moved his hips with purpose, rutting slowly against Laurent.So slowly.Combined with the intensity of Damen’s gaze, it was overwhelming and Laurent let his head fall back, helplessly bucking up into Damen’s ministrations.Their rhythm was far from perfect and occasionally one of them pressed too hard, but it was still perfect.The heat was building again and Laurent tried to force down the part of him that was resisting the urge to be overcome.

“Look at me,” Damen whispered.Instead of demanding, his voice was imploring and Laurent did exactly as he asked.It was almost too much, everything clear between them, all of their insecurities and worries and pleasures and it was easy to forget just what he was supposed to be doing when it was so obvious just how much Damen loved him.

Their breaths were loud, their hips jerking faster, and Damen said, voice deep and gravely, “Please, god, tell me you’re close because I can’t hold on much longer.”

“I’m close,” he breathed.He was.He couldn’t be sure that at the last minute old instincts would kick in, but he wanted this.He wanted to see Damen come.He wanted Damen to see him come.

Damen kissed him again and all of his thoughts disappeared, like they always did.The movement of his hips slowed substantially and the purposeful, gentle movements undid Laurent.With a small moan, he came, breathing harshly as Damen carried him through, still moving slowly.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” Damen said.

Hardly thinking, Laurent sat up slowly, giving Damen time to fall back with him—they really didn’t need to knock heads right now—and then he took Damen back in hand, his cock slick and velvety with come and pumped him fast, watching in dazed pleasure as Damen’s eyes closed and his chest heaved.Then with a loud, indulgent moan he was coming all over his stomach and Laurent’s hand.The redness in his cheeks, the lazy happiness in his eyes—when they opened—and the blissful smile was enough to make Laurent confident again, more than glad he’d done this.“Happy?” he whispered.

“Very,” Damen said, slumping into the bed, sprawled out and not self conscious in the slightest about his nakedness.

Wishing he could do the same, but realizing he really couldn’t, Laurent stood and grabbed a handful of kleenex from his nightstand, wiping himself and then Damen down.Then he pulled on his shirt and wandered to the kitchen, fetching himself a glass of water.When he returned, taking another sip before putting it on the nightstand, Damen said, “Not a cuddler?”

“In my experience, very little happens after.”

“Right, well, I’m different.Please come cuddle with me.”

It was hard to resist a ‘please’, especially after what Damen had done for him, so he did as he was bid, laying his head on Damen’s chest and entangling their legs.Trailing a finger from Damen’s bellybutton to his sternum and back down, Laurent said, “That was…that was good, right?”

“Definitely.Didn’t you think so?”

Laurent felt his face grow warm when he nodded.And since he was already blushing, he said, “You’re incredible.And attractive.”

“Mm,” Damen smiled.“Keep going.”

“And I hate you.”

Damen burst into laughter, clutching Laurent close as he did.“Don’t ever change.”

“I don’t intend to.”

Lazily, Damen began trailing his fingers up and down the length of Laurent’s spine.“What do you want to do now?”

“Talk?”

“About what?”

“Anything.Tell me anything.I haven’t seen you for three weeks.”And a long three weeks they’d been.Three weeks he never wanted to repeat again.They’d been riddled with anxiety, a lack of sleep, and a strong desire to throw caution to the wind and try to manufacture a way to see Damen in secret.

“We finally went to that restaurant you paid for.It was really nice and the food was delicious.Everyone loved it.Okay, Nik didn’t.He spent ninety percent of it complaining about how he couldn’t eat any of the food because he had sensitive taste buds.”

“Is he actually a child?”

“Most of the time,” Damen admitted.“He’s serious about Jord, though.And he’s incredibly loyal and committed when he needs to be.”

“How long have he and Jord been seeing each other?”

“Almost two years now,” Damen replied thoughtfully.“Honestly, we all kind of expect them to get married soon.They’re both the marrying sort and they’re old enough to plan a life around each other.”

“Are you the marrying sort?” Laurent asked in a rush, before his brain could catch up and tell him to be sensible.He was curious.He figured Damen was, because a lot of who he was was rooted in family, but he was also the laid-back sort who might find the whole ceremony unnecessary.It was also a possibility proposing to Jokaste and then getting cheated on had put a rather lackluster sheen on the institution, as well.

“Proposing already?”

“Yes, Damen.I’m proposing.Please, god, accept my hand in marriage.I can’t live without you,” Laurent said in a flat voice.It earned another booming laugh from Damen and Laurent felt his stomach flutter happily.That was exactly what he’d been aiming for, after all.

“Yes,” Damen said firmly, voice warm.“I’m the marrying sort.Are you?”

“I can’t say I know.I’ve never been asked.”

“Fair enough.So…am I staying the night?”

“I assumed you were,” Laurent said.

“Perfect.”

“Is it?”

Damen nodded, kissing the top of Laurent’s head.“It really is, to be honest.I’ve never hated being single—I haven’t even really dated since Jokaste—but I always miss this kind of thing desperately.”

“Like being touched, do you?”

“Quite.”

Laurent considered this, not at all surprised, but realizing what exactly it meant.With a groan, he said, “We’re going to be one of those couples, aren’t we?The kind of couples I absolutely loathe.”

“Do you mean the ones who cuddle on couches, whisper while everyone else is having a conversation, and kiss all the time, not matter who’s around?”

“Yes, those.”

“We kind of already are.”

“Swell.”

“Can I ask something personal?”

Laurent almost laughed, it was such a ridiculous question.They’d managed to face, head on, all of Laurent’s biggest insecurities by now.There was no question Damen could ask that would be harder to answer than ones he’d already answered.“Why don’t you drink?”

“Oh, I thought that was rather obvious.”

“Probably, but I’m an idiot.”

“True,” Laurent said softly.“I’m a very controlled person, if you haven’t noticed.Unless I’m around you, my brain is incredibly organized and partitioned, allowing me to keep my distance from anything that can hurt me.You and alcohol are very similar.It breaks down the partitions.I hate being without them.So much so that I’ve been known to panic.”

“Do you hate it when you’re with me?”Laurent didn’t miss the quiet vulnerability behind the words.

“Sometimes,” Laurent said.“It’s not always easy, but you…”Taking a deep breath and letting it all fall away like he had the morning after he’d told Damen about the abuse, like the night he had thought he was going to have to break up with Damen, he said, “You’re safe and you feel like home.Once I remind myself of that, I’m alright again.”

“I try,” Damen whispered.“Sometimes, I’m completely out of my depth and I have to make things up as I go.”

“I know.If it’s any consolation, you’re a wonderful bullshitter.”

“I’ll put that on my resumé.”

Smiling, Laurent kissed Damen’s collarbone and closed his eyes, nuzzling deeper into the warmth of Damen’s neck.This was the happiest he’d been in ages.

“Sleepy?”

“Mm.”

“Someone needs to shut the light off.”

“Fuck the light,” Laurent mumbled.“I’m not moving and neither are you.”

“Well, if you put it like that…”

“Lovely.”

“Do you want me to put on clothes?”

“How many times do I need to tell you that no one is moving?” Laurent grumbled.This was utter perfection.There weren’t many moments in his life he could describe with those words.The idea of losing it simply because…well, shit.“Are you uncomfortable?” he asked quietly.

“Oh, no, not at all, I was just making sure you weren’t.”

“Definitely not uncomfortable,” Laurent sighed, feeling his heart settle back into a normal pace.“Goodnight, Damen.”

There was a light chuckle above his head and then Damen said, “Goodnight, Laurent.I love you.”

Briefly, Laurent considered saying it back, but he couldn’t seem to force the words out.They weren’t words that his mouth liked to form.For a longer period of time, he wondered if Damen was offended, but when he heard the sounds of Damen lightly snoring, he figured it hadn’t.It was something they could talk about in the morning, anyway, if it was really an issue.Damen wasn’t going anywhere.

Damen was in his bed, at his new apartment away from his uncle, and he wasn’t going anywhere.That was, perhaps, the greatest sentence his head had ever composed.He should get it framed.If he was the sentimental type, he would.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short and super fluffy and ridiculous, but I just had to write it. The last big plot points will come in the last two chapters.  
> Thank you all of the love and support. It means everything. Also, I think it's worth mentioning I've got a new story in the works--four chapters worth--so be on the lookout for that.  
> Thank you to Mari, as always. I wish we were hanging out right now.  
> Enjoy! <3

The alarm on Laurent’s phone sounded and Damen burrowed further into the soft, clean sheets, willing it to stop.And then it did.Moaning happily, he snuggled into his pillow and felt himself falling back into sleep, when Laurent slid his arm around his waist and murmured into his ear, “Looking to miss another day of work?”

Not bothering to open his eyes, Damen said sleepily, “Yes, let’s.Let’s just spend all day in bed.”

“I’m afraid you’ll be spending that day in bed alone.I don’t want to miss work, you see.”

“You suck.Why can’t you indulge my dream for even a minute?”

Laurent laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Damen’s neck, then his shoulder, and then his back.“Five minutes, then.Five minutes of pretending.”

“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” Damen said, turning around so he could tug Laurent against him.Thankfully, Laurent allowed it without complaint, tucking his head beneath Damen’s and nuzzling his neck with soft bites and kisses.“Okay, if you keep doing that, we’re not leaving this bed for at least fifteen minutes.”

“And why’s that?” Laurent asked, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

“Because I’ll need to repeat the events of last night.”

“Too bad you’re not a fan of quickies.”

Damen groaned happily.“Don’t tease me,” he whined, “It’s not fair.”

Wriggling in his arms, Laurent gave himself some space to pull his head out of Damen’s neck and look at him.Through his bleary, tired happiness, it slowly came to Damen’s attention that there were dark circles under Laurent’s eyes.With a careful finger, he traced them and murmured, “You look tired.”

Laurent let out a sigh and kissed Damen’s chin, then his mouth.Unable to help himself, he kissed back, but then he murmured, “That’s not going to distract me, you know.”

“Your mouth tastes terrible.”

Now it was clear Laurent was trying to hide something.“Laurent…”

“I had nightmares last night.”

“Was it because of…”

“I knew you were going to assume that,” Laurent groaned, returning to Damen’s neck, this time hiding.“Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t,” he continued, “but it hardly matters.”

“I think it might matter.”

“No, it doesn’t, because last night…that was one of the best nights of my life.Nightmares are worth that.Besides, I have them most nights.”

“But they were especially bad last night.That’s what you’re not saying, right?”It was so hard to say those words.Especially when what he really wanted to focus on was the comment about it being one of the best nights of Laurent’s life.Even though he’d felt relatively reassured last night that Laurent had had a good time, he’d woken this morning a lot less sure.It hadn’t been particularly passionate, after all.He wasn’t sure if Laurent knew their sex wasn’t always going to be like that.Though it had been good, anyway.So, so good.

“They were,” Laurent said, shaking Damen from his wandering thoughts.

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I’ve been handling them myself my entire life.There was no sense waking you up.”

“Would I have helped?”

Laurent shrugged, not gracing that with any sort of response.Then he said, “I’m sure it’s been five minutes,” and he moved to get out of bed, but Damen grabbed his arm, holding him back.He was met with blank eyes. 

“Wake me up next time.I want to know if I can help.”

“Are you sleeping here every night?”

Damen rolled his eyes and fell back into the bed.“I can do whatever I want, right?I have a key.”There was a long silence, Laurent’s back turned to him as he sat on the bed and waited for this conversation to be over.“Regrets?” Damen asked.

“No.Of course not.”

Softening slightly, Damen said, “I won’t be sleeping here every night, no.In fact, this is probably about the only time I will on a work day.I’ve got my routine and I kind of like it.”

“Can’t make a routine here?”

“I’m suddenly very confused.”

“I’m sorry,” Laurent sighed.“I don’t know what keeps coming out of my mouth.I’m going to go have a shower.You can come with me, if you’d like, or you can get more sleep.I get up early, so you probably don’t actually have to be awake right now.”

“What time is it?”

“Six-thirty.”

“Are you serious?Good god, no wonder I feel like I want to die.”

Laurent laughed softly and turned to look at Damen over his shoulder.“I’ll wake you up at seven-thirty, if you’d like.”

“You think I’m going to go back to sleep after I’ve had an offer to shower with you?You’d be crazy.”Flinging the sheets off his body, he stood, unconcerned about being naked and put his hands on his waist.“Nicaise isn’t up, right?He’d probably have an issue with me walking through the apartment naked.”

“No, he’s not.Be naked all you want.”

“Excellent,” Damen smiled, not bothering to disguise the fact that he knew Laurent was looking.His gaze wasn’t as intense as it had been in the past, though.It was more appraising and pleased than anything else.

“In fact,” Laurent began, stepping towards him, “I think I prefer you like this.”

“Do you?” Damen said, his voice rich and warm.It spoke to just how pleased he was by the information.

“I do.”He laid a hand on Damen’s hip and slid it down the side of Damen’s thigh.“I’m sorry,” he whispered.“I know I was being contradictory just now.In all honesty, I’m not sure how this is done or what I want.If you’re here, I’ll wake you up.”

“Thank you,” Damen said, running his fingers through Laurent’s hair and then kissing him.

“You slow down my mornings considerably,” Laurent replied, giving Damen another kiss.

“I’m sure it’s good for you.”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent took his hand and dragged him to the shower.

 

They were in the shower, clean and ready to shut the water off whenever they decided they’d had enough of luxuriously soaking and kissing when Laurent said, “You said you loved me last night.”

“I did,” Damen agreed, wondering where this was going.Figuring it wasn’t a bad policy to let Laurent know that that was still true, he tacked on, “And I do.Love you, I mean.”

“I didn’t say it back.”

“You didn’t,” Damen said, smiling softly, realizing what was disturbing Laurent.Normally, he would help, say that it hardly mattered to him either way because he knew how Laurent felt, but he sensed this was something that Laurent wanted to explain himself.He wouldn’t have brought it up like this otherwise.

Tilting his head back into the water, but keeping his eyes on Damen, he said, “It’s not that…I don’t.You know that.It’s just hard for me to say.Very hard.I don’t actually know why, but it’s never been easy.I don’t think I ever told my parents and I only told Auguste very rarely.If it matters to you, I’ll…”

“It doesn’t,” Damen interrupted.“I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re nice words to hear.But I don’t want you to say them unless you want to.Never do it out of obligation.”

Laurent grinned, leaping across the distance that was separating them and spraying water all over Damen, some of his hair hitting Damen in the face.“Wow,” Damen laughed, brushing the hair away before holding Laurent close, “When are you going to stop surprising me?”

“Never,” Laurent said into his ear.

“I have never seen you act like that.”

“I’m in an incredibly good mood, Damen.There are lots of things I’m considering doing that I would not normally do.”

“I should keep you in a good mood, then.”

“That’s always in your best interests.”Then, without warning, Laurent shut the water off and ripped the two towels that were hanging from the top of the shower down.He tossed one over his shoulder and then another over Damen’s head.Suddenly, his vision was overwhelmed by sea green and Laurent’s hands playfully ruffling his hair dry through the towel.

“So you _can_ act like a child,” Damen said when Laurent removed his hands and began drying himself.

“I was one once, you know.”

“I can’t imagine it, honestly.”He really couldn’t.Not only was he having trouble picturing Laurent younger than fifteen, even though he’d seen a picture of Laurent at eleven, but he couldn’t comprehend Laurent acting without worry or concern.He was beginning to think it was something like this, though.

Taking a leap of faith, Damen wound his towel into a tighter structure and whipped it at Laurent’s calves.It made contact, whacking flesh, and Laurent stared down at his leg for a moment before flipping Damen off and doing the same with his towel.Early in the fight, Laurent abandoned the shower to have more space and then they were chasing each other, naked, whipping towels, until they were both breathing hard and Damen had surrendered.Laurent had managed to pin him to the floor, somehow.What else was he supposed to do?

Leaning over, Laurent kissed him and then sighed, standing.“I won’t be able to have bacon and eggs.Cereal it is.”

“What do you normally do with all this time?” Damen asked, following Laurent back to his bedroom where they got dressed, Damen in his clothes from yesterday.Luckily, he hadn’t shown up to work yesterday or it would be very obvious what he’d been doing last night because he didn’t have time to go home and change.

“I make an actual breakfast and I read the newspaper.It takes time.”

“Do you have a subscription coming here already?”

“Of course.What do you think I’ve been doing these three weeks?” Laurent asked.

“I don’t really know.Seems like there should’ve been more pining.”

“Were you pining?”

“Every goddamn day.”

Laurent smiled brightly and began opening cabinets, closing them when he didn’t find what he was looking for.Eventually, he found bowls and spoons and set them on the counter, before turning to the fridge and grabbing some milk.As he did so, he said, “Can you go into the pantry there?I’ve got two or three types of cereal.I like Mini Wheats, but you can have whatever you want.”

“Sure,” Damen said, walking to the pantry.There were in fact Mini Wheats, as well as Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes.Grabbing the Frosted Flakes for himself, he returned with the boxes of cereal and didn’t complain as Laurent poured for both of them.It was nice to sit and be served.It happened so rarely in his life.

“Thanks,” Damen said, automatically taking a bite of the cereal.

“Time?” Laurent asked.

“Uh…seven-forty.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Laurent went to the door of Nicaise’s bedroom and rapped loudly.“Get the fuck up,” he said.

“No,” a shout sounded from within.“I should get a day off school.Moving and shit.It’s traumatic.”

“Yes, you sound traumatized.Get up before I send Damen in there.”

“Send him in.He won’t do anything.”

“I bet he will.”

“You’re on.”

Laurent turned and cocked an eyebrow at Damen.He was about to say he probably shouldn’t get involved, when he realized exactly what was happening.In a rush of overwhelming happiness and surprise, he dropped his spoon into his cereal, milk splattering everywhere.Laurent just watched him, biting his lip so he wouldn’t laugh.

Looking back on the entire morning, Damen could see the same pattern, even in the seemingly innocuous questions.It was even within the gesture of the key, although he hadn’t seen that as extending quite this far.Laurent was directly including him in the domestic workings of his life.No, including wasn’t a strong enough word.He was going out of his way to work Damen into them.It was the kind of planning he would attribute to Laurent, but he hadn’t ever imagined Laurent would use those skills for this sort of thing.

Rising from his stool, Damen strolled to Laurent, swept him up into a short but sweet kiss and then opened the door of Nicaise’s room.

“No fucking way,” Nicaise groaned.“I was so sure Laurent wouldn’t be that good in bed.”

“Oh my god,” Damen laughed.“Did you hear that Laurent?”At the sound of his voice, Sam woke up and jumped off the bed, greeting Damen enthusiastically.

“No,” Laurent said, appearing in the doorway with his bowl of cereal in hand.“What did he say?”

“He was sure you hadn’t been that good in bed.”

“Sounds like him,” Laurent sighed, faking disapproval.They all stared at each other, waiting to see who would do what, but then Damen got tired of waiting.He bent down wrapped his arms around Nicaise and actually picked him up from the bed.

Nicaise beat his fists against Damen’s chest and said, “Put me down, you asshole.”

“Ow, that hurts,” Damen said dryly.

“Oh, fuck you.”

Setting Nicaise down, trying not to laugh at his disheveled hair and pillow lined face, he said, “Well, my job’s done.I’m going to go finish my soggy cereal.”

“Make sure to clean up your mess, too,” Laurent called after him.

“It’s your fault I made it,” he shouted back, sitting down at the counter.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so surprised that I can be nice.”

“Maybe you should’ve been less of an asshole for the first two years I knew you, then.”

“Would you two please shut the fuck up?” Nicaise yelled.“It’s really early in the morning, I’m two seconds from killing you both, and would you please GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, LAURENT?”

There was a loud laugh and then Laurent appeared.“Someone’s touchy.”

“Think we’re being a bit much?”

“Oh, definitely, but I don’t care.”

“I like you like this.”

Smiling shyly, Laurent washed out his bowl and then picked up _The New York Times_ from the counter and tossed Damen a section.The entertainment section, to be specific.He considered complaining about how Laurent perceived him and his reading habits, but Laurent wasn’t actually wrong, so he knew he would lose any such argument. 

And that was they did until Nicaise came tramping out, ready for school.Then they split ways with goodbyes, a stern warning from Laurent to Nicaise—citing what he should do if Luarent’s uncle showed up anywhere—and a kiss for Laurent.As Damen drove to work, he sang along to the radio and grinned non-stop.This was the kind of relationship people talked about when they talked about love being beautiful.This was the kind of relationship people fought for.This was the kind of relationship he hadn’t dreamed he could have.

 

When Laurent got home from work, he found Nicaise sitting on the couch, reading.Setting his book bag on the table by the door, Laurent wandered over, leaning over Nicaise and laying his chin on his head.“What’re you reading?”

“A piece of crap is what.How was work?”

“Alright.Meeting day.Not my favorite, as you know.School?”

“No Uncle.”

A wave of relief swept through Laurent.He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been worrying about it all day.It wasn’t like his uncle to give up so easily, but maybe he was taking Laurent’s threat to heart.“Thank god,” he murmured, planting a kiss on his head too relieved to think about what he was doing, before strolling to the kitchen.“Hungry?”

“Starved.”

“You can always make something, you know.”

“Why would I when I have you?”

Laurent snorted and shook his head, pulling out sausage, an onion, and rapini.Grabbing a pan that was hanging on a rack from the ceiling, he set it down on the gas burner and started it up.Pretty soon, the smells of cooking onions and sausage wafted through the apartment and Laurent’s shoulders began to unwind.This place was his.Everything in it was his and it was so freeing.

The clacking of a key in the lock only improved his mood.Damen entered the apartment, tossed his keys and wallet on the table just as though he’d been living here for months—Laurent didn’t bother pretending his heart wasn’t beating irregularly—and then said, “That smells amazing.Thought I’d try out my new key.”

“Seems to work fine.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“Hungry?” Laurent asked, trying not to be scared about how right this felt, how easy it was going to be to get used to this.

“Sure,” Damen said.“I’m always hungry.Hey, Nicaise.”

“Are you two going to be gross?”

“I think I can contain myself,” Damen said.

“I guess I won’t go hide in my room then.”

As Laurent cooked, Damen and Nicaise talked about their days, Damen telling a hilarious story about a little boy who had gone onto WebMD during one of his classes and decided that he had all sorts of horrible diseases.It had taken Damen almost an hour to convince him he simply had the flu. The sausage and rapini went into a pound of orchiette pasta, seasoned with salt and pepper and simmered briefly in chicken broth and dry white wine.When it was done, Damen transferred it to the small dining table, while Laurent poured them both glasses of wine.He didn’t see why he couldn’t drink a little in this company and in this apartment.

Nicaise was already eating by the time Laurent sat down and Laurent was going to scold him for his manners, but then he realized he didn’t care and that Nicaise wasn’t ever going to have to fit into fancier social settings if he didn’t want to, so he didn’t say a word about it.Instead, he took a few bites of his meal and then said, “We should go somewhere during your spring break, Nicaise.”He’d been thinking about the idea for all three weeks he’d been working on moving here.They were out, they deserved a celebration, and Nicaise had never been anywhere in his life.Well, the beach, once, for his birthday.But his uncle had been along, which automatically made it terrible.

“Really?” Nicaise said excitedly.“Where?”

“Where would you like to go?”

Grinning, Nicaise said, “Let me think.”Then his eyebrows crinkled adorably and Laurent’s eyes flicked over to Damen to see him staring at Nicaise fondly.Maybe it was the wine that was making his stomach warm, but Laurent didn’t think so. 

And when Damen turned to smile warmly at him and say, “Can I come?” Laurent felt, inexplicably, tears pricking his eyes.Averting his eyes to his meal, he blinked furiously for a moment until they left.

“Yes,” he murmured.“You can.”

Damen smiled softly and then mouthed: _you okay?_

Nodding, Laurent said to Nicaise, “Well?Ideas?”

“Only a few.Disneyland, Yellowstone, New York City, London, Paris, New Zealand, Antartica…”

Damen burst into laughter, interrupting the list, and slapped Nicaise on the shoulder.“I personally vote Antartica.”

“Who says you get a vote?”

“Who says I don’t?”

“How about we stay in the United States for this trip?” Laurent said. 

“Fine,” Nicaise sighed.“Then I vote Disneyland or New York City.”

“Expensive.How like you.”

“You didn’t…”

“I didn’t,” Laurent said.“And I didn’t mean to.I have quite a lot of money saved up.Damen, do you have a preference?”

“I’ve never been to either.”

“New York City, then.”

The table fell silence as they ate and considered the decision that had just been made.Sam ran over and put his front paws on Nicase’s legs, silently begging for some food.Sneaking a glance at Laurent, Nicaise grabbed a piece of sausage and fed Sam with it.Laurent didn’t have it in him to say a word, not now, not when he felt so full of…love.God, he couldn’t even believe he just thought that to himself.

They finished their meal and Damen grabbed all the plates before Laurent could do anything, washing them in the sink and then placing them in the dishwasher.Unable to help himself, he watched Damen do it, still staring when Damen turned and stared at him.There was a tired sigh and Nicaise said, “I have to do homework, anyway.”Taking Sam with him, he went into his bedroom, shutting the door.

Taking advantage of the situation, Laurent stood and strolled over to Damen, pressing him up against the counter he was leaning against.As he did, he realized just how stupid that had been.Touching Damen like this made him think of last night.Trying to distract himself, he said, “You used your key.”

“I did.Pleased?”

“Very,” Laurent whispered, sliding up on his tiptoes and kissing Damen soundly.As their tongues met, Damen groaned softly and pulled away.

“Before I take all of your clothes off, what happened at dinner?”

“Dinner?”It was hard to focus when Damen started talking about clothes coming off.His mind returned to last night and the slow kisses, the slide of skin, the weight of Damen’s cock in his hand, and he realized that he wanted it again.Somehow, he’d ended up in a situation where he wanted sex.How Damen managed to keep upturning his life was beyond him.

“You looked like you were about to cry.”

“Oh.I’m fine.”

“I know,” Damen said.“That’s not the answer I’m looking for, though.”

Wanting the conversation to be over so he could try his hand at seduction, Laurent decided to simply tell the truth.“I was happy.”

Humming with pleasure, Damen slid his arms tight around Laurent and whispered, “I thought that might be it.”

“You said something about taking my clothes off?”

Laughing Damen reached underneath Laurent’s thighs and picked him up.Deciding not to protest the manhandling, since this is exactly where he wanted things to go, Laurent wrapped his arms and legs around Damen.“Oh, did you want me to?” Damen teased.

“How else am I going to get you off?”

“Jesus,” Damen whispered.“Warn a man.”

“Did that turn you on?” Laurent asked, letting his voice fall into a lower register than normal.He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, having never really attempted to seduce someone before, but luckily, Damen was an easy target.His breaths came faster and he wouldn’t stop staring at Laurent’s lips.

“I’ve created a monster,” he said.

“And do you mind?”

Grinning, Damen started walking them towards Laurent’s bedroom.“No fucking way.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd post early as a thank you for 1,000 kudos (WHAT???) so here you go. I feel like I say I love every single chapter so I'm not sure how much it means anymore, but I also love this one.  
> Thank you. All of you. From the bottom of my heart.  
> And thank you Mari for your endless dedication and love. It's fucking great.  
> Enjoy! <3

It was Saturday, a week later, and Damen was lying in Laurent’s bed, blearily watching as Laurent rose from the sheets, mumbling something about food, water, and a newspaper.While the concept of lying in bed all day did usually include those things, they did not start this early in the morning.The sun had barely risen for god’s sake.Though, there was something undeniably pleasant about watching Laurent grab one of Damen’s sweatshirts and throw it over his naked body before padding off.Especially in the cold morning light filtering in from the window.

Time passed slowly while Laurent was gone.Damen wasn’t mentally awake enough to engage in any sort of activity, so he stared at the ceiling and waited, contemplating more sleep as he did.

Contemplating was the wrong word.Dreaming was better.He already knew he wasn’t going to go back to sleep.This was his favorite part of the day when he slept over here—which had already happened more than he’d counted on—because Laurent’s voice was softer and more intimate, their conversations were wandering, and Laurent was undeniably sweeter, feeling completely safe and at ease in his own room, the world not encroaching and forcing out something harder. 

Fifteen minutes later, Laurent came back with two cups of coffee, a plate holding two muffins and a newspaper stuffed under his arm.Handing one of the coffees to Damen, who sat up to accept it, Laurent carefully settled back under the covers and leaned his back against Damen’s shoulder.

They didn’t exchange words.Damen set about eating and drinking his coffee and Laurent read the newspaper.Every once in awhile, Damen would tear off a piece of Laurent’s muffin and feed it to him, knowing he wouldn’t get around to eating it otherwise.

When Damen finished his muffin and spent a few minutes staring out the window, thinking, he jostled Laurent carefully, so that he was pressed up against Damen’s chest instead, and said, “I think we should do something today.”

“Like?”

Pushing his sweatshirt off Laurent’s shoulder, Damen leaned down and placed a kiss on the bare skin there.“Like going to see my parents?”

“Why on earth would I want to do that?” Laurent sighed, setting the paper down and tilting his head back onto Damen’s shoulder so that they could look at each other.

“Because I lied to them and I hate that I lied to them, especially since we’re actually a couple now.”

“You want to tell them the whole story.”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“Why does this not surprise me?” Laurent murmured, pursing his lips slightly.Once, Damen would’ve thought he was upset about something, but he knew now Laurent was simply thinking, weighing the minor inconvenience against how much he wanted to please Damen.

“They’d love to see you.I know they would.”

“How about you call them first and see if it’s alright.”

“If you have absolutely no desire to…”

“Call, Damen,” Laurent interrupted smoothly, returning to his paper and coffee.

Rolling his eyes, Damen reached for his phone on the nightstand—the nightstand Laurent had thoughtfully surprised him with two days ago—and dialed his mom’s cell.It rang through and he sighed, dialing his dad’s instead.Surprisingly, his dad answered.

“Son!Good to hear from you.And so early, too.”

“You too, Dad.Are you and Mom up to anything today?”

“Nope.We’re just as unexciting as ever.”

“Do you mind if Laurent and I come over then?”

“Oh, please do.Your mom would love that.She’s been going a little crazy recently.We all have.Your mom is the thing that keeps this family ticking, after all, and when she starts losing it, well…” Damen’s dad trailed off, leaving the rest up for interpretation.

“Why?What’s going on?”

“Ah yes, I forgot.Your mom doesn’t want me to tell you, but Kastor is living here now.He lost his job—something about coming to work drunk too often, the fucking idiot—and your mom wouldn’t let me suggest he live on the street for awhile, get a taste, so that he knew…”

“Dad,” Damen interrupted, “I get it.So he’s home now?”

“Yes.”

“Right.Well, whatever, I’ll just…we’re going to come over.Eleven good for you?”

“Sure thing, son.”

“Okay.I’ll see you soon.Love you, bye.”

Hanging up, Damen groaned and tossed his phone down by his feet.Leaning his forehead on Laurent’s head, he breathed in the smell of Laurent’s shampoo and prepared himself for a day with Kastor in it.Maybe he would stay up in his room the entire time.That would be like him.And it would be best for everyone involved if he did.

“Kastor?” Laurent murmured.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t believe I ever said I was going.You shouldn’t have promised.”

Sighing, Damen burrowed his nose further into Laurent’s hair and mumbled, “Don’t make me call them back.”

Reaching up, Laurent placed a hand on the nape of Damen’s neck and massaged it lightly.“I wasn’t going to.After all you’ve done for me, how could I deny you something this simple?”

“I don’t want to see him,” Damen said.And then something occurred to him.“Oh shit, are you okay leaving Nicaise here alone for that long?”

Laurent nodded.“My uncle can’t get in here unless I let him in.I’ve made sure of that.”

“Of course you have,” Damen laughed softly.

“Don’t tell me you expected any differently,” Laurent teased, sliding his hand off Damen’s neck, so he could pick up his hand and kiss the inside of his wrist gently.The way he let his lips linger surprised Damen, but the surprise disappeared when Laurent said, “Would you let me poke and prod Kastor a bit?”It had been an attempt to butter him up.Even knowing that, it still worked.

“I suppose.Just don’t make it worse, okay?”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

“Well, what are you going to do then?”What could Laurent possibly have to say that wouldn’t make it worse?His plea had mostly been a courtesy to Kastor, not something he actually expected Laurent to comply with.

“It’s a surprise,” Laurent said.“I’m going to go have a shower.Clean up, would you?Oh, and write Nicaise a note.I don’t expect him to be up before we leave.”

“Sure,” Damen smiled, glad Laurent had given him suggestions for things to do. 

Laurent shot him a grateful look before disappearing.In less than a week, they had started to develop pieces of a secret language that only they understood.Because, normally, Laurent would be more than happy to share the shower and Damen would ask if they could, but when he explicitly brought it up in conversation, Damen knew that Laurent needed to be alone and untouched. 

Only one day of this week had Laurent allowed him to shower with him.Damen suspected it was because only one day of the week had not resulted in them both being woken by a nightmare.They were terrifying.Laurent’s mind was fractured for up to fifteen minutes afterward and he was sweaty and breathing hard, but they’d discovered that Damen helped.They couldn’t touch, but if Damen murmured soft words, telling him where he was and who he was with, Laurent calmed down much quicker.

Setting about his tasks, Damen got out of bed, threw on a pair of sweatpants, and gathered plates and cups, quickly washing them off and sticking them in the dishwasher.Then he grabbed a pen from a ceramic mug on a small writing desk placed in front of one of the large windows, ripped a piece of paper from a pad on the fridge, and wrote Nicaise a quick note telling him where they would be.

Once he finished, Damen collapsed on the couch and considered how right it felt to be here, how what he had just done had been wonderfully, perfectly domestic.This wasn’t even a place he’d reached with Jokaste and they’d dated for years, but it didn’t surprise Damen that he was here.From the moment their relationship had started, it was going to be like this.Fast and serious and nothing held back.Because, at their core, they were incredibly similar people; people who depended on honesty, loyalty, and fairness.It was how they worked and why—Damen truly believed—they were going to work for a very long time.

Not long later, Laurent wandered in dressed in his own clothes and ruffling his hair with a towel.“The shower is free, if you want,” he said.

“You should’ve left my sweatshirt on.”

“You dress like a forty year old dad.I can’t very well be seen in your clothes.”

“But I like you in my clothes,” Damen whined.Only half of the whine was faked.He really did like seeing Laurent in his clothes.It was a subtle but definitive sign that Damen had some manner of a hold on Laurent.

Smiling, Laurent sat down in Damen’s lap.“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, practically purring, and Damen groaned.The slightest thing could set him off.

“I think I’ll go have that shower,” he said.

“But I just got comfortable.”

Shaking his head, Damen laughed and wrapped his arms around Laurent’s waist.“Five minutes.”

 

“Knock, Damen.It’s only your family.”

“Why did Kastor have to come live here?I should be able to see my parents without having to see him.God, he’s so unbelievably selfish.I don’t understand how someone can be like this when they’re almost thirty-five.”

The complaints didn’t stop and Laurent didn’t make them.It was so rare for Damen to get so vehemently angry about another person’s existence.Despite how unhelpful it probably was, Laurent took a small amount of pride in it.

Eventually, though, they’d been standing on the doorstep for five minutes and Laurent had had enough.Putting his hand in Damen’s, he said, “I will handle Kastor.You’re not facing him alone.”

With a disbelieving laugh, Damen said, “What would I do without you?”

“I don’t know,” Laurent teased.“You’d be miserable, for sure.Maybe dead.”

Pressing Laurent’s hand to his lips, Damen said, “Yeah,” with complete seriousness.Laurent’s stomach dropped and it took all the self control he had not to press Damen up against the door of his childhood home and kiss him until both their lips swollen and spit-slicked.

Turning his eyes away, Laurent knocked for Damen, keeping their hands intertwined.The door opened and both Damen’s mom and dad were standing there, smiles lighting up their faces.“Laurent,” Damen’s mom cooed, pulling him into a hug just as ferocious as the one when he’d first met her.“Just as beautiful as you were the last time.How are you, dear?”

“Well,” Laurent said with a small smile.“And you?”

“Excellent, now that you and my darling boy are here.Damen, sweetheart, you need to shave.”

“He does,” Laurent agreed.

“Hear that?If you keep scratching up your boyfriend’s face, he’s going to leave you.And you want to keep this one.”

Laurent laughed, staring at Damen, who looked as though he were about to turn around and go sit in the car.When his parents stepped out of the way, Laurent dragged him into the house.They were lead to the living room, where Damen’s mom had thoughtfully laid out bowls of nuts and crackers and cheese.Figuring it would give him something to do, Laurent grabbed two crackers and a piece of cheese, made them into a sandwich, and popped it into his mouth.

“So,” Damen’s dad boomed once they were all seated, “What’s the occasion?Is it a holiday I don’t know about?”

Rolling his eyes, Damen said, “Again, I would visit if you asked me to.This relationship can go both ways, you know.”

“Damen has something he wants to tell you,” Laurent said, smiling pleasantly as Damen shot him an ill-disguised glare.

“Are you getting married?” Damen’s mom asked excitedly.“Oh, please tell me you’re getting married.It’s about time for my son to properly settle down.His father and I were married at twenty one, did you know?He’s getting so old.”

“What did you do?” Damen murmured.

Shrugging, Laurent gathered more cheese and crackers.He could sit and listen to Damen’s parents forever.They were full of love and warmth, not only for Damen, but for him by extension.It was the kind of love and warmth he hadn’t experienced in years.Unlike last time he’d been here, the ache it made him feel for Auguste was almost pleasant.It felt more like remembrance than loss.

“Alright,” Damen said, “This might get complicated, so don’t interrupt me until I’m done.”

His parents nodded, but Laurent knew they were going to interrupt.So did Damen.

“Remember when I first brought Laurent over?”

“Of course, honey,” his mom said.“How can I ever forget meeting such a sweet boy?”

“Hear that?” Laurent whispered.“I’m a sweet boy.”

“Don’t make me hurt you,” Damen replied.Raising his voice, he continued with his story.“We weren’t actually dating then.”

Damen’s parents burst into laughter, leaning into each other as they did.In fact, they started a private conversation in between laughs, one that only made the laughs louder and longer.Having predicted exactly this would happen, Laurent ate more cheese and leaned back into his chair, getting comfortable.

Sighing, Damen said, “I am serious, you know.”

“Honestly, son, what’re you talking about?” Damen’s dad said.

“Laurent’s uncle, the man who called you and told you I was dating his nephew, told him a few months ago that he needed a date to attend parties with.Laurent asked me to pretend to be his date.When he called you, we knew we had to pretend around you, too.I’m sorry we lied.”

“But you are dating now?” Damen’s mom asked.

“Yes.”

“Well at least you got your heads out of your asses,” Damen’s dad said.

“Because it was very obvious that Laurent was in love with you.No offense, dear.”

“None taken,” Laurent said.“I was in love with him.”

“Still down to earth,” Damen’s dad boomed happily.

“Who’s down to earth?” a voice asked.All heads snapped to the entrance to the living room where Kastor was standing, eyes wary.When his eyes landed on Damen, he cringed lightly and made to walk back out of the room.“Sorry,” he murmured.“Didn’t know who was over.”

“Why don’t you come sit down, Kastor?” Damen’s dad said with a hard voice.

“No thanks, Dad.I’d prefer to remain a coward in your eyes.Excuse me.”

Seeing his opportunity, Laurent leaned over and whispered, “I’m going to go talk to him.I trust you can keep your parents occupied?”

“I suppose,” Damen replied, eyes carefully curious. 

Kissing Damen lightly on the cheek, Laurent turned to Damen’s parents and said, “Excuse me for a moment would you?I seem to have left my phone in the car and I promised my nephew I would have it on me in case he needed to contact me.”

“Of course,” Damen’s mom said with a smile.Laurent returned the smile then strolled out of the living room.He supposed he could go the car where he had, in fact, left his phone, knowing he would need an excuse, but Kastor seemed more important than maintaining a ruse. 

Wandering the house, searching for Damen’s brother, Laurent eventually found him in the sitting room, the one with the piano.He was sitting on a couch and staring out the window, throwing his phone back and forth between his hands.When he heard footsteps, his head whipped around and then he rolled his eyes.“What the fuck do you want?”

“I want to talk.”

“Well, I don’t.”

“Too fucking bad.”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t make me,” Kastor said, returning his stare back out the window.It was such a petty and childish response that Laurent almost felt bad for him.

“Oh, I can.You have nowhere else to go, right?Well, I can pretty easily turn this one sided conversation into an utter mess for you, one that leaves me offended and upset, and one that gets you kicked out of the house.I’m an adored guest, after all, and I know your dad is already in favor of letting you flounder for awhile.”

There was a long silence and then Kastor sighed, dark eyes settling back on Laurent.They were bored, but Laurent detected a hint of fear behind them.It was a viable threat, thank god.“Fine,” Kastor said.“What do you want?”

“I want you to apologize to Damen.”

“For what?”

Sitting down on the piano bench, Laurent leaned forward and fixed Kastor with his coldest stare.“For fucking his ex-girlfriend, as you very well know.”

“Still beating him up, is it?”

“Not in the way you think it is.Mystifyingly, he misses you.He likes to pretend he doesn’t, but it’s there under all his bluster.You miss him, too.When I first met you, I thought you hadn’t apologized because you were too pathetic and didn’t care enough to do so, but I don’t think that anymore.”

“Please tell me why I haven’t apologized,” Kastor drawled.

“You hate yourself, that’s why.You think Damen’s ire is deserved.I don’t know how I didn’t see it earlier, because it’s something I understand intimately.”

There was a flicker of surprise in Kastor’s expression and he didn’t offer any sort of answer.

“But I suggest you get the fuck over yourself.”

That caught Kastor’s attention and he said, “Fuck you.”

“Damen wants to forgive you.He wants a relationship with you.You fucking screwed his girlfriend, so really, what you want shouldn’t matter in the slightest.Apologize so Damen can have you back because it’s what he deserves.You can still hate yourself, trust me.In fact, I would prefer if you did, because I can promise you, you’re worth hating.”

“This is so convincing,” Kastor said sarcastically.

“You’re convinced.”

“I am not.”

“You are,” Laurent smiled.“Because you do care about Damen.Of course you do.How can you not?He’s easy to love, isn’t he?”

“Don’t project yourself onto me.”

“I’m not.I’m just telling you what the fuck is actually happening in that brain of yours since you can’t seem to figure it out yourself.He will forgive you.Easily.More easily than he perhaps should.Swallow that godforsaken pride and get your brother back.”Then Laurent stood and walked out of the sitting room and back to the living room.He expected to see Kastor within the next ten minutes.

Returning to the living room, he was greeted by the sight of Damen’s mom poking and prodding at his body and face, commenting on what he should do with his hair and what he should be eating differently.For a moment, Laurent simply stood in the doorway and watched.Only when Damen caught his eye did he move forward.

“Mom,” Damen said bemusedly.“Not in front of Laurent.”

She backed off, but did turn to Laurent and say, “Make sure he eats his vegetables.From what I’ve heard, he’s been eating nothing but carbs and sugar.”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration,” Damen sighed, putting his head in his hands.

“I’ll look out for him,” Laurent said.

“I know you will,” Damen’s mom said, taking Laurent’s hands in hers.Shocked, Laurent didn’t move, body immediately tensing.This was not a situation he knew how to handle.Damen’s mom was staring into his eyes like she understood everything about him and adored every part.“Thank you,” she said sincerely.

“You’re welcome,” Laurent said slowly.

“Darling, leave the boy alone,” Damen’s dad said.

“I simply wanted a longer look at his soul.”

“Oh, not this again,” Damen groaned.

“Don’t give me that, Damen.When I have ever been wrong?Remember what I said about Jokaste?”

“Jesus.”

“What did you say about Jokaste?” Laurent asked curiously.

“That she was selfish.Selfish enough to hurt him.”

“And what did you see when you looked at me?”

“Don’t encourage her,” Damen said.

“Loyalty to a fault.To the point of causing yourself pain.It’s probably why there’s so much turmoil in your soul, as well.You should really know, my dear, that you are not to blame for most of what you blame yourself for.”

“Astute,” Laurent whispered.“Where did you learn to do that?”It wasn’t something he actually believed in.He thought it likely that Damen’s mom was just an incredibly perceptive person, something that would explain a similar ability in Damen, but he was curious what she believed.Damen’s mom was an interesting person.

“Oh, my mother.She did all sorts of things.Tarot, palm reading, seances, you name it.”

“Interesting.”

“Not a believer?”

“I’m afraid not,” Laurent said.“But every person I know believes in something that isn’t quite what they believe it is.How can I fault anyone for their own flawed belief, when I have my own?”

“Whip smart, too,” Damen’s dad said.

Removing his head from his hands, Damen smiled at his dad and said, “I know right?He’s amazing.”

“Please, let’s talk about something else,” Laurent said, feeling the beginnings of a flush in his cheeks.“Where were the both of you born?”

Damen’s parents beamed and started talking, feeding off each other, helping each other with smaller details, and Laurent listened eagerly.The more he learned, the easier it was to see how someone like Damen had come into existence. 

Halfway through the story of how they’d met, Kastor wandered into the living room, essentially ending the conversation.Laurent slid back in his chair and raised his eyebrows at Kastor.Kastor shot him a sneer, but then his expression softened when he flicked his eyes to Damen.There was a long silence as they stared at each other, Damen’s bottom lip hardened with determination.He wasn’t speaking first.

“I…” Kastor started and then stopped, staring down at his hands.

As he struggled with words, Damen turned to Laurent, eyes questioning.Laurent shrugged, pretending he had no idea what was about to happen.He didn’t really.Well, he knew there was going to be apology, but he didn’t know how seriously Kastor was going to take it.

Apparently very seriously, because ten seconds later he was standing right in front of Damen, mouth open to start talking.He seemed to rethink that route, instead falling to his knees, so their eyes were at an even level.“I’m sorry, Damen,” Kastor said.

It looked as though the wind had been knocked out of Damen.He was entirely speechless.Into the silence, Kastor apologized again.Laurent half expected Damen’s parents to break in with some smart commentary—it would be like them—but they didn’t, seeming to realize the moment shouldn’t be tarnished.

“For what?” Damen finally whispered, head down.

“For…everything.”

Frankly, it was a rather lame apology—the ‘everything’ a cop out and definitely pulled out of his ass—but Laurent could see that it was enough for Damen.The set of his mouth softened and when he looked up, his eyes were sparkling with the hint of tears.Nodding, Damen said, “Okay.”He clapped a hand onto his brother’s shoulder and Kastor returned the favor.

In a rush, Kastor stood, gruffness returning to his stance and expression.Uncomfortably, he stood there and then he thought better of it and murmured, “I’m going to…” he jerked a thumb behind him.

“Right,” Damen said.“I’ll text you.We should get coffee or something.I’ve a lot to catch up on, I think.”

Swiping a hand through his hair, Kastor nodded.“Yeah.Uh…me too.”Then he hurried out of the room, all but running.Damen’s parents automatically began murmuring between each other and Damen turned to Laurent, his expression a study in awe.

Brushing his thumb across Laurent’s cheekbone, Damen murmured, “I…how?”

“Don’t you know a magician doesn’t give away his tricks?”

“I thought when you…I thought you were going to reduce him to a shell of a man.I didn’t think you’d try to get him to apologize.”

“You wanted him, not the shell of a man.”

“Still…”

Laughing softly, Laurent said, “I’m not saying the other option wasn’t appealing, because it was, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and your happiness, Damen.You must know that.”

While they were talking, Laurent hadn’t noticed the chattering of Damen’s parents had come to a halt.But it became obvious when Damen’s dad said, “You did this?You reconciled my children?You made my hopeless coward of a son grow a pair?”

“I wouldn’t say…”

“I am in your debt,” Damen’s mom interrupted.“You are always welcome in my home and if you need anything, please let me know.”

Blinking, Laurent said, “It’s not like I took a bullet for anyone.”

They laughed cheerily, as though it had been a joke, and Laurent stared at Damen questioningly.Laughing himself, Damen took Laurent’s hand and rubbed circles on the back with his thumb.“They’re just grateful,” he murmured.“And so am I.”

 

Two hours later, they were finally leaving his parents house.Once they’d decided to profess their undying love for his boyfriend, his parents had insisted they have lunch and then play a quick game of Boggle, which Laurent won handily.It had put him in a good mood and Damen was happy to see he was no longer fussing about what Damen’s parents had said to him.

Sliding into the car, Laurent took his phone out of the glove compartment and then gave a low groan as he stared at the lock screen.Suddenly concerned, Damen said, “What?What is it?”

“My uncle.He’s found the apartment.Nicaise says he showed up this afternoon out on the street.”

“Is Nicaise okay?”

“A little shaken, I suspect, but like I said, there’s nothing he can do.”

Sitting back in his seat, not bothering to start the car quite yet, Damen said, “What are we going to do?”

“Plan B.”

“What was plan A?”

“Hoping he would leave us alone.”

“So what’s plan B?”

“Calling Carlos,” Laurent said.While it made no sense to Damen why that would help, he shrugged and started the car, driving off back to Laurent’s, knowing that the planning of their next move was in good hands.

Putting his phone to his ear, Laurent said, “Carlos, hi.”

There were the sounds of Carlos babbling on the other end.Halfway through some explanation, Laurent cut him off and said, “I know.If he fires you, I will get you a new job of at least equal pay, I promise.I need you to tell me the next social engagement my uncle is attending.”

In the silence that followed, Damen peeked over as often as he realistically could while driving and noticed how intent Laurent’s face was.He was planning something big.Against his uncle.A wave of pride swept through Damen.

“Alright, perfect.Thank you, Carlos.”Hanging up, Laurent placed his phone in his lap and stared straight ahead, eyes blank and distant.Knowing better than to interrupt, Damen said nothing.Only when they were parked near Laurent’s apartment did he ask what the phone call had been about.

“How do you feel about attending another party?” Laurent said.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, folks. It's been amazing and perfect and you're all wonderful like always. I don't even know what to say to you. Thank you for commenting and leaving kudos and talking to me on tumblr. A super huge thanks to those who reblogged my notices of posted chapters and screamed in the tags. I read every single one and it brought me life. I intend on coming to thank you more personally sometime soon. Hopefully, I get all of you.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this journey just as much as I did. I'm still not over how much joy and life Laurent and Damen have given me.  
> As for the more unfortunate, self-promoting part of this--that I really wish I could bring myself not to do--I posted the first chapter of my new fic if any of you want to check it out: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10074419  
> I love you all so much. I love Mari, too. And I hope your days and lives are beautiful.   
> Enjoy <3

“Wait, we’re crashing?” Nikandros asked.

Laurent nodded solemnly, stepping forward and fixing Damen’s tie.

“And here I thought we had an invitation,” Nikandros sighed, slipping into a pair of shoes.

“That would be too simple, Nik,” Damen said.Rolling his eyes, Laurent moved his fingers up to Damen’s hair and swept through it, trying to settle the curls into something slightly less chaotic.He wanted everyone to look perfect.Besides, it was an easy way to distract himself from the difficulties the night might present and the waves of disapproval rolling off of Damen.Laurent knew if he just took the time to explain, Damen would probably relax.It was the probably that was keeping him from explaining.Because either way, he was doing this.And he was doing it his way.

“How are we even going to get through the door?” Jord asked.

Jokaste laughed brightly and smiled, lips glimmering in the light.“Boys,” she said, “I think you underestimate what I can do.Well, Laurent doesn’t, I expect, but the rest of you…you should really know better.”

“Is that why we’re bringing all of them?” Damen asked curiously, jumping on the opportunity to learn anything.

“No,” Laurent said.“We’re bringing them because I need armor.And because it will look utterly badass.You have attractive, well-dressed friends, Damen.We’ll be the center of attention.”

“And you want to be the center of attention,” Damen said slowly.

“I do.”

“I really wish you would tell me what’s going on.”

“They’re doing fine on little information,” Laurent said, gesturing towards Damen’s friends.

“That’s because they trust me.”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

Sighing, Damen nodded.Carefully, he cupped Laurent’s cheek with his hand and whispered, “I do.Sometimes I worry that you’re going to hurt yourself, though.I don’t think you always care as much about yourself as you should.That’s all that concerns me.”

“This won’t hurt me.This will set me free.” 

“Okay then,” Damen said.Then he raised his voice and said, “Everyone ready?We’ve got a party to crash.”

There was a series of acquiesces and then they filed out of the door, Jokaste’s heels clicking.They all piled into Laurent’s car, a more comfortable fit than Damen’s, but still a bit tight.Jokaste and Nikandros were arguing almost instantly.It set Laurent’s teeth on edge, but he figured it was best if they got it all out now.When they walked into the party, they needed to look like a unit.They needed to look unbreakable.

As he drove, he extended his hand across the middle of the car and settled it on Damen’s thigh.Turning to smile softly, Damen laid his hand over the top of Laurent’s.Nikandros started cooing and Laurent was glad to hear the sound of someone slapping him.

“Why isn’t there music playing?” Nikandros complained.

“Not your car,” Jord said.

“But I’m going to get bored.”

“Haven’t I explained that being bored might actually be good for you?”

“You have and I think it’s bullshit.”

“Want me to give you a blow job in front of all your friends?Is that exciting enough for you?” Jord said in a flat voice.

Nikandros looked horrified for a moment, but then his expression turned considering and Laurent said, just in case it needed to be said, “Nobody is giving anyone a blow job in my car.As for music, we can listen to Nick Cave.That’s what I’ve got in my player right now.”

“Jesus,” Nikandros said.“How far away is this place?”

“You’ve got another half hour.”

“I’m going to die.”

Jokaste slapped him.

“Would everyone stop slapping me?”

“For god’s sake,” Damen groaned.“Shut up, Nik.Please.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Laurent peered in the rearview mirror to see Nikandros cross his arms over his chest and stare out the window forlornly.He was doing a very impressive imitation of Nicaise at his whiniest.He almost said so, but reconsidered at the last second.Everyone in the car was firmly on his side at the moment.That didn’t need to change.

 

It was a surprisingly comfortable drive, one of the shortest of Laurent’s life.Jokaste had started up a conversation about the philosophy of religion, prompted by a book she was currently reading, and while most everyone else found the topic boring—though Jord did input with a few well-placed and intelligent comments—Laurent had thoroughly enjoyed it.

By the time they were in front of another mansion, hopefully the last he would have to seriously interact with for the remainder of his life, Laurent was almost happy and well on his way to confident.This had been a long time coming and he was ready.

He handed off his keys to a valet and then approached the door, the others fanning out beside him.Without looking, he let a hand trail out behind him and Damen took it easily, squeezing lightly.Inhaling deeply, Laurent was greeted by the head of the house, who immediately said, “I don’t believe you were invited and certainly not with so many guests.”

“Surely you’re not going to turn away a deVere.”

“Your uncle tells me you’ve been disowned.”

“Have I?” Laurent asked, having already predicted something exactly like this.“That is too bad.Jokaste?”

“Hmm?” she said pleasantly, stepping forward, her red dress suddenly bright in the light spilling from inside.

“Tell me, are you capable of creating a scene?”

“Gladly.”

Smiling, Laurent turned back to the host and said, “How would you like that?The one party you hosted all year, dripping in scandal, because one young, gorgeous woman started screaming about being sexually harassed?I bet she’d find a large crowd of sympathizers.”

“I would,” Jokaste said.“It’s rather easy for me to grab attention and hold it.”

“I see,” the man said, staring Jokaste up and down in a rather uncomfortable way.Damen’s hand tightened in his and Laurent knew he was close to tearing the man’s eyes out with his fingers.

“Seems like you do,” Jokaste said, voice sweet and vicious at the same time.The host had the decency to blush and look away.That’s when Laurent knew they had him.Sure enough, he started shifting his weight back and forth, feet shuffling.

“Alright,” he said.“Don’t stay long, though.”

“Oh, we won’t,” Laurent promised, stepping inside. 

Everyone followed and as their jackets—a shawl in Jokaste’s case—we’re being removed, Nikandros said, “You two could rule the fucking world.”

“I know,” Jokaste teased, flipping her hair.

“I’m not sure I was complimenting you.It terrifies me.”

“Even better,” Laurent said, earning him a grin from Jokaste.

They were being lead towards a ballroom and as they were, Laurent began laying out the plan.“Here’s what I need,” he said.“Jokaste, I need you to immediately separate from the group.Call attention to yourself, make friends, flirt, do whatever you need to do to make the room yours.Do it as quickly as you can.Jord and Nik, find alcohol.Grab bottles.As many as you can carry.Start drinking them as you do it and offering sips to other people.It doesn’t matter if some people are horrified, in fact, I would prefer that, but also establish a sort of camaraderie with others.I know there are plenty in attendance who can bond over the consumption of alcohol.Go after those who aren’t entranced by Joakste.I want these people to wonder who the fuck we are and I want my uncle embarrassed.Damen, I need you with me.Just hold my hand and if it seems like my uncle isn’t listening to a goddamn word I’m saying, make him listen. 

“Keep an eye out for Damen.Because if my uncle calls my bluff, I need you to be prepared.If Damen walks away from me, if you see him alone, spread gossip about my uncle.I don’t care whether it’s true or not.It does have to be plausible, but let your imagination run wild.Are we clear?”

There were stern, businesslike nods and Laurent smiled as he walked through the doors of the bedroom.It had not been a mistake to bring them. Eyes went directly to them, just as Laurent had hoped, and then Jokaste was gone, targeting a group of younger men, almost immediately bursting into laughter and gripping a tuxedoed arm.Only a few seconds later, Jord and Nikandros did as they were asked.And Damen stayed, hand gripping Laurent’s. 

Laurent wandered for awhile, grabbing some champagne for he and Damen.Mostly he was waiting for Jokaste, Jord, and Nikandros to do their jobs properly.When he thought enough time had passed, avoiding as many conversations as was plausible, he said to Damen, “Do you see him?”

“Not even going to make the rounds?”

“These people know me and they know you.There’s nothing more I can do there.I want to leave this party as quickly as possible.It’s not like I actually want to be here.”

“Found him,” Damen murmured, nodding his head in the direction of a terrace.His uncle was just coming inside, flanked by two other rich, white men.“I don’t know what you’re about to do, but are you sure you’re ready?”

“Yes,” Laurent said.

“Then I’m with you.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Damen smiled, pressing a quick kiss to Laurent’s temple.

Though it wasn’t a long exchange, it was enough.Laurent was calm, steady.As his eyes met his uncle’s across the ballroom, he felt hints of fear, but nothing like what he typically felt.There was nothing stopping him from dealing a fatal blow, not anymore. 

Laurent’s eyes didn’t leave his uncle’s as they crossed the room to meet each other in the middle.They stopped a foot away from each other, his uncle’s eyes briefly flickering over Damen before returning to Laurent’s.In a cool voice, his uncle said, “I must admit, I did not expect you to pull the stunt you pulled, nephew.Let me guess, Damen talked you into it.”

“He did,” Laurent said with warmth.“He’s more intelligent than either of us gave him credit for.It was lovely seeing you yesterday, Uncle.And everyday this entire week.I’m sure my apartment was feeling lonely until you decided to darken its door.”

“How’s Nicaise?”

“Good.He’s taken a sudden interest in locks on doors.I think he’d marry one if given the opportunity.”

Damen laughed and Laurent felt the tug of desire to slip into his and Damen’s private world, but he resisted.Laurent’s uncle laughed along with him, happy to pretend it was a joke, obviously not wanting to draw attention.Then, in a lower voice, he said, “What are you doing here, Laurent?”

“I missed the parties,” Laurent sighed, pouting his lip slightly, making it clear he was acting.“They’re so glamorous.My life hasn’t been quite as glamorous as I’d hoped, so I thought I would remedy that.I do hope I’m not imposing.”

“You’re not fooling anyone.”

Rolling his eyes, Laurent said, “I was merely trying to be polite, Uncle.It’s your trademark, after all.But if you’d like to get straight to the point, we can do that.Stop coming to my apartment.I don’t ever want to see your face again and neither does Nicaise.I am tired of feeling threatened.”

“Can you stop me, Laurent?Maybe you could contact the police, but who’s to say they would believe you?And I know that what we did is not something you wish to discuss with anyone in any role of authority.I know you well enough to know that.”

“What _you_ did,” Laurent said firmly.“And yes, I can.I don’t even have to go to the police.”

Quirking an eyebrow, suddenly interested, Laurent’s uncle said, “Really?”

Grinning, Laurent nodded.“See, Uncle, this bizarre thing happened when I decided to let someone love me.I made friends.And those friends are here tonight.You missed our grand entrance, so I suppose you wouldn’t know, but they are.See the girl in the red dress over there?And the boys over there with a ridiculous amount of alcohol?”Laurent paused for a second, staring at them, wondering just how they’d managed to pile so many bottles in their arms and still have a free hand to drink with.“They’re here for me.And they’ve been circling the party for about thirty minutes, gaining trust and sympathy.”

“Fascinating.”

“Quite.The thing is, Uncle, we’ve been doing this a long time.I’ve learned a lot about you over those years.In fact, it’s likely there isn’t a person on earth who knows you better than I do, which is sad, really, but that’s beside the point.I know what you desire more than anything, what you simply can’t bear to have taken away from you.Power.”

“You’re trying to blackmail me,” Laurent’s uncle said with a hint of interest.That was almost entirely hidden by smugness, though.He didn’t think Laurent could do it.It was nice to be underestimated for once.

“And I’m succeeding.Because, you see, my friends have orders.If you don’t agree to leave Nicaise and I alone for the rest of your life, my friends will start letting things about you slip, some true, some not true, but all things that will gradually ruin your reputation.And maybe not everyone will believe them, but some will.The some who do will come running to me, looking for verification, looking for an explanation, and all I have to do is let some of the truth loose.Of course, I’ll convince them most everything they’ve heard is a lie—I’ll gain their trust that way; not that I haven’t earned some in the first place by attending all of these useless parties—then I’ll tell him what they’ve only heard whispers of, whispers Damen here would spread.That my own uncle raped me.

“Now, I don’t know exactly how well that would go over, but I can’t imagine it would go well.You’re skilled enough to avoid losing your job, I think, but you would lose respect.And once you lose respect, you lose power.We both know that.”

“There’s quite a few ‘ifs’ in that plan,” Laurent’s uncle observed.

“True.If you’re willing to take the chance, by all means, take the chance.I’m more than happy to ruin your life.”

There was a long silence and Laurent almost laughed in joy when his uncle frowned and his eyes started to give away just how angry he really was.Laurent had worked over the details for hours and hours.He knew there wasn’t a simple way out, not one that didn’t involve sacrifice.He was counting on it being a sacrifice his uncle wasn’t willing to make.

He knew he’d won when his uncle said, “You would do this to your own family?”

“You’re not my family,” Laurent said. “Damen and Nicase are my family.”

“You’ve only been dating him for a few months,” Laurent’s uncle said.“I hate to be the one to tell you that first loves…”

“That’s pathetic, Uncle.You really think that’s going to change my mind?I’ve picked Damen.Maybe things between us will change but if I can survive with you, I can survive without him.Either way, I choose to be confident in us, because I know he is.”

He’d never talked to his uncle this way, so honestly, without pettiness, and with little regard to decorum.And it showed on his uncle’s face.He was completely surprised and taken aback.For awhile, he was silent, thinking, trying to find a way out, but eventually, he nodded stiffly.“I will stay out of your life if you stay out of mine.” 

It was his way of ensuring Laurent didn’t use his blackmail anyway.While it was unfortunate, Laurent was happy with the result.Nodding back, he turned his back and started strolling towards the door.Over his shoulder, he shouted, “Jokaste, Nik, Jord, let’s go.Don’t forget the alcohol.”

 

Right when they exited the house, Damen swept Laurent up into a hug, lifting him off his feet.He could feel Laurent smiling against his neck.“I’m so fucking proud of you,” Damen said.“That was incredible.You’re incredible.”

“I know,” Laurent said.“Did you see his face?”

Laughing, Damen nodded and clutched Laurent closer.There was one thing that was bothering him, though.“What if you see him again, anyway?”

“There’s always more parties,” Laurent murmured into his ear. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Damen finally saw the others leaving the house, arms full of various types of alcohol.When they noticed the small celebration they walked out on, Jokaste burst into a smile.“You did it,” she breathed.

Regretfully letting Laurent slip back to the ground, he watched as Laurent nodded, still beaming.He gave a slip to the valet so that their car would come around and then he told Jord and Nikandros what had happened.Once the story was done, their car waiting for them, Damen was even happier than he’d been—it was still excellent the second time around—and Jord and Nikandros were laughing, Nikandros slapping Laurent on the back.It was nice to see, especially considering how little Jord and Nikandros knew about the situation.Watching friends become friends with each other was a singular experience.

In the car, there was the loud clinking of bottles being settled on the floor and in laps.“What are we doing with all of this alcohol?” Nikandros asked.

“Going back to my place and drinking it,” Laurent said, starting up the car and executing a quick three point turn to get them out of the driveway.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”

“Oh excellent,” Jokaste said brightly.“I’ve wanted to see your new place for awhile now.”

“Damen should’ve invited you over,” Laurent said.

“He really should’ve.”

“It’s not my place,” Damen protested.

“It’s as good as,” Nikandros grumbled.“Considering how much time you spend over there.”

“And you have a key,” Jokaste inputed.

Damen flicked his eyes over to Laurent, who was watching the road.A few seconds later, likely feeling the attention, Laurent’s eyes shifted to him and they were tender.“Anything that is mine is yours, Damen.”

“Holy shit,” Nikandros whispered.“He can be nice.”

“Nik,” Damen and Jord scolded at the same time.

“It’s alright,” Laurent said.“He can say whatever he likes.I’m in a mood that can’t be ruined.”

It left Damen breathless, the tone of his voice and the brightness of his eyes.It was a lot like the morning after the first time they’d had sex, except stronger, somehow.Laurent’s walls were down in front of his friends, not just him.Clearly, their agreement to come with them and do whatever Laurent asked had a greater effect on Laurent than Damen had imagined it would.

Before long, they were back at the apartment, bottles already having been cracked in the back of the car.Jokaste, Nikandros, and Jord all had their own bottle and were taking swigs as they waited for Laurent to unlock the door.“How much do you pay for this place?” Jokaste asked.

“Two thousand a month.”

“Jesus,” Nikandros breathed.“You make enough for that?”

As the door swung open, Laurent turned and gave a feral grin, one that Damen wouldn’t have minded him using in bed sometime.“Most people in my profession don’t, but I’ve made myself indispensable.”

They all strolled further into the apartment and found Nicaise on the couch, watching TV and eating popcorn.Glancing back, he stared and then leaped gracefully into a standing position, setting the popcorn down on the coffee table.His eyes were only for Laurent.“What happened?Did it work?”

“He knew the plan?” Damen asked, feeling slightly betrayed.

“Trouble in paradise,” Nikandros sang, flipping the lights on for the kitchen and finding glasses.

“No?” Laurent said.

“Great.”

Pushing out his bottom lip, Laurent stepped into Damen’s space, sliding his hand down Damen’s arm, and murmured, “Let’s just be happy right now.Can you do that?”

Laughing shortly, Damen nodded.“Yeah.I can do that.”

That earned him a peck on the mouth and despite himself, he smiled.Laurent had turned back to Nicaise, looking to answer his question, but if Damen was supposed to be in a celebratory mood, he was damn well going to be in one.Slipping his arms around Laurent’s waist from behind, he burrowed his nose into Laurent’s neck.As expected, it completely interrupted the flow of his words as he tried to explain what had happened to Nicaise. 

Laurent placed a hand in Damen’s hair and tugged on a curl hard.“You’re tickling me.”

“Is that all?”

“No.But I can’t very well drag you into my bedroom right now when we have guests.Control yourself.”

Whining softly, Damen placed his chin on Laurent’s shoulder and waved for him to continue his explanation.

“Dude, why don’t you show us where the damn corkscrew is so I can open this bottle of wine?” Nikandros yelled.

Sighing, Damen put his lips by Laurent’s ear and murmured, “Tonight, when they’re all gone, I’m going to suck you off, long and slow, until you’re begging to come.”Then, before Laurent could respond, he strolled off, opening the drawer right next to the sink and pulling out the corkscrew.He opened the bottles of wine he was directed to open and then the alcohol was flowing, glasses being downed in just minutes.Shrugging, Damen joined in, clinking glasses with his best friends.He was so glad they were here.He was so glad they _wanted_ to be here.

Jokaste came up beside him as she worked on her third glass and said, “I know it’s early, but is he it?”

Looking over his shoulder, Damen saw Nicaise with his arms wide, making airplane noises as he buzzed around the room, saw Laurent laughing, head tilted back.Without thinking, he nodded.Only when he realized what he had done did he think about it.The answer didn’t change.“Yeah,” Damen said.“He’s it.I’ll fight for him with all I have for the rest of my life.”

She nodded.“I thought so.He seems like the one to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.It’s good you didn’t marry me.”

“Jokaste…”

“I know.You weren’t going to anyway.”

Damen shook his head.“That’s not what I was going to say.I was going to say that I’m not at all drunk enough for that conversation.”

“Are you going to get that drunk?”

“Probably not.I fully intend on being able to get an erection tonight.”

Giggling, Jokaste slapped Damen on the chest.“I don’t want to know, Casanova. I hope he realizes how lucky he is, though.”

“Better than my brother?”

“I thought you weren’t drunk enough.”

“Humor me.”

“Yes,” Jokaste smiled.“Much better.”

“Why the fuck are you two talking about sex?” Nikandros asked.“That is not a wise topic between the two of you.Let’s talk about Jord and I instead.”

“Boring,” Jokaste complained.“Laurent,” she shouted over her shoulder, “Come in here, get a drink, and talk about something interesting.These three wouldn’t know a good topic if it hit them over the head.”

“No, no, no,” Nikandros said, suddenly serious, even setting down his alcohol.“This is actually important.”

That caught both Jokaste and Damen’s attention.Nikandros was rarely serious, so when he was, it was a big deal.Even Jord was surprised.During the silence, Laurent slid in beside Damen, stole his drink, and took a large swig.“That’s disgusting,” he murmured.“I can’t believe they were serving that.”

Now that everyone was staring at Nikandros, he looked sort of nervous.Damen even thought he might be blushing.Once Nikandros took another large sip of his wine, Damen knew.“Oh my god!” he shouted, slightly tipsy and unable to help himself.

“Goddammit, Damen, contain yourself.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“You are not going to ruin this for me.”

“I’m so proud of you, man,” Damen said, stepping forward and pulling Nikandros into a hug.For a moment, Nikandros floundered, but then he sighed and accepted it.In the background, Damen could hear the other three murmuring, wondering what the fuck was going on.

“You’re going to propose, aren’t you?” Nicaise said dryly, coming into the kitchen, throwing pieces of popcorn in his mouth.

“I’m going to kill him,” Nikandros grumbled.

“Don’t,” Damen said.“If you let it slide, he’ll like you again.”

Nodding, Nikandros pulled out of the hug.Looking around, Damen noticed everyone was in various states of shock—or in Laurent’s case, ten seconds away from bursting into hysterical laughter—but no one quite like Jord, who had a hand over his mouth and was staring at Nikandros with tears in his eyes.“What the fuck is the kid talking about?” he choked out.

“Nicaise,” Nicaise pointed out.

“Fuck me,” Nikandros said, before getting down on one knee in the middle of Laurent’s kitchen.“The first thing I want to say is that I’m not drunk, not yet, which was why I pulled my serious face.Turns out I shouldn’t have, because I have shitty friends—I don’t know why I wanted to share this moment with them—but whatever.The second thing I want to say,” Nikandros continued, pulling out a ring from his pocket, a huge, wobbly diamond in the center, “is that this ring will probably not fit any of your fingers.Nor is it real.If you must know, yes, I did get it from my dentist’s office.He has some rings around for the kid patients.But if it’s any consolation, I did pick the prettiest one.The third thing I want to say is that I love you, Jord.It’s been the best two and a half years of my life with you and I would really fucking like it if you married me.A lot.”

“Babe,” Jord said, “That’s such an ugly one.”

“It was the prettiest, I’m telling you.”

“Are you going to buy me a real one?”

“Nope.”

Breaking into a breathtaking smile, Jord nodded.“Yes, Nik.God, yes.Remind me to give you the ring I have stored away in my sock drawer.”

“Is it real?”

“Yeah, you fucking asshole.”

Standing, Nikandros laughed and pulled Jord into a tight hug.They started swaying and Damen raised his glass and said, “To Nik and Jord.”

“To Nik and Jord,” Jokaste and Laurent said.They all clinked glasses, Laurent picking up Nikandros’ from the counter, and then finished the remaining alcohol in them.Damen was definitely tipsy now, so he knew it was time to stop.Instead of getting more, he wrapped his arm around Laurent’s waist and pulled him close.

“Has to be the center of attention, doesn’t he?” Laurent murmured.

“Completely.”

As they let go of each other, Nikandros said, “I think we’re going to call a taxi and go have sex.Want to come with us Jokaste?”

“Yeah, alright.”

“You don’t have to go,” Damen said.

“It’s fine, Damen.I saw the place, which is lovely, by the way, Laurent, and I know you two want time alone, so I’ll go.I’m taking two bottles of alcohol with me, though.”

“By all means,” Laurent said.

Seeing what Jokaste was doing, Jord and Nikandros took their own share—Laurent was polite enough not to point out they all lived in the same place—and then they headed out of the apartment, smiling and congratulating Laurent on his victory over his uncle.Nikandros literally shouted, “Down to the asshat,” all the way to the door.

When they were gone, the apartment was intensely quiet.Damen headed towards the couch, where Niciase had returned and sat down beside him.“Probably should’ve warned you they were coming, huh, kid?”

Nicaise shrugged.“I like them.It’s fine.”

“You got back at Nik.”

“Damn straight,” Nicaise said, grinning.Then he shouted, “Laurent, get the fuck over here.We’re going to watch _Gilmore Girls_.”

“We are, are we?” Damen teased.

“Oh, fuck off.”

Laurent plopped down on the couch beside Damen, leaning into him easily and taking a swig from an open bottle of wine.Then he offered it to Damen.“Drinking, are you?” Damen asked, still smiling.It was what happened when he was tipsy.He had a hard time not smiling.

“Why not?” Laurent asked, eyes sparkling.“I am curious.”

Nicaise rolled his eyes and started up the show.Once the opening scene was over and the credits came on, Damen sung along to the song, swaying back and forth, bouncing off Nicaise’s head and Laurent’s shoulder.He stopped when Nicaise threatened to poke out his eye.

For awhile, he watched.Mostly, he waited until Nicaise was engrossed enough in the episode that he wouldn’t notice what was going on beside him.Leaning down, hoping his breath wasn’t too awful, Damen whispered, “Do you know what Jokaste asked me tonight?”

“No, I do not, Damen.She didn’t ask me, after all.”

“And here I was hoping you’d be different when tipsy.”

“In your wildest fucking dreams, darling.”

“She asked me if you were it.The one, you know.”

“And am I?”Laurent’s voice was softer now and Damen smiled, kissing him gently on the cheek.

“I think so.”

Their eyes met, illuminated by the light from the TV.It was so easy to see how in love Laurent was and it made Damen’s heart double in speed.“You want to know a secret, Damen?”

“Yes.”

“Soulmates, the one, it’s all bullshit.”

“You would think so.”

“But if it wasn’t, you would be it.”


End file.
